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Jihadis view porn for the articles

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[img]/images/Porn_Jihad_Playboy_Articles.jpg[/img]

Having read Phyllis Chesler's article in today's New York Post, titled "Why are jihadis so obsessed with porn?" we decided to give voice to the other side, by interviewing Rabid Habibi, a self-described jihad addict, whom we found browsing the magazine rack at the local adult novelty shop, Sex Toys'R'Us.

Cube: Mr. Habibi, we at the People's Cube are dedicated to airing diverse opinions for the sake of fairness. You must be familiar with this concept from reading articles in these magazines behind you.

Rabid Habibi: Yes, I read them for the articles.

Cube: Of course. How do you respond to the allegation that according to NSA documents made public by Edward Snowden, countless "radicals" have called for jihad by day but watched porn by night?

Rabid Habibi: Like you said, they viewed it for the articles.

Cube: I can see that. Still, how do you explain that with all this obsession with porn, most Muslims surveyed by Gallup say they disapprove of porn and castigate the West for producing it?

Rabid Habibi: What do you mean, "most"? All Muslims disapprove of porn! Otherwise they are apostates and must be beheaded.

Cube: Right. Then what are you doing here with the porn magazines?

Rabid Habibi: Like you said, I read them for the articles.

Cube: But the Navy SEALs who killed Osama bin Laden also found a big stash of modern porn in his possession. How do you explain that?

Rabid Habibi: That's easy. He read them for the articles.

Cube: But the 9/11 jihadists also visited strip clubs, requested lap dances, and paid for prostitutes in their motel rooms in Boston, Las Vegas and Florida. And so did the "holy man" imam Anwar Al-Awlaki, who had mentored some of them and other would-be jihadis. The story says he ate a lot of pizza and visited a lot of prostitutes.

Rabid Habibi: So what? I also buy a lot of pizza and visit prostitutes. We read these magazines, eat pizza, and discuss the articles.

Cube: The story also says that police raids of terrorist cells in Britain, Italy and Spain have yielded countless images of hard-core child pornography.

Rabid Habibi: Yes, children are a blessing. We must reach their souls before they reach puberty.

Cube: It also says that jihadis often embed secret coded messages into shared pornography and onto pedophile websites. And German police has found more than 100 al Qaeda documents concerning terrorist plots embedded within a porn video hidden in a suspect's underwear.

Rabid Habibi: This only proves they view it for the articles.

Cube: How do you respond to London Mayor Boris Johnson's description of jihadis as "porn driven losers" who have "low self-esteem and are unsuccessful with women"?

Rabid Habibi: Now, that's stupid. How can he say that a man who owns several wives and sex slaves is unsuccessful with women? I call it very successful! It's the London Mayor who has low self-esteem because he doesn't own several wives and sex slaves. I call it a "sore loser." He's jealous of other people's success and wants to deny this opportunity to others.

Cube: Speaking of which, the story also says ISIS fighters are buying frilly underwear for their wives and sex slaves - and subjecting them to abnormal and sadistic sexual practices. Could they have learned this perversity from viewing porn?

Rabid Habibi: One man's "abnormal" is another man's misunderstood cultural tradition. ISIS is only trying to build an ideal society as envisioned by Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him), so who are you to call it perverse and abnormal? I find such talk extremely offensive. I bet you're one of those extremists Obama is talking about.

Cube: I'm not, but I see how you can get confused, since Obama never defines who the extremists are or what motivates them - jihad or maybe collecting stamps. By the way, the article also suggests we stop calling jihadis "Islamic terrorists" and rather describe them as "porn hounds." Would you find that less offensive?

Rabid Habibi: Now, that's a step in the right direction. Nobody sends drones against porn addicts. One man's porno flick is another man's documentary about his future life in paradise with pizza and prostitutes. Maybe Obama will give us money for treatment and tell his troops in Iraq to build clinics for porn addicts.

Cube: That's not what The New York Post means. Have you read that article?

Rabid Habibi: Not really. I find The New York Post articles abnormal. I'm very particular about what articles I read.

Cube: Thank you, and good luck with your article-driven endeavors.

mi
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Another good reason to study pornography is to better stuck one's rectum with, ahem, explosives. And have fun doing it...

[img]/images/various_uploads/Butt_Bomb_Video_300.jpg[/img]

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Some say Christian culture is losing the war. It's all about marketing.
afterlife.jpg

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mi wrote:Another good reason to study pornography is to better stuck one's rectum with, ahem, explosives. And have fun doing it...

[img]/images/various_uploads/Butt_Bomb_Video_300.jpg[/img]
Meanwhile in the
Land of ISIS paradise..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... S0GgkE0Y7c


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We received the following update from our reader, Comrade Bobovich -

State Department insiders suggested the problem of youth unemployment in Muslim countries could be lessened if only more of the homes of the militants' parents had basements in which they could live. They noted that the prevalence of basements in U.S. homes has been crucial in helping jobless young Americans cope with the lack of employment opportunities.

They said the highly nuanced plan to dig basements is certainly "shovel ready," though they acknowledged that it is uncertain how basements can be provided in cases where the parents still live in tents.

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Red Square wrote:We received the following update from our reader, Comrade Bobovich -

State Department insiders suggested the problem of youth unemployment in Muslim countries could be lessened if only more of the homes of the militants' parents had basements in which they could live. They noted that the prevalence of basements in U.S. homes has been crucial in helping jobless young Americans cope with the lack of employment opportunities.

They said the highly nuanced plan to dig basements is certainly "shovel ready," though they acknowledged that it is uncertain how basements can be provided in cases where the parents still live in tents.
There are many very lovely basements available in complexes running under the border between Gaza and Israel. They are fully equipped with generators, relief facilities, Wi-Fi, armaments, and ammunition stockpiles. Oh, and porn, I suppose. And what is even better is that there are many shovel-ready jobs available for those who wish to extended these basement complexes.

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ISIS on SISI.jpg
By the same token, many Jihadis in ISIS also enjoy the SISI (Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue) for the fashion-forward bikinis available to the members of their harems to wear to the beach (under their burqas of course).

Still others, wishing to ram the point home, insist that they like to read Playboy for the very same reason they read Sheep Magazine: The ARTICLES.

Muslims for Sheep.jpg


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Konservative_Punk wrote:
ISIS on SISI.jpg
By the same token, many Jihadis in ISIS also enjoy the SISI (Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue) for the fashion-forward bikinis available to the members of their harems to wear to the beach (under their burqas of course).

Still others, wishing to ram the point home, insist that they like to read Playboy for the very same reason they read Sheep Magazine: The ARTICLES.

Muslims for Sheep.jpg
Yeah, took the words right outta my mouth, Comrade K. Let me see if I can produce photos of this most excellent idea. Actually, I don't think I have it in me. Still. Good idea!

I'm talkin' 'bout sheep porn. Let someone else have at it! Or goats, if you prefer.

'Scuse me, gotta go barf.

I do know they really get off on chopping humans up. Men, women, children. It's a free-for all for them. Chopping=Orgasm. Nice, huh?

With a nice Chianti.


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Comrade Craptek, That is sooooo wrong!!!!

Not even Miley Cyrus would wear an outfit like that.

Please, try to be realistic.

Then again, I'm reminded of your association with comrade Putout so maybe it's merely projection.

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Comrade Craptek, That is sooooo wrong!!!!

Not even Miley Cyrus would wear an outfit like that.

Please, try to be realistic.

Then again, I'm reminded of your association with comrade Putout so maybe it's merely projection.

What? Ahhhhhhh....you think maybe the socks are too conservative? I can get her a nice pair of compression knee socks - helps keep the blood circ...never mind... By the way, did you ever have a pouch installed like we discussed months ago? If so, you might consider dropping by later,...I could use some help with a load of beet greens.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Comrade Craptek, That is sooooo wrong!!!!

Not even Miley Cyrus would wear an outfit like that.

Please, try to be realistic.

Then again, I'm reminded of your association with comrade Putout so maybe it's merely projection.

What? Ahhhhhhh....you think maybe the socks are too conservative? I can get her a nice pair of compression knee socks - helps keep the blood circ...never mind... By the way, did you ever have a pouch installed like we discussed months ago? If so, you might consider dropping by later,...I could use some help with a load of beet greens.

Comrade, it's not the socks. Normally, I would consider socks, alone, to be enough. There is just something about a green and blue mini-burka that screams "FASHION DISASTER" and the rainbow socks cannot mitigate the aesthetic nightmares I'm sure to experience.

As for the gender re-alignment surgery, that needed to be postponed due to the fact that I was falsely accused of rebelling against Deer Leader's economic recovery and had my Obamacare privileges revoked until I could prove I was either completely incapable of beet field duties or dedicating all of my waking and sleeping hours to ensuring that Next Tuesday™ would arrive before I knew it. Apparently, I've not yet been successful in convincing the Servants of The People™ that when Next Tuesday™ does arrive, I'll be completely oblivious.

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It's the white fluffy fringe around the hemline,...isn't it? Go ahead,...admit it! <sniff...> Now you've hurt my feelings! I hope you're happy, you,...you...beast!

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Who knew Fatima was hiding such great legs under her burqa?
I applaud your unconventional fashion-sense Captain Craptek. Haters gonna hate.

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Konservative_Punk wrote:Who knew Fatima was hiding such great legs under her burqa?
I applaud your unconventional fashion-sense Captain Craptek. Haters gonna hate.

Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Konservative_Punk wrote:Who knew Fatima was hiding such great legs under her burqa?
I applaud your unconventional fashion-sense Captain Craptek. Haters gonna hate.

Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!
Speaking of feeding overgrown mice...While pondering The Party™'s new alliance with The Religion of Peace™, it occurred to me that outlawing our female counterparts from partaking in the operation of vehicles will result in fewer vehicles on the roads. This in turn, will result in less wear on our infrastructure, and the preservation of our environment. The latter not only in reduced use of fossil fuels, but also in less roadkill. As a friend to all of our furry friends (with the exception of bovine, swine, and beavers of course), I cringe when I see a bloody ball of fur by the side of the road. Any reduction in these sightings is a worthwhile endeavor, regardless of the cost to our selfish economic concerns. This should make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially those of us who are also fuzzy on the outside.

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After all of these responses, I conclude one thing. It's very simple. Jihadis view porn for the porn. That's the jihadi way! Let's get real!

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Konservative_Punk wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:
Konservative_Punk wrote:Who knew Fatima was hiding such great legs under her burqa?
I applaud your unconventional fashion-sense Captain Craptek. Haters gonna hate.

Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!
Speaking of feeding overgrown mice...While pondering The Party™'s new alliance with The Religion of Peace™, it occurred to me that outlawing our female counterparts from partaking in the operation of vehicles will result in fewer vehicles on the roads. This in turn, will result in less wear on our infrastructure, and the preservation of our environment. The latter not only in reduced use of fossil fuels, but also in less roadkill. As a friend to all of our furry friends (with the exception of bovine, swine, and beavers of course), I cringe when I see a bloody ball of fur by the side of the road. Any reduction in these sightings is a worthwhile endeavor, regardless of the cost to our selfish economic concerns. This should make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially those of us who are also fuzzy on the outside.

Comrade Punk - I approve! You are now my oldest and newest best friend.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Konservative_Punk wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:
Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!
Speaking of feeding overgrown mice...While pondering The Party™'s new alliance with The Religion of Peace™, it occurred to me that outlawing our female counterparts from partaking in the operation of vehicles will result in fewer vehicles on the roads. This in turn, will result in less wear on our infrastructure, and the preservation of our environment. The latter not only in reduced use of fossil fuels, but also in less roadkill. As a friend to all of our furry friends (with the exception of bovine, swine, and beavers of course), I cringe when I see a bloody ball of fur by the side of the road. Any reduction in these sightings is a worthwhile endeavor, regardless of the cost to our selfish economic concerns. This should make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially those of us who are also fuzzy on the outside.

Comrade Punk - I approve! You are now my oldest and newest best friend.
Thank you for awarding me with this honorable distinction, however I am not quite sure how to take it... Especially from one who is notorious for surrounding himself with various types of nuts.

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Captain Craptek wrote:It's the white fluffy fringe around the hemline,...isn't it? Go ahead,...admit it! <sniff...> Now you've hurt my feelings! I hope you're happy, you,...you...beast!

Comrade, perhaps it's the model. You may have more luck selling the mini-burka if you use a model who doesn't resemble Helen Thomas.

Perhaps one of the Obama sisters would be more effective. That way, this clash of cultures need not be a clash of fashion.

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:It's the white fluffy fringe around the hemline,...isn't it? Go ahead,...admit it! <sniff...> Now you've hurt my feelings! I hope you're happy, you,...you...beast!

Comrade, perhaps it's the model. You may have more luck selling the mini-burka if you use a model who doesn't resemble Helen Thomas.

Perhaps one of the Obama sisters would be more effective. That way, this clash of cultures need not be a clash of fashion.

Pleasant dreams, Comrade K...

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I'm sure she has a lovely singing voice.........

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Many years ago I met Helen's sister at a wedding and afterward remarked to a friend that she was the ugliest woman I'd ever seen. Later that year I met Helen herself at symposium and later had to tell my friend I withdrew the previous remark.

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I'm sure she has a lovely singing voice.........
And is a very nice person.

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Pamalinsky wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I'm sure she has a lovely singing voice.........
And is a very nice person.
With a great sense of humor.

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RedDiaperette wrote:
Pamalinsky wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I'm sure she has a lovely singing voice.........
And is a very nice person.
With a great sense of humor.

And always very thoughtful.



 
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