Liberal Substance You Can Believe In

Substance. It's the impression that Barack Obama has none that now worries his campaign. Though he's inspired millions with his vision of Hope and Change, now, when he has come so far, it may not be enough. Some claim that he is nothing but an empty suit spouting empty words, platitudes, feel good politics.

Mr Obama is eager to dispel this impression. "I don't simply repeat the words "hope" and "change," he stated at a news conference. "You can believe in Hope and Change because the Hope and Change I offer is based on my firm belief in Liberal Substance. Liberal Substance knows no race, knows no gender, knows no age, and knows no barriers to what it can do and accomplish! Substance is the very core of my being. My campaign is filled with Liberal Substance.

Substance means what it says. Liberal Substance defines us. Liberal Substance gives us hope and brings about change. We have substance. To say that my campaign lacks substance is to say that every face out there in that crowd that believes in Hope and Change lacks substance. It is an insult to people everywhere. We have substance! Those that say I'm campaigning on empty words just don't get it. Maybe they never will. I feel very sorry for them."

Liberal Substance, says Mr Obama, holds that we, as one people, can work together and, through the government, achieve great things - as Progressives have always done. Liberal Substance is as old as the Progressive movement. The country, he says, longs for a national leader attuned to the will of the people to accomplish the common good.

"I hear the people," Obama says "and together we will build a better future. We will give everyone health care, we will make certain that no one is hungry, we will end our addiction to oil and we will invest in a sustainable future. We will end war by talking with dignity to our enemies. Together, with me as the leader, we will work toward a better future. We can create a new tomorrow. That is hope and change. That is the essence of Liberal Substance. Liberal Substance is government with a smile on its face. I have a smile on my face. I am the will of the people."
 

Thanks, Margaret, for throwing substance into the mix. Because I felt the nation was entering a language crisis lately, with the words like Change and Hope losing any trace of meaning and becoming interchangeable - or is it interhopeable?

You have earlier noticed how climate change logically led to climate hope. Now even the cashiers at the corner stores sometimes get confused and give you hope instead of change after you buy something. Some of the progressives no longer change socks or underwear - they only hope they do it, or the government does it for them.

A beggar in the street recently asked me for some loose hope - so I gave him some, saying that if he's having a good day I would surely change it. The bus that I took, too had a sign "Prepare exact hope."

The residents of Hope, AZ, have also been complaining that their mail was being delivered to Change, France and Change, Pakistan. The loudest outcry came from the Obama campaign whose entire supply of election leaflets destined for Hope wound up in Change - but the Post Office responded that they only had themselves to blame for the confusion.

So I'm glad the word "substance" has come into play now, and I change (or hope?) that there will be no substance abuse.

But then, of course, there's always a backup plan way to end any linguistic confusion - by converting to Islam, which allows to replace any of these words with "Allah willing." That happens in Arabic that doesn't have future tense, only "insalla" (if god pleases).
 

Margaret -

This story is now referenced in americandigest.org

Margaret - you may want to leave a comment there saying that the author of this article is not someone named OA but you - a progressive niece of $$ Halliburton.

I like your image. Considering the title of Obama's other book, The Audacity of Hope, we might also think of a sequel - The Audacity of Change. And then maybe even The Audacity of Substance. Further titles may range from "The Hope Strikes Back" to "The Son of Change" to "The Rise of Substance."

In the case of this book, I'd add just one more line:


 

Holy moly!

I think we can all march under the banner of Substanceism!
 

Red Square

Considering the title of Obama's other book, The Audacity of Hope, we might also think of a sequel - The Audacity of Change. And then maybe even The Audacity of Substance. Further titles may range from "The Hope Strikes Back" to "The Son of Change" to "The Rise of Substance."

The Audacity of Audacity

The Substance of the Audacity of the Hope of Change

Of Human Hope and Change

The Great Hope Also Rises

Teach a Man Hope and He Can Bum Change The Rest of His Life

There is No Hope Without a Dope
 

The Substance Manifesto

-Mikhail
 

Red Square

In the case of this book, I'd add just one more line:

The Audacity of
My Struggle

What if someone confuses that with Mein Kampf?
 

Commissarka Pinkie

What if someone confuses that with Mein Kampf?

I don't see how anyone could confuse it with Mein Kampf. Adolf Hitler was a fascist. Barack Obama is a Progressive. Adolf Hitler's intentions were evil. Barack Obama's intentions are good. "Struggle" has a very long and valued history among the Left. Hitler had no right to use the term "struggle." Mein Kampf was diabolical. Liberal Substance is the nectar of the gods.
 

There is one more thing, comrades, that we must consider. Since intentions are all, we must take a preemptive strike against other people who have good intentions. Since things are what we say they are, we must declare that the intentions of others are bad.

But does this, I hate to suggest, mean that we must declare the intentions of our beloved MTE to be evil? I know that she doesn't give a damn about anything but the acquisition of pure power, but if we're selling intentions, we have to get our act in order.
 

 

Published by National Lampoon.
 

Maksim Maksimovich

Profiles In Audacity

I like it!

I wonder who Obama would profile? Harry Reid? Bernie Sanders? Jumpin' Jim Jeffords?
 

I left a message on americandigest.org about this story:

Quote:

Thanks for mentioning me, Gerard. Long time no speak. I mustmention, however, that the Obama piece you linked to was written by oneof my American friends. Obama's message of change tickles his fancy.

But my choice of the ideal progressive president for America is Putin!

If change is what the Americans want, Putin can give it to them betterthan Obama or Hillary. And trust me, it won't be some cosmetic do-over- it will be a change that's final and irreversible. I challenge allthe progressives who talk about change to put their money where theirmouth is and support Vladimir Putin for American President.
 

No candidate is perfect. We always have to make concessions. I think the important thing in this election is to make sure our domestic policy reflects our Left leaning values. There must be an American Putin out there. Maybe next election. The Right always asks: who is the most Reaganesque? We should ask: who is the most Putinesque? Hillary or Obama? Until a real American Putin comes along we have to go with what we have.
 

Hmmm. HOs for Hillary. PUTAs for Putin?
 

Margaret

Until a real American Putin comes along we have to go with what we have.

<Sigh>... America needs a Putin. We need a president who understands that killing the opposition is the only way to successfully push a forward-thinking progressive agenda. We need a president who will torture Americans into embracing quality, affordable healthcare and universal pre-k. We need a Putin, and most importantly, our Children need a Putin.

Clinton/Putin '08 - Change begins with chains.
 

I've changed my mind. Word on the street is the baitch is gonna morph that into "Substance Abuse" and try and pin some some more shit on me.
Let's just stick to Hope & Change LLP for right now.
 

Commissarka Pinkie

What if someone confuses that with Mein Kampf?

My thoughts exactly Commissarka. But I do have a substantive hope for change.
 

Obama

I've changed my mind. Word on the street is the baitch is gonna morph that into "Substance Abuse" and try and pin some some more shit on me.
Let's just stick to Hope & Change LLP for right now.

Obama wants to deflect the issue. I can see why. Your "Hope and Change" is part of a greater thing, it is another flavor of "Ism." It's a substance abuse alright. It's the stuff of Kool-Aid drinkers everywhere. But Obama deflects the issue of what he stands for by not identifying it. That's right, Obama. Just stick with Hope and Change. That's like a professional magician using timing and props to misdirect the attention of the audience. Nice try, but I've seen this trick. Environmentalism is a frightening new flavor of "ism," but your kind really frightens me. Your kind gets in under the door like oozing slime. When the magic election show is over then what have you in store?

Some of you have seen this video already, but this is Barack Obama and he's selling a new flavor of "ism." I don't think this video can be seen too many times.


 

I don't get the video. All I see is a big white gap underneath the text. A big white, racist gap that should be sent to the re-education camps where his guilt will force him to vote for Osamabama.
 

Here's a link in case your Party Browser has censored the KKKapitalist video:

"Make Mine Freedom"

-Mikhail
 

Yay! I like that cartoon... I mean... I hate that kkkapitalist cartoon! Death to kkkapitalists!
 

Dear Lenin! LIes! LIes! Damnable lies SS Haliburton! The only germ of truth in that hideous film was the depiction of this country pumping so much more earth killing CO2 into the atmosphere than all the other nations combined. This video must be destroyed! For the Children™!
 

Can we make it a non-video? I had to press "Menu" and copy the link to get to it, before Mikhail added his link. As we made that ex-president, whosisname, a non-person, this ought to be a non-video.
 

I can only conclude you and Premier Betty must have a better ThoughtCrime™ filter on your computers as the hideous lying video shows up fine on mine.
 

My Thoughtcrime filter was installed by a goon squad sent directly from the Central Committee. It better be good. I have the bruises to prove it.
 

Once Hillarycare goes into affect, I hope I will have some spare change left.

--
ZB
 

Doubtful, comrade.
 

It'll be a change if I have some hope.
 

Premier! Commissar! This is some disturbing and pessimistic speech! Hillary will be the fulfillment of all Hope and Change!
 

Yeah. Sure. You ought to see what she did at the Rancho the last time. I have a lot of hope that I'll be able to change out the furniture.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Yeah. Sure. You ought to see what she did at the Rancho the last time. I have a lot of hope that I'll be able to change out the furniture.

Oh my Lenin!!! Did Pelosivich get our MTE all liquored up? Or was it Mr. Reno?

I was hoping Huma would "slake" our MTE's gigantic thirst! I see that I was being a bit too optimistic.

--
ZB
 

Commissar Theocritus

Yeah. Sure. You ought to see what she did at the Rancho the last time. I have a lot of hope that I'll be able to change out the furniture.

Isn't that a job for Bruno? Or is he/she/it too depressed to do these duties after hearing of your recent efforts to foist Bruno on someone else? Yes, Bruno probably deserves a subsidy to help ease the pain.
 

Do not worry, Comrades; I've got Bruno a gig he'll really enjoy. Should you come a cropper with the Party, you too will have a ticket on TransSiberian Railroads and be able to enjoy Bruno y sus Corazones in their full splendor.

Damn. I'm pissy today. Entirely too many Realtors. Sorry.

Betty, where's your rusty spoon?
 

I heard la Raza will come out with their version too. It is called Lucha Mia. Its about a struggle against laws, English grammar, and adopting to a alien country.
 

There is another gig. Get elected to county government as a commissioner. Hire a member of a large family and keep him employed long enough to qualify for unemployment. Fire him. His family is pleased. Repeat. Screw the high employment taxes in the People's Republic of Texas--you've kept some families very happy.

Another gig. Get elected as, oh, county clerk. Where the survival characteristic is being in the office three months before every quadrennial election and making nice. Where the survival characteristic is not keeping the records. Where the survival characteristic of the deputies is not keeping the records but keeping the clerk happy. Once the clerk, a very nice woman, came to me with a problem for I've had a half century's experience with county government--from the outside.

"Theocritus, what should I do about the mistakes?"

"Fire T." Kindly, nice, sweet, but as we say in math, nondeterministic.

After an hour of "Fire T" the clerk left, satisfied she'd done her duty by asking me, but not hearing a word I'd said.

T got fired. Not because of incompetence but because she got a boyfriend before the clerk.

T.'s survival characteristic was being fatter than the clerk.

I am not making this up.
 

I have a job for Bruno Commissar! As you know now, the United Socialist States of America is now a for certain thing with it down to Hillary, Obama, or McCain. But now is the time to strike the death knell for the republican party forever. We need to send Bruno on a mission.... to "catch" McCain tapping out a "code" in the bathroom! Bruno would be perfect for this mission, and it would ensure that the most talented socialist of the three will be victorious.
 

Commissar Pupovich

to "catch" McCain tapping out a "code" in the bathroom!
Thanks for the best laugh of the day.
 

What the hell is that tapping noise?
 

You don't want to know....
 

Maksim Maksimovich

Commissar Pupovich

to "catch" McCain tapping out a "code" in the bathroom!
Thanks for the best laugh of the day.

I am honored Comrade. Extra beet rations for you!
 

Commissar Pupovich

As you know now, the United Socialist States of America is now a for certain thing....
Damn, is it "United" or "Utopian"now? I go away to supervise the mines for a few weeks and lose track of The Current Truth™.
 

Premier Betty, You look very nice today. Did you do something with your hair?
 

I have no Idea... I just logged on and it was like that. I suspect that it was due to the graciousness of dear comrade Red Square again. When the avatar system was first introduced, he made mine for me from a picture I posted. I never did thank him, and now he has updated it again and made it much better from its original appearance.

Thank you Red Square!

It also appears that Pinkie has been... um... "modified" as well.
 

Ah Pinkie in all her glory and now with her favorite shovel, Anastasia, in the picture too.
 

Comrades! These images have always been like this. The truth we see today has always been the truth.
 

Good point. If Stalin's photoshopping skills have taught us anything it's that what is in a picture is always true, or else!
 

Premier Betty

It also appears that Pinkie has been... um... "modified" as well.

(GASP!) Oh, my Lenin! What does that mean? What has Red Square done to me? Why am I wrapped in all these bandages? I am not his mummy.

Someone mentioned Anastasia . . . ooh, do I look like Ingrid Bergman now?

Did he whiten my teeth? Clear up my skin? Give me a boob job?

All I know is, he better not have removed my red headscarf, or I will smash out the windows of his Party-leased SUV with my shovel a la bald-headed Britney Spears.

Someone get these bandages off and fetch a hand mirror so I can see what Red did to me! Give me that mirror! GIVE IT TO ME!
 

BWA-HAHAHA! Smash goes the mirror!

Only I think the shovel should have a boy's name. Don't ask me to explain. I'll think about it over a bottle of Putinka.

But I do like its position: Ready, Aim, WHACK!

And it's gold!
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Only I think the shovel should have a boy's name. Don't ask me to explain. I'll think about it over a bottle of Putinka.


Um... uh... it is not my position to question your motives. I suggest the name "Bourn Bourgenjorgen". I dunno why. It is not your position to question my motives.
 

There seems to be some confusion comrades. Most is what has been commented on goes to the positive side of the negative effect. As I recall the words were 'knows no' since there is no knowing what barriers exist they cannot be breached. Since no race is known, it cannot be run? Since no gender is know there can be no confusion of man and woman, and since no age is known there can be no attainment of same and all will remain young at heart forever. This is both good and bad as it furthers the requirements of the State to at some point in time 'know' these things for for no other reason than to subjugate them properly. This is something we can all hope for and when it occurs we will see more change to a positive substance, something like the blob. perhaps.
 

Guardian of Pravda, are you fond of French deconstructionism? And why not? By the time you get to the end of a paragraph, you're asleep.

The same with L. Ron Hubbard. I defy anyone to read a single full page.

And as far as Bruno's Happy Feet in the washroom, the rhythm of him in Carmen Miranda drag with platform shoes makes buffalo stampede.
 

Eeewww... bad mental image. Bad mind! BAD! No more imagining things other than a socialist utopia and your perceived reality!
 

Betty, what do you think it's living with him? And why do you think I'm trying to let Bruno, er, grow on his own?
 

I... don't... know....
 

I'm the last person to want to hold someone back. I so overflowing with the milk of human kindness, like, I'm sure, all the good Party members, that I will do anything for my fellow beyings and appliances.

And so I've been insisting, yes, absolutely insisting that Bruno explore his queenhood to its full capacity, and to that end I've been opening the door for him and insisting that he see the fine West Texas air, and to keep him company and bid him godspeed I've thrown shoes, bowling balls, and even Meow's ex-wife, the pop-tart toaster Helen, who showed up here one night drunk on 220V.
 

Is it smart to let someone like that out? Couldn't there be dangerous consequences?
 

Commissar Theocritus, you do realize that you are the last hope for the Empress? If Texas falls, well, there will be Hillary to pay.
 

Pupovich, I hear that Pennsylvania may go for Our Empress. One can hope. I cannot follow the news too closely, having a delicate digestion.
 

I dare say the Empress has given up Wisconsin.... she sent Bill there to campaign for her.
 

Oddly enough he does have success when he does it one-to-one. Let him work an AARP convention. Lots of blue-hair widows to grope.
 

It sure didn't work in Louisiana. BHO came to woo the voters, Hillary sent Bill. I suspect he "worked the crowds" in New Orleans pretty good though, after all, he has always been one who enjoyed "pressing the flesh."
 

He's always loving having his flesh pressed.
 

Curious Commissar, you have seen the revolution going on here. Are you turning your back on the Empress as well?
 

I will never abandon our MTE--unless there is someone else in power.
 

Commissar Theocritus

I will never abandon our MTE--unless there is someone else in power.

Unless there is someone else in power? REALLY? Hmmm... well... last time I checked - which was about a minute ago after finishing my enema - I saw a large sign on the wall that said I AM THE BOSS! GOT IT?

Until Hillary pulls off a miracle and becomes the nominee of our Party I AM THE BOSS. Oh, and by the way, she won't pull off a miracle because I went on Bloomberg today and made it clear THAT THOSE DELEGATES IN MICHIGAN AND FLORIDA SHOULD NOT BE SEATED. So there.... you are officially supporting Obama, Theocritus - JUST LIKE THE REST OF US!
 

Nancy

you are officially supporting Obama, Theocritus - JUST LIKE THE REST OF US!


*cough* *cough*

Boy, it's sure nice here in Sweden! I think I'll spend the evening skiing and not indulging in bourgeoisie Amerikkkan polotiks.
 

Nancy, while clearly you are in charge now, surely you have heard that Top Clinton Adviser Says Superdelegates Will Decide Election, Obama’s Victories ‘Irrelevant’? Of course, as always, I am behind Hope and Change all the way!
 

Theocritus wrote

Quote:

The same with L. Ron Hubbard. I defy anyone to read a single full page.


Looks like its time for somebody's audit. I sense too many Carbon Thetans infesting his soul. How does somebody expect to get into Climatology Heaven with all those Carbon Thetans? I say about $1M worth of Carbon Credits can get you a "clear audit".

Rev. L. Space Dogged
 

Theocritus mused

Quote:

Pupovich, I hear that Pennsylvania may go for Our Empress. One can hope. I cannot follow the news too closely, having a delicate digestion.


I can assure you The Commonwealth is firmly in the grip of The Common Good™
We Shall Overcome!
 

I went to that Reich-wing organ, FauxNews and found that our Many Titted Empress has detailed Harold Ickes to secure the Superdelagates.

We are assured victory. I have seen Comrade Ickes in action. Once he was in the Everglades and the alligators ran for cover.
 

Empress, I just wish you to know that I have always supported Hope and Change, and is there anyone who represents Hope and Change more than you?
 

Nancy

Commissar Theocritus

I will never abandon our MTE--unless there is someone else in power.

Unless there is someone else in power? REALLY? Hmmm... well... last time I checked - which was about a minute ago after finishing my enema - I saw a large sign on the wall that said I AM THE BOSS! GOT IT?

Until Hillary pulls off a miracle and becomes the nominee of our Party I AM THE BOSS. Oh, and by the way, she won't pull off a miracle because I went on Bloomberg today and made it clear THAT THOSE DELEGATES IN MICHIGAN AND FLORIDA SHOULD NOT BE SEATED. So there.... you are officially supporting Obama, Theocritus - JUST LIKE THE REST OF US!

SHUT UP you drunk, aging, heifer!!!

You never did a damned thing to help our MTE win a single primary!!! Except pay her lip service (and I mean that literally) at Theo's ranch. And that won't do it.

BOSS? YOU? I got your boss. My size 10 steel toed boots are your boss. Now sober up and get your flabby arse back to work destroying this country!!!

.... *mumble* *mumble* worthless lush.

--
ZB
 

Zampolit, let's have some mercy on Nansky. When His Infernal Majesty the Ickesaurus has elevated Our Many Titted Empress onto the throne of Perpetual Power, built on the Bones of the People, Nansky will become our Empress' Groom of the Stool. In other words, she will clean the behind of Our Empress after her hour-long defecations. And considering the real estate and the stippling, she'll need a power-washer.
 

Theo,

That would be an excellent job for Nancsky! But for the time being, she has not accomplished one single task as Speaker of the House that we have assigned to her!!! The troops are still are still in Iraq, Al Qaeda has not attacked us again, the Iranians still have not got a nuclear tipped ICBM working yet. What the hell is wrong with her? I'll tell you what is wrong with her. She's a drunk-ass weak liberal!!! It's like she is trying to compete with Comrade Teddy K. instead of weakening this country like she was appointed to do by The Party™ .

--
ZB
 

Commissar Theocritus

Zampolit, let's have some mercy on Nansky. When His Infernal Majesty the Ickesaurus has elevated Our Many Titted Empress onto the throne of Perpetual Power, built on the Bones of the People, Nansky will become our Empress' Groom of the Stool. In other words, she will clean the behind of Our Empress after her hour-long defecations. And considering the real estate and the stippling, she'll need a power-washer.

Think on this Commissar, regardless of what happens in November, Nancy will still be in power. If the Empress wins, then she and Nancy will be inseperable, other than when the Empress' new squeeze is around. If another wins, Nancy's power will be even greater.
 

Commissar Pupovich

If another wins, Nancy's power will be even greater.


OH DEAR LENIN, NO!

She's too stoopid and too drunk to have any sense to use it correctly.

--
ZB
 

I am not that far away from you, Zam. You do know that, don't you? You do know NOVA is but a stones throw away from my palatial D.C townhouse. You are aware of this, right? Hmm? Did you know that? Oh... you did? Really? THEN SHUT THE HELL UP, PEON! I AM THE BOSS! GET IT?!

Zam, dear, you fail to realize that regardless of who wins this show-election that I-- SPEAKER PELOSI-- am the third in line to ascend to the crown majestical. You also fail to realize that I am the face and power of the Party. You also fail to realize that I am the most powerful womyn in the U.S and will remain so if Hillary fails to snatch the nom from BHO.

I wear the pantsuit around here and don't you ever forget it!
 

Listen up and listen good, Nacsky!!! There is NO WAY IN HELL you are the BOSS over me!!!! That vacuous cavity between your ears has no where near the neural fire power needed to do that job. Hell ... you can't even do the job The Party™ has assigned to you!!!

I know where you live. I can bring a couple of my friends, Mr. Heckler and Mr. Koch, over to your D.C. whorehouse and we can play a little game of "Hide the Jacketed Hollow Point" with you. Don't threaten me lushbag!!! I survived Stalin, Khrushchev, that oaf Brezhnev, and 25 years with a psycho ex-wife who would scream "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" repeatedly at o'dark thirty in the morning at me. So understand this .... You don't scare me!!!

Why don't you do what The Inner Circle™ ordered you to do? Are the troops out of Iraq so that it can turn into the middle east version of medieval Romania? NO! Has Bu$hitler been impeached yet? NO! Has Al Qaeda attacked U.S. soil? NO! Is the Venezuelan Navy's aircraft carriers parked off of our coast? NO! Does The Venezuelan Navy HAVE aircraft carriers? NOOOOO!!!! Does Iran have a nuclear warhead and an ICBM to deploy it with? NO! Sounds to me like you got a whole lot of catching up to do!!!!

Speaker of the House, my ass!!! All you've managed to accomplish in that role is to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide. You have a NATION to DESTROY, Missy!!!! GET TO IT!!!!!

And one more thing ...

I wear the steel toed Jack Boots around here and don't you ever forget that!!!

Now ... Bugger off you old fart!!!

--
Blokhayev
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

I know where you live. I can bring a couple of my friends, Mr. Heckler and Mr. Koch, over to your
Blokhayev

Comrade Blokhayev, you have made a most convincing case that Nancy is indead a traitor and an Enemy of the People. But I have to ask: why just shoot her? Why not torture her a little first and make her tell all her secrets? That's the Party Way™! I will help you!

After we have tortured her we can have a bottle or two of vodka and then execute her in the basement.

We can bring Pinkie with us. She can entertain us with song and belly dancing.