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Last minute pardon requests

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Comrades,

With just over 48 hours left of the Obama Administration, this is your last chance to remember if there is anything you might have done for which you need a pardon. Post it here and a commissar will get it to Dear Leader for consideration when he's not busy still filling administration jobs, writing executive orders, spending taxpayers' money, and valiantly attempting to cause trouble for the illegitimate Donald Trump.

I'll go first:

My transgression and my cat's transgression:

Years ago, Dear Leader's glorious face graced the cover of the magazine Fast Company. I failed to frame it and put it on the wall so I could bow as I walked by. I left it on the couch.....and my racist reichwing rethugiKKKan cat got sick all over the picture. True story and Obama therefore saved my couch too! See he's useful for something...

I tried to save the picture but in the end, it was too damaged and I was forced to throw it away. I need to be pardoned for my failure in proactive handling of Dear Leader's image.

Naturally, I mandated the cat to take eight weeks of diversity and sensitivity training. One week for each glorious year of Dear Leader's reign. But I just don't think this is enough.

I am begging for a pardon for both my negligence and my cat's blatant racism.

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I always wrote about Him and His Historically Unprecedented Deeds in Capital letters. While knowingly blaspheming and ashamed of doing so. It should not have been keybord-hammered Capitals, it should have been handpainted Initials like those in the medieval illuminated manuscripts - in bright basic colors, richly gilded, and beautifully decorated. So, if the commissar would..... otherwise I shlep myself straight on to Umiat, not even expecting of being transported there.

On another note - a creative idea! In those waning hours of His Enlightened Reign, shredders rattling loudly 24/7, He could not just shower pardons, but also thunder final punishments! Exec order here, Ukas there! Case to promote : TRUMP! The interview he gave 2 days ago, here in Krautistan! Talking to BILD, our tabloid-No-1, he said : Frau Merkel is "a catastrophe"! Our media mad as hell! Jéàn Frànçôîs Kèrrîê (who served in Vietnam) enraged! TRUMP! How dare - he.. that...!! I.. I.. I (Schnappatmung)!!! Umiat! TRUMP to Umiat!
Schnappatmung : gasp! pant!

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:.
I always wrote about Him and His Historically Unprecedented Deeds in Capital letters. While knowingly blaspheming and ashamed of doing so. [highlight=#ffff00]It should not have been keybord-hammered Capitals, it should have been handpainted Initials like those in the medieval illuminated manuscripts - in bright basic colors, richly gilded, and beautifully decorated. [/highlight]So, if the commissar would..... otherwise I shlep myself straight on to Umiat, not even expecting of being transported there.

On another note - a creative idea! In those waning hours of His Enlightened Reign, shredders rattling loudly 24/7, He could not just shower pardons, but also thunder final punishments! Exec order here, Ukas there! Case to promote : TRUMP! The interview he gave 2 days ago, here in Krautistan! Talking to BILD, our tabloid-No-1, he said : Frau Merkel is "a catastrophe"! Our media mad as hell! Jéàn Frànçôîs Kèrrîê (who served in Vietnam) enraged! TRUMP! How dare - he.. that...!! I.. I.. I (Schnappatmung)!!! Umiat! TRUMP to Umiat!
Schnappatmung : gasp! pant!


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yay! and FRAMED! tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk!

(and on Jan. 20, 03:14 am, uniformed TRUMP-villains kick in doors ‒ yours and mine ‒ shouting : gedoutahere, obamastooge! and they frogmarch us, left-right, left-right, to Umiat.)

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Dear Leader,

I once took a selfie with a camo tank top, with orange trim, because I thought it would be nice to share with Mrs. Stalin the 3rd. She found it far too expressive and reported me to the Assistant General Secretary for our district. Since I was already in a leadership training position at the time, and they liked my facial hair - they stipulated that I would have a permanent blemish on my cheek from a red hot prong. This coupled with an asterisk on my permanent record for a uniform violation, level 2.

I ask for your pardon for this error in dress code and for the asterisk to be removed.
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Perhaps Dear Leader (PBUH) can reinstate the People's Cube to Wikileaks Wikipedia...

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Comrade Dunnkopf, my goodness, excellent point! I have not referred to Him with a capital H either. I need a pardon for that too! I wonder if Dear Leader can issue pardons for these kinds of transgressions after Trump <spit> takes office? I mean, it's not like Trump <double spit> is going to do it.

Comrade Ivan, excellent thought! Dear Leader should commute the People's Cube lifetime banishment from Wikipedia to just time served and restore it fully. There is still plenty of time before 12:01pm ET!

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Since PBUH will always be my President I pray to Marx and Lenin that he keeps his pardon powers despite what that pesky and outdated Constitution might say.

Some of you may know that in order to make enough money to purchase a nice pair of pants I have delved into the brutal world of middle school girls wrestling. Admittedly, to date I have but 1 win in 6 matches. The win was a forfeit as little Amy was not feeling well.

I would like to seek from the Grand PBUH and he who will always be my most Glorious Leader a full pardon of my losses to date. In my defense I am a rather large creature and middle school girls are tiny, quick and pretty slippery. Besides, my uniform is constantly riding up my bear crack which seems to need re-adjustment at the most critical junctures of my matches.
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