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Hillary Clinton has served America for decades; in January 1993, she made history as she became the country's first co-president along with her husband, Bill.

After her tour in the White House ended, she answered the call from her adopted state of New York and voluntarily gave up a lucrative career trading cattle futures to act as one of only two US senators from that state.

In 2008, after tirelessly devoting herself to helping Barack Obama become America's best president, she looked forward to retiring to a quiet life in a small cottage somewhere. Once again her country called, pleading with her to act as Secretary of State because President Obama, who would've been better than anybody at the job, was simply too busy to do it himself.

After four extremely successful years in the post, Ms. Clinton was on duty at 3 AM in the White House War Room when a call came in, informing her the extreme Tea Party wing of the Libyan Republican Party attacked the U.S. embassy in Benghazi. The date was Sept 11, 2012.

She immediately ordered the U.S. military to parachute her into the compound so she could take command. The Joint Chiefs balked, saying that the embassy was seven thousand miles away and by the time she got there, the attack would be over.

"What difference does it make?" she said softly, "Get me there now!"

The Chiefs relented. But, as they feared, by the time she arrived it was too late; president Obama's poll numbers were already starting to fall.

Not wishing to see America's best president lose the 2012 election to a rich guy whose campaign platform was to declare War on Womyn, Hillary bravely fell on her sword (and maybe a bottle of liquor or two) and took the blame for the embassy attack. The gambit worked and President Obama was easily re-elected, saving the country from the clutches of Bain Capital.

But the price was steep: Hillary suffered a concussion from falling on her sword and her doctors told her she could never parachute into enemy action again. Not content to be a mere figurehead as Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton retired in 2013 to devote herself to growing flowers, writing books, and making cookies.

Her injuries from Benghazi and her 1996 arrival under sniper fire in Bosnia still give her pain, but the physical scars are not what bother her the most. For, in spite of her decades of selfless service to America, decades in which she never forgot her fellow Americans, she recently revealed the great disappointment in her life: Americans had often forgotten about her. As she recently revealed to esteemed, accredited, impartial, state-approved TV journalist Diane Sawbucks: "We came out of the White House not only dead broke but in debt."

Ms. Clinton went on to reveal the depths of the degradation her family was subjected to, being forced to make speeches for $200,000 a pop and pick up deposit bottles and cans out of the alleys behind expensive hotels (but mostly make speeches for $200,000 a pop) in order to make ends meet.

"It is shocking, simply shocking that America can cast aside its fallen heroes so readily," said another nearly destitute Democrat senator, on his way to promote a documentary movie about the hold right wing billionaires have on the country.

"The Koch Brothers don't care who they hurt!"

"The country wouldn't treat wounded veterans so poorly", said Senator Elizabeth Warren, herself so impoverished she was forced to accept a $525,000 advance for a new book in order to keep vichyssoise and caviar on the table.

"But just because a leader is a civilian womyn lawyer, the patriarchy feels it's OK to treat you like dirt!"

"A few years ago, they wanted to send her and Barack Obama for coffee," said former co-president Bill.

But most party leaders took a less confrontational tack. "Look," said one high ranking party official and real estate salesperson, "Hillary's had some rough times financially but she's not looking for a handout. She wants to work!"

"All she wants is a job commensurate with her skills. You wouldn't offer a broke Picasso a job painting houses, you can't offer Hillary Clinton a job as CEO of a paint company."

The time has come where we, America, repay our debt to Hillary Clinton by finding a position for her, something that would pay enough to get her back on her feet but still allow her some time for leisure activities, like travel and golf.

Maybe a nice, safe, government job. Like, say, U.S. president.

"Government is simply the name for the things we do together," states President Obama. We each play a part in this. The president's part is picking the things we do and everyone else's part is paying for those things. It's time that we pay Hillary for that. (No, I care if that makes sense or not.)

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Opiate of the People wrote:The time has come where we, America, repay our debt to Hillary Clinton by finding a position for her, something that would pay enough to get her back on her feet but still allow her some time for leisure activities, like travel and golf.

Crank up Moochie's old job in Chicongo. She's as qualified as Moochie was.

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These guys almost moved into the White House!
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Lucky for us we got the Obamas...
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Coming soon to a theater and MSM outlet near you! A classic re-make of a classic re-make of the classic story of an old biddy a lady of advanced years covering up past lies with ... new lies! This is the riches-to-riches story of "Apple" Hillary who, after discovering that she has too long lived beyond the taxpayers' means regains her 1%er status with hard work selling road apples one by one for $200k a pop. You'll LAUGH along with Hill as these D.C. high jinks unfold through a cast of characters including "Bill the Dude," all willing and able for a piece of the action to assist the loveable "Apple" Hill portray herself as a down-and-out ex-FLATUS with only "A MERE POCKETFUL OF CASH"

Hello my friend

[color=#C0392B]Papa Ew Mao Mao[/color] shyly wrote:Hello my friend

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And a hardy 'Hello my friend' to you Papa Ew Mao Mao!
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Do you have a significant other?
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Comrade Putout, this guy hasn't been part of the collective long enough to find the Mens room, much less the back door to tractor barn 2, and you are already asking about his relationships?

For Lenin's sake, give him a chance to collect a blister or two from a shovel before....

Tovarichi wrote:Comrade Putout, this guy hasn't been part of the collective long enough to find the Mens room, much less the back door to tractor barn 2, and you are already asking about his relationships?

For Lenin's sake, give him a chance to collect a blister or two from a shovel before....

Comrade Putout,

Astonishing as it may seem, in this particular case I must agree with Comrade Tovarichi. (There! That will count as my one and only concession to comity for the year 2014)

Ohh, comrades! My bleeding heart! My streaming eyes! My running nose! How I weep for Hillary's suffering! For the first time since coming to The People's Cube, I've had to doff my red headscarf (which I originally took from the neck of Che Guevara so I could have something with which to blow my nose as I knelt over his dying body), just to absorb all the fluids that are coming out of me everywhere. It's as if I have some sort of stigmata that's triggered by accounts of her anguish—when it isn't induced by the sight of one of her pantsuits.

Mel Gibson should make a movie about it. We could call it The Passion of Hillary. Or BraveHillary. Or Hillarypto, if it includes the scene where she had to eat Obama's testicles to beat him in the Florida primary.

Miss Putout talk Do you have a significant other?.
I have a son Elliot Ew Mao Mao.
Do you like this man?

[color=#C0392B]Tovarichi[/color] was watching out for [color=#C0392B]Papa Ew Mao Mao[/color] when he wrote:Comrade Putout, this guy hasn't been part of the collective long enough to find the Mens room, much less the back door to tractor barn 2, and you are already asking about his relationships?

For Lenin's sake, give him a chance to collect a blister or two from a shovel before....

I think [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] was really feeling a bit jealous when he wrote:
Comrade Putout,

Astonishing as it may seem, in this particular case I must agree with Comrade Tovarichi. (There! That will count as my one and only concession to comity for the year 2014)

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BOYS BOYS - I was just trying to make Papa Ew Mao Mao feel welcome!!
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By Earl of Taint via American Thinker.

Sheryl Crow, as a long-time confidant and supporter of Al Gore, speaks up to corroborate Hillary Clinton's recent claim of poverty when the Clintons left the White House having only Bill's measley Former-President Pension. According to Crow, Al Gore felt sorry for them, so he offered them rent-free living at the Gore Estates, but Hillary was forced to decline when she learned she couldn't obey the 1SPSTSME rule without breaking the rule agains tracking carbon footprints into the Main Estate.

--Gorbels Cube

Komrades,

Since the racist 22nd Amendment prevents Dear Leader Obama from reigning over us after 8 glorious years, and since Komrade Hillary is destitute (due, I'm sure, to Boooooooooosh and the Koch brothers) she needs to be in the White House just to have a roof over her head. But I have a question that I fear may be a thoughtcrime:

During Komrade Hillary's co-presidency it was sexist to NOT TO USE her middle name, "Rodham." Yet now that Dear Leader Obama is our leader, it is racist TO USE his middle name, "Hussein." I am confused. I don't want to be a sexist or a racist. When do I use and not use a middle name? When Komrade Hillary seizes control do I use her middle name?

Politburo Wannabe #11-7-2 wrote:Komrades,

Since the racist 22nd Amendment prevents Dear Leader Obama from reigning over us after 8 glorious years, and since Komrade Hillary is destitute (due, I'm sure, to Boooooooooosh and the Koch brothers) she needs to be in the White House just to have a roof over her head. But I have a question that I fear may be a thoughtcrime:

During Komrade Hillary's co-presidency it was sexist to NOT TO USE her middle name, "Rodham." Yet now that Dear Leader Obama is our leader, it is racist TO USE his middle name, "Hussein." I am confused. I don't want to be a sexist or a racist.[highlight=#FFFF99] When do I use and not use a middle name? When Komrade Hillary seizes control do I use her middle name?[/highlight]

Comrade Wannabe,

Best to avoid possible denunciation by addressing Them as His or Her Majesty.

And here, among friends and comrades-- Her Thighness, Madam Clinton is known as MTE.

I started tearing up so much I couldn't even finish the article. God Bless Hillary!

Joseph Burbles wrote:I started tearing up so much I couldn't even finish the article. God Bless Hillary!

Comrade Burbles - Check with your local ACA official. I believe excessive tearing is considered a pre-existing condition and may entitle you to a soothing SSI monthly vodka ration.

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Comrade Putout wrote:.

a-damn-squirrel-did-this.jpg

Comrade Bill, watch where you put your hand! (Oh, I am aghast.)

Found this languishing in my email. The attribution is duly attributed.

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