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Scientist: Obama ancient space alien to fight climate change

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Ex-scientist James Hansen, who abandoned science as "just another corporate lie" and resigned from NASA after his plan to send cats to the center of the earth was shot down, has published a new, shattering, on-the-eve-of-the-Paris-conference-government-funded study in which he argues that Barack Obama is in fact an all-wise ancient space alien sent to earth many thousands of years ago by an all-wise race of ancient space aliens.

"He is here from ancient alien space to save humanity from climate change at the Paris climate conference," said ex-scientist Hansen. "Just listen to the man talk. Have you ever noticed he always talks to us earthlings like he is God speaking from on-high to simpletons? Like he's smarter than everybody else? That's because he's an ancient space alien sent here thousands of years ago to save us from climate change at the Paris conference."

For his proof he has produced numerous ancient artifacts purporting to be pictures of ancient aliens one of which he claims is Obama's [O Ba Ma, as Hansen spells it] ancient real birth certificate. It is a hieroglyph of two alien-looking creatures and a small jug-eared baby creature wearing what appear to be space helmets or fish bowls depending on the angle of the viewer.

The study, which concludes all humanity should listen to and obey O Ba Ma about everything was funded by a generous pre-Paris conference government grant.

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May I ask --

Does our Ancient All-Wise Space Creature-in-chief have...



TENTACLES???


#CthulhuIsAlive

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Comrade Obama decides to show the world the "son" he has been hiding in the White House basement, says, "I suppose some of my critics will be looking for Barack Jr's birth certificate? But as most of you already know, the State of Hawaii already released Jr's birth certificate, hopefully this settles any questions that the boy here is mine and he's here to save the planet."

Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:May I ask --

Does our Ancient All-Wise Space Creature-in-chief have ... TENTACLES???

Despite rumors to the contrary and the best efforts of his loyal followers (see below), to date there has been no, repeat no, uncontestable evidence that tentacles are possessed by or associated with Dear Leader.

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Here is a speech by O-Ba-Ma will deliver before he departs from Earth:

O-BA-MA: I am leaving soon, and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller every day, and the threat of climate change by any group, anywhere, can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure. Now, this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired climate scientists to enforce them. We, of the other planets, have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection of all planets and for the complete elimination of climate change. The test of any such higher authority is, of course, the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets in spaceships like this one and preserve climate justice. In matters of climate change, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of climate change, they act automatically against the perpetrator. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk. The result is, we live without climate change, secure in the knowledge that we are free from global warming and cooling. Free to pursue more profitable enterprises. Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works. I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet, but if you threaten climate change, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.

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Comrade Red Square, in his speech he left out all those tough choices and personal sacrifices which include tax increases, wealth redistribution, government control of all production as well as the complete abandonment of the free market system of trade....and where in this speech is his glorious fatwa to keep our tires properly inflated.....but above all .......
Where's Gort on this?.....Klaatu
barada Obama nikto?


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Red Square wrote:Ancient Aliens Scientist says...

Ancient_Aliens_Guy_Obama.jpg

PhD in Snipe Hunting.

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Komrades! Thoughtkriminal Detekted!



(On an unrelated note, isn't the thickness on Dear Leader's door crazy? The thickness is second only to nuclear bunkers! Now I wonder why people hate him so much he needs that much bullet-resistant glass?)

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Red Square wrote:Here is a speech by O-Ba-Ma will deliver before he departs from Earth:

O-BA-MA: I am leaving soon, and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller every day, and the threat of climate change by any group, anywhere, can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure. Now, this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired climate scientists to enforce them. We, of the other planets, have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection of all planets and for the complete elimination of climate change. The test of any such higher authority is, of course, the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets in spaceships like this one and preserve climate justice. In matters of climate change, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of climate change, they act automatically against the perpetrator. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk. The result is, we live without climate change, secure in the knowledge that we are free from global warming and cooling. Free to pursue more profitable enterprises. Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works. I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet, but if you threaten climate change, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.

Translation:

O-BA-MA: I fucked it all up but maybe you can fix it? I'll just be a billion miles away if you need me for anything, okay? Okay.


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Aliens communicate with Obama via teleprompter


OBAMA PICK.jpg

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Leading from the back of the bus.
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Has Obama been with us from the beginning - shaping our destiny? Next season "The Ancient Obama".
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You Americans are always being fooled by your government into believing lies (the holocaust, AIDS, Bill of Rights). All of your presidents are from outer space - as they are hand picked from the organization you call Skull and Boners.


Captain Craptek puzzled me no end when he wrote:
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Was that (a) an accusation, (b) a statement of fact, or just (c) a plaintive request there, Cap?

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Lev Termen posed an important question when he wrote:

Captain Craptek puzzled me no end when he wrote:
CapnKitty.jpg

Was that (a) an accusation, (b) a statement of fact, or just (c) a plaintive request there, Cap?

That, dear Comrade, is up to you and Mr. Rorschach.

By the way, Cap'n, are those Earl Butz™ shoes you're wearing?

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Lev Termen makes a dangerous joke when he wrote:By the way, Cap'n, are those Earl [highlight=#FFFF00]Butz™ shoes[/highlight] you're wearing?

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