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In a carefully worded and historic speech delivered with emotion in his voice, Senator Mitt Romney announced Wednesday that he would publicly cut off his nose to spite the face. The Utah senator is the only Republican who has responded to this latest Democratic challenge.

Speaking on the floor of the Senate, Romney said he hated his Republican face ever since the 2012 election, when the media told him he was a monster. "How can I not trust the mainstream media?" said Romney. "Only a fool would call it 'fake news' and choose to believe his own lying eyes."

"If the media calls me a monster but the mirror says otherwise, I stop trusting my eyes," he continued. "It's just common sense. The grave question, then, is whether my face rises to the level of a high crime and misdemeanor to warrant nose removal. My best judgment says it does, and it must suffer the consequences."

"My face must feel the pain that I felt when the media and my Democratic friends opened my eyes to my hideousness as a Republican," Romney continued, reminding the American people about his long list of high crimes and misdemeanors:

• I kept binders full of women.
  
• I put my dog on the roof of my car.
  
• I hid my money in the Cayman Islands.
  
• I caused cancer of my employee's wife and let her die.
  
• I clipped a boy's hair with a pair of scissors in prep school.
  
• I said that 47% who leach from the government would never vote for me.
  
• I inaccurately accused Obama of not calling the Benghazi attack an act of terrorism.
  
• I cheated on my taxes - according to Harry Reid who would never lie or dig dirt on a political rival.
  
• I foolishly challenged the magnificent and unbeatable Barack Obama in 2012 election, as if I ever had a chance of winning.

"The evidence is overwhelming. And while some may argue that being a Republican is not a crime, we all know it's still very wrong," declared Senator Romney.

With these words he took a pair of scissors and cut off his nose.

It was met with scattered applause from several Democratic Senators, who later admitted that Romney's act moved them to tears for about two minutes, after which they resumed the usual order of business.

Romney later defended his self-mutilation in an interview with Fox News. "It was the most painful decision I have ever faced, no pun intended," Romney told Fox News anchor Chris Wallace.

"I know it's going to get very lonely. But on the bright side, I can now tell my children and their children that I had enough wisdom to publicly cut off my nose," Romney said. "Future generations of Americans will look at the historical record and see that even though I had an ugly Republican face, I redeemed myself by cutting off the protrusion in the middle of it."

He removed his own testicles years ago.

Polls Show President Trump More Popular in Utah Than Benedict Romney

The survey, notes UtahPolicy.com, “was conducted during the Senate impeachment trial of President Trump, but after the drone strike that killed Iranian Major General Qasem Soleimani, one of that country's top military commanders.”

The Washington Examiner's Paul Bedard points out that a poll for UtahPolicy.com conducted in October found that Romney's approval rating in Utah was underwater–with 46 percent “strongly” or “somewhat” approving and 51 percent “strongly or somewhat” disapproving.

Most Equal Komrads,

If the nose of someone who has driven themselves into insignificance is cut off, does anyone care?

Where is that Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

Pierre Delecto wasn't using it for anything, anyway.

'pelipsky
#BR 549

Romney loses to obama and crowley

Do you want to hear a rumor?

Rumor has it that Mitt Romney will be a "submission" for their Democrat nominee for POTUS.

Some Democrats are thinking about drafting Mitt Romney as their presidential nominee — and, of course, Romney would sign up yesterday for it. Romney would do it yesterday. So, we will just have to see how it all shakes out.

https://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2020 ... tt-romney/

Pamalinsky wrote:Do you want to hear a rumor?

Rumor has it that Mitt Romney will be a "submission" for their Democrat nominee for POTUS.

Some Democrats are thinking about drafting Mitt Romney as their presidential nominee — and, of course, Romney would sign up yesterday for it. Romney would do it yesterday. So, we will just have to see how it all shakes out.

Tainted Kool-aid

Pierre Defecto