Your Excellency Al Gore:

I am frightened. Very frightened.

Because I have seen the trailer for your classic film, An Inconvenient Truth.

Your cinematic skills taught me that the future is one of "hundreds of millions of refugees," fires, floods, earthquakes, tornadoes, nuclear disasters, and terrifying PowerPoint slides - all occurring within seven seconds.

You see, unlike you and me, most people do not know that ten of the hottest years ever were within the last fourteen years. Yes, that simple fact is too abstract for the masses of weak minds to understand - which is why I am glad that you mentioned it.

But perhaps you should have illustrated that point by mentioning how the wettest ten hours all day happened to be in the last twelve hours? Or perhaps you should have used some simple sports analogy; e.g.., Baby Ruth's (or whatever her name was) most home runs were in her third, fifth, and sixth or whatever seasons. What were the odds of that happening?

And yet I am concerned. Along with you, President Gore, I weep for our planet and how it has been raped. Just dragged in the bushes and raped! Repeatedly raped. In every orifice and in every way, in and out, in and out, in and out, raped, raped, raped and raped. With open sores in contact with putrid bodily fluids, and with violent screams of suffering and impending death, our planet, our lovely lovely planet, is now covered with hideous scars and is permanently disfigured, with its internal organs mutilated beyond any hope of recovery. Mr. President, I understand that, and I thank you for illustrating it so well.

But back to the trailer. Thank you for mentioning that the hottest year ever was 2005. Dammit, why don't more people listen to you? We both know, that without the interference of humans, there would be no hottest year. All years would be equal. Just as all people would be equal without the right-wing religious zealots who stole your presidency. Yes, my President, you too were raped - just like Earth itself. And that is why you can empathize with the planet. Basically, you and Earth are feminine beings whose dignity has been violated. And believe me, I can sympathize with that.

But back to the trailer. At the 41st second, you speak truth to power: "The scientific consensus is that we are causing global warming." But, with all due respect, Mr. President, you forgot to mention the logical solution. Perhaps this is because you feel guilty about having children? Well, for the rest of us, there should be and must be mandatory human extinction to save the planet. No more breeding. Ever. Humans will never be able to foul this beautiful planet again.

But back to the trailer. The before-and-after pictures of Patagonia and Kilimanjaro with and without snow cover are startling. And deathly frightening. I, for one, have never seen any patch of land covered with snow - and then without snow! The juxtaposition of these landscapes made me violently ill, as I am sure it also made you violently ill. I vomited my cauliflower-and-tofu, Mr. President - and since your diet is just like mine, I know what a mess it must have been when you saw those pictures, because, with all due respect, Mr. President, your appetite looks much larger than mine.

But back to the trailer. You say that "temperature increases are occurring all over the world". I verified this phenomenon just today, in fact, when the temperature rose an astounding ten degrees between breakfast and lunch! And yes, I too would describe that as "the biggest crisis in the history of this country", just as you do in your movie!

But the money quote is when you point at a white shape and state that "if this were to go, sea levels world-wide would go up twenty feet". And then, just like that, Florida, Shanghai, and Calcutta all change colors! And the "World Trade Center Memorial would be under water!" And then you show people in New Orleans and then an ice avalanche, and by then, I was completely petrified by amazement, fear, disgust, and loathing.

Mr. President, I am a very busy professor, swamped with responsibilities and burdens, and my hectic schedule leaves no time to see your movie. But that will not stop me from incessantly demanding that everyone I know (least of all my students!) see it several times. And I will make certain that they know why we are in such peril (humans, capitalism, Zionism), and what solutions are needed (human extinction, scientific socialism, and the destruction of the Zionist Entity).

Mr. President, your credibility is at a zenith, and your sharp and humane prescriptions for our planet must not be ignored. Our choice is simple: Listen to you, or suffer. And as much as I think we deserve the latter, we owe it to ourselves to follow the former.

Respectfully Yours,
Professor Peter Alan Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

P.S.

Unlike many other people, I still admire your observation that "The worst thing we can possibly do is to cut off the channels of friendship and mutual understanding between Saudi Arabia and the United States." I wonder if you will clarify this in your movie with a statement like, "Regardless of the inevitable climatic devastation that you saw over the last ninety minutes, just remember that the worst thing we can do is to alienate Saudi Arabia." I love you, Mr. President.
 

I am so scared to the point that I will give him any amount of money necessary so he can tell us that we are not going to melt into pools of human goo.
 

More propaganda about Gore from a group of capitalist pig running dogs...

http://interface.audiovideoweb.com/lnk/ ... v/play.asx
 

Oh my red stars. I went out the ditch this morning and had to take off my SECOND POTATO SACK!!! IT WAS THAT WARM OUT! But the republinazis would have you believe that "the seasons" change. LIES LIES ALL LIES, stop smoking the lies ahhhhhh!!!
 

Comrades, we work for the people in the people's utopia blue state of michigan.  Long live Granholme! But while we were building shacks of 696 highway for other shack builders, we noticed month of may very cold.  We ask that we increase pace of global warming so that it equal out heat in january when it is very colder and need mittens to protect shack builders from building shacks in icy cold sweat.  We ask comrade Gore to speed up global warm process clock and adjust temperature 2 degrees celcius warmer for next decade.  Long live Perastroyka of United Peoples States of Amerikkka!

By the way, we recently made national flight and looked down and all trees were gone. Global Warming is killing all trees in Ari-notJoo-zona, New New Mexico, and Texas (back to Mexico)!!!
 

We, the People, need to defend our brave leader Alger Gore against the media:

From http://www.nypost.com/movies/66485.htm

Quote:

"GORE'S HOT AIR:  FLAKY FLICK SUFFERS FROM 'TRUTH' DECAY"
May 24, 2006
By Kyle Smith

Rating: one star out of four

Now, this is bad enough, but the miserable demon continues!

Quote:

Gore claims, with pie-chart-in-the-sky dreaminess, that unspecified measures can reduce emissions to 1970 levels. He assesses the tradeoff between the economy and the environment with the kind of buffoonery you'd expect in a Marxist comic book, displaying a cartoon of a scale with Earth on one side and bars of gold on the other. "OK, on one side we have gold bars," he says. "Mmm, mmm, don't they look good!"

When will our authorities enact a law to make denial of Global Warming a crime?  When will innocents like Alger Gore be saved the indignity of such snottery?
 

I was so scared just reading about how scary Commisar Gore's movie was, I think I may have dirtied my undies. Hang on, I'll be right back.

Whew! I think Commisar Gore is on to something. It is impossible to know how many other undies may become dirty due to global warming (and warning about global warming). I have a feeling (but being public school edukated I'm not smart enough to know for sure) there may be a few more ticks upward just because of all the extra undies that may need to be prematurely washed. My diesel washing machine (excellently made in Bulgaria... a collectors item now) is going to be on overdrive, polluting the world and raising global temperatures! Maybe there could be a government program to wash the undies and somehow use more enviro-friendly methods. I am open to more ideas from smarter party apparatchiks.
 

I am super serial!!!! Why won't anyone take me seriously about Manbear Pig!!!!!

Al Gore
 

The answer is simple!  As Jean-Baptiste Lamarck tought us, animals adapt to their environment. Lamarck showed quite easily that a giraffe acquires the ability to pass on longer necks to their offspring by exercising its neck muscles (e.g., during the act of stretching to get leaves), .

Now, Albert Gore is well aware of Lamarck.  In fact, his scientific method is WHOLLY LAMARCKIAN!  How do I know?  He was my student, that's how!

How Albert could miss the obvious is beyond me!  We must train our young people to breathe carbon dioxide!  By placing a bag over the heads of the young, we can increase their CO2 consumption and each successive generation will increase its ability to breathe CO2.  Global Warming will be a thing of the past.  Albert is a worthy student, but unable to see the big picture.
 

Quote:

As Jean-Baptiste Lamarck tought us, animals adapt to their environment. Lamarck showed quite easily that a giraffe acquires the ability to pass on longer necks to their offspring by exercising its neck muscles (e.g., during the act of stretching to get leaves).

Humph!  The Chief would have thought that the giraffe passed on its long-necked trait by an act of stretching and exercising (in conjunction with other animal!) an entirely different muscle, located towards the other end of the animal from the neck.  If this not happen, no more giraffes!
 

Dearest friends,

Many in the "scientific community" have attacked People's Hero Alger Gore. His movie is not meant to be LITERALLY interpreted! His movie is the SCIENTIFIC BIBLE, and Al Gore is GOD HIMSELF. The story is true even if the facts are invented. It is an allegory. It is no coincidence that Al Gore and Alle Gory look quite similar.

AL GORE IS THE SECOND COMING! ALL OF YOU REPENT AND SEE "AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH! THE 2000 ELECTION WAS A CRUCIFIXION! WE HAVE FORSAKEN AL GORE!

I am not a human, even though you forced me to choose yes to post this!
 

No no, all have wrong it!  When acquire Amerikkkan car, polute Amerikkka skys!  Instead squeeze mental populace to acquire Volkesvagon, Mercycedes Binnz, Shzigulis, Volgas, and Fiats then polute only Eurasian skyes with nuclear debress from foul engine! Why you think Hitlery drive multiple Blitzkrieg Jeep when on road, to polute Stalingrad!  She double-agent suppremo with twist on brainwash partison politikos.  When she taken away for reedumacation, whe come back, devide wealth and aquire stretch leCar.  Now all debree from French cheeze is polute free sky in Eurabia!  Hahaha!  Only Zionist Pig Running Dog blanket know protest civilizasion from nutmeg rabit racism capitalist!!!  Hahaa!  Remind me of when Castro trip, broke ankle to prove ground worthy of communist, unlike lemming freedom fry who no touch ground with shoe tooth!!!! hahae!  Comrade Gore needs much respekt for oncoming negotiation with Usama, Chechen leader supreme commandant, married to debutante Hitlery!! and no plane hit Octagon!  Looni!!!!  Hahaha!
 

What have they done to the earth?
What have they done to our fair sister?
Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her
Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn
And tied her with fences and dragged her down

I hear a very gentle sound...
Put your ear down to the ground.

WE WANT THE WORLD AND WE WANT IT NOW!