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A Glimpse Into the Future... Obama's LAST Day in Office

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Comrades, recently I called in a favor from an apparatchik in Colonel 7.62's department and obtained a combination Visa to The Future™ and hall pass. I was wondering what kind of glorious utopia awaits us when Chairman Obama's work is done well underway and Changeable Hopeyness has taken hold. With the benefit of the top-secret technology in the Department of Chronological Warfare (and a couple of cartons of cigarettes), I was able to take a look...

The date: January 20, 2019*, Chairman Obama's last full day in office. Here is his top secret schedule from that day: Barack Hussein Obama's Final Full Day Schedule

  • 7:00 AM Golf with Tiger Woods
  • 8:00 AM Chaplain reads daily verse from the Quran
  • 9:00 AM Obama signs bill raising debt limit to 80 trillion dollars; blames Bush tax cuts and economic policies for "legacy of debt"
  • 10:00 AM Scheduled interview with CBS News anchor Janeane Gawdawfulo
  • 11:00 AM Morning ration of electricity ends; country goes dark for an hour... or four
  • 12:00 PM GM declares bankruptcy for eighth time; Obama signs bill making it part of Post Office
  • 1:00 PM Obama meets with new President and Vice President, Eric Holder and Van Jones**
  • 2:00 PM Obama commemorates trial of Khalid Sheik Mohammed, now in its 10th year
  • 3:00 PM Obama signs bill raising debt limit to 90 trillion dollars
  • 4:00 PM Obama threatens to impose sanctions on Iran for failing to cap its nuclear weapons production at 7,000
  • 5:00 PM Obama signs pact giving Chinese right to drill for oil off California coast; all US coal and petroleum rights now owned by foreign nations; US entirely wind-driven***
  • 6:00 PM Obama signs bill raising national debt limit automatically every 15 minutes
  • 7:00 PM Another flight mysteriously drops from sky over US territory. Al Qaeda claims credit. Obama notes contemptuously that well over half still land successfully.
  • 8:00 PM Michelle returns from last shopping trip as first lady; buys sneakers made out of $30000 handbag
  • 9:00 PM Obama signs bill making NY Times and CNN part of Post Office. PO now "employs" 70 million people. Obama claims credit for holding unemployment caused by Bush depression to under 30%.
  • 10:00 PM Obama, in final national speech on Letterman, declares era of Changling Hopeyness a success. David Brooks agrees.
  • 11:00 PM Evening ration of electricity ends; country does dark for the night. Terrorist attack with flashlights. Obama cites failure of Bush Administration terrorism and energy policies.
  • 12:00 AM Nobel Committee selects Barack Obama as Peace Prize winner for 10th straight year.

Notes:

* On 7/19/08, Obama said on Face the Nation he expected to be president for 8 to 10 years. I guess he settled on 10.

** In 2016, the inefficient and useless national election gave way to the glorious progressive tradition of a leader picking his own successor. It's the Chicago Way!

*** Wind is a myth; Congress blows.

Image The other stuff notwithstanding, the words "Obama's LAST day in office" is music to my ears.

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Omission:

11:59PM Obama signs pardon list freeing every (save three*) criminal in the USA and apologizes for everything.


*Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld

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8:17 p.m.: Presidential flatus captured in insulated container for later delivery--warm and fresh--to Chris Matthews as a final thank you for years of loyal service.

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Comrade Opiate:

I had a little different experience after bribing contacting Colonel 7.62's department for a quick peek into the glorious future. The difference was slight and may have partly been due to minor brain damage after having to hold my breath for such a long time while clicking my heels to get there. In my version Michele Obama was no longer in the picture. Obama to show his dedication to diversity and multi-culturalism had divorced Michelle and married Keith Oblermann. I was shocked to see this but it made much more since when I was told that tragically, both Chris Mathews and Larry Sinclair had passed away…….

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I refuse to listen to these blasphemous lies. Obama is immortal, he shall reign forever and EVAH!

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Ivan Betinov wrote:8:17 p.m.: Presidential flatus captured in insulated container for later delivery--warm and fresh--to Chris Matthews as a final thank you for years of loyal service.

Your glorious contribution reminded me this quote attributed to LBJ:

"I want loyalty. I want him to kiss my ass in Macy's window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want his pecker in my pocket."
(Of a potential assistant. Quoted in David Halberstam The Best and the Brightest (1971), ch.20.)

Dear Leader got this much and more from the MSM. And he didn't even have to ask.


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Opiate of the People wrote:
Ivan Betinov wrote:8:17 p.m.: Presidential flatus captured in insulated container for later delivery--warm and fresh--to Chris Matthews as a final thank you for years of loyal service.

Your glorious contribution reminded me this quote attributed to LBJ:

"I want loyalty. I want him to kiss my ass in Macy's window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want his pecker in my pocket."
(Of a potential assistant. Quoted in David Halberstam The Best and the Brightest (1971), ch.20.)

Dear Leader got this much and more from the MSM. And he didn't even have to ask.

You forgot LBJ's finest quote after signing The Civil Rights bill, that which will ring on in infamy be buried in the peoples coffers along with Dear Stalin's photography.... uh.. hrrmmmmm:

"We'll have those ni**ers voting for us for 100 years!" - Lyndon B. Johnson, Party Elite

Now that's a progs prog!

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Spoken like a true progressive: a "man of the people" who has utter contempt for them.

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I would like to remind Comrades that because of the diverse nature of time travel, and the infinite universes to which one my travel, and also of the various ways time can be altered (see Doc Brown Theory) one's mileage may vary when peeking into the future.

And whomever bribed my office worker to use the DeLorean is denounced! It came back with the Mr. Fusion totally empty. I had to find a copy of Palin's book to dump in there for fuel.

In the future, all time traveling comrades are restricted to either the phone booth, or the navy ship being degaussed. The DeLorean and Wells(TM) Model Time Machine are mine.

That said, I took a quick peek myself, and found that Congress had voted to suspend itself indefinitely, reduced the Supreme Court to one Justice, and declared indefinite Martial Law, leaving Obama in charge until such time as Congress reconvenes. Which is scheduled for 2250

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Colonel 7.62 wrote: That said, I took a quick peek myself, and found that Congress had voted to suspend itself indefinitely, reduced the Supreme Court to one Justice, and declared indefinite Martial Law, leaving Obama in charge until such time as Congress reconvenes. Which is scheduled for 2250

Glorious! At last, the Thousand Year Reich Permanent Democratic Majority!

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I took the liberty to illustrate and reformat the post. In addition, I came up with this motivational image:

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The rejected runner-ups for the caption above were these quotes:
  • "Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others." - Sir Winston Churchill
  • "Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge." - Sir Winston Churchill
  • "The basis of optimism is sheer terror." - Oscar Wilde
  • "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." - Albert Einstein
  • "If the rate of change on the outside exceeds the rate of change on the inside, the end is near." - Jack Welch
  • "When what you are doing isn't working, you tend to do more of the same and with greater intensity." - Dr. Bill Maynard & Tom Champoux (Heart, Soul and Spirit)

    And my favorite quote pertaining to Obama's last day in office comes from Ben Franklin, albeit not quite the way he intended:
  • "When you're finished changing, you're finished." - Benjamin Franklin
</div>

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On Obama's last day his chief propoganda Czar, Harry Reid, will instruct him to begin speaking in his native "Negro dialect" and apologizes to the world for having "light skin"...thus giving Obama the street cred he will need when he opens his new office across from former POTUS Bill Clinton in Halrem.

Harry Reid salutes The One...

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A photograph of Team-Obama on his last day in office. No need for Air-Force One. Obama's powers have grown during his reign.

Kneel before Zod....

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Betinov wrote:8:17 p.m.: Presidential flatus captured in insulated container for later delivery--warm and fresh--to Chris Matthews as a final thank you for years of loyal service.
I have just watched "Smug," an episode of <i>South Park</i>. It caused physical distress in the abdominal muscles. All the denizens of South Park get a Toyota Pious, and the Marshes, prolier than thou, move to San Francisco, where they go to parties and fart into wine glasses and smell their farts.

But I wonder. Would Harry Reid think that Obowma had light-skinned farts? What about the bouquet? Is there a dialect?

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Red Square wrote:The rejected runner-ups for the caption above were these quotes:

These might work for "Miss Congeniality" winners:

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool
- Shakespeare, "As You Like It"

Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it.
-Thomas Sowell

Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
- P.J. O'Rourke

It is a great advantage to a President, and a major source of safety to the country, for him to know that he is not a great man.
- Calvin Coolidge

He had delusions of adequacy.
- Walter Kerr

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Or, pace Mary McCarthy:

Every word he says is a lie, including <i>and</i> and </i>the</i>.

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Opiate of the People wrote:Here is his top secret schedule from that day:



DAGGUM'IT!

how's a black op supposed to get some glorious work done for the people with all this information leakage? can't you liberals keep your mouths shut for a second? (monica excluded from this objective of course)

KEEP LEAKING INFORMATION AND I'M GOING TO PLANT SOME CAPITALIST PROPAGANDA MATERIALS IN YOUR STATE CONTROLLED LIVING QUARTERS AND LET THE MEDIA LOOSE ON YOU.... THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY.


reporting agent: blackmarket citizen - the peoples black op

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:
Betinov wrote:8:17 p.m.: Presidential flatus captured in insulated container for later delivery--warm and fresh--to Chris Matthews as a final thank you for years of loyal service.
I have just watched "Smug," an episode of <i>South Park</i>. It caused physical distress in the abdominal muscles. All the denizens of South Park get a Toyota Pious, and the Marshes, prolier than thou, move to San Francisco, where they go to parties and fart into wine glasses and smell their farts.

I have found great humor is the same episode! I also recall the San Francisco Pog's agility at shoving their heads directly into their Liberal asses to better enjoy their own flatulence.
I wonder, Commissar, if that in not a common practice today among the supporters and Staff of glorious Speak Whore Peloski?
It would explain a lot...

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Comrade Blackmarket, I offer a discount wormhole service for evidence planting.

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:Comrade Blackmarket, I offer a discount wormhole service for evidence planting.


on the first read, i thought you said 'warmhole service', but now i see you said 'wormhole service'... either way i'm interested and feel your services are useful for hidden activities.

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I do not believe that "warmhole" could be used to described our beloved Nanski Peloski, since there are vampires who pronounce her entirely too cold for their taste.

I do love her so. She is the one person who can get blood from a turnip.

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Wait a minute! I thought it was impossible for the One to leave office when he will sign the bill to repeal the 22nd amendment. He signed it on March 15th of 2012. It states "A president may be in office for an unlimited number of terms as long as the people vote him/her in."
(off)
With Chicago thuggery, this means until he dies.
(on)
So I must denounce comrade Opiate for thinking such a horrible thing.

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Elliott, why are you bringing up the archaic notion of voting? Don't you know that made progs only pay lip service to voting? Here in camera we only talk about gaming voting machine, four-legged voting, and, best of all voting once for Congress and President for life.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, why are you bringing up the archaic notion of voting? Don't you know that made progs only pay lip service to voting? Here in camera we only talk about gaming voting machine, four-legged voting, and, best of all voting once for Congress and President for life.
It had to have that "voting" notion in there to make it past the RethugliKKKans in Congress, because if this Congress has proved anything, they can't do squat, even with a super majority.

You and I are both well aware of back-door maneuvers we use to ensure the Progressive World of Next Tuesday arrives.

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You need another red star, Elliott, for getting the term right. It is the Progressive World of Next Tuesday(tm). That is, insofar as I can tell, Sister's coinage.

How I miss Sister. There are times that her bullshit leaves me openmouthed.

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Here I thought that was your term good sircomrade (been a while since I've used that one).

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LEAVE? LEAVE?! It can't be true! What do you mean leave. I thought great Leader was Permanent Great Leader.
I feel so depressed at the thought. Who will pay for my house, new kitchen and electric needs?!

"When you're finished changing, you're finished." - Benjamin Franklin - Red Square
1/10/2010, 8:50 pm - I thought that was still the same suit as at inauguration?

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Comrades,

We must stop this madness. The Great Leader cannot depart prematurely from his duties. You can see from the background that his work is unfinished. There are still things standing!

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Comrades,

I have it on very good authority that our divine El Presidente will not leave office, ever, but will take numerous vacations (on the taxpayer's dollar, of course) to further plot the destruction...err I mean direct our utopian vision of a much kinder, equal world to completion by 2012, thereby making it unnecessary to have stupid elections. I contemplate the destruction of the universe will happen after that, but fear not....his Holiness will raise us (the Party faithful) to the glorious World of Next Tuesday, and permanent power,...errr...no...,,,ummmm....vacations will finally be ours!


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Welcome Reaganite Republican, to the revolution! The Party will need to find a suitable nickname (I can't stand to say those R words, except to spit on them!), but, your education has just begun, comrade.

Report to train Platform #?, and bring warm clothes. You will receive state-issued shovel and instructions. Make sure to read, in entirety, the Groupthink FAQS and purpose of this site. It will save you humiliation and scorn from your higherups.....err...comrades-in-arms later.


 
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