Comrades, I am not a Party-approved journalist but I would play one if I were on TV. I recently sobered up briefly and asked some community organizers respected economists what actions the President and Congress could take to encourage the economy to recover. Mind you, these are not self-interested TV hacks but state-licensed leftist non-partisan academic prize-winning economists! This is what they told me. What America needs to recover....

- a system to automatically transfer the paychecks of everyone making a higher weekly salary than a community organizer directly into a fund to help ACORN reduce the budget deficit

- a time machine to allow all Obama cabinet appointees to travel to the past, pay their back taxes and return to the present, preventing the Rethuglicans from denying the President the use of talented people due to minor lapses

- action to materialize fourteen additional Democrat Senators from the 7 new states Obama visited during the campaign for the purpose of passing the desperately needed Stimulus bill

- anything animal, vegetable or mineral that would make a better press secretary than Robert Gibbs

- a nationwide certified electronic voting system to allow ACORN members to commit vote fraud from home handicapped people to vote from home

- money for contraceptives to reduce the number of people living in red states emitting greenhouse gasses

- a plan to make newspapers publicly supported so they can keep the agitprop coming continue supplying the country with objective information

- rapid approval of the Force Employees to Freely Choose to Unionize Bill Employee Free Choice Act to ensure money keeps flowing into Party coffers
middle class working people can maintain their standard of living while we tax them to death

- full funding for VP Biden's Middle Class Task Force which will enable the idiot to stay the f*ck out of the way him to undertake the important work with which he has been charged like shutting up and staying the f*ck out of the way

Why are we always so selfish? Why is it "What Does America Need" instead of "What Does America Need to Give Away"? We should be spending less money in hopeless attempts to make people think we're trying to save the economy and instead give monies to the poor, underprivileged terrorist groups in other countries who's only wish is the destruction of the west and a worldwide conversion of all dissidents into radioactive ash.

Premier Betty wrote:Why are we always so selfish? Why is it "What Does America Need" instead of "What Does America Need to Give Away"? We should be spending less money in hopeless attempts to make people think we're trying to save the economy and instead give monies to the poor, underprivileged terrorist groups in other countries who's only wish is the destruction of the west and a worldwide conversion of all dissidents into radioactive ash.

An excellent idea, Premier Betty! Obama (who is not a president but plays one on TV) wants to make Amerikka more like Europe and this is an excellent start.

What The One really needs is a lot of do-overs. The media can't cover for him that much.


Would you all please give me your attention

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]FLASH[/HIGHLIGHT]


You did not hear Barack Obama talk about or use the term spread the wealth, you heard him say middle class tax cuts and tighter restrictions on government spending. You will now feel a tingle run up your leg and have a sudden sense of inner peace.

Opiate of the People wrote:Comrades, I am not a Party-approved journalist but I would play one if I were on TV.

How dare you attempt to write without the approval of the Party! Be careful there, Opiate. It almost sounds like you are making some sort of independent decision. That is thought crime.

That sounds an awful lot like "qualification," Uncle Joe. I thought we had stricken that word from the record...

-OV

Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:That sounds an awful lot like "qualification," Uncle Joe. I thought we had stricken that word from the record...

-OV

We did, Comrade. However, no non-Party approved media must be allowed. The evil capitalists could brainwash the unwashed masses into believing that Communism is not the most wonderful thing to have happened in the history of the universe.

Opiate!!

I feel that America needs a huge enema. She is clearly constipated to the point of a large bowel obstruction on all this Hope and Change!

America obviously needs more Czars! Where is the Car Czar? The Cyberspace Czar? The Bar Czar? The Drug Czar etc? (Not to be confused with Cigars, i.e. Clinton's humidor)

Also Obama needs a "internet scrubber" like one he used on his own Website continually, only much bigger. There certainly is a great deal of stuff out there that he sure the hell wished he hadn't said. It makes applying the Current Truth^TM just that much easier.....

Comrade Robot,

Should they not be Commissars or Obamissars, as they ensure the Party Line is applied to all situations in their area of expertise?

-OV

Comrade Joe wrote: How dare you attempt to write without the approval of the Party! Be careful there, Opiate. It almost sounds like you are making some sort of independent decision. That is thought crime.

I had every word vetted by Obama's crack transition team who assured me that everything was on the up and up.

Ummm, on second thought, maybe I should've sought a second opinion seeing how well their decisions are working out lately.

Proletarian Robot wrote:
Also Obama needs a "internet scrubber" like one he used on his own Website continually, only much bigger. There certainly is a great deal of stuff out there that he sure the hell wished he hadn't said. It makes applying the Current Truth^TM just that much easier.....

A good idea, Comrade Robot, but why stop with the internet?

Announcing Obama's Scrubbing Bubbles^TM... cleans bank accounts, wallets and mattresses of excess cash which might cause unsightly bulges in clothes and furniture. Cleans minds and conversation of negative thoughts which can poison the neurons and lead to chronic conservatism! Scrubbing bubbles are great for comrades who don't need complete brainwashing but only a light rinse. Works on pets, too! Try Obama's Scrubbing Bubbles^TM... "We do the thinking so you don't have toooooo...."

I bring you greetings Komrades from the Stepps of Wyomingstan.

Komrades, for months now I have read and learned much from your most glorious words and have only recently become a party member. The wisdom you have given me turns my heart red.

As I have read and learned from the above I can only think of one word to add to what our most wonderious and glorious nation needs.

Revolution