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US sending hashtags to Taiwan to fend off Chinese invasion

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China has made over 140 sorties with combat aircraft near Taiwan's airspace in a four-day period. The act of provocation was met swiftly and decisively by our Defense and State Departments.

At a White House press conference, Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin warned, "First, we are going to vet all of our senior officers to assure that none of them have made any racially motivated jokes about Asians since kindergarten. If anything inappropriate is found out, they will be relieved of command immediately. We want the world to know that we will not tolerate extremism. Secondly, we are going to demand that the People's Liberation Army use gender appropriate pronouns throughout all their ranks. Let Beijing be warned not to take us lightly on this. We have #respectallgenders hashtags ready to deploy in both English and Mandarin, and we're not afraid to use them."

Secretary of State, Antony Blinken, followed with equally stern warnings: "We are in a stare-down with the Chinese military, and we're not going to blink. I would urge the Chinese government not to misread our hasty, ill-planned, and disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan as an indication that America is lacking sound leadership. As we speak, military transport aircraft are en-route to Taiwan with #pleasedontbombus and #gunfreezone hashtags. These too are written in both English and Mandarin and make our message clear to allies and potential foes alike."

When asked whether the stockpiling of hashtags was premature, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki stated, "While some see the deployment of these hashtags as unnecessarily provocative, let me assure you that they will actually bring stability to the region and make the world safer. I am personally standing by with a red, white, and blue dress, a piece of posterboard, and a sharpie. I will declare #unitedfortaiwan so fast they won't know what hit them. I did it for Ukraine and I'll do it again for Taiwan. Don't test us."

Ending the conference by dramatically leaning forward to the microphone, President Biden, scowling behind his favorite pair of aviator shades, warned in a menacing whisper, "Let there be no doubt about the, you know, the thing." Chinese intelligence officers are not completely sure whether "the thing" is a cryptic reference to a stockpile of nuclear hashtags which the United States has previously denied possessing.

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Hashtag veteran Jen Psaki ready to issue a strong message to China

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I think this is a balanced and measured response and in highest keeping with the United States proud military tradition. I am pleased at the restraint exhibited by SecDef. I myself would have been ready to deploy #forthechildren at this point.

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Ivan Betinov wrote:I think this is a balanced and measured response and in highest keeping with the United States proud military tradition. I am pleased at the restraint exhibited by SecDef. I myself would have been ready to deploy #forthechildren at this point.
That may have been the "thing" to which Dear Leader alluded.

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I'm sure it was #thethingforthechildren that he was referring to. We all know he has a thing for the children....and roaches. It's incorporated into the #taiwanagreement and the #onechildsbehind policy. I'm sure President Xi is quite concerned about the PR implications of this #toxicagression.

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And if the hashtags don't help they will send the Chinese 70 billions worth of military equipment. Heck, they'll even throw in an airbase on the Spratly islands. That's what victory looks like!




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Most Equally Esteemed Komrads,

PROG OFF

I had always hoped this song was not prophetic.

PROG ON

Like that lemon on your LEFT.

Intercourse the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

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Red Salmon wrote:Most Equally Esteemed Komrads,

PROG OFF

I had always hoped this song was not prophetic.

PROG ON

Like that lemon on your LEFT.

Intercourse the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon
The inspiring anthem of The Party™, comrade Red Salmon. Would that it should become the national anthem so that everybody could enjoy it. Imagine the effect it would have at sporting events and during political campaigns. The Current Truth™ is far more heroic than the myths of the Founding Fathers™ and the legends of rebellion against a tyrannical government. The State is always your friend and always seeks your benefit.

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Moochelle 3.png

Let us assume that General Tso is one of the the Taiwanese good guys...

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
Moochelle 3.png

Let us assume that General Tso is one of the the Taiwanese good guys...
The PLA would like to add General Tso to the mix.

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Operation: Plastic #help Strike Force - The Aftermath

After repeated sorties delivering plastic #help across Taiwan, the waters around Taiwan are polluted with plastic # of every font, size, and pixel. The # are no different than the plastic straw litter drifting in the wake of Chinese Gamble Cruise ships. It has been reported that huge titanicbergs of plastic #help drift aimlessly in the ocean waters surrounding Taiwan, just looking for a catastrophe to encounter.

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jackalopelipsky wrote:Image
Operation: Plastic #help Strike Force - The Aftermath

After repeated sorties delivering plastic #help across Taiwan, the waters around Taiwan are polluted with plastic # of every font, size, and pixel. The # are no different than the plastic straw litter drifting in the wake of Chinese Gamble Cruise ships. It has been reported that huge titanicbergs of plastic #help drift aimlessly in the ocean waters surrounding Taiwan, just looking for a catastrophe to encounter.
I'll bet that's what our sub ran into.


 
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