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The People's Cube is 15 years old. Celebrate responsibly

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Cough-cough, comrades!

As all progressive humanity celebrates the Glorious 15th Anniversary of The People's Cube, we officially advise you to conduct spontaneous celebratory marches within at least six feet from one another in square formations. The Great Pandemic of International Coronavirus dictates that workers of the world must unite cautiously and without touching. Once having been united, don't forget to sanitize your equipment, marching signs, and/or shovels. Beet vodka-based hand sanitizer will be provided behind Tractor Barn #2.

We can neither confirm nor deny that the ongoing global lockdown and universal self-isolation is the result of a conspiracy to usher the unwashed masses into the Glorious Progressive World of Next Tuesday. We can confirm, however, that the conspirators, who may or may not exist, have badly miscalculated and may have to face a very different outcome.

The unwashed masses will come out of this quarantine thoroughly washed, smelling of hand sanitizer, and with the realization that governments cannot be relied upon to protect and provide in a time of need, and that to be self-reliant is a better and safer way to go. With each passing moment, millions of idle minds around the world are getting infected with these and similar thoughtcrimes, which is worse than the very virus that had caused them to stay indoors and have idle thoughts.

By the time the pandemic is over, everyone will be convinced that…

  1. Open borders are a menace.
  2. Globalization is a menace.
  3. Public transportation is a menace, while private cars keep families safe.
  4. Public schools are a menace.
  5. Homeschooling is great.
  6. Gun owners have fewer anxieties to deal with during a crisis.
  7. Hollywood is a bunch of nincompoops.
  8. The mainstream media is a useless menace.
  9. Communists can't be trusted and are a menace.
  10. Capitalist enterprise reacts to emergencies faster and more efficiently, while the obstructionist bureaucracy is a menace.
  11. All essentials must be manufactured within our own borders.
  12. A businessman makes a better president than a career politician.


The newly washed masses won't say it for the record, but in their gut they will know that the truth is the exact opposite of what the progressives had been trying to convince them for decades. Thus the pandemic will have wiped out not just the country's economic gains in the last three years, but also the indoctrination gains this Party organ had made in the last fifteen years of speaking the current truth.

It makes us seem like non-essential personnel. This is similar to what the Party leaders felt like when the Soviet Union disbanded. We may as well close up shop, put on a surgical mask and go home. We think we'll stop at the local Wal-Mart to see if they've got any toilet paper. Not that we're out of it, but it never hurts to hoard more than the next comrade.

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Strong communists know how to deal with the Coronavirus!

Dg-OmTJX0AAy8Sg.jpg

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13. All progressive politicians (and most of the rest) are April Fools every day of the year.

Red Square wrote:Strong communists know how to deal with the Coronavirus!

"No Trump-Corona Virus here in Democratic People's Republic of Korea." Kim

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Most Equal Komrads,

A challenge has been issued. Red Square said, "Not that we're out of it, but it never hurts to hoard more than the next comrade." Oh, I think we can make it hurt a lot when we find out...

Seeking hoarders to bring to social justice in the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

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And here, Komrades, the background story of The Thing which nearly ruined the festivity of our Glorious 15th Anniversary! cough.. cough..

(ACHTUNG: Before starting celebrations, socially dispersed in all the corners of our cozy barracks, don't forget to firstly sanitize your throats - by intoning our Glorious Anthem:)

        Mystery item No. 1

And now back to April 1, 1949. Here you see the cutting edge of the Progressive World, vowing to fight and annihilate any Viral Scourge of International Humanity:

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However, meanwhile...
Deadly KKKapitalizm, inside its clandestine headquarters and using its bloody dogs of counterrevolution, concocts the next machination. A puppet of the regime, hypnotized, filled up to the eyeballs with viral cocktails, and turned via maquillage tricks into a (however disfigured!) "likeness" of a Chinman, is put into an Amazon-box to be shipped stright to Wuhan, Hubei. It's November 1949, and the robotic puppet is programmed to spill his viral beans exactly 70 years later. cough.. cough... cough....

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Hah!
But the World of Progress will not be beaten that easy! (indeed, it will not be beaten at all, never - just ask NYT and the duo Peloski/Schumer!)

Here is what you need, says Zek of SevLag, a happy participant of the Glorious Enterprise known as Dalstroy:

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... and mansplains the invincible mechanics:

Batyushka at night
[/indentr][/indentr][/indentr][/indentr]
and Ilyich by day
[/indentr][/indentr][/indentr][/indentr]
both glorious giants
[/indentr][/indentr][/indentr][/indentr]
keep the virus away!
[/indentr][/indentr][/indentr][/indentr][/indentr]

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Wishing a most equal social distancing birthday to TPC.



Lovely to see you komrade G.D.

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6 feet of social distance -- average strike radius of Commisarka Pinkies shovel... coincidence? I think not.

The profound impact of the glorious People's Cube on modern society is indeed profound.

Congratulations to Comrade Red Square and the gender nonspecifc kids in agitprop...there will be a two liter pail of Krasnodar Select Reserve for a gathering of no more than 6 people to celebrate.

For the rest of you Proles, Tractor barn #2 remains open for non-contact drive up service and takeout. Sanitize your ration card before handing it to your attendant.


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Dizzy with success! No one had ever tried to have a website devoted strictly to news and opinion and with an electronical discussion forum for a digital community. But the Party is about revolutionary innovation and had confidence that the people would soon see the benifits of this new idea first proposed by Lenin long ago of an electronic community. Time has proven Lenin and the Party right!

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more beet vodka rations for anyone who comes over... if you dare

in not unrelated news,

Red Square wrote:we officially advise you to conduct spontaneous celebratory marches within at least six feet from one another in square formations

Square? Why not cube in honour of our 6 State-approved shape? Or is square in honour of our revolutionary leader Red Square? (State-approved) decisions, (State-approved) decisions...

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"Arise, you prisoners of Corona...."

Such a splendid anniversary! The Party popcorn machine is at the service of the celebration, pending approval by State agencies of a mechanism to serve said popcorn from 6-foot distances. The catapult method has been rejected because of ailurophobic connotations. Can this be a shovel-ready job? Or will Pinkie object on the grounds of cultural appropriation?

No matter. The State is on top of the problem. A commission has been appointed to launch an investigation. Another commission has been appointed to ensure diverse representation on the investigatory commission. Still another commission has been appointed to coordinate work between commissions. Meanwhile, the popcorn machine stands ready.

Multiple feline felicitations, Noble Leader Red Square!

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Congratulations most esteemed Red Square.

Vindication never looked so good!

Please award yourself with another Faberge designed ribboned medal at The People's Expense.

forelock tug,
Jackalopelipsky

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Most Gloriously Equal Red Square,

I know Komrad Stalin taught us that gratitude is a disease of dogs. Still, thank you for your work on The People's Cube. I don't want to contemplate life without it.

Grateful for the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

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I will consume extra beet derivatives this week in celebration.

Many praises to our Most Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid!

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14. Single use plastic bags are the healthy choice and save lives

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15. Government use of models to rule the people is the same old five year plan.

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Cradle to Grave Marxist wrote:13. All progressive politicians (and most of the rest) are April Fools every day of the year.

Red Square wrote:Strong communists know how to deal with the Coronavirus!

"No Trump-Corona Virus here in Democratic People's Republic of Korea." Kim
Komrade - that is because our wise Great Leader Kim Jong Un wisely ordered all our Juche Couture srave rabor crothing factories to switch production to N95 masks. We are certain that the Wuhan BioWeapons Rab did not allow dangerous Chink Fru to get out via rab workers selling dead test animals such as bats, cats, rats, dogs, monkeys and rabbits to the People's Wet Markets conveniently right next door. Rong Rive Juche Thought! Rong Rive Our Glorious Leader!

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Juche Couture wrote:
Cradle to Grave Marxist wrote:13. All progressive politicians (and most of the rest) are April Fools every day of the year.

Red Square wrote:Strong communists know how to deal with the Coronavirus!

"No Trump-Corona Virus here in Democratic People's Republic of Korea." Kim
Komrade - that is because our wise Great Leader Kim Jong Un wisely ordered all our Juche Couture srave rabor crothing factories to switch production to N95 masks. We are certain that the Wuhan BioWeapons Rab did not allow dangerous Chink Fru to get out via rab workers selling dead test animals such as bats, cats, rats, dogs, monkeys and rabbits to the People's Wet Markets conveniently right next door. Rong Rive Juche Thought! Rong Rive Our Glorious Leader!

Well said Comrade...EXCEPT we know that the Great Leader Kim Jong Un wisely ordered the making of N995 masks. Korean N995 masks are much better than capitalist N95 masks.

So you must confess you error to the Great Leader, before the show trial starts.

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Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:Wishing a most equal social distancing birthday to TPC.

The festive social distancing dinner went like this...


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Well, the glorious Cube was one of the websites that showed me the way to the straight and narrow path of Korrektness! Thank you Dear Leader! I wish the Kube another 15 years of agitprop!

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Red Square wrote:
The festive social distancing dinner went like this...

Rube Goldberg lives.

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In the old country, mamas smacked the hands with wooden spoon, and made children not play with our their food.


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Red Square wrote:Practice Socialist Distancing

If you do it, it's distancing. If we do it, it's an inhuman embargo that's impoverishing and murdering everyone.


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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:In the old country, mamas smacked the hands with wooden spoon, and made children not play with our their food.

Reeducation to the MotherLand is our goal.
The MotherLand cannot fail!
Long Live The MotherLand!

And this shovel whackin' moment of a wooden spoon makes the mythical horned rodent wonderin'. "Where's Pinky?"

Children? playing with our their food?? goin' unsmacked? This dereliction of duty to The MotherLand by unreeducated mothers??

Have these unreeducated mothers no fear of the Kraken that is nothing compared to the wrath that is Kraken's Mother???



Always, The MotherLand and Texazistan!
Jackalopelipsky
Russian Agent
#BR-549

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Red Square wrote:Image
Cough-cough, comrades!

As all progressive humanity celebrates the Glorious 15th Anniversary of The People's Cube, we officially advise you to conduct spontaneous celebratory marches within at least six feet from one another in square formations. The Great Pandemic of International Coronavirus dictates that workers of the world must unite cautiously and without touching. Once having been united, don't forget to sanitize your equipment, marching signs, and/or shovels. Beet vodka-based hand sanitizer will be provided behind Tractor Barn #2.

We can neither confirm nor deny that the ongoing global lockdown and universal self-isolation is the result of a conspiracy to usher the unwashed masses into the Glorious Progressive World of Next Tuesday. We can confirm, however, that the conspirators, who may or may not exist, have badly miscalculated and may have to face a very different outcome.

The unwashed masses will come out of this quarantine thoroughly washed, smelling of hand sanitizer, and with the realization that governments cannot be relied upon to protect and provide in a time of need, and that to be self-reliant is a better and safer way to go. With each passing moment, millions of idle minds around the world are getting infected with these and similar thoughtcrimes, which is worse than the very virus that had caused them to stay indoors and have idle thoughts.

By the time the pandemic is over, everyone will be convinced that…

  1. Open borders are a menace.
  2. Globalization is a menace.
  3. Public transportation is a menace, while private cars keep families safe.
  4. Public schools are a menace.
  5. Homeschooling is great.
  6. Gun owners have fewer anxieties to deal with during a crisis.
  7. Hollywood is a bunch of nincompoops.
  8. The mainstream media is a useless menace.
  9. Communists can't be trusted and are a menace.
  10. Capitalist enterprise reacts to emergencies faster and more efficiently, while the obstructionist bureaucracy is a menace.
  11. All essentials must be manufactured within our own borders.
  12. A businessman makes a better president than a career politician.


The newly washed masses won't say it for the record, but in their gut they will know that the truth is the exact opposite of what the progressives had been trying to convince them for decades. Thus the pandemic will have wiped out not just the country's economic gains in the last three years, but also the indoctrination gains this Party organ had made in the last fifteen years of speaking the current truth.

It makes us seem like non-essential personnel. This is similar to what the Party leaders felt like when the Soviet Union disbanded. We may as well close up shop, put on a surgical mask and go home. We think we'll stop at the local Wal-Mart to see if they've got any toilet paper. Not that we're out of it, but it never hurts to hoard more than the next comrade.
Ya know, Comrade Red, this list of yours reminds me so much of the time I first heard El Rushbo. I was so amazed at how he seemed to reflect my own views. Same thing happened when I first encountered ThePeoplesCube. I am so happy to be celebrating my 10th anniversary as a member! Thank you Oleg, and the other patriots who occupy this wonderful space! You all know how much I appreciate you!
Love,
Pamalinsky


 
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