Rafsanjani to Penn: Who's Your Daddy?



It has long been thought that Sean Penn was born the son of Leo Penn, a Hollywood director who defied the House Committee on Un-American Activities and was subsequently blacklisted. But shortly before the US invasion in Iraq the actor's mother confided in him that his true father was "some Middle Eastern guy" from a grocery on the corner.
His suspicions got bolstered by the strangely disturbing effect the U.S. Mideast policies had on his psyche. The more America flexed its military muscle, the more agitated the actor became. When he could bear it no more, he confronted his mother about his family roots.


"Are you my father?"
His visit, however, was cut short after Saddam's other sons, Uday and Qusay, demanded that Sean prove his relation to them in state-run rape rooms and torture cellars. "With all respect to diversity and multiculturalism," Penn confessed later in a story he wrote for the San Francisco Chronicle, "their noogies, wedgies, uppercuts, tooth-pulling, nail-slicing, and other manifestations of brotherly love did not feel even remotely familiar. Saddam was obviously not my father."


Sean Penn and Rafsanjani in Tehran, June 2005.
RAFSANJANI: "Sean, I am your Father! I have admired your work since the movie, 'At Close Range.' The dynamic between you and Christopher Walken was quite compelling."
The People's Cube found out why: the seized videotapes indeed confirmed Mr. Penn's hypothesis. On one of them, Rafsanjani is captured making the startling declaration: "Sean, I am your Father! I have admired your work since the movie, At Close Range. The dynamic between you and Christopher Walken was quite compelling."
The tapes also show father and son engaged in a tearful embrace, as well as the Iranian statesman giving his son a copy of a new "flush-proof" Koran, developed by the Ayatollah's top nuclear scientists.
Reflecting on his newly confirmed family ties, Penn was reportedly overheard saying, in a voice redolent of his memorable Jeff Spicoli character, "I guess it probably explains my, what's the word I'm looking for; um, oh yeah, propensity - my propensity toward violent outbursts and my need to put women in their place, like I did when I worked over that little tramp - you know, my former wife, Madonna. Under Dad's rule she'd be stoned to death if she tried to pull that cucumber-sucking shit over here."
Sources claim that he went on to note, "There was something about her song 'Like a Virgin' that strangely resonated with me. Who knew it was my destiny to become a martyr myself; then I'll get to 'touch' 72 virgins 'for the very first time'".

With fervor rising in his voice, Mr. Penn added, "That's what I call putting the horse before the cart! We've been doing it backwards for over 200 years and the ignorant American people will keep getting it wrong if they insist on electing Presidents who are uneducated, incurious, and have no knowledge of the thespian arts."
Asked about how he will deal with the fact that he now essentially has two fathers, Mr. Penn replied, "I think it's great; everyone should have two dads, or, two moms for that matter." These comments instantly won him praise from the non-partisan group, Gay and Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD).
Chris Walken
I mean, call me intuitive, but I always knew that Penn-ski boy was a mullah-fokkin' liar! It makes me sick to my freakin' stomach. Poor Lee, what's his name; sorry, poor Leo. Who knew?
Pour me another Grey Goose martini.
Comrade Kim
WATCH VIDEO HERE. Look at http://www.swankyconservative.com/2005/ ... patriotism
hiltonhead
Update
As you know, I love our country. However, I must always be on the lookout for ways to improve our standing in the world. I have it on the highest global authority that we have dropped to two hundred fiftieth in the global rankings! How can we continue at this rate? We will not even be seeded in the next Global collective runoff!
I know you all wish we could go back to the good old days of the late sixties and early seventies, but that time has passed. The world doesn't look at us the same way anymore. We are older, less enticing, less fertile. We must rely on another means to peak the world's interest.
That is why I am on my fact finding, healing, and global understanding tour. Much like "V-ger" from the first Star Trek movie, I am collecting data for the greater good! I want the world to look at us like he used to. I want the world to look at us lustily again, and not want to beat us for being unattractive or because we deserve it. I know my friends all tell me the world is bad for us, and nobody deserves to be beaten for no reason, but I know that the world really loves us and wouldn't hurt us on purpose. It must be something we did. And I don't want the restraining order that McBushyChimpHitler wants! The world will never talk to us again if we do that!
So, that's why I went to Iran! To understand my man, I must enter his ID and see what's cooking. Oh, he says crazy stuff like, "Death to America," but he doesn't mean it! He really loves us deep down, and we just have to convince him to love us again. We just have to work harder. And if he hits us, then it's our fault, because we didn't try hard enough, and we let him down. I think we all understand this.
Your voice and emmisary,
Sean Penn
Kim Jong-il





christyrhone
hey i think what sean is doing is a good thing.and i have loved sean since i was 8 years old and im 28 now so if you see this sean well i love you hope all is well love christyFreak....

Kommissar Betty
christyrhone
hey i think what sean is doing is a good thing.and i have loved sean since i was 8 years old and im 28 now so if you see this sean well i love you hope all is well love christyFreak.... thats what you think thats ok but maybe you are


christyrhone
Kommissar Betty
christyrhone
hey i think what sean is doing is a good thing.and i have loved sean since i was 8 years old and im 28 now so if you see this sean well i love you hope all is well love christyFreak.... thats what you think thats ok but maybe you are
Yeah right, ya freak.



My lawyer will contact you soon!




Quote:
My lawyer will contact you soon!Two years and no reply....must be a sleeper cell of a law firm.
Probably the same firm that represents The Nation and the BBC.
Maybe all of them are waiting for enough aggrieved groups to join together and form a Class (struggle) Action lawsuit against the Cube.
This calls for a song.






Great Stalin's Ghost
Go ahead Sean, give your daddy a big hug. But not too big, because if the Iranian authorities think that you're a little too fond of grown men (young boys are still halal) you will be find out about the Iranian version of being "well hung".
Yes, young boys are still halal.
Franco'ly, I think everyone needs to cut comrade Penn some slack. He was most gracious when he visited our FARC camp in Bolivia, and when we all had supper with Chavez in Venezuela, after the successful elections.
Senor Penn is a true communist, an America-hating comrade in arms, and a personal amigo of mine. I'd let him help us with some FARC propaganda any day!



Do they have an Islamic version of "The Omen"??


F.A.R.C. Agent Ivan
Great Stalin's Ghost
Go ahead Sean, give your daddy a big hug. But not too big, because if the Iranian authorities think that you're a little too fond of grown men (young boys are still halal) you will be find out about the Iranian version of being "well hung".Yes, young boys are still halal.
Maybe my anti-Capitalist, anti-infidel spirit needs some fortification, but as many times as I've seen that photo, it still gives me the willies. What would Mohammed do? Besides bugger the poor young fellow, that is.