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Red Square's Answer to Colbert's Testimony in Congress

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Red Commissar Tells Congress: 'Shoveling Good for Americans'


WASHINGTON -- Comrade Red Square made a highly bizarre - and occasionally lucid -appearance before a congressional committee on Friday to testify about the benefits of migrant labor force to one-party rule. Staying in character as People's Director of Unanimity and Redistribution of Speech, Red Square also shared his 'vast' experience in the proper conduct of party purges, as well as demonizing and crushing the opposition. Red Square told lawmakers that a day shoveling beets alongside migrant masses convinced him that the peasant class is a "great, great alternative to the unreliable American voters."

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"Shoveling permafrost in the tundra has been proven to prevent criminal thought and strengthen compliance."

"Migrants are the missing ingredient in our formula of a harmonious society: happy peasants ruled by benevolent overlords."

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"If you can put a man on the moon, why can't you make enough shovels for everybody?"

"I don't want a vote cast by a U.S. citizen. I want it to be cast by a radicalized migrant, registered by an Acorn activist, counted by a socialist, and reported by a communist to the White House, where a Marxist president is giving me an Alinsky."


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"America's political system is presently far too dependent on citizens' vote to pick their leaders," he testified at the packed hearing. "The ruling elites are all fired up and prepared to rule, but the American electorate continues to disobey. The obvious answer is to replace Americans with more obedient voters from another country."

"It turns out, most migrant workers don't speak English and never heard of the Constitution," Square testified. "I'm glad United Farm Workers gave me an interpreter. These people believed everything I told them. Now they know that the Constitution entitles them to pensions and free government healthcare."

"Migrant labor is the missing ingredient in our formula of a harmonious society: happy peasants ruled by benevolent overlords. We already have the overlords," Square made a wide sweeping gesture, pointing at the gathered politicians, "but until now America badly lacked peasants. Thanks to the outstanding efforts of politicians like Rep. Zoe Lofgren who invited me here, peasants are now crossing the border in sufficient numbers."

"If Cloward and Piven strategy means anything, the capitalist system will collapse within minutes of providing tens of millions of seasonal workers with mandatory healthcare, pensions, disability, public education, and other equally distributed benefits," Red Square continued. "We are one legislation away from making America look just like Europe circa 5th century AD."

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According to Red Square, importing the entire peasant class wouldn't be necessary if U.S. citizens behaved correctly and voted for those who promise them more entitlements. Instead, "Americans are casting their votes all over the place, leaving the job of correct voting to illegals. So Americans have only themselves to blame. Illegal immigrants are simply doing the job U.S. citizens won't do."

Red Square expressed befuddlement that more Americans aren't trying to make their country more like Mexico. "Progress means the undoing of everything that happened in this country since 1776. We must all go back to how people had lived for thousands of years, and how many still continue to live in all the equal cultures around the world. That would be very progressive," he concluded to standing ovation.

Comparing politics to the game of poker, Red Square said that if the electorate doesn't fit a winning hand, it must be discarded. "Your constituents have been foolishly clinging to old-fashioned values and the outmoded Constitution, and it's time to replace them. They can still be saved if they stop making electoral choices based on research and independent analysis, and just vote the way we tell them to. And if you look at the current occupants in Congress and in the White House, you'll see that many Americans are already doing that."

Several subcommittee Democrats smiled, but most of the Republicans sat stone-faced. Concerned that these methods could be outed prematurely, the chairman of the larger Judiciary Committee Rep. John Conyers (D-Mich.) asked Red Square to leave the room. "You run your subversive website, we run the committee," Conyers said.

Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif.), chairwoman of the House Judiciary Committee's Subcommittee on Immigration, Refugees and Border Security, had invited Red Square because he had spent a lifetime developing methods of destroying successful capitalist societies and replacing them with what he likes to call The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

Lofgren implored that Red Square be allowed to stay, and so he did, relating that hard labor is "good for the collective morale," and that shoveling permafrost in the tundra has been proven to prevent criminal thought and strengthen compliance. "If you can put a man on the moon, why can't you make enough shovels for everybody?" he quipped.

At the close of the hearing, Red Square admitted that he cared about migrant labor because "the rest of Americans are the least of my worries. Right now, migrant workers suffer and have no rights. I want the rest of the country to be like that."

There was some grumbling from lawmakers about Red Square testifying in his Red Army hat - an unusual approach although not unprecedented. After all, lawmakers recently heard testimony from the "Comedy Central" puppet Colbert.

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Your words of wisdom are like casting pearls before swine comrade Director.

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That Colbert feller can lick the spittle from the bottom of my beer bottle.

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Red Square wrote:"Shoveling permafrost in the tundra has been proven to prevent criminal thought and strengthen compliance."
Truer words were never spoken. I think it's time to launch a write-in campaign for Red Square. Do you live in the district that was Hillary's old seat (insert joke)?


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AbecedariusRex wrote:I like your boots, Mr. Square.
Oh yes. I take pride in my habit of having them polished every morning with a rag soaked in melted pig fat, by a hungry Gulag prisoner. I like watching him salivate. When he thinks I'm not looking, he sticks the rag in his mouth and tries to suck on the fat. It sends the thrill up my leg seeing him do that, but I have to flog him later anyway. He can't just redistribute the People's Government-provided pig fat into his individualistic stomach without proper authorization. Rules are rules.

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I certainly hope you gave all the politicians a good denouncement. We have an economy to destroy by Nov 2. , so it is expected that these oafish lazy pols might need to be prodded with a well placed (and shined!) boot.

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This is certainly a most equal honour for all of us. Our comrade is sure to have made a big impression on the gullible umm, erm.. most honourable... umm... most equal senators.

Can the glorious World of Next Tuesday ™ be far with such an example set for all to see. As a Canukistanian I feel most welcome to partake of your generous services. I'll bet American beets taste the most equal of all beets. Sign me up.

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Comrade Red Square

I would like to invite you to come and speak to the South African Parliament. Poor Comrade Julius Malema has trouble fighting reactionary forces in the ANC over the nationalization of the mining industry.

I am sure that your experience and eloquence will be able to convince the most hardened weak socialist to convert to strong communism!

https://blogs.ft.com/beyond-brics/2010/09/27/110171/

Amandla!

Obamugabe

Comrade Red Square,

You eyes brought tears to my eyes ... and I couldn't even understand what you testimony said has I just felt the deep sentiment that I just needed to agree with it.

Comrad Obamugabe is right those South African soft socialist make me sick they should simply nationalize everything ... even Zuma leather jacket !

From those who killed thousand !

Ngonguenha

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Komrade Square,
I are happy to report from the dusty beetfields that Party transmissions are coming in clear! And, after having my laptop redistributed to a dumpster, I can now report that the Cube looks glorious as ever on my second-hand iPod (which I received in place of potatoes as a reward for when iShovel or iPlant or iHarvest in the People's Field). I must say, your appearance on the Hill brought a lot of class to an already classy joint. I also received some of the thrills up my legs!

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I beg to differ, Czar Czar. Red Square is the living avatar of the classless society, a state of being in which no one has any class whatsoever. He did of course fit right in at the hearings...

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Comrade Red Square!!!

Well done, you old Bolshevik!!!

But I surprised that you did not take advantage of the opportunity to call for the Impeachment of the evil Bu$hitler. They say it cannot be done because he is no longer President. Hogwash, I say! If His Excellency can steal redistribute GM and Chrysler stocks from their capitalist oppressors to the UAW, then by Lenin, the Congress can impeach the evil Bu$hitler!

--
ZB

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While there was no tingle going up my leg as I read this inspiring response, for the time I was reading it, I forgot that Comrade Red Square wasn't black.

Well, maybe there was a little tingle. It was hard to tell as I've spent the past five hours applauding.

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"importing the entire peasant class wouldn't be necessary if U.S. citizens behaved correctly and voted for those who promise them more entitlements. "

Comrade, you are hopelessly out of touch with current party doctrine. This is what happens when you miss the Party meetings. These American criminals must be replaced regardless of how they vote. These Kulaks learn their anti-socialist behavior in their capitalist sow's womb, clinging to their guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment, they are beyond redemption. That is why we do not blanch at importing masses of Muslims into the People's Republic, even though they present a special challenge when it comes to educating them in having the proper politically correct outlook, as our comrades found out in Chechnya and Afghanistan. Had you been paying attention to Our Glorious Leader's teachings during his recent "Let's bring back the old 2008 election spark" tour you would have realized the error of your thoughts.

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Superkommissar Maksim wrote:
Red Square wrote:"Shoveling permafrost in the tundra has been proven to prevent criminal thought and strengthen compliance."

Truer words were never spoken. I think it's time to launch a write-in campaign for Red Square. Do you live in the district that was Hillary's old seat (insert joke)?

Comrades! While this testimony to the testimony is all well and good we must remember the animals! (and the furry live import ones too)

2peta_wideweb__470x312,0.jpg

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Glorious Comrade Red Square, simply glorious! Now that the Current Truth(TM) has been spoken to the world, we just have to sit back and wait for the Glorious World of Next Tuesday to arrive!

Also, I happen to have a Revolutionary era M91 Mosin Nagant rifle that would be ideal for you to pose with. Ironically made by the capitalist thugs at Remington for the oppressive Czarist army, before being repurposed to the Revolution. Perhaps if there had been more undocumented immigrants and Muslims in Mother Russia in 1917, there would not have been such a bloody revolution.

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Comrade Red Square, I applaud you for echoing the collective wisdom first made manifest by a great thinker from my neck of the woods:

"Would it not be easier for the government to dissolve the people and elect another?" --Bertolt Brecht

I simply must put this in the Gulag U. archives!

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Reiuxcat wrote:
Superkommissar Maksim wrote:
Red Square wrote:"Shoveling permafrost in the tundra has been proven to prevent criminal thought and strengthen compliance."

Truer words were never spoken. I think it's time to launch a write-in campaign for Red Square. Do you live in the district that was Hillary's old seat (insert joke)?

Comrades! While this testimony to the testimony is all well and good we must remember the animals! (and the furry live import ones too)

2peta_wideweb__470x312,0.jpg

Comrade Rue-Chat, you are asking for a Show Trial. Everyone knows true proles are nowhere near as shapely as the imperialist vixens pictured here. Surely they were hired by the progressive wannabes of the SEIU from a local escort agency.

True prole XX's are swarthy! They make better field hands.

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Even the paradoxical right-wing thinker (as rare as they are) accepts the bleak reality:

Victor Davis Hanson: A Nation of Peasants

He starts off with

"Traditional peasant societies believe in only a limited amount of good. The more your neighbor earns, the less someone else gets. Profits are seen as a sort of theft; they must be either hidden or redistributed. Envy, rather than admiration of success, reigns."

I am happy to see the power of GroupThink affecting even silly dissenters.

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I'm curious.

Which end of the shovel did Comrade Frank think was the working end?

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Glorious Job, Oh Crimson Cubed One!!!!!

While you in there shoveling it in front of those congress critters, and some fine shoveling it was, I must say, I took the liberty (hate that word)......err: I should say took the opportunity to have some of the People's Navy Sailors take a break from putting "Don't Ask Don't tell" into practice and had them do a little polish and wax on / wax off action on something a bit more productive then what they've been up to lately................your ride.


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Your Chariot awaits Glorious Leader!

A fine automobile it is! Che Vrolet approves!

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Comrade Woogums, Surely you must be joking.

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Comrades, speaking as one whose name is practically synonymous with the word “shovel”, I must say I am all a-tingle and aquiver from Red Square's testimony. As many of you know from firsthand experience, I've always believed in the power of the shovel to bring change to the masses.

With that in mind, I would like to hold a rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington. RESTORING SHOVELS will be a once in a lifetime opportunity for hundreds of thousands of comrades to come together with their shovels for a weekend of hole digging, ditch digging, and dirt throwing.

Participants will come to appreciate the importance of the shovel in their lives. They will learn of the many valuable contributions to society made possible only by the existence of shovels. They will come away feeling as if their shovel is more than just another tool, but a fellow comrade, a cherished pet, a member of the family.

And that is why my rally will also be about establishing full citizenship—and with it, voting rights and government benefits—to all shovels!

Rest assured with me at the head of this glorious enterprise, there will be plenty of shoveling! People are always telling me that every time I start talking, they feel the urge to pick up a shovel from somewhere, anywhere. And they say the more I talk, the bigger the shovel is needed.

Why, this is another great Progressive idea just waiting to be dug up!

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote: With that in mind, I would like to hold a rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington. RESTORING SHOVELS will be a once in a lifetime opportunity for hundreds of thousands of comrades to come together with their shovels for a weekend of hole digging, ditching digging, and dirt throwing.

Participants will come to appreciate the importance of the shovel in their lives. They will learn of the many valuable contributions to society made possible only by the existence of shovels. They will come away feeling as if their shovel is more than just another tool, but a fellow comrade, a cherished pet, a member of the family.


Will there be donuts?


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Pinkie, I just printed out your testimony and hung it on the wall in a steel frame made out of Lenin's own shovel. I didn't even need to use nails and strings; the thing simply sticks to any vertical surface and just hangs there.

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Comrade Square,

You were wise not to mention that Shillary's old seat, like the universe, is expanding every day! She spends money like the world is on sale.

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Red Square wrote:
AbecedariusRex wrote:I like your boots, Mr. Square.
Oh yes. I take pride in my habit of having them polished every morning with a rag soaked in melted pig fat, by a hungry Gulag prisoner. I like watching him salivate. When he thinks I'm not looking, he sticks the rag in his mouth and tries to suck on the fat. It sends the thrill up my leg seeing him do that, but I have to flog him later anyway. He can't just redistribute the People's Government-provided pig fat into his individualistic stomach without proper authorization. Rules are rules.

Ah, yess... The customised boots from People Footwear Collective #263....where only the best left-footed boots are made.

I have a pair from there myself.

Most appropriate to go along with your olive drab pin-stripe tunic...VERY "Inner Party" Comrade.

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Pinkie, I have a bone to pick with you about your shovels. I know, I know, I know, you're Commissarka Shovel Pinkie. You've always been shovel-ready.

But if we have lots of shovels, will they be any good if we have nothing to plant? I'm afraid that all of my proles were so hungry that they ate all the seed beets. I like to keep them lean and mean, you know--I don't have hot water in their barracks. Just makes them lazy.

But unfortunately they ate the seed onions too.

I would cast a favorable eye on your shovels if they came with a muzzle. Or something like the neck ring on a cormorant to keep it from eating the fish.

But if we put neck rings on proles, then how will they properly worship His O'liness?

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I don't know why my mind is wandering in this direction. Too much grading this morning, I think.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: But if we have lots of shovels, will they be any good if we have nothing to plant?

"You plant ice you're gonna harvest wind."



Commissar Theocritus wrote:Or something like the neck ring on a cormorant to keep it from eating the fish.

Like this feller here?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:But if we put neck rings on proles, then how will they properly worship His O'liness?

Rings on my fingers
Bells on my toes
Elephants to ride upon
My little Irish rose
So come to your nabob
And on Saint Patrick's day
Be Mistress Mumbo Jumbo Jittibob Jay
O'shea


Alright, I'm going back in my box now. (S'alright. Close da door!)

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Very nice pictures, Rex. And I note that the neck ring is very nice--that little thing in the middle is the Hillary Electro-choke Collar. I use them all the time.

In my neck of the woods, we can gauge how made a prog is by how big his remote control is, with a button for each one of his proles. Press the button, and then there's a joy stick to control the prole. If the prole goes off his head, then the head goes off the prole.

This is so much neater than a bullet in the back of the head like Stalin or Mao.

I am now working on an app for my iPad. Look for it in the App Store under Off with their Heads! And the writer is Red Queen Software, Inc. You link up each color by Bluetooth to the iPad and then use the virtual joystick on the iPad to direct their movements.

Don't let them get out of Bluetooth range though, but that's not a problem. I'm a good prog and I never let anyone get out of my sight anyway. They might run off.

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Comrades,

There has been some posting confusion by some comrades. Some people refer to VP Joe Biden as Uncle Joe, Others are outraged that this title was reserved for and first given to Joseph Stalin, whose collective accomplishments are beyond measure.

It has been collectively, "reliable sources close to the Politburo and personally Red Square, People's Director." decided to give deference to the living. We will refer in the future to “Uncle Joe BS” so both names are covered.

To all those who complained, we know who you are and where you live. Watch your back, your front and both sides until after the next purge. Your names will be very close to the top of the list.

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Joseph Biden's real nickname is either "Xerox" Joe for his past plagiarisms, of "Hairplug" Joe, for the obvious reasons.....

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I always thought his real name was Lex Luthor.

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I alway thought he was a dildo with hair plugs.

Just as John Kerry is a dildo who is a heir plug.

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WASHINGTON -- Comrade Red Square made a highly bizarre - and occasionally lucid
.

Lucid in the sky with Diamonds?
I met Lucid once but I have forgotten where. Redhead wasn't she?

Image On my way.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:I alway thought he was a dildo with hair plugs.

Just as John Kerry is a dildo who is a heir plug.
John Kerry is a fake.

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Oh. John Kerry is a fake dildo? That's pretty fake, sort of like a CBO estimate of Obamacare.

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Excellant point Comrade Commissar,

Just about as fake as his Vietnam medals with the tales of great military exploits self composed. Three purple hearts for minor shaving accidents. Hypocrates [guardian of Hypocrites] would be proud of him.



 
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