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Welcome, Pinkie's Half-Sister!

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The People's Cube is proud to welcome the newly-declared half sister of our own beloved Commissarka Pinkie, none other than the First Lady Above the United States, Michelle Obama.

Seen here posing with the heirloom shovel of their ancestors, FLATUS Obama recently acknowledged the relationship that for reasons of state security and political liability had heretofore remained secret.

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"Yes, yes, we are sisters," admitted the demure FLATUS at a recent ceremonial gardening event on the White House South Lawn. "Our mother was a bit of a tra–Hey! Get yo' ass away from my yams!"

Rumors of the relationship began to surface last spring, following a semi-delirious declaration by Yelling Yelena the morning after the May Day celebrations. Witnesses were awakened from their stupor by a banshee howl that sounded like "Anyounevereven tolmeeyer name, you bassar!" followed by a lurid stream-of-conscious account of a torrid tryst that took place in May 1963 at Patrice Lamumba University in Moscow between Yelena and an unnamed Kenyan graduate student.

Working on this fragmentary data, both the Komsomol Genealogical Bureau and the National Eugenics Association initiated investigations as to the current whereabouts of the child produced by the amorous entanglement. "The state must keep tabs on the children of all Party members," explained KGB spokesperson David Pavlov. "Their genetic material must not be mixed with common proles," agreed NEA representative Angela Strausmann. "While the exact details must remain secret," said Pavlov, "we can easily produce documentation to prove the relationship."

So we here at the Cube extend a most equal "welcome!" to the newest member of our Collective family, FLATUS Michelle.
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NOTE: The Flat Flotus Photoshop contest has moved here >>

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There is no doubt of their sisterhood, just by the way FLATUS MO grabs that shovel by the neck as if she's going to . . . . . ummm, yes, it's something around the eyes, is it not? As is said, "a friend is always there for you; a real sister-friend will help you hide the bodies". I am sure MO is both.


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Just after the above photo of Our Heroic First Lady was taken, She was heard to exclaim, "I told you I wanted FRENCH FRIES wit' 'dat."

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How could I have missed that Comrade Brain in a Jar? Most eggeslent observation for I too saw the First of all First Ladies with her powerful shovel, yet I failed to make the connection. But just between you and I Comrade, I still think our dear Commissarka has no true rival, and her half sister just doesn't still the progressive blood that boils within me. Who can help but get a bit excited when they see the Commissarka on her glory?

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Reading between the lines of the KGB/NEA report, I think--and this is but supposition, mind you--Yelena's Party duties were at the time too great to offer adequate care for a child, and so this daughter was sent to foster with a politically suitable family on Chicago's South Side. As I understand it, Pinkie was raised directly by Yelena, suckling the true bile of Socialism from her withered teat. She thus tends to be a bit more...direct...in her advocacy activism. But perhaps for the sake of my jar, I had best let Pinkie reveal what she will regarding her familial relationships.

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Wow! This is like something out of Dickens, or even Dynasty right before it jumped the shark. Indeed, I remember a season out of the latter when capitalist scum Blake Carrington had a long-lost sister (Diahann Carroll) who just happened to be black; yet it was never made clear whether it was Blake's father who made a stab in the dark, or if his mother was yet another of Barack Senior's many probes into the ins and outs of interracial relationships.

To muddle matters even more, Diahann was scheming with Lando Calrissian to get something out of Blake, I just can't remember what, and I think the whole story arc just fizzled out. But what really annoyed me about the whole thing was that no one ever made a big deal over the fact that Diahann's character and Lando were black. You'd think that Blake, at least, being a white Corporate America capitalist Republican swine, would have an apoplexy at the very suggestion of a black woman, even if she's half black, being a member of his family. Maybe as a Mammy to his children, but I mean sheesh! It's like they were black and I'm the only one who noticed. I ask you, what's the point of putting black people out there for whatever, if no one's going to notice or make a big deal out of it?

(And that's why Herman Cain's campaign will go nowhere.)

But I digress. Those of you who have read my compelling life story know that while I'm a HO, my mother, Yelling Yelena, is a slut. I had lots of uncles, and I seem to recall at least one of them was black. Yelena, you see, believed in diversity and practiced affirmative action in the bedroom.

So yes, comrades, it's true—I am Michelle Obama's half-sister—the resemblance in the photo above is just too uncanny. It only makes it more fitting that after the 2008 election, I decided to take Obama as my surname.

There are just two things I still don't understand:

1. Who is my real father?

2. And shouldn't Yelling Yelena be the one to live with her daughter and son-in-law in the White House, instead of Marian Robinson?

But make no mistake, and let me be perfectly clear: For the first time in my adult life, I am proud to be a member of The People's Cube!

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The answer to question #2 has to be affirmative action. As you point out, what's the use of being Black if you can't make a big deal out of noticing it?

Question #1 remains a mystery. I asked Yelena if the gentleman in question smoked a pipe or had glasses or a moustache, but she just muttered something in a foreign language and threw a rotten potato at me.

Your real father may be Mr. Potatohead.

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Pinkie...It was the man in the fedora. Now you know the whole truth. You're Pinkie Alinsky.
Now how about some of that borscht?

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Commissarka Pinkie,
I've been putting this off for some time, but the truth must be told. Your father is, is...I cannot say the words. I'll let him say it:


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GRIGORI, NOOO!!! Not Dick Cheney!

OTOH, he has a daughter who's a lesbian, doesn't he? That means I have a sister who's black, and another sister who's a lesbian. Tell me this won't lend me social cachet at DNC fundraisers and next year's convention!

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Yes, I'm afraid so Commissarka. Darth Cheney is your real father.

Just think of the grand entrance you'll make at the DNC convention in Charlotte on Uncle Louis Farrakan's mother ship:

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Comrades Photoshoppers! The Flat Flotus contest has gone out of hand, aggravated by a parallel contest on IOTW.

Therefore, I was compelled to create a special thread just for the contest itself. Please post all further images there!
https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... t7419.html

This thread will remain for discussing Pinkie's and Lady Mo's relation(s).

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Whoa, baby, she is one comrade who is more than shovel ready (if you know what I mean).

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:...But I digress. Those of you who have read my compelling life story know that while I'm a HO, my mother, Yelling Yelena, is a slut. I had lots of uncles, and I seem to recall at least one of them was black. Yelena, you see, believed in diversity and practiced affirmative action in the bedroom.

So yes, comrades, it's true—I am Michelle Obama's half-sister—the resemblance in the photo above is just too uncanny. It only makes it more fitting that after the 2008 election, I decided to take Obama as my surname.

Commissarka, I can not tell you how your "compelling life story" and you being outed as Michelle's half sister has touched me. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you the Marshal is touched. I do want you to understand a couple of things however. First, I am almost certain that I am not, nor ever have been, one of those "uncle" uncles who visited Yelling Yelena, though of course I can not say that for certain as my life story was a bit shady in times past and my memory not as sure footed.

Actually, I have a bit of a life story to share with you. As it happens, I am the love child that resulted from the un-expected union of General Field Marshal Cinque of the SLA, and Patty Hearst. OK, I admit that my age precludes this as being true, but I feel like I was born in a body where this was true, and I really feel like the bastard son of such a couple, so I have the right to be treated as such! Anyone who would treat me otherwise is guilty of hate crime!

I am also somewhat sad to point out that I really am ill suited for taking up a shovel with you. It is that old lack of an opposable thumb we canines are forever burdened with. However, as you know, we canines are considered to be pretty good diggers on our own merits. I do feel a bit fortunate that I really don't have to worry about a lack of shovel or even worry about soiled hands to dig holes for or cover up, shall we say "our solid wastes" as you and your family had to endure. We canines have a long tradition of doing "our business" in other people's yards. It works out better for us as you can imagine.

Even though I may not carry a shovel, I want you to know that I am still out on that ledge with you Commissarka! Er....you are still out on the ledge aren't you?

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:
Actually, I have a bit of a life story to share with you. As it happens, I am the love child that resulted from the un-expected union of General Field Marshal Cinque of the SLA, and Patty Hearst. OK, I admit that my age precludes this as being true, but I feel like I was born in a body where this was true, and I really feel like the bastard son of such a couple, so I have the right to be treated as such! Anyone who would treat me otherwise is guilty of hate crime!
Comrade Marshal Pupovich,
All you need for your life story to be true is the endorsement of Ward Churchill's mother. Anyone who would doubt Mother Churchill is even more guilty of a hate crime.

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Comrade Ghost, I could not agree more. Can one be more affirmed more than to be vetted by Ward Churchill's mother! I know this for certain because in truth, my true parents were none other than Harold Adrian Russell "Kim" Philby and Guy Francis De Moncy Burgess, who needless to say, knew that imperialist scum, the black sheep of the Churchill family, Winston. Yes, I hear you murmuring....how can 2 men possibly be my parents. Because I am a Made Progressive™ is why! If having same sex mother and father is not progressive then what is? That is why we knew one as "Kim" and the other one as "Guy." And that is Lenin's own truth....at least until that no longer fits the need.


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Comrade Maksim,

That doll looks greatly enhanced... almost like it could be photoshopped. For one, the "booty" is waaaay too small. There is an 'hour-glass' shape to the torso rather than the highly identifiable 'pear' shape. The hair-do is waaaay off-base too. And she isn't holding her golden shovel.

I sure hope it comes with a name tag because if it doesn't, people might not know who this is supposed to represent.


 
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