OMG... I know someone with the same flannel nightie! He's gonna be so pissed. It was supposed to be an original!

Does that mean everyone gets a woman? Does Chairman Meow know about this?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Glorious!

However, what if it that 1st woman President is .... <b>Condoleeza Rice</b>??????

How do we handle that? She a member of 2 oppressed classes (female and african-american). But her politics make her an enemy of progressive peoples and she is a stooge for the great class enemy, GWB! And yet: Она хорошо говорит по-русски.

As a Zampolit (Political Officer) I seek guidance from the party in the event of such a disaster! I must know the Party's exact stance on such a conundrum before I go out to brief our troops!!!

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Glorious!

However, what if it that 1st woman President is .... <b>Condoleeza Rice</b>??????

How do we handle that? She a member of 2 oppressed classes (female and african-american). But her politics make her an enemy of progressive peoples and she is a stooge for the great class enemy, GWB! And yet: Она хорошо говорит по-русски.

As a Zampolit (Political Officer) I seek guidance from the party in the event of such a disaster! I must know the Party's exact stance on such a conundrum before I go out to brief our troops!!!

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Dearest Comrade Blokhayev,

You ask way too many questions to call yourself a Zampolit... please refrain from asking anymore questions before:

1.) Seeking permission from a Kommissar of Question Asking.

2.) Filling out the much needed paperwork (stamped and signed, naturally) before attempting to utter another "question".

3.) Making a considerable and generous contribution to yours truly (Meowsevich S. Punchenko, 104 People's Way, Richdem PCVA)

After step 1 and 2 are completed, you may then proceed to the most important step... which of course is step 3 (ca$h or credit is fine). I will also need the name of your wife and her phone number. If you do not have or "own" (we must be sympathetic to the culture of our Freedom Fighter overlords) a wife... your sister will do. Please send her to the address provided.

Phew... OK... now I can answer your question! YAY!

No, class enemy Rice will never rise to the position of "president". Only Her Excellency may rule The People and to suggest that some other man/womyn/it will beat *Her* to it is heresy and thought crime. You don't want to commit a thought crime, do you? I mean... I wouldn't want you to turn into a Global Warming Denier in the process of thinking such things! Please, equip your tinfoil hat and please make the adjustments needed to access MSNBC for further edukation.

Hope this helps.

-- Chairman Punchenko

You ask way too many questions to call yourself a Zampolit...

Comrade Chairman! As a Zampolit it is my duty to the revolution that I do question asking. If not then the party would be bombarded with paperwork from each and every member of my People's Revolutionary Army Brigade. That would, I fear, annoy the Chairman and Great Leader Hillary. We do not want the Gulag!

1.) Seeking permission from a Kommissar of Question Asking.

Done! Which reminds me, Yuri told me to tell you, "Wash my SUV, Capitalist Swine!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!". Personally, I would not let the Kommisar for Question Asking talk to me like that. However, he was quite drunk. Something about a "Global Warming Vodka". I'm exactly sure what he said as his speech was slurred.

2.) Filling out the much needed paperwork (stamped and signed, naturally) before attempting to utter another "question".

DONE! Comrade Chairman! DONE! All 379 forms. I have them all stored on my Macintosh People Computer!

3.) Making a considerable and generous contribution to yours truly (Meowsevich S. Punchenko, 104 People's Way, Richdem PCVA)

Done! I charged it on my Party Credit Card!!!

You live in the People's Commonwealth of Viginia, too, Comrade Chairman? I too live in the PCVA! I live in the People's Socialist County of FairTax, PCVA.

After step 1 and 2 are completed, you may then proceed to the most important step... which of course is step 3 (ca$h or credit is fine). I will also need the name of your wife and her phone number. If you do not have or "own" (we must be sympathetic to the culture of our Freedom Fighter overlords) a wife... your sister will do. Please send her to the address provided.

Take my wife. PLEASE!!!!!

Phew... OK... now I can answer your question! YAY!
No, class enemy Rice will never rise to the position of "president". Only Her Excellency may rule The People and to suggest that some other man/womyn/it will beat *Her* to it is heresy and thought crime. You don't want to commit a thought crime, do you? I mean... I wouldn't want you to turn into a Global Warming Denier in the process of thinking such things! Please, equip your tinfoil hat and please make the adjustments needed to access MSNBC for further edukation.

Remember, it is a Zampolit's job to work with the young revolutionaries. Thus I have to anticipate what their questions might be. They are too young to realize what Thought Crime is. Rest assured, I am not a Global Warming Denier and I am teaching my young revolutionaries that we humans are abusing the Earth and that we humans must all die in order to save it.

Now I must and take my Hummer H1 SUV and pickup my young revolutionaries from the People's Revolutionary Elementary School and inform them of that I had now spoken with our glorious party chairman, Meowsevich S. Punchenko and that you have imparted new wisdom to me. Their young minds are always eager to learn new revolutionary ways and ideas! They look up to you Comrade Chairman! They really do!

Yours in Socialist Liberation and Libation,
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev.
--

Comrade Blokhayvek,

Please forgive me for my rather harsh condemnation of your alleged question asking - I simply did not know that you were a loyal citizen of NOVA! My goodness; I shame myself for throwing the book at you while foaming revolutionary zeal around the mouth! Shame on me, shame! Oh please forgive me, Comrade Blokhayvek - I beg of you!!!

Speaking of FairTax Virginia... I believe you are within earshot of resident Troll Mulva Goldbook (who's blog of socialist fervor can be found at nitwitplanet.blogspot.com). Mulva is a long time enemy of The People and his Nitwit Nation has long been violating The People's sensibilities. Please take time to read The People's History here on the Cube to learn more about this blood thirsty weak liberal who DENIED a cancer victim a few dollars (while preaching Socialized Healthcare to the rest of us). Why, Mulva was simply to broke after buying delicious Lattes and Panera Bread to worry about his fellow man.... therefore we must be TAXED to pay for Mulva's lack of charity... or humanity for that matter.

Glory to Tim Kaine's eye-brow of Social Justice!

-- Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko

Comrade Chairman,

There is no need to beg! All is forgiven of a brother revolutionary. Just don't try that with Laika the Space Dog! Me thinks it would be ugly. Yes... ugly indeed!

I have briefly read over the writings of this enemy of the People ™, Mulva Goldbook. Goldbook... the very name sounds bourgeois. And clearly denying a cancer victim is counter-revolutionary and will not be tolerated by the proletariat. I'll bet Ghoulbook is also a Global Warming Denier too!!! Not to worry, The Party has ways to deal with heretics like this! I wonder if they have ever heard the words "To the the wall!!!" shouted at them.

Yes! Comrade Gov. Kaine is an example for progressive peoples everywhere!

--
Yours in Socialist Tyranny,
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Me thinks it would be ugly. Yes... ugly indeed!

Very, very ugly....

Now comrades, there is no need to bring little old Helen Thomas into this. She may be the missing link... but she is certainly not ugly! She is "special" - in a fossilized kind of way.

Like this kind of special?

<gasp!> I KNEW IT!! I knew them murdering Border Patrol thugs were mowing down innocent Mexican migrants! I KNEW IT! Run little Pedro! Run! Run to your nearest ACLU Commissar! We will help you destroy our cultural identity and further advance the merge with Mexico! WE WILL HELP YOU LITTLE PEDRO!

It's the evil kkkapitalist Subaru WRX rally car! They have made a barbaric sport out of running over helpless retarded Mexican children. And to think that Subaru was the peoples car company. I guess they'll have to go back to Volkswagen.

Damn that John Howard! DAMN YOU AND YOUR MURDERING SUBARU BORDER BLOOD BATH MAKER MACHINE THINGYS! Ugh... give me a good DPRK lumpenwagen any day (so long as it has leather interior, V8 engine, 4-doors, ivory rims, mini-bar, satellite television and phone and my glorious image airbrushed on the hood.... oh, and money too... oodles and oodles of money in the trunk... preferably in large bills).

And I thought I was only one who enjoyed mowing down retarded Mexican children. Except I use my Hummer H1 that is all pimp'd out with leather interior, V8 engine, 4-doors, ivory rims, mini-bar, satellite television and phone and Helen Thomas' glorious image airbrushed on the hood!

Yes! Serving The People ™ is rewarding! More people should get into public service!

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

And here I am stuck using my '75 280 Z. Maybe I can get one of those Troll-72's....

Premier Betty wrote:And here I am tuck using my '75 280 Z. Maybe I can get one of those Troll-72's....

Comrade Premier Betty,

Perhaps you should find an illegal alien from Mexico (who should not be illegal because no human being is illegal *sniff*) and for about $200 he could renovate a classic like that '75 280 Z and get it fit for running down poor retarded ..er.. I mean .. "Special" Mexican kids! Or, if you like, us it to round up these poor serfs from Mexico to work on your cattle ranch for free until YOU decide to release them!

--
Peace through Appeasement!
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Or instead of a cattle ranch, I can have them make me a vineyard like everyone else here in Sonoma County. Then I can have them pick the grapes and when it is all over, I call the INS and have them deported before I pay them!

Chairman Punchenko...what's with you begging with people? The last time I checked the Chairman didn't have to beg anyone...then again, maybe you're going for the humor card.

By the way, I have this really cool collection of flannel shirts, though I'm avoiding getting the color that Mrs. John Edwards is currently wearing...don't want to set her off.

Comrade Ivanov,

As you have been away for a couple months, you may not be aware of the incident involving the theft of the SUV and running down, death and grave disfigurement of the future (valuable) necro-proxies that occured recently in the Socialist State of Kalifornia. It was only by the quick thinking of Dr. P contacting Pointy Red, our ProgHedgeHog and procurer of magikal flying equipment, that we were able to whisk Meow (in a complete state of fugue and utterly unable to function), Dr. P (firing at the CHiPs as he retreated up the steps of the Tupolev Tu-154-B), and Dr. P's 'Good Time Girls' Flight Crew back to the bunker and to relative safety. I thank Stalin every day that the Red Pointy One achieved such genius in laying hands on the Tupolev... without it, we would surely have lost both Meow and Dr. P... The result being that is was recognized that Meow had developed a severe Hot Pocket problem and when we finally got him stripped down and ready for his bath, we discovered that he'd taken to soaking all his undergarments in spicy seafood sauce before donning them (which would account for much, including the GTGFC complaints about burning when they peed... we thought they'd all just picked up another... well... never mind)...

In any case, as you can imagine, it has taken much work on our part to try to help Meow back to himself... large mounds of $oft Ca$h for him to smell and frolic in, as well as many pornoraphic films and sometimes, just absolute quiet... so, if you find him slightly changed, that is why. If we had recognized his 'problem' sooner, we might have saved a great deal of trouble, a international diplomatic incident, two of the Good Time Girls Flight Crew who defected in Kalifornia (WHORES!... Slatterns! HARLOTS!! as if you could do better than Dr. P!!!), and a great deal of taxidermy work for me to get the Johnsons up to necroproxie standard (though Meow has taken to spending a great deal of time with them by the fire, just chatting quietly, which we take as a good sign - both for his well-being and for the quality of my work, if I may say so myself)...

So... Please... go easy on him. He will be back to himself in no time, but he is still in a slightly delicate state... If he has his bouts of begging, we just let him get it out of his system. He really is doing much better than when we first got him out... he was catatonic and didn't talk for literally minutes at a time... <shuddering>... I really did fear we'd lost him...

Is it International Womyn's Day already!? Sheesh... May Day will be here before we know it! I better get started on my Enemies List and get out to the hardware stores to purchase "tools" to use on my enemies before anyone else grabs up the choice picks (had my eye on an electric pruner and a chain saw that I really liked).

Has anyone else started on their May Day shopping yet?

Happy Woman's day! The day when women get an entire day to celebrate their freedom and the fact that there isn't a Man's day. Because if men had a day it would be bigoted and mean to everyone else.

We're working on getting the Guillotine Mark IX out before then. We're looking for lots of beheadings to happen on that day.

So where's my extra ration of vodka?

*grumble*

Here's you free vodka... lucky... something.

*grumble*

In honor of the International Women's Day (March 8th) the Party awards Pinkie with an extra ration of vodka (good for ten gallons).

Ah, thank you, Benevolent Leader! And I see by the fine print I have less than an hour left to redeem it!

Off to stand in line at the sleazy E-Z Government Check Cashing, Liquor and Fireworks Place.

Crap, now I have to go shopping. Did they really have to make it so close to Valentine's Day?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Off to stand in line at the sleazy E-Z Government Check Cashing, Liquor and Fireworks Place.

Ha ha! That means that you won't get your free vodka! Neener neener neener!

Man-shaped ironing boards are a nice touch - a feminist response to the hateful "Iron My Shirt!" slogan.

In the meantime, security cameras at the Party headquarters recorded the following image from last night's celebration. Don't ask.

AAAAAAUUGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

My eyes! My poor delicate sensitive eyes! What have you done to me?!? I cannot see anymore, I can't live after seeing something like that!

<reaches_for_rusty_spoon>

At 2345 hours last night, I was still waiting in line to redeem my vodka coupon.

SO DON'T ANY OF YOU DARE TO EVEN THINK WHAT I KNOW YOU'RE ALL THINKING AND DYING TO POST!!!

I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it for anything other than its intended purpose.

She's probably one of the Chairman's girls.

And Betty, because you went neener neener neener, you get no beet muffins, no beet cookies, and no beet brownies reddies!

International Women's Day was yesterday! Oh Stalin! I completely forgot! I suppose being sick in bed with the flu does not count for an excuse. Lets see, lets see, GOT IT! Here is 1/2 of my Vodka rations for being late Commissarka Pinkie. Please do not make me take another look at that picture of Red Sqaure's again!!

Oh, my. What a night...I have such the hangover, and boy is my back sore...hey! That's Dazdrapetraka! I had a few (too many) drinks with her last night! I gave her that headscarf as a gift for International Women's Day, and she re-payed me with- well, let's just let that stay in the conference bunker, shall we?

Dazdrapetraka certainly gives new meaning to "Communal Labor," and she can really put away the vodka, too! OK, I have to go take a half bottle of aspirin for my backache, so I'll talk to you all later.

-Mikhail

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:International Women's Day was yesterday! Oh Stalin! I completely forgot! I suppose being sick in bed with the flu does not count for an excuse. Lets see, lets see, GOT IT! Here is 1/2 of my Vodka rations for being late Commissarka Pinkie. Please do not make me take another look at that picture of Red Sqaure's again!!

Wait a minute. Does this mean I get tributes and gifts, etc., just because of IWD? And extra goodies if you're late?

Pony up, guys! Except for Red Square who was on time (barely, but he rolled under the lowering door and even managed to grab that hat of his in the process), you all owe me!

No rain checks, either.

Doesn't Matter...

St. Paddy's is still the 17th.

Rain check.

Substitutions include Rye and Stoudt.
Guilt good for eternity.

Void after 3/17/2008 unless you're a Minnesota State Capitol Stormtrooper.

I picked a fine time to quit drinking!!!

--
ZB

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: And Betty, because you went neener neener neener, you get no beet muffins, no beet cookies, and no beet brownies reddies!

But you already gave them to me! No takebacks! I called it!

Then you won't get anymore. In fact, your "neenering" offends me, and makes me think you intend to do me harm for no good reason. I've a good mind to blow up you and any innocent bystanders.

But... but... I was jealous that you got extra vodka and I didn't. You can't persecute me for that, after all, isn't that what drives our cause? Jealousy? If you're going to blow yourself up, please feel free to do it anywhere but around me, I don't care how many innocents you kill as long as it's not me.

I got extra vodka because it was International Women's Day. Either get your own day, or . . . well, you know.

But it's not FAIR!!! Just because I wasn't born a woman doesn't mean that I shouldn't get vodka! I can't help it that I came out like this, it isn't my fault!!!

You can always do the "gender reassignment" deed with your trusty shovel, Premier. Takes but a moment...

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:You can always do the "gender reassignment" deed with your trusty shovel, Premier. Takes but a moment...

...or the rusty spoon...

I... don't want to.... The spoon is only for gouging out my eyes (which are easily replaced) when I see something that is very disturbing. I don't want to do the "gender reassignment" deed. I like myself the way I am I just want everyone to accept me for who I am. I shouldn't change, everyone else should.

Equal vodka for all genders!!!

As SMO used to say, some were born with an innie, others with an outie. In everything else we're all the same. I don't understand the fuss about changing an outie into an innie. If it's the same thing, why some comrades (Betty) are so afraid of it? By the same token, if there's not any difference, why are some comrades going through the pain of doing it? Why do it at all if the difference is purely cosmetic and not noticeable underneath the Party-approved unisex potato-sack tunic?

Exactly! I shouldn't change because I'm the same as everyone else on the inside.

NOW GIVE ME MY VODKA!!!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I got extra vodka because it was International Women's Day. Either get your own day, or . . . well, you know.

I'll wait for St. Paddy's Day.

I'm going to High-Anus Port, MA and hang out with Comrade Teddy K. I'm going to persude him support our MTE.

--

Premier Betty wrote:And here I am stuck using my '75 280 Z. Maybe I can get one of those Troll-72's....

How can i honestly take anything u say seriously when u have that pic

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00] [/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Zampolit Blokhayev, you are a hate-filled parasite because you want to impose freedom down the Socialist world's throat![/HIGHLIGHT]

Karl Marx wrote:

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00] [/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Zampolit Blokhayev, you are a hate-filled parasite because you want to impose freedom down the Socialist world's throat![/HIGHLIGHT]

Eh?

Where do you get such non-sense? No one is more dedicated than I to making the proles <s>slaves to</s> dependants of the state welfare system. Hate filled? Not hardly! Why do I do this? I do it because .... I Care™.

Comrade Marx, I know you are a member of our <s>un</s> Holy Trinity and founder of the philosophy and methods that we, The Party™, will use to <s>enslave</s> liberate humyn beings. But please ... bugger off, you old fart. I've work to do towards bringing this county's medical standards down to HillaryCare standards.


--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:International Women's Day was yesterday! Oh Stalin! I completely forgot! I suppose being sick in bed with the flu does not count for an excuse. Lets see, lets see, GOT IT! Here is 1/2 of my Vodka rations for being late Commissarka Pinkie. Please do not make me take another look at that picture of Red Sqaure's again!!

Wait a minute. Does this mean I get tributes and gifts, etc., just because of IWD? And extra goodies if you're late?

Pony up, guys! Except for Red Square who was on time (barely, but he rolled under the lowering door and even managed to grab that hat of his in the process), you all owe me!

No rain checks, either.

Hey, I did my bit. And I did not whine about it like Betty either.

X wrote: How can i honestly take anything u say seriously when u have that pic

Obviously you havent see my powers.