(2006) 88 min. D: John A. Davis. Warner Brothers

Wouldn't you want your boy to "discover the ant within" and become a disposable drone in an anthill, sacrificing himself for the Greater Good™ as it is defined by his wise leaders? As a parent you don't have to do anything - your local public school is fully equipped to prepare your child for a life as mote in the vast collective. And then there are animated movies.

Most audiences won't find anything unusual in the new CGI-animated kiddy adventure film The Ant Bully.

A savvy parent might yawn at the routine obligatory condemnation of the Western "every man for himself" society that relies on technological crutches and WMD to oppress and eliminate the weaker, gentler "other" society that relies on collectivist values, magic, and wisdom of a benevolent supreme leader. Been there, done that.

Progressive viewers will predictably scoff at the "barbaric" human morality embodied in a greedy, corrupt, militaristic, cigar-smoking redneck exterminator, while wistfully admiring a higher "other" morality embodied in the happy colony of environmentally-friendly comrades concerned with collective welfare and self-sacrifice for the common good.

In between these two opposing worldviews is a confused human boy Lucas who now faces a difficult ethical choice. Even though in his despicable past Lucas had been spoiled and brainwashed by violent videogames, the boy chooses to follow his heart and "discovers the ant within."

Cheered by the audience, Lucas switches sides and teams up with insects against humans, helping them to shrink the militaristic exterminator into a deformed midget.

Obviously, an enlightened, mature person must always choose magic and utopia over reality. Don't we all want this for our children?


The newly acquired collectivist ethics help Lucas to regain control of his life and organize a croup of small kids against a big bully who represents the "dog eats dog" ethic of unbridled individualism. Lucas's moral transformation does not occur until he undergoes a hard-labor re-education training among ants as a punishment for his anti-social behavior. The experience opened his (and our) eyes to an alternative lifestyle that may just be his (and our) salvation from the pointless robotic existence in a consumerist Western civilization.

A happy collectivist insectopia headed by a supreme leader who knows what's best for the colony - isn't it what we might also find if we could only take an unbiased look at such "pariah" states as Cuba, North Korea, Venezuela, or maybe even Iran? And isn't it what we had mindlessly exterminated by interfering in Grenada, El Salvador, Guatemala, Bolivia, Columbia, Iraq, or Afghanistan? Did we have a moral right to oppose the workers' paradise in the Soviet Union? We will never know. We ought to stop being such bigoted, close-minded, aggressive ant bullies and, for a change, relieve our collective guilt by showering these small misunderstood nations with jelly beans.

When all is said and done, the little boy Lucas appears as an ultimate moral hero, a whistleblower, a human shield who switches sides - like Johnny "The Taliban" Lindh, Jose Padilla, John Allen Mohammed, like Alger Hiss and the Rosenbergs, like Kim Philby and many others before them, whose self-sacrifice for the Greater Good™ shines a moral guiding light for all open-minded, progressive young people in this country. The next time you see thousands of raging peace protesters blocking your way, remember - they have "discovered the and within!"

Movie mistakes:

Ant bully looks too much like Kim Jong Il from Team America, throwing a dark shadow on the concept of World Socialism. Was it criminal negligence or a deliberate act of political sabotage? Must be edited out in the DVD version. Perpetrators must be found; they'll never work in Hollywood again. Where exactly was the SAG Kommissar when this happened?

In this sense, The Ant Bully is a boilerplate anthill-morals movie, indistinguishable from many other films produced in Hollywood for children and adults in the recent decades. We might have missed it completely - if it hadn't attracted such a loud applause from the critics (who probably loved it for helping them to trace the origin of their own morals back to the anthill).

WHAT MAINSTREAM FILM CRITICS SAY ABOUT IT:

• "The best - and most surprising - scene finds Zoc and Lucas comparing the colony's Communist ethic to the 'Every man for himself' lifestyle of human cities. Though the global implications will soar over kids' heads, the provocative cultural critique will give parents more to ponder than the average kiddie outing."
  
• "'I'm big, and you're small' is the film's negative-example lesson, spouted first by Lucas' bully and then parroted by our petulant hero as he passes on the sting of victimization to the ants."
  
• "...stokes enough action to please kids, but it's the political allegory that separates this one from the pack. Montalban's Head of Council grumbles, 'To attack without provocation, without reason, just because they can - it's barbaric.'"

-- Peter Canavese, GROUCHO REVIEWS

• If "Antz" dwells on the American myth of individualism as antidote to conformity, glorifying freedom as the most cherished virtue, "Ant Bully" preaches for co-existence, understanding, and collectivism.
  
• "[T]he ants have a vast and complex civilization ... where every individual has a job to do for the greater good and collective welfare."

-- Emanuel Levy, EMANUELLEVY.COM

• "[T]he movie certainly means well, and its worthwhile message (teamwork is good, selfishness is bad) should penetrate the brains of kids old enough to stay in their seats and pay attention to it."

-- Christy Lemire, ASSOCIATED PRESS

• "The movie is an epic adventure with a rigorously moral point of view."

-- Stephen Hunter, WASHINGTON POST

But then there's this completely revisionist, Trotskyite interpretation:

• If the left-winged "Antz" [huh? - Red Square] propagates individualism and non-conformity at all cost, "Ant Bully" is ideologically more centrist, preaching for a moderate version of collectivism (but not socialism) [huh? - Red Square]

-- Emanuel Levy, EMANUELLEVY.COM

Wow, this scared me. I know there are sinister plots behind children's programming (we are all victims of it) but this is just too much. It would be nice to live in a country where the Media would EXPOSE this kind of mind-rape instead of passing it off as “thoughtful" and "cute". However; I am very content relying on the Peoples Cube for all my de-programming needs.

RESSURECT SEN. JOE MCCARTHY!!!

I can't wait to be issued my collectivist [non]thinking tinfoil helmet! Ant Power! I mean... Proletariat Power!

Thank almighty Lenin that we have our own wing of the People's propaganda; Hollywood. Headed by Co-Ministers of Re-Education and Film, Michael Moore and George Clooney.

With out them we could not re-educate the next generation of these little Eichmanns to the glorious Shining Path.

Ants have evolved past the mental level that humans have, why if our brains were smaller than of a grain of sand, then we would truly see the greatness of socialism.

Chairman Meow-Say-Pun wrote:
RESSURECT SEN. JOE MCCARTHY!!!

didn't Mann Coulter already try?