Hotel USSR: a new book by Oleg Atbashian

I'm happy to report that I've just published my second book, Hotel USSR. It's a story of а young man coming of age in a totalitarian state. He wants to be an artist but he isn't authorized to buy paints. He wants to see the world but the authorities brand him as politically unreliable. He wants to get married but the system separates him from his bride. He listens to Hotel California and wishes he had their problems: he himself is stuck in a real-life trap that he "can never leave," and he calls it Hotel USSR. To check out, he must break every rule in the book.

This young man is me and this is my real life story. People have often asked me what growing up in the USSR felt like. This book is my answer. It's illustrated with my own drawings and paintings, which I did in my twenties before I quit drawing. The reason for quitting is in there as well.

In addition to it being humorous and entertaining, I hope this story can be an eye-opener for younger people who may naively believe in the false promise of socialism. Rather than debating Marxism directly, I demonstrate how it fails in practice and what absurdities ensue when the entire state lives in denial of its failures, forcing people not to trust their own eyes. The book describes socialism as an attempt to regulate human existence in cumbersome ways that defy human nature, leaving no doubt that to build "real socialism that works" is no more possible than to build a house based on an optical illusion.

I hope you enjoy my story and help me to spread the word. Amazon allows a short preview - please rate it and leave a comment:

• Hotel USSR - Kindle eBook
• Hotel USSR - Paperback (black & white pictures, cheaper)
• Hotel USSR - Full color paperback (expensive due to color print, but will make a beautiful gift)

Art from this book can also be found in Oleg's Art Gallery. Prints on demand at RedBubble.com.



Book description on Amazon:

As a child, he was promised abundance and freedom in a communist paradise. In that bright future, he dreams of being an artist. But as he grows up, he discovers that his dream is based on a fraud and that his country is really a dictatorship governed by bullies, liars, and thieves. He and the girl he loves find themselves trapped in a labyrinth of a dysfunctional utopia they call "Hotel USSR," where every aspect of life is regulated by improbable rules that override human nature. To live their dream, they decide to break the law. This takes him on a series of tragicomical adventures that feel like acts in the theater of the absurd: a worker in Siberian oil fields, an army conscript, an inmate at a forensic psychiatry facility, a visual propaganda artist, a Soviet dissident, and an immigrant to America. And everywhere he goes he draws pictures…


UPDATE(10.23.2018)

A new web page to order copies on Amazon, and signed books by the author:

https://atbashian.com/hotel-ussr/

Redesigned personal website: https://atbashian.com

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As this will be on the mandatory reading list published next Tuesday, the state should be purchasing and distributing them, but to save time I've ordered one (using redistributed ill-gotten gains from other people's money).

Viva Red Square! (Can't wait to see the book!)
 

Thank you, Ivan! So now you know why I've been absent at the regular Party meetings behind Tractor Barn #2 all summer.

And here's one of the rejected book covers...


 

Red Square

And here's one of the rejected book covers...

/images/various_uploads/Book_Cover_Damaged_Goods.jpg

Such a, um… handsome woman. I denounce your publishers for such blatant body shaming and misogyny.
 

NOTE:

I notice Comrade "Ludwig" <Ahem...> has written a review of Hotel USSR at Amazon - hmm,.. and Comrade Ludwig's writing style seems strangely familiar... now where have I... oh, well... if Dumm Ludwig liked the book it must be red read worth reading.

CC
 

Red Square

And here's one of the rejected book covers...



Ah, the titular character Mother Russia!

What are the chances of getting an inscribed dead-tree version if we don't go through Amazoninov?

And "LOVE THE MARCH! CELEBRATION"? That has so many possible interpretations depending on where you draw the boundaries of verbs and adjectives.

- SK
 

 

What is meant by "I love the March holiday"? Я не понимаю.
 

I have stolen ordered 2 copies for distribute thought korrektion to my many subjects friends.Looking forward to this next installment of truth.
 

Hopefully after purchasing my own State approved copy, I will also be receiving an extra ration of beets...
 

 

Komissar al-Blogunov

What is meant by "I love the March holiday"? Я не понимаю.
You're missing the "8" in the phrase. It says, "I love the 8th of March holiday" - which as you may recall is International Women's Day. In the Motherland, it's a big holiday most commonly referred to as "the 8th of March." And now this celebration is being transplanted by the progs to the US and elsewhere, given its communist origins.
 

International Women's Day? Don't we have problems enough?
 

Red Square

Komissar al-Blogunov

What is meant by "I love the March holiday"? Я не понимаю.
You're missing the "8" in the phrase. It says, "I love the 8th of March holiday" - which as you may recall is International Women's Day. In the Motherland, it's a big holiday most commonly referred to as "the 8th of March." And now this celebration is being transplanted by the progs to the US and elsewhere, given its communist origins.

That was an "8"? The back edge of that numeral looked pretty straight, making it look like a "ve" (which my pidgin Russian translated as in my post above). Actually, it's pretty amazing that any piece of any tattoo can look straight on that Cyrillic beauty!

- SK
 

Red Square

Thank you, Ivan! So now you know why I've been absent at the regular Party meetings behind Tractor Barn #2 all summer...

You? Absent? Why nobody has even noticed, as everything has been running so smoothly around here.

We'll, there was that series of one meeting where I observed some jerk was whining that it was your turn to buy the next round... no problem at all, Boss;

we keep your ration card number on file for when we're running low emergencies.
 

Oleg: I would like to buy your book, but I'm wondering if there is a source other than amazon. If not, I'll get it on amazon. BTW, I checked out the link to your artwork. My wife is an artist and I can't wait to show her your amazing images when she gets back from the store. Good stuff.
 

Dear Leader, I ordered a copy for review by the Eurocracy.

I hope the book contains stories of your humble upbringing among the Cherookee tribes of Siberia!
 

Red Square

Komissar al-Blogunov

What is meant by "I love the March holiday"? Я не понимаю.
You're missing the "8" in the phrase. It says, "I love the 8th of March holiday" - which as you may recall is International Women's Day. In the Motherland, it's a big holiday most commonly referred to as "the 8th of March." And now this celebration is being transplanted by the progs to the US and elsewhere, given its communist origins.

 

Many thanks comrade director for making my bourgeois Xmas shopping holiday gift redistribution less stressful. And I'll resist the urge to speculate that the reason the original cover was rejected was due to Pinkie's demand for an unequal share of royalties.
 

I just ordered the color version of the book. My wife, the artist, insisted after spending the morning looking at your great paintings. I'm looking forward to reading it . . . .soon!
 

One might pretend that if there were a coffee table in the imaginary lounge of the bunker that does not exist, that upon said table one might find an advanced copy of this book for the early review by Kommissar/Kommisarka that might have access to such a place were it to be real.

Yep. That would be nice. I wonder how the chow hall will be fixing tonight's beets...anybody heard anything about that?
 

.
Congrats Red Square on your new book and to Ivan who seems to have women all over the place who seem to be ALL over the place!!
(I think she might have been an A cup when she got one of those tattoos!)
.

 

OMG! Where do I sign? Can't wait to read it! I'm off to Amazon! See ya!
 

Tracking number says it might deliver today! It's almost like back in the good old days..


 

Comrade Ivan,
I have to wait a week for mine but your video describes my excitement perfectly! I get to feel this way for a whole week! Love it!
 

Comrade Whoopie

Many thanks comrade director for making my bourgeois Xmas shopping holiday gift redistribution less stressful. And I'll resist the urge to speculate that the reason the original cover was rejected was due to Pinkie's demand for an unequal share of royalties.Very astute observation, Comrade Whoopie, and funny. Cold, but funny. I'm sure Pinkie will find it most amusing. Good luck!
 

Just perused Red Square's Art Gallery. It's STUNNING! I'm going to order at least two of his prints, if not another for my guest bedroom, in addition to one of his self-portraits which will be included in our gallery of friends and family. Thing is, I'm not used to so many choices of things I love. But, I'll do my best to get over it. As of now, I have so many saved and Grabbed images I like, it's gonna be very difficult. But, I know any choice is the right choice. So, I'm good!
 

Comrade Putout

.
Congrats Red Square on your new book and to Ivan who seems to have women all over the place who seem to be ALL over the place!!
(I think she might have been an A cup when she got one of those tattoos!)
.

Well, Comrade Putout,I know I did! I used to be a little "A" cuppy pie until I entered post-puberty. After that I had to ask myself, "Where were they when I needed them the most?" Thing is, they are most useful now. (not) No one can believe I have such great boobs at my age, and neither can I. Thing is, it doesn't matter now. My hubby loves me just the way I am, and I, him. He actually loves me warts and all, and that includes oversized boobs.
 

Pamalinsky

and that includes oversized boobs.



Whaaaat?

You're making that up! There's no such thing...
 

Komrade Direcktor,

Many congratulatories on your new book!

Since money is of no necessity in the kollective, as all our needs are generously (eyeroll) supplied by the kollective, how many units of beet vodka do you think Jeff Bezos will want in exchange for one of your new novels?

CIZ
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Tracking number says it might deliver today! It's almost like back in the good old days..




Well I have never talked to such rude people in my life! One of stinkin' KKKapitalist Bezos' minion distribution order takers wouldn't even accept my blat offer of many gallons of this years beet vodka harvest (grrrrrrrrrrr).....so I had to use KKKapitalist One-Click Buy.

Tracking says something due any day I will know right away as soon as it shows.......



 

As the sun rises in the LEFT, I am reading a new book without pages removed, marginal annotations, conceptualized sketches of oversized boobs (whatever they are) or graphic doodles of squirrel genitals...

Today I am among the "haves", and I like it. I'll jiffy-lobo when I'm done with the book.
 

Thanks to everyone who has bought the book, and please let me know what you liked about it and what you didn't like.

And - THIS IS IMPORTANT - don't forget to rate the book and post a review on Amazon - even if it's just one paragraph! You can rate/review any of the versions, they all share the same content.

Extra beets for doing it on Goodreads as well - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42357519-hotel-ussr
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Pamalinsky

and that includes oversized boobs.

Whaaaat?

You're making that up! There's no such thing...

Whaaaat?

I'm BUSTED!
 

I'm pretty sure this will require a further inquiry. Posting falsehoods and unsourced statements of fake news is not acceptable. The Kommisars may need proof...
 

Pamalinsky

No one can believe I have such great boobs at my age, and neither can I. He actually loves me warts and all, and that includes oversized boobs.

Good Lenin, Comrade! You've set all of the male-identifying comrades' hearts aflutter with such talk! Besides, as Comrade Ivan says, there's no such thing!

We have decided to make you the official mascot of the OKB-1 design bureau.




 

Chief Designer

Pamalinsky

No one can believe I have such great boobs at my age, and neither can I. He actually loves me warts and all, and that includes oversized boobs.

Good Lenin, Comrade! You've set all of the male-identifying comrades' hearts aflutter with such talk! Besides, as Comrade Ivan says, there's no such thing!

We have decided to make you the official mascot of the OKB-1 design bureau.Wow! That is so awesome! OKB-1, is that some sort of bomber? You must be brilliant engineers.
Thank you so much for the fabulous costume! I am most appreciative of the “secret” inflater buttons on the left boob as well as the one on the belt in case of an emergency. The hydraulic one I have been using has become a bit cumbersome. Whew! What a relief. Also, I want to thank you for retrieving my beloved toe shoes from the Bolshoi. They fired me when my boobs got too big. (That’s a no-no for ballet dancers.)

With my mostest utmost humility, I feel “pressured” to point out that you guys are easily amused.

I am truly honored. Looks like I snagged the magic ring!

Pamsky
 

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Comrade Putout

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Here's your "proof" Comrade Ivan! You devil you! Thanks to my loyal BFF Comrade Putout! She always has my back! She exposes you for what you are, a voyeur. In other words: You "voy" (that's a French verb for "look" and "yuer" (French noun for "her private parts")

Now tell me whose "busted?"
 

Meanwhile, back on topic, with names changed to protect the innocent, page 10...

"The heroic stern faces in the paintings were being recycled from the portraits of distinguished milkmaids and award-winning tractor mechanics..."
It's pure poetry!
 

Pamalinsky

Chief Designer

We have decided to make you the official mascot of the OKB-1 design bureau.
Wow! That is so awesome! OKB-1, is that some sort of bomber?
From our fellow-traveler Wikipedia: "OKB is a transliteration of the Russian initials of "Опытное конструкторское бюро" – Opytnoye Konstruktorskoye Buro, meaning Experimental Design Bureau. During the Soviet era, OKBs were closed institutions working on design and prototyping of advanced technology, usually for military applications."

OKB-1 was mine (I am, after all, the chief designer) until I died. The Party, in all of its infinite wisdom, turned it over to my rival, Glusko, which then lead directly to the collapse of the country. Today it's called "Space Launch Systems Energia" and builds all of those Soyuz rockets you see visiting the International Space Station (which is the only way to get there since the Americanskis foolishly retired their space shuttle).

Pamalinsky

You must be brilliant engineers.
We do what we can.

Pamalinsky

I am most appreciative of the “secret” inflater buttons on the left boob as well as the one on the belt in case of an emergency. The hydraulic one I have been using has become a bit cumbersome. Whew! What a relief. Also, I want to thank you for retrieving my beloved toe shoes from the Bolshoi. They fired me when my boobs got too big. (That’s a no-no for ballet dancers.)
You're doing it again!

Pamalinsky

With my mostest utmost humility, I feel “pressured” to point out that you guys are easily amused.

You say that like it's a bad thing...

- SK
 

Captain Craptek

... I notice Comrade "Ludwig" <Ahem...> has written a review of Hotel USSR at Amazon ...
strange...

That "Ludwig" even APPENDED a road sign pointing The People's Cube, for [his words] "newbies".
(hah-hah, can't wait to see "Ludwig's" newbies arriving here, only to be put on Ivan's ration cards regime plus Commisarka Pinkie's treatments!)

P.S. And why didn't that dummkopf provide explicit links in his "APPENDIX", ah?
(I bet, he bowed to Bezos' rule: "no extern links, only Amazon-links allowed"*)

* justified, of course (Amazon, for sure, counts dozens of external cyberattackery daily).
 

Pamalinsky

Very astute observation, Comrade Whoopie, and funny. Cold, but funny. I'm sure Pinkie will find it most amusing. Good luck!

I'm ready for Pinkie and her damn shovel..
 

Genosse Dummkopf

Captain Craptek

... I notice Comrade "Ludwig" <Ahem...> has written a review of Hotel USSR at Amazon ...
strange...

That "Ludwig" even APPENDED a road sign pointing The People's Cube, for [his words] "newbies".
(hah-hah, can't wait to see "Ludwig's" newbies arriving here, only to be put on Ivan's ration cards regime plus Commisarka Pinkie's treatments!)

P.S. And why didn't that dummkopf provide explicit links in his "APPENDIX", ah?
(I bet, he bowed to Bezos' rule: "no extern links, only Amazon-links allowed"*)

* justified, of course (Amazon, for sure, counts dozens of external cyberattackery daily).

A suspicious rodent might speculate that Ludwig & Oleg were involved in one of those sordid capitalist collusion stories we hear about on CNN (squeezed between commercials)... but, now I'm speculating - still...
 

Red Square

And here's one of the rejected book covers...

Chief Designer

... And "LOVE THE MARCH! CELEBRATION"? ...

Komissar al-Blogunov

What is meant by "I love the March holiday"? Я не понимаю.

... and Komrade Director, detangling the Cyrillico-Arithmetic conundrum,

You're missing the "8" in the phrase ...
By Marx, #MeToo!

At the first glance*, and then once again, read: ЛЮБЛЮ В МАРТА!
While my internal translator murmured: nu, makes no sense at all, pa Russki.

But then ПРАЗДНИ.. - huh, 8 МАРТА! of course, 8 МАРТА! (I) LOVE MARCH 8! - says cutie.
(March 8? March 8?? newbie (if any), reeducate!)


* I mean, at the first script-devoted glance.
The glances before - nay, an extensive sequence of slow-soft panning/tracking and pointed zoom-ins/zoom-outs it was - they were more, like, shape-n-glory-devoted. Accompanied by hapto-olfactoric and the like sensations, which beamed through the timeless ether of reverence for the invincible beauty of feminae.

("sensations"? nyet nyet, nope, I don't "take" any "stuff"; beets, shovelling, breathe in, breathe out - that's it. (plus said reverence, o yep!))
 

Just when you thought his head couldn't get any bigger... Ivan the Stakhanovets

Meanwhile, back on topic, with names changed to protect the innocent, page 10...

"The heroic stern faces in the paintings were being recycled from the portraits of distinguished milkmaids and award-winning tractor mechanics..."
It's pure poetry!
.
It is pure poetry, Ivan... and guess who the milkmaid is?!
(...it was also a little 'nipplee' outside!)
.

 

Comrade Putout

Just when you thought his head couldn't get any bigger... Ivan the Stakhanovets said ...
While talking this - Ivan, heroic milkmaids, and award-winning [F-gendered] tractor mechanics -, remember Ivan salivating (and Craptek seconding!) at - his words - "tractor porn"?
 

.
...and then there were two milkmaids!
.

 

Oversized? pffft.

I denounce self-inflated puffed-up false advertising...
 

Red Square

... one of the rejected book covers ...

 

Red Square

Thanks to everyone who has bought the book, and please let me know what you liked about it and what you didn't like.

And - THIS IS IMPORTANT - don't forget to rate the book and post a review on Amazon - even if it's just one paragraph! You can rate/review any of the versions, they all share the same content.

Extra beets for doing it on Goodreads as well - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42357519-hotel-ussrConsider it done!
 

Comrade Whoopie

Pamalinsky

Very astute observation, Comrade Whoopie, and funny. Cold, but funny. I'm sure Pinkie will find it most amusing. Good luck!
Pinkie Proof Helmet.jpgI'm ready for Pinkie and her damn shovel..I know your are ready sir, and I respect your decision! Good luck!
 

Captain Craptek

. . . .speculating - still...
huh!
evidence amasses!
abracadabra muellerized soon!

See this gem:
Comrade Ludwig (who may or may not be an agent of Oleg A.) foxily slipped the term psikhushka into his review.

Now, there is an extended psikhushka episode in Oleg's book (from "Gomer" Chekhov to "Sgt. Hartman" to Forensic Psychiatry).
Yet psikhushka - the term - does not appear in the book, comrade Kindle Text Search confirms.

Well, well, well...

Switch to comrade Kube Illegal Search (always stands at attention in Kube's glorious header, da?).
You put psikhushka in the Illegal Search Hole, and bark: idi idi, ishchi!

By Stalin's trubka, what does comrade Search retrieve?
huh!
Just three (multi-)occurences of psikhushka (plus some links to that troika), that's it.
Let's see - chronologically, oldest first:
1. Fight against Climate jammed! Return of Psikhushka needed?
2. Soviet-style abuse of psychiatry is now practiced in the US
3. The triumphant goose-step of AI into governance .

Number-2, shovelling deep into the matter, is by Komrade Director.

Remain Number-1 and -3.
Here, Tom Lehrer provides a paraphase to dot the i's and cross the t's :

And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
no, not Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky, but ...
Genosse Dummkopf is his name!
Oy!

Komrades, ask yourself this simple question:
Which agent would leave such blatant fingerprints, all along the path Kube - Amazon - Kube??? Must have been a real dummkopf, no?
 

Red Square

Thank you, Ivan! So now you know why I've been absent at the regular Party meetings behind Tractor Barn #2 all summer.

And here's one of the rejected book covers...



 

UPDATE(10.23.2018)

I have received several requests for signed copies, so I went ahead and created a page where comrades can order them, along with the straight Amazon copies.

https://atbashian.com/hotel-ussr/

And that led to updating my personal website with new design and info: https://atbashian.com

This is what the order page looks like:

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Esteemed Komrads, I have succumb to the pull of filthy capitalism and have purchased, selfishly, a copy of this tome of reeducation for my edification.

Long Live the USSA's favorite son.

Don't stop the Blue wave and vote DemonKrate if you are not already signed up for automatic voting, as I will be counting your vote.
 

Red Square

UPDATE(10.23.2018)

I have received several requests for signed copies, so I went ahead and created a page where comrades can order them, along with the straight Amazon copies.


I have complied with the orders from my most equal superior and have caused to be entered into the State Commerce System such a request. In fact, I have already received notice that it is currently winging its way hither. That was so fast that I did not have a chance to beg for a customized inscription!

Muchos spasibos, comrade director.

- SK
 

I've never read a "page turner" book before. But I simply couldn't put this book down. It weaves an incredible tapestry of anecdotes. Most of us are very ignorant about actual real life in the former Soviet Union. By the time you get done with Oleg's book you have a very detailed image of day to day life in the USSR. I think this would make an incredible independent movie. I sprung for the color version and I'm glad I did. There is a trove of riches in the form of very compelling artwork by Oleg. Five stars!
 

Thank you, Ratskins, for a great review. Would you mind posting it on Amazon as well? It would help to increase the book's ranking.

Our friend and blogger Terresa Monroe-Hamilton has just posted her own review of the book on three websites at once:

http://noisyroom.net/blog/2018/11/25/bo ... on-artist/

https://www.trevorloudon.com/2018/11/bo ... on-artist/

http://gulagbound.com/57375/book-review ... on-artist/
 

A wonderful review at FrontPage Mag by Mark Tapson:

ESCAPING THE HOTEL USSR

Hotel USSR, Atbashian’s second book, is the riveting, darkly comic, and poignant story of his coming of age in a totalitarian state... It is illustrated with many examples of Atbashian’s own colorful, perceptive artwork which includes portraits of himself, loved ones and strangers, and landscapes both real and fantastical – all of which help immerse the reader in the artist’s own perspective of his world.
 

I read this wonderful memoir this weekend. I, too, couldn’t put it down and could not wait for the resolution to this tale of oppression of a true free spirit. Oleg has a way of writing that gently but firmly takes you along for the ride. He always gets to the point quickly without any injury to the reader. I teared up sometimes when reading what he went through but I was never gut-wrenched because Oleg wrote it without a smidgen of self pity.

When Oleg wrapped it up at the end, I felt like I had just binge-watched a part of my own life, not nearly as severe as Oleg’s, but severe enough for me. A wonderfully satisfying read.

p.s.: I already posted this on Amazon.
 

Thank you!
 

Red Square

Thank you!

Well, Oleg, as you already know, I often edit my content and did so on my Amazon review.

Here it is:

I read this wonderful memoir this weekend. I, too, couldn’t put it down and could not wait for the resolution to this tale of oppression of a true free spirit. Oleg has a way of writing that gently but firmly takes you along for the ride. He always gets to the point quickly without any injury to the reader. I teared up sometimes when reading what he went through but I was never gut-wrenched because Oleg wrote it without a smidgen of self pity.

At the end, when Oleg goes to Pearl Paints in NYC I lost it! I have been there and know what a cornucopia of supplies are available. But, the symbolism of abundance at Pearl vs the paucity in Russia beautifully expressed his victory and my tears were turned to joy! I only wish I were there to greet him and show him around. But, he did quite well on his own.

When Oleg wrapped it up at the end, I felt like I had just binge-watched a part of my own life, not nearly as severe as Oleg’s, but severe enough for me. A wonderfully satisfying read.
 

Brimming with Christmas Spirit

Dr. Ileana Johnson Paugh, originally from Romania, and now an American author and commentator, has published an article about Christmas Spirit, in which she writes about my book, Hotel USSR, and quotes from it. It made me realize that this book is, in a way, also a Christmas story. As such, it'll make an adequate Christmas gift, especially its color version.

This link in Canada Free Press was emailed to me by a reader. I don't know Dr. Ileana Johnson Paugh, but I'd like to thank her and wish her a very Merry Christmas.
 

American Thinker:



Oleg Atbashian's Hotel USSR
By Clarice Feldman

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And the same review reposted at Lucianne Goldberg's site, Lucianne.com, with some nice comments:



Oleg Atbashian's Hotel USSR
 

The most recent review on Amazon is short and sweet:


 

Most Excellent Comrade Red Square;

Thank you for the beets last winter. I did get your most excellent second book to go with your most excellent first book that you signed for me.

Your first book I lent to my libertarian son, the youngest son, in an effort to bring him back to the party. He claims to have lost it. So he will not see this book, until my mother-in-law gets done with it.

I really loved the peek into the beginnings of "damaged goods."

Yo Comrade in da Hood,

C2GM

"You better keep your mind on the real shit."