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PEOPLE'S POLO: Say Nyet to the Super Bowl

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Yes! It's finally here, the sport that will replace all bourgeois sports of the past.
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People's Polo is the true sport of The People™, played to achieve The Greater Good™. Gone is the alienation that is the result of competitive sports. Gone are the corruptive corporate influences. People's Polo is compassionate humanist sport.

ImageWe make no distinction by gender, age, height, weight, physical abilities, documentation, or intelligence. 3PL is the standard-bearer of tolerance, diversity and equality.

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Building self-esteem is Rule #1

People's Polo is a non-contact sport. The objective is to score by shooting the cube into the goal using the shovel.

As one team tries to score, the other must run beside them shouting compassionate words of encouragement.

Equality of Outcome

When a player makes a goal the score counts for both teams equally. Everyone is a non-winner.

In keeping with the spirit of inclusiveness, each player will have his/her/its turn. No player shall carry cube any farther than their share of the field. With a ten-player team, field is split into ten sections. No single player can carry cube more than one section without a hand-off. Violation of this rule carries a penalty.

Players will be penalized if any defensive move is made, even if in self-defense to protect the teams interest. ACLU certified referees will call for the offending players impeachment. For serious or multiple acts of defense, said player will receive a court order mandating six months of anger management courses combined with 24 sessions of sensitivity training.


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You Want Diversity?

Teams must adhere to strict rules of progressive affirmative action. Every minority must be represented in team line-ups. In an effort to erase sins of DWEM, any score or other achievement by a white male player will be credited to a minority player. Furthermore white male players will receive punishment for any penalty committed by a minority player.

For other rules of play see 753 page 3PL pamphlet, soon to be made available according to directive in 2nd Five Year Plan.

People's Polo is the only sport for a progressive world. A world without winners is a happy, moral place.

So join in the fun. As a spectator or a participant you will be contributing to the strengthening of the collective and the future of progressivism.

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Let live forever in the people's memory the unparalleled achievement of the Progressive People's Polo League, and all those who selflessly struggle for the victory of progress!


This has been a collective effort by Commissarka Pinkie and Maksim

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Maksim, I salute you in your new game. The important thing is not the playing of course; it is the scoring. And since we get to do the scoring, all is wonderful.

I suggest that we set up a powerful ad-hoc rules committee, which determines with utter fairness, to the best of our ability, who wins and on what basis. And to make it as fair as possible, we shall consider quite fairly all consideration offered us to come to our decisions.

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Let live forever in the people's memory the unparalleled achievement of the First Experimental People's Polo Team, and all those who selflessly advanced progress behind the scenes!

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The true winner in this game, Theocritus, is determined by the representative of the State Committee of Physical Culture, based not on the scoring which by definition is equal - but by how many members of minorities and other economically, physically, or mentally disadvantaged persons the team has. The greater the diversity, the greater the achievement.

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Red, for this we need to set up a scoring system. After all, who's worth what changes daily, even by the CNN news cycle. You know, things in the middle of the night on CNN Headline news are totally incorrect as first reported, and are only Correct after sufficient editing. It depends on how much Vodka Pinkie has been pouring down the throats of the Apparatchiki in Atlanta.

The important thing is the ranking. Just how do women compare to blacks? Lower, I think; there are more of them. Hispanics and blacks? Hispanics are more now, and are up and coming, but then never were slaves, and don't have spokesmen like Sharpton with really big mouths. That counts for something. Gays? Well, now that's a trump card right there. Any team that fielded a roster entirely of gays in various stages of sexual reassignment would automatically win, even if they didn't suit up--and how could they?

But to make sure that they really are what they say, to prevent, say, spurious claims of victim status like people claiming to be Indian when they're white-bread European, they have to have sex with Bruno.

I <i>am</i> going to get rid of him and you might as well get used to the idea. I've given Pup a reprieve because it wouldn't be fair but the milk of human kindness curdles in me pretty damned quick so hurry up, all, and figure out a place to park this silly queen.

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I am a little upset at the racial makeup of the First Experimental People's Polo Team...seems that there are a lot of awfully pale people there. But only a little upset, as I see they have all been issued "penalty shovels" with the short haft rather than the standard regulation long hafted shovel. I assume this is intended to level the playing field and erase the cultural advantages accumulated through 500 years of DWEM exploitation?

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Comrade Maksimovich -

Is this by any chance your blog I came across this morning? It's called Outside the Cube and is run by someone who names himself Maksimovich. It was started on Oct. 2005 - 6 month after the People's Cube launch date on April First.

This is outrageous! If it's your blog, you might have as well called it "Outside of the Party," "Outside of Progress," or "Outside the Care of the Government!" Who are you really working for, Maksimovich? Please tell me it's a covert operation for Smersh's Directorate. Otherwise we may be facing another Party Purge and a Show Trial this Sunday.

And yes, the attendance will be mandatory and everybody will miss the Super Bowl - all because of you, Maksimovich! How long do you think the trial will last and what do you think the verdict will be?

I would confess if I were you.

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Anyway, I saw this sign today and I think it must be a bumper sticker for the People's Polo fans. It had no team name on it, and that is very progressive. No team should be put ahead of another team as there are no winners, and the game is about the process, not about the result.

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Red Square wrote:Comrade Maksimovich -
This is outrageous! If it's your blog, you might have as well called it "Outside of the Party," "Outside of Progress," or "Outside the Care of the Government!" Who are you really working for, Maksimovich? Please tell me it's a covert operation for Smersh's Directorate. Otherwise we may be facing another Party Purge and a Show Trial this Sunday.

You're outraged? I'm the one who should be outraged! How can anyone question my loyalty? Clearly someone has stolen my name, the name I proudly took from someone else.
The evidence is plain this is not my blog, all one needs to do is read the incredibly dull, droning, content (I rather be hit by shovel then read again) to know this is not work of Maksim Maksimovich. This other Maksimovich, although dull as hammer, is obviously highly educated by some imperialist university. I on the other hand had to bribe teacher just to escape High School, then went straight to work at a kolkhoz. If proof of this is necessary, I will start posting my comments without first using spell-check.

I refuse to appear at show trial, you will have to do this by force.

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Oh, Maksim. Don't screw with Red. He really understands force. He was raised on force. He sprinkles ground force on his cornflakes. His cornflakes made of potato that come in boxes of unbleached cardboard which fall apart in the bag which they do not give him.

Once I screwed with Red and he told Meow that I was the one who stole his Hummels. The hurtful thing is that it happened, in point of fact, to be true.

Now I ask you. Is that a way for a good party member to act to another party member? To wound with the <i>truth</i>? You mean I'm not even worth a goddamned <i>lie</i>?

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Maksim Maksimovich wrote:I refuse to appear at show trial, you will have to do this by force.
Is that defiance I sense? A tearful admission of guilt, whether deserved or not, is the norm among us the faithful Party members - at least those standing at the lower levels of the hierarchy. Those at the top are, of course, infallible.

You must understand, Maksim, that there's another ingredient to the power of progress besides sheer force - which Theocritus has correctly described as the substance holding the state-issue unbleached cardboard boxes of potato cornflakes together.

That other ingredient, Maksim, is GUILT.

Once in a while we do an inventory of the amount of guilt running through the veins of the collective to ensure compliance with the guilt standards. Once in a while we also indiscriminately sprinkle our comrades with mandatory doses of fresh and wholesome guilt to make sure the existing guilt doesn't become stale or evaporates.

There's no such thing as too much guilt. Guilt is the fuel of progress! It is also a permanent source of donations to the progressive causes by the guilty White millionaires. Never stop making others feel guilty even if you know they're not! Our funding depends on it!

Put that down into the little red book.

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Red Square wrote:Those at the top are, of course, infallible.
Indeed. In fact, after Vaticanski II, it was determined that even my belches are infallible. This was taught to me by that running dog Evelyn Waugh in <i>Scoop</i>. When I am wrong, which is never of course, but when one of my most trusted aides thinks that perhaps something, completely beyond my control, of course, might have escaped me, he says, "Up to a point, Lord Theocritus. Up to a point."

---Bruno! Move that Michelangelo to the right just a bit and turn it...a bit more...a bit more...there. That's right. Oh damn. The sun is setting early for me. Bruno! Get Mercury on the line...Hello? Hello?---

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Red Square wrote: Is that defiance I sense? A tearful admission of guilt, whether deserved or not, is the norm among us the faithful Party members
If its guilt you want, I have plenty.
I'm guilty of being born into a line of ancestry that enslaved the free people of Africa.
I'm guilty of secretly wanting victory in Iraq.
I'm guilty of working for profit.
I'm guilty of not paying an 80% tax rate on the money I earned.
I'm guilty of insensitively laughing at Leno's jokes about MTE's cankles.
I'm guilty of driving a gas guzzling internal combustion powered vehicle.
All of these things I regret deeply and work hard at redeeming myself.
So if you must, have your show trail for crimes I committed above.

But never have I been guilty of blogging the drivel that you accuse me of.

On second thought, which carries lesser sentence?

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That was just a test, Maksim. You have shown yourself as a loyal Party foot soldier capable of correct self-criticism and re-education. The trial shall be dismissed this time, partially because of the Super Bowl.

Let's go back to the issue at hand then. Where can I see the next International People's Polo tournament?

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What about Commie Cricket?
That's a sticky wicket.





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Laika..... those posts look suspiciously competitive! Oh Dear Lenin, I feel so guilty for saying that.

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Meet the Players of the
First Experimental People's Polo Team
(From Left to Right...of course)
At Far Left Wing Position: Anges "Semi" Munch. Rising above the tragedy of losing half her body (the right half, fortunately) in a bizzare beet harvester accident in 1997, extensive surgery and rehabilitation have put her in a power position on the team
At Power Forward of the Toiling Masses: James Simmons, aka Annie. Following years of painful uncertainty, at age 28 James found true fulfillment through gender reassignment to become Annie, a 54-year-old henna haired harridan with terrific fashion sense.
At Left Wingman: Stephen "PTSD" Morgan. Intensly traumatized during his military service as a pastry chef, Stephen has turned his pain into a flaming progressive beacon against the BusHitler war machine.
At Progressive Forward: Myron "Piglet" Scheiner. An athlete on the field, in the bedroom, and down on the farm, "Piglet" is known for his down and durty passing style and acceptance of all diverse lifestyles.
At Collective Guilt Coordinator: The Reverend, Clayton Swift. The Rev knows that the people, together, will rule the game forever.
At Minority Whip: Kenneth Running Elk O'Malley. The Native-American passion borne of centuries of cultural denigration shines through when this progressive warrior takes to the field.
As Team Captain and at Central Sensitivity Coordinator: Cindy "The Shreiker" Samsonov. Militant irrationality, thy name is Shreiker! Cindy, in addition to providing the revolutionary guidance for the FEPPT on the field, is also an active member of Code Pink, Boobs Not Bombs and the local chapter of the Nation of Islam.
At Team Hate Magnet: Wilson "Jugears" Johnson. Included solely in compliance with league diversity rules, this direct descendant of generations of DWEMs serves as the object of collective villification for his team. (Pictured in the rear, where he belongs.)
At Free Radical Safety: Shirley Lopez-Kelly. A proud member of NAWBLA, when "Teach" isn't passing cubes on the field, she's passing out knowledge and The Truth in her sixth-grade social-studies classroom at the Bob LaFollete Middle School.
At Right Infiltrator: Miguel "El Sapo" Garcia. El Sapo fills the bill as the team's undocumented member with a specialty in popping up where least expected.
And at Transcendental Goalie: Dawn "Sparkle" Finkowski. Currently in her 213th incarnation, Sparkle holds the league record for past life victim status, with over 75% of her previous selves belonging to a repressed minority.
Oh, and thre's a couple of proles that haul around the shovels that managed to sneak into the photo.

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Ivan, what a touching Tribute you have compiled to honor the XPP team. I wept with joy and sadness as I read each touching bio.

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Red Square wrote:Where can I see the next International People's Polo tournament?
This is what is needed, the wisdom and that “Let's Just Get It Done” attitude that comes with international organizations like the U.N. and the E.U.
I see a great future for People's Polo on the world stage.

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Maksim Maksimovich wrote: This is what is needed, the wisdom and that “Let's Just Get It Done” attitude that comes with national organizations like the U.N. and the E.U.
I see a great future for People's Polo on the world stage.

I thought "Get 'er done" came from Larry the Cable Guy?

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Boo! The monster truck video isn't available anymore! I mean... good! No more competition and polluting!

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Comrades, I have a problem. Should we, in Socialist fairness, decree that all shovels should be the same length, or should we give shorter shovels to the weaker players to help them in their play?

It's a fine point and I welcome suggestions.

Oh, this does not apply to Annie, who had her shovel surgically removed.

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Shorter shovels to weaker players? I do not know the meaning of this word "weaker players". Are not all players equal and thus every match ends in a tie? I am confused.

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Betty, players who might appear to be weaker must not be weaker, hence the longer shovels. Try "Harrison Bergeron" by Kurt Vonnegut in <i>Welcome to the Monkey House</i>. In the US it is illegal to be smarter, more talented or better looking than anyone else, so announces had speech impediments, dancers were crippled, singers adenoidal, but Harrison Bergeron was a rebel. He took a ballerina of grace and beauty and stripped off her handicaps and they danced higher and better than anyone ever before. And the U.S. Handicapper General, Diana Moon Glampers, shot them dead.

I lust for Our Many Titted Empress to meet Diana Moon Glampers.

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The answer to this seems rather simple to me Commissar. All players in a given match must have equal shovels, but all players must use the type shovel most appropriate for the less equal players.

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But the better players are sometimes so much better that they need a positive handicap.

We could however break an elbow or a knee...

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:We could however break an elbow or a knee...

How about make them use a spatula?

--
ZB

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A sport with out the evils competition, rude fans or saturated fats from hot dog stands.

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I know. Make everyone play left-handed. Now I am left-handed and it is fair that everyone understand my pain in being left-handed. And I'm also of the opinion that more than 10% of the people would be left-handed if they didn't fear being stigmatized for being left-handed. Look at the words: left is sinister in Latin, gauche in French. Now that's bigoted.

So make them all be left-handed. We could have a handed-curious team, as some people are said to be bi-curious.

Screw this gay stuff. It's handedness that's the next frontier.

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Yes, that is fair, as I am left handed as well. (Shouldn't all progressives be left handed?) But what of height Commissar? That is why I feel the length of the shovel for all on the team should be the same, a length most fitting for the shortest on the team. Thus a 6'6" giant would be forced to use the same length shovel as the 4'6" player.

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What if the 4'6" player is Robert Reich? Even the most progressive of party members could not resist the urge to whack that homunculus with a very large shovel and very hard too.

Anony-sop
how many days do you think Obama can go without asking the American people for another "Triller" to run the presidency? I think he set the record with ...uhhh... 1 day.


 
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