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Become an instant winner by flipping charts upside down

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[img]/images/Flip_Chart_Trick_Improve.png[/img]

Are you a US President plagued by high unfavorability ratings, national debt, budget deficit, unemployment, and poor economic performance? We can help! Your problems will go away instantly if you apply this easy method developed by our scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center. Keep reading!

Did you know that people whose performance charts and line graphs consistently point downward have lower productivity, feel unappreciated, and experience more stress? Charts are crucial for popularity, successful fundraisers, and winning elections. Both mentally and physically, an upward-looking line graph is essential for your political well-being.

Finding an effective remedy is difficult. Self-medication, such as alcohol, medical marijuana, or hallucinogenic drugs can boost your self-esteem, but their effect is short-lived. Our experts estimate that more than 70 million Americans have poor academic or job performance caused by drugs and alcohol, online porn, or acting as a social justice warrior on company time. If you are one of the millions of people who suffer from this loser syndrome, become an instant winner with this easy, amazing procedure!

  1. Print out a line graph that reflects on you poorly.
  2. Carefully cut out the grid (make sure not to cut the title or any of the stupid words outside the grid)
  3. Flip the grid upside down and paste it back to the sheet using adhesive tape.
  4. Double check that none of the printed letters have flipped. To do so, turn the sheet upside down - the line graph should point downwards while the rest should be completely unreadable. If you can still read some of the words, cut them out and repeat the procedure.
  5. Return the sheet to the normal position: is should now be readable while showing you as a perfectly successful US President, climatologist, academic, student, or government worker.

This trick has been successfully tested by award-winning Keynesian economists, Global Warming scientists and other state-funded academic researchers, Green Energy entrepreneurs, as well as various government agencies, especially the Department of Education.

Use it today and never suffer through another sluggish performance report!


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Revised after Komissar al-Blogunov's suggestion: improve your journalism instantly with this multi-functional visual aid!

[img]/images/Flip_Chart_Trick_Journalism.jpg[/img]

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... and mini linguistical support : the magic of Further !

You praise not just : Progress ! always : Further Progress !
soberly declare : Improvement ! ? no no no, no ! Further Improvement !
dry shout-out for : Beautification ! ????? c'mon, Comrade — Further Beautification !

ok, you get the Catch-HS, korrekt ? (HS for Hammer & Sickle)

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I may create one of these to take to the singles bar and show the ladies my future earnings potential

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Welcome to the People's Cube, DNCServerAdmin. Please take your electronic shovel in the toolshed and start digging. Beets will be distributed at seven behind Tractor Barn #2. There you will be able to meet some very equal ladies whose ideal chart is a straight horizontal line.

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Even the most progressive womens favorite straight line is moving to take my money to their bank account.

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A communistic hello to you, Comrade DNCServerAdmin.
... and to sweeten your troubles with those progressive womyn, at least focus on those "overly endowed with blat up here and blat down there", as our Comradette Clara pointed out recently.

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These graphs require undesirable starting points! To fix this, we must created simple lines a fabricate desirable y values. In the glorious world of next Tuesday, I won't get women based on my income, rather the quality of the break room.


 
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