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Global Warming Vodka: Cheap Alternative Solution

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Speaking about free Cadillac-quality medical services from cradle to grave, this baby runs best on ethanol as proven by our Soviet comrades whose extensive research into cheap alcohol-based solutions is well-known. It also shortens the distance between cradle and grave, which saves the government a lot resources. With this in mind we invented a new alternative product that is now quickly replacing Kool-Aid® as preferred mind-altering substance of progressive elites:

Corn ethanol based

GLOBAL WARMING VODKA

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Not only is it a cheap alternative solution to life's problems. It also...

  • Raises awareness
  • Promotes social bonding
  • Improves determination to fight social causes
  • Advances dependency on government agencies
  • Creates a realistic illusion of melting icecaps
  • Replaces the need for tedious scientific research
  • Is appropriate for all ages
(May contain mind-control agents)

A word from the man who invented Global Warming Vodka, former Vice President Al Gore:


There isn't a problem in the world that can't be solved by alternative fuels. Example. Students of Progress™ know that all problems come from capitalism. Capitalism is fueled by selfishness. Therefore, if we find an alternative fuel to selfishness, we can fix all problems. I have invented such alternative fuel - and it's self-sacrifice. But since most people may agree to self-sacrifice only occasionally - instead of the required 24/7 all year round - they'll always be looking for ways to slack off. A World Socialist Government must be established to catch those slackers and sacrifice them for the Common Good™. International research has shown that self-sacrifice and compassion work best when they are mandated and enforced by the government, in combination with planned economy and a strict but fair rule by a beloved supreme leader. Thus the most humane government is that which enforces a total and far-reaching human sacrifice.

So here's your alternative fuel to capitalist greed and selfishness. Problem solved.

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What about potatoes? What about Maine and Idaho? Can't we have both?

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I suggest we pull our collective minds together and think of some appropriate cocktail recipes to be made with Global Warming Vodka, Dr. P's Propaganda wine, and maybe even Uncle Ted's Brain Opener solution. Throw in your ideas! Advance progress!


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My recipe for a Meow Mojhito on the icecaps:

-One shot of Global Warming Vodka®

-Two shots of Propaganda®

-Three shots of Diesel with a pinch of Guerilla Glue®

Add a little bit of Brain Opener® solution (for a kick).

Stir with a Party Approved swizzle stick of truth and you have yourself a drink that will dilate your pupils to The People's™ suffering! Enjoy!

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COMMISSAR GENERAL'S WARNING: Consuming more than one Meow Mojhito can lead to Voting Democrat. Please refrain from seeking medical attention if you or anyone else you know plans on comsuming two or more Meow Mojhitos.

CAUTION: Meow Mojhitos can cause blindness, internal bleeding, pompous self-righteouness, euphoria and sudden Voting Democrat. Please be in the company of a designated Party Registrar before comsumption of a Meow Mojhito and have both a Social Security number and current address available at all times.

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One of my favorite Global Warming Vodka drinks:

DEAD POLAR BEAR

Fill pitcher 97% full with Global Warming Vodka

add 3% ice

enjoy

The 97% and 3% proportions are based on atmospheric CO2 levels. Atmospheric CO2 is 97% from natural sources and 3% from man made sources.

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Penn And Teller Get Hippies To Sign Water Baning Petition


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Red Square wrote:<img src="/images/GlobalWarming_Vodka_500.jpg" width="500" height="533"></p>

Well... I must say this is much much better! If we are to anthropomorphize polar bears and other polar animals, then I am happy to see we are doing so with a healthier alternative than Coca-Cola.

<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/cok ... hkids1.gif" width="339" height="252" class="BorderGray">

For far too long I have watched in horror as this kapitalist satan has plied innocent polar bears with nutrient poor soft drinks, while their manufakturing processes help to increase global warming.
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/cheears.gif" width="250" height="181" class="BorderGray">
The very ingestion of this sugar-laden poison has led to changes in the polar bear's natural behaviours.
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/bikerbear.gif" width="241" height="300" class="BorderGray">
The resultant sugar high has caused them to become fractious with each other, where before they were loving and friendly. Rather than greet each other warmly, <img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/heytherebuddy.gif" width="250" height="166" class="BorderGray">
they have become more violent, and as the Coca-cola sugar high wears off, they become grumpy and fight with each other.
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/boxingbears.gif" width="300" height="274" class="BorderGray">


The use of Vodka by bears will not only alleviate these social concerns but will act as a social lubricant,
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/bearhug.gif" width="250" height="187" class="BorderGray"><img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/wildcub.gif" width="300" height="225" class="BorderGray">
bringing together bears in warm social settings where they may become intimate and help to increase the dwindling polar bear population. It is a well known fact that the advent of sugary drinks is associated with the reduction in birth rates in any mammal population, while Vodka is most definitely associated with increased birth rates.
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/familytime.gif" width="300" height="217" class="BorderGray">

Finally, the gross anthropomorphization of these regal wild beasts for the purposes of marketing nutritionally deficient sugar water can stop, and with it, the need for polar bears to 'make friends' with their natural food sources, thereby alleviating yet more pressure on their populations.

<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/seal.gif" width="400" height="287" class="BorderGray">
Once more they can nibble on seals all they like,
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/goodeating.gif" width="442" height="384" class="BorderGray">

rather than having to share their Coca-cola with them.
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/sealandbearcubs.gif" width="239" height="300" class="BorderGray">
No more will baby polar bears be forced to bottle feed on this poisonous beverage,
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/babybottle.gif" width="92" height="115" class="BorderGray">
returning once more to their natural mother's milk, and the warmth and calm the Vodka she drinks will bring to them. Their natural temperaments will be restored.
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/ahhh.gif" width="450" height="300" class="BorderGray">


I am so pleased to see such a wonderful solution with so many benefits attached... Reduction of consumption of nutritionally empty beverages by wild animals, leading to reduction in production of global warming effluents from the means of manufacturing as well as reduction of 'empties' strewn across the Arctic,
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/chilling.gif" width="350" height="444" class="BorderGray">
and the return to a more natural wild state for these regal beasts from the slavery of imposed anthropomorphization!

Hallelujah!
Sister Massively Opiated
<img src="https://www.cargo-cult.com/pictures/SMOwithteeth.gif" width="450" height="278" class="BorderGray">
Sister Massively Opiated - Kommissar of Housekeeping

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<img src="https://thepeoplescube.com/images/Globa ... le.jpg">[b]Adopt a Bottle[/b]

We at Halliburton Distillery Group are with the spirits of the times. You can send in donations and adopt just about anything these days. Just google "adopt a rock," "adopt a river," or "adopt a polar bear," and you'll see what I mean. In this spirit of selfless entrepreneurial activism I've put together a new adopt a cute icon program. Now you can adopt a bottle of Global Warming Vodka!

For 50 dollars you'll recieve:

- membership in GlobalWarmingVodka for Peace for one year

- a picture of your adopted Global Warming Vodka bottle

- a special message from your adopted bottle

- a personalized certificate

- a signed copy of In the Footsteps of Ancient Distilled Spirits by Lou Harris, world renowned Spiritsologist and trial lawyer with GlobalWarmingVodka for Peace

Don't delay! Adopt a bottle today! Save the Planet!

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Sister!

Do you realize that you've got everything laid out here for a great short People's Video? You have the images and the text - all you need now is some captions and the narrative. I'm sure you could do it. If you can fake a patronizing British accent that would be even better! Do you have a video editing program? Let me know, we can do it together. Introduce the Global Warming Vodka, do the bears part, and perhaps even finish with the Adopt A Bottle program!

Hooray!

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Well... it could be that silly little film degree and career I used to have... LOL... I tend to think of things that way, probably since I specialized in editing... heheheeheheh..

I've got um... the iLife suite... like iMovie HD and iPhoto and Garageband but I've never used any of them... when I launch iMovie, it asks me if I want to start a new project or make a magic movie... I could fiddle with it a bit... but they're all still shots - are you thinking of just cross-faded as stills?... sort of like a slide show? The main thing would be finding a mic around here that works, but I'm sure if I don't have one there'll be one at the 'rents' place. I'm not sure about a snotty English accent - I've got a weird half drawl from BC/west coast and the other half is kind of a clipped farmer's Saskatchewanese, topped off with careful diction so the people in Ontario could understand me when I first moved here... it even sounds funny to me, but what do you want from a dolphin? I'm sure we can figure it out.

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I'm getting hooked on Windows Movie Maker myself and was tinkering with a Hillary video UNTIL MY DELL WENT UP!! Errr.... I sent it off for repairs and hopefully it will return safely back to me so that I may resume.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I'm getting hooked on Windows Movie Maker myself and was tinkering with a Hillary video UNTIL MY DELL WENT UP!! Errr.... I sent it off for repairs and hopefully it will return safely back to me so that I may resume.

Umm... went up where exactly? Why would your computer attempt to arise of its own volition? Have you been tinkering with things you shouldn't have in an attempt to create a more realistic machine-spouse? I'm not sure there aren't certain things we shouldn't leave to develop naturally, as opposed to stem cells, which I'm all for putting in everything...

Hey! The Global Warming Vodka Stem Cell Martini... a little medicine with your medicine... and it would alleviate a step in the drunkenly getting knocked up process... ... they could be sold as individual coolers, thereby allowing $$ to adopt out entire six-packs of bottles (or four-packs... I don't drink that crap so I have no idea what denomination of pack they are marketed as)...

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Capital idea, Chairman and trusted friend Ow Gawww. I am presuming this eco-positive drink can also fuel hybrid cars?

You will be pleased to know that we have a similar drink here in Stray-ya. Bundaberg Rum hails from a state famous for having entire communities of collectivist thinkers and revolutionaries. Why, the town of Nimben in Queensland spends their whole time smoking party-approved weed and dreaming of a world with no work.

Although having said that the state has also produced the evil hater of multiculturalisticism Pauline Handsome.

Our mind-altering drink has also adopted the humble polar bear as it's mascot and has encouraged it to partake in fun but responsible and party-approved postmodern drinking activities. Here is a picture of him relaxing with two other Australian friends.

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Sadly, shortly after this photo was taken the Bundy Bear died from heat exhaustion because Polar Bears aren't able to live in the Australian climate.

Hello...Ow? Ow Gaww?

...I miss you...

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I answered your question in my Q&A thread, hopefully to the satisfaction to your wonderful collectivist community and the multicultural Australian wildlife. Have you seen it?

- Al Gore

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:but what do you want from a dolphin?
This will be the first movie ever made by a dolphin. It's history in the making. Let me know if you want help with images.

Most of my videos were done with still shots. You can review them here:
https://youtube.com/profile?user=RedSquareEye

Comrade Otis has a lot of experience working with Mac video programs.

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SMO, who doubts the teachings of Appliantology, wrote:Umm... went up where exactly?

IT WENT TO HEAVEN! JUST AS THE PROPHECY PREDICTED!

If I may quote the scriptures of the Prophet Bill Gates:

Dell 7:11

And hark unto thee, for thy Dell Inspiron 6000 shall be called unto Heaven to dwell with the Maytag Repairman. And so it shall be that thy Dell Inspiron 6000 shall ascend on a magic carpet and be lifted by Fed-Ex to make its pilgrimage to Memphis TN. For thine hour has come... thine soda spilt... and much needed repairs shall be required.

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I think what Chairman means is that he knocked up his Dell Inspiron 6000 and sent him/her/it away for a while until the dust settles. Something tells me his Vacuum will not take the news lightly.

Quite possibly in this picture we see their unfortunate offspring, half-man and half-machine, reduced to offer free robot sex hoping he/she/it would be adopted as appliance-life-partner like his/her/its co-parent Dell Inspiron 6000 was once adopted by merciful and compassionate Chairman.

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Geez... go away for a couple hours to do some work and all hell breaks loose...

I was quite taken by the polar bear/emu/kangaroo picture... It looked like a lovely children's book illustration. But I don't see why Australia couldn't just be a little antipodean stopover for our ursine friend, on his way to the penguin smorgasbord that is Antarctica... granted, there aren't seal, as far as I know, but dammit, if the Chairman can subsist on Hot Pockets, why can't a Polar Bear live on penguins and 'imported' Foster's... and the occasional research scientist?... I'm sure they'd do just as well on beer as on Vodka, and I think we can talk Greenpeace into nudging/towing the Japanese whaling fleet a little farther south... I'm sure Polar Bears would love sushi... heheheheheh... well... just a thought.

Red wrote:This will be the first movie ever made by a dolphin. It's history in the making. Let me know if you want help with images.
Actually, technically I've made other movies... but I haven't made one in a very very long time... since 1994... so I think it might be like the two-year rule... after two years, you're a film virgin again... So, certainly, if you like, we will be making history! It will most definitely be something if I actually figure out the software on my own, as you know I'm techlexic, but if need be I will call upon you and C. Otis for help.

Chairman. I am terribly sorry about your Dell, though I am still somewhat confused. Have you knocked up your computer, or have you knocked a soft drink into it? I realize that either way, it must go off for a period of seclusion and convalescence as is only proper, but I guess I'm just curious, and a little... yeah... confused - if indeed you have knocked it up - what you end up with after gestation... not being much in the way of appliances with the exception of all the armaments we cadged when we escaped our holding pens during Katrina... and you know I especially love my tritium night site... I would be bereft were something happen to it, which is why I've never told you where I keep it.

Ahh... anyway... I think I need to take a break from the computer for just a little while, having been at it since... oh... the last 11 hours... no wonder I appear to be going blind... I am actually going blind... But the last of the hated research paper illustrations is finished!!! I'll have to think about the script for movie... I know it's pretty much all there, but it does need some fleshing out... and I have to finish that assignment for class tomorrow and I'd like to get it done before I go to sleep.... plus... still blind... oh... wait... ... ... nope... still blind... and I have just discovered that I also can't move my left shoulder at all... I really have to remember to take breaks...

... I sure am taken by that Polar Bear and his friend picture though... it just makes me smile for some reason... I think it would make a good kid's Cube t-shirt.

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:... I sure am taken by that Polar Bear and his friend picture though... it just makes me smile for some reason... I think it would make a good kid's Cube t-shirt.
And I'm sure that to take that picture our environmentalist comrades had to murder three perfectly live innocent animals and stuff them with sawdust in order to be able to set them up against the bucolic Australian meadow. It's one thing to stuff Mr. and Mrs. Johnson with sawdust in Chairman's closet, and quite a different thing to mutilate three innocent endangered creatures!

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I didn't tell you I stuffed the Johnsons with sawdust...

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Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins are the ones stuffed and in the closet (holding each other for all eternity for my own childish amusement). Mr. and Mrs. Johnson is that nice elderly couple that I mowed down with my SUV (which belongs to some woman I met in Palm Beach.... who Voted Democrat mysteriously and also left me her fortune...mysteriously is the keyword here). Ummm.... yes, Dell is pregnant... and... uhhh <looks around nervously> I have to be going now... toodle-loo!

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P.S - No Robot-Amerikan child of mine would whore his/her/itself for free... a nickle, maybe... free, I don't think so. I simply can't imagine any of my offspring turning tricks for free... just the thought makes me sick and makes me feel like a bad parental unit!

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins are the ones stuffed and in the closet (holding each other for all eternity for my own childish amusement). Mr. and Mrs. Johnson is that nice elderly couple that I mowed down with my SUV (which belongs to some woman I met in Palm Beach.... who Voted Democrat mysteriously and also left me her fortune...mysteriously is the keyword here). Ummm.... yes, Dell is pregnant... and... uhhh <looks around nervously> I have to be going now... toodle-loo!
Exactly... I didn't tell you I stuffed the Johnsons with sawdust either... and they were quite a bit of work, given their horrifying deformities after their mysterious accident... old people fall so easily that I sometimes think they shouldn't be allowed to walk beside roadways where large vehicles such as SUV's can be found barrelling along at ridiculously high speeds... and it's so warm in CA at that time of year that decomp sets in quickly... thankfully, our Progressive Red Pointy Rodent Friend - Kommissar of Getting Soviet Flying Stock at Rock Bottom Prices - had that new set of wings for you and Dr. P and you were scheduled for a visit to inspect your new solid gold walk-in closet doors and do that children's thing....

So... I figured while you were coming I might as well take the opportunity to do a little R & D (for which I billed the Canadian government under a Research and Development incentive programme they have recently instituted... and oddly, haven't yet removed the R&D tax credit that it was to have replaced for this past tax year 2006, so we will get both the incentive kick-in AND the tax credit... Sister is gooooood! And all for stuffing things with sawdust... in Canada... land of lumber... Sister is damn gooooood!!!!)...

In any case, was my own special proprietary mixture of sawdust... and so you did not wonder who that lovely old couple keeping you company by the fire in bunker 4 was? You just thought, hey... look... necroproxies... must be the Jenkins even though I know they were dressed differently and I'm pretty sure I put them in the closet...

... You know, Meow... would be nice if you noticed the "little things" once in a while... <hmphhh>...

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Great bald head of Lenin, you're brilliant, Sister, BRILLIANT! I was wondering why those people in bunker four never said anything! I was sitting there for nearly six hours talking and they just sat there smiling.... but now I know! Ugh! The craftsmanship is spectacular! I mean, I could've sworn they were still alive! Sister, you have outdone yourself and I'm truly forever in your debt.... well, not forever in your debt because thats just silly... maybe in your debt for another hour...better yet, make it another ten minutes... I will be in your debt for another ten minutes and then we're even.

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Well... I suppose if you noticed 'the little things' I wouldn't be doing my job very well... thank you... I'm glad you like the work... and it's another pair of NP's... and she is a rather sweet lady, isn't she? They are just lovely people and I thought it would allow you to unburden yourself without having to worry about disposing of the person afterwards... you could feel as if you know them, and yet never really need to, as long as you feel they know you... and they'll never disagree! Enjoy!

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Beezelbob Brown wrote:
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I answered your question in my Q&A thread, hopefully to the satisfaction to your wonderful collectivist community and the multicultural Australian wildlife. Have you seen it?

- Al Gore

Ah yes, Al...I did read that post...it's just that, I can't help it. One can never get enough of a good thing. I hope I'm not bothering you, I am but one of your countless billions of admirers across the ever-warming globe. Forgive me if I come across a little, um, forward. Here in Stray-ya stalking is an accepted part of life.

Red Square wrote: And I'm sure that to take that picture our environmentalist comrades had to murder three perfectly live innocent animals and stuff them with sawdust in order to be able to set them up against the bucolic Australian meadow.

I assure you komrades the kangaroo and emu were sacrificed for the greater good. Although admittedly the meadow is colour enhanced. There is no green grass in Stray ya at all thanks to rising global temperatures.

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote: I've got um... the iLife suite... like iMovie HD and iPhoto and Garageband but I've never used any of them... when I launch iMovie, it asks me if I want to start a new project or make a magic movie... I could fiddle with it a bit... but they're all still shots - are you thinking of just cross-faded as stills?... sort of like a slide show?

iMovie should be able to do what you need it to do. I have fooled around with it and was able to stitch together 3 camphone videos for a friend. I think it can also let you add a soundtrack to it.

Can I have a part in your glorious People's Revolutionary movie? I think I would look like a dead ringer for Lenin.

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Can I have a part in your glorious People's Revolutionary movie? I think I would look like a dead ringer for Lenin.
That's a grand idea too! We can do a sequel to Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" and call it "An Inconvenient Pravda." It will be similar to Al Gore's movie, only instead of Al it will be Lenin, delivering the content of our earlier Truth articles about Global Warming.

Using graphs and attractive pictures, he will explain in Al Gore's voice how Communism have declined in the recent years due to the successes of capitalism, and how Global Warming has revived the idea of a world socialist government - in our hands, this tool is capable not just to stifle capitalism, but deal it a decisive blow!

The question is, can you do Al Gore's accent?

Here's the preview:

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Red Square wrote:We can do a sequel to Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" and call it "An Inconvenient Pravda." It will be similar to Al Gore's movie, only instead of Al it will be Lenin, delivering the content of our earlier Truth articles about Global Warming.

Using graphs and attractive pictures, he will explain in Al Gore's voice how Communism have declined in the recent years due to the successes of capitalism, and how Global Warming has revived the idea of a world socialist government - in our hands, this tool is capable not just to stifle capitalism, but deal it a decisive blow!

Brilliant! We could show Lenin beating up dissenters! And how the unruly kapitalist masses who cause riots and spread disease and eat puppies have brought Amerikkka to such a state that the Party had to deploy the Nixon clones to bring peace and equality to all.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Red Square wrote: The question is, can you do Al Gore's accent?


Wah, indeed ah can! Fo you see, ah am oh-riginally from Alabama. Ah grew up thar!

--
Peace through the oppressive fist of Socialism,
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev.

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We could show Lenin beating up dissenters!

That's all the movie is! Lenin beating up dissenters for 3 straight hours! No one could get tired of a film like that!

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This all sounds lovely... I'm sure it would make a ripping yarn. Nevertheless, I am making a Vodkamentary on Global Warming Vodka, its beneficial impact on Polar Bears and their environment after years of them being decimated by sugary soda abuse, and the way in which Big Business such as $$ Halliburton finds themselves in the awkward position of 'sleeping with the enemy' because it serves their purposes - example being, their Adopt a Vodka Bottle Campaign... they don't give a Polar Bear's left testicle about the environment or the bears, but it's great marketing, and so they are doing something that will bring benefits to those they care nothing about and would normally exploit... or exploit without mutual benefit...

So... Kung Fu Lenin sounds lovely... I can even contribute some material on Progressive Trotsky Monsters if it will help (The Return of the Kulak Monster... Son of the Kulak Monster... Bride of the Kulak Monster - Fidel would look really kewl with that funny black and white wavy hair-do, doncha think?)... but I feel strongly that the purity of the Vodkamentary be preserved.

One is a Vodkamentary, and the other an entertainment vehicle (or training film... or both)...
Respectfully,
SMO

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Absolutely. Those are two completely different movies. They're as different as "March of the Penguins" is different from "The Texas Longhorns Magical March to the 2005 National Championship."

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Meow said:
Add a little bit of Brain Opener® solution (for a kick).

I believe "Brain-O" is the popular name for this...

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The comrade was referring to this, Pravda -

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Or he could be referring to the version with the Brain Opener logo pasted onto a bottle of drain cleaner.

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Red Square wrote:Absolutely. Those are two completely different movies. They're as different as "March of the Penguins" is different from "The Texas Longhorns Magical March to the 2005 National Championship."
Ah yes... the Longhorns... Are they not the very 'team' that lured the Bushes to become devil worshippers?

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GLOBAL WARMING IS PEOPLE!!!!.........
Cut! Cut! Cut!
Somebody take away Mr. Heston's GW Vodka!
Mr. Heston...Mr Heston.... let's try it again?
Action! Take 43.
Image

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Comrade Otis wrote:One of my favorite Global Warming Vodka drinks:

DEAD POLAR BEAR

Fill pitcher 97% full with Global Warming Vodka

add 3% ice

enjoy

The 97% and 3% proportions are based on atmospheric CO2 levels. Atmospheric CO2 is 97% from natural sources and 3% from man made sources.

Am being offended. Not being funny at all. Suggest changing name of drinking. Suggest you eating frijoles and drinking Stolychnaya while smoking big fat Havana.

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote: Well... I must say this is much much better! If we are to anthropomorphize polar bears and other polar animals, then I am happy to see we are doing so with a healthier alternative than Coca-Cola.
Am very thanking you for massive insight and concern and for pointing out traitorous selling out on part of some PBINOS, and for pointing out decieving of some deluded but still fellow traveller ursinoids.

You are having my recommendation for receiving of Hero of CCCP dangly shiny thing.

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Very Large Bear wrote:
Comrade Otis wrote:One of my favorite Global Warming Vodka drinks:

DEAD POLAR BEAR

Fill pitcher 97% full with Global Warming Vodka

add 3% ice

enjoy

The 97% and 3% proportions are based on atmospheric CO2 levels. Atmospheric CO2 is 97% from natural sources and 3% from man made sources.

Am being offended. Not being funny at all. Suggest changing name of drinking. Suggest you eating frijoles and drinking Stolychnaya while smoking big fat Havana.

Well Very Large Bear if you like that, when I'm up at the oil fields at Halliburton North we like to drink a slight variation of the Dead Polar Bear. Some people put an olive or two in their drinks. We like to go out hunting on the ice and shoot up what we call Northern Oysters. Put a couple of Northern Oysters in a tall cool Dead Polar Bear and you have an Embalmed Dead Polar Bear. Really hits the spot after a day of bear hunting.


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Comrades,

Once the Russian tundra melts, is there a chance we will have to or get to apply Lysenkoism to former reeducated comrades exposed by the thaw to reanimate them? Upon reanimation, will they need to be re-reeducated? Imagine: comrades reborn/reanimated into the Party through capitalist-caused global warming!

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I thought alcohol was for drowning your sorrows in, not getting you riled up for social disobedience, but what do I know.

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It's used for a lot of things. Most of them are best left unknown....

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WARNING:

If we don't stop raping nature, the climate will change and will whip us a storm so big that next to it Katrina will seem like a purring pussy. The weather will turn real hot and extra-long stretches of heat will keep pounding us silly until we get some sense and admit that we've been bad boys and girls.

Size matters!

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Our top story tonight: Killer Scrotum Approaches Betinov's Hovel.

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Theo,

Maybe you should get Bruno on this right away.

(Why am I hearing the theme from Deliverance being played off in the distance?)

--


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Or Miller light-headed

Beccause our necks just aren't strong enough to hold our enormous brains.

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Innocent polar bears? The penguins beg to differ...

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Of course, everyone knows that global warming will specifically target areas of the country with the largest carbon footprint. Red states should be the first to go.
also, I have discovered an interesting graph linking global warming to the decline in pirates Image I believe that this chart only considers "classical" pirates (you know, sailboat, skull and crossbones, etc. This would disqualify most Somali pirates). Fortunately, this chart appears to have been calculated in accordance with the people's math
ImageImageImageImageImageImageImage

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Ivan Betinov wrote:Our top story tonight: Killer Scrotum Approaches Betinov's Hovel.

Comrade Betinov,

I know you are only making joke about weather asshole's accidentally funny graphic and poor placement of self in front of greenscreen... I certainly hope it is only joke, but Housekeeping is appalled nonetheless, which is our right as this Kommissar of Housekeeping woke this morning feeling the need to be pissed off about something. Thank you for standing is as target for my terrible headache.

Housekeeping takes umbrage with your comment regarding self-described "hovel". Housekeeping works dilligently on your behalf to make sure your jar, and you as a disembodied brain (you necroproxy serves the Party loyally, for which we are thankful) are comfortable and that we keep your jar up to the highest standards possible as thanks for splitting yourself in two for use by the Party.

Housekeeping uses specially developed glass cleaner on your jar, so as not to poison or make you ill, and to keep your view clear and as pleasant as possible. We make sure no bleach, or soap based products are used on inside of your jar, thus neither dissolving you nor making your solution sudsy (though we do not keep you from self-sudsing when you are in the mood for a brewski or a nice relaxing bubble bath and you must admit that on those occasions, Chicken Sushi is quite capable of gently massaging your frontal lobes in a most therapeutic manner without doing any damage and then immediately changes your fluid). We keep your solution clear and clean, changing it often, and adding nice flavours to your nutrient solutions. We regularly wipe down inside of jar to remove condensation on cold mornings when you must go out from a warm environment, or when you are thinking hard, so that you do not feel trapped or panicky in your jar, isolated visually from the world by annoying vapours. We regularly remove your jar from dangerously warm places such as radiators and from beside windows without blinds on sunny days so that you don't dangerously overheat or become poached, when people have unthinkingly moved you about for their own convenience, while trying to keep your visual environment rich by allowing you access to a wide outdoor vista whilst still beind protected from the sun. I, personally, am forever rescuing you from Meow 'accidentally' trying to put you in the microwave... his excuse about wanting a bowl-o-noodles is growing tiresome to me, and I believe, is a continuing source of terror for yourself.

Housekeeping even went to great lengths to find you a larger jar and shockproof you within it, as we all know about the dangers of shaken brain syndrome and we would not want you bruised. We have found innovative new means for briging you unlimited access to internet and digital cable as well as the ability to change the channel yourself. I, myself, personally filled out the requisition for full access to unlimited Pay-Per-View programming for you... not even something Meow gets with full Party approval (he steals it and blames it on Pupovich or Dr. P sneaking into his suite), and so you may choose to view by the means we have innovated for you as you no longer have eyes, though your visual cortex is in perfect health, anything you like from Pay-Per-View Pugilism, Ultimate Fighting or Monster Truck events to pornography of every and any kind you might like (as well as the means to self-stimulate the appropriate areas of your brain and a big box of tissue), and even free access to PPV movies which have not been reviewed by the Party for appropriateness, allowing you to view movies such as Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Transporter 3, Quantum of Solace, Live Free or Die Hard, Sex in the City - the movie, and Twilght - the 'tween' Vampire blockbuster. You have full access to these dangerous entertainments for which no other Party member has approval, on the basis of your inability to leave your jar or share their content and as a reward for the ultimate sacrifices you have made for the good of the Cube.

We have also developed innovative means for you to access the internet, and participate on sites such as The Peoples Cube, to have your own myspace or facebook page (you do not require a face to have a facebook page... even I was surprised by this fact, but I'm just a dolphin so what do I know), or to utilize Blogspot. You have access to mmorpg's, as well as having been given your own X-Box 360 (the Nintendo Wii seemed an insensitive choice), as many games as you like and of whatever type you like, your own computer. Most importantly, we have worked dilligently to design and fabricate a custom Ground Fault Protection system good for both indoor and outdoor use, as well as powering your jar using a top of the line power cord and a Belkin surge protector and back-up battery system to keep from suffering a dangerous overload should the Cube be hit by lightning or there is a local power surge and outtage.

Finally, we regularly clean your surroundings so they are pleasant and homey. Just because you are brain in jar, we do not expect you to live in less than ideal or unpleasant circumstances that are not fit for those brains still embodied. We do our best to make your life as enjoyable as possible, because you have made the ultimate sacrifice, separating yourself from yourself, for the good of the Party and we would not abandon one part of you while using the other, despite the fact that it is our prerogative to do just that should we choose to or have need. So, I hope you will not be too disappointed in your hovel, despite Housekeeping's best efforts to see to your comfort and well-being. We certainly thought you would show more appreciation for our efforts.

Now, what time did you want to be picked up for your visit to the art gallery and museum? The earlier we leave, the more likely there will still be time to drop by the Karl Marx Centre Library so that Chicken Sushi has something to read to you tonight before bed - you have finished the last stack of books you took out and they should be returned to avoid fines.

Hurt... terribly, terribly hurt.
SMO

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As an addendum to the treatment for the Vodkamentary, I thought I would share a recent foto taken during a social gathering of Polar Bearts where "Bloody Salmons" were the mixed drink of choice... Like the more commonly known Blood Mary and Caesar, the drink contains Vodka, but instead of tomato or clamato juice, frozen salmon are liquefied and used as mixer. The glass rim may be salted or not, to taste, and the drink is garnished with a celery stalk, which the bears generally leave or once they have imbibed enough, often throw at each other, along with the glass. Here, we see a weekend family get-together showing the adults (the kids are off tobogganing and batting around the head of a human -the fotographer, in fact - that they caught unawares. He was enjoyed as unexpected hors doeuvres and the picture was taken from his camera, which was found among his widely strewn bloody remains). The foto is a fitting tribute to his extensive body of work, and I'm sure he will be remembered fondly by all who knew and ate him.


Image In this foto, two bears already in their cups, can be seen chatting convivially; one obviously exaggerating the size of the fotographer's lens, given that if it were actually that long, he would not have been close enough to be caught. "I swear Frank, if it was this long if it was an inch! And it tasted like shit!:

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Red Square wrote:Sister!

If you can fake a patronizing British accent that would be even better!
Hooray!

Let me know, Comrade. I myself cannot raise to heights of British patronisation; however, I have condemned, denounced, spat-upon mate 'jus 'round t'corner who can make the Queen sound common.

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Is that mate available for voiceovers - or has he/she/it been purged from 'round t'corner?

What I meant was a condescending voice one often hears from progressive elitists on the BBC radio that is being broadcast here in the US via National Public Radio.

Queen's English is, in fact, the version that I learned in school, but I can no longer reproduce it myself (not that I could ever speak it without an accent anyway). Now my accent is at best "General American English'' (GAE) after having lived here for so many years.

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So Comrade Red Square, you speak poifect New Yahker do yahs?

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I get a kick out of Noo Yoke accent, but if I try to speak it myself you'll be the first to tell me to shut up. I live in an Italian neighborhood and enjoy the full flavor of the phonetics one can otherwise hear only from movie characters in films of a certain genre. Or in My Cousin Vinnie.

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LOL, I'm trying to envision a person with a Ukrainian accent trying to speak Noo Yoke.

Wander over to the Left Coast sometime, around Seattle and you'll be surprised at how flat and boring our speech is here compared to the East Coast, the South, and Texas. Although the liberals whine here pretty much like anywhere.

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When I first came here I couldn't tell the accents at all. Now I sort of can, but it's still often a problem to identify them.

It may also be fun, especially when I speak with people whom I hadn't seen in years. I suddenly notice that they speak with some regional accent, which I never knew they had. It's as if they're in a witness protection program and learned to pretend to be someone else, or I have fallen into some alternative reality. And then I realize that it's simply because I began to hear them better.

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Well given how things have been going around here lately, there is something to be said for the alternative reality theory too. After all, there has to exist a world where Obama never got elected...

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Red Square wrote:Is that mate available for voiceovers - or has he/she/it been purged from 'round t'corner?

What I meant was a condescending voice one often hears from progressive elitists on the BBC radio that is being broadcast here in the US via National Public Radio.

Queen's English is, in fact, the version that I learned in school, but I can no longer reproduce it myself (not that I could ever speak it without an accent anyway). Now my accent is at best "General American English'' (GAE) after having lived here for so many years.

Why, I shall steal his speech this very day! I think his mother used to give elocution lessons. Truth. Will post a casting audition sample after I ply him with Global Warming Vodka.

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Great - you can post the clip here or email me the sound file (use feedback button at the top)

BTW, I was just listening to Mark Steyn on the radio (he's substituting for Rush) and noticed that his English accent adds a lot of hilarity to the already funny things he's saying about "Ewbama."

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My mate was out today, probably to quaff his stolen portion of Global Warming Vodka or to surveil Stephen Fry. He's like that. If he's gone by tomorrow, I shall institute a pogrom. BBC and Jacki Smith have nothing on this man's command of the language! Mate can speak without gurning like˜Lickspittle!˜ http://tinyurl.com/c8bctn

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Dear Roseate Hexahedron,

If I must, I can pull off a "BBC British accent"... I cannot pull off the aristocratic British accent, which if you listen to members of the royal family - the Queen, or old recordings of Lady Diana speaking is, in fact, different from BBC English, despite it being called "The Queen's English"... even Her Majesty's accent has slipped slightly over the last several decades, but if you listen to Diana's public speeches, you can hear the difference... Nor can I speak "Posh", which is what young upper crust Londoners speak, and is again, different from BBC English... Perhaps it takes someone who lives in a western commonwealth country (or Australia) to hear the difference, but it's why I say I can't do British accents well... even within the upper crust London set there are slight differences... But BBC English has become rather fixed and I can usually pull off a pale version of it that while it wouldn't fool a true Brit... they'd know it was fake in an instant... can usually fool most North Americans... the only thing I have to struggle with is having lived all over Canada, especially in the west, where in BC, there is more of a drawl, and on the prairies, can have a drawl that is then clipped at the end... think Fargo meets Surfer Dude... so while my diction has become much much clearer and my speech more precise in the 27 years I've lived in Toronto, I still find myself drawing out some words and when I hear recordings of myself, still think I sound like I'm drawling, though people say I don't... and my voice always surprises me... It never sounds like me and I can't imagine that's what I sound like to everyone else...

However, I can't say that my voice is necessarily V.O. material as it is a bit low and husky for narration, but I could certainly find someone with a British accent in Toronto... I know you'd like David Attenborough... or Stephen Fry... but Toronto, despite it's diversity, is the last bastion of the WASP in Canada, and although it's not British, it's about the most neutral accent there is in North America. Even my Mom could pull off a perfect diction, crystal cut, pleasant yet authoritative voiced narration of something - probably from lecturing...it makes the message on the voicemail at their house sound like you've called a law firm, rather than someone's house, and makes you want to push three to hear the company directory...

Oh... now that I think of it, my family doctor, who is a friend of the family, has a perfect British accent... If I asked him to, he'd probably get a laugh out of it... I'll bribe him with a bottle or red wine.

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The most hilarious message of doom and gloom you will ever see. It might as well be the People's Cube parody we never made... Except it was done in earnest...

Animals drunk on Global Warming Vodka: Losing hope and committing suicide.



WHAT DO WE WANT? DOOM & GLOOM! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!
WHAT DO WE WANT? DOOM & GLOOM! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!
WHAT DO WE WANT? DOOM & GLOOM! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!
WHAT DO WE WANT? DOOM & GLOOM! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!

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Got it from one of our New York guys...

Image

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Turn out the lights, the party's over!

Pruden in Washington Times wrote:Scams die hard, but eventually they die, and when they do, nobody wants to get close to the corpse. You can get all the hotel rooms you want this week in Cancun.

The global-warming caravan has moved on, bound for a destination in oblivion. The United Nations is hanging the usual lamb chop in the window this week in Mexico for the U.N.'s Framework Convention on Climate Change, but the Washington guests are staying home. Nobody wants to get the smell of the corpse on their clothes.

Everybody who imagined himself anybody raced to Copenhagen last year for the global-warming summit, renamed "climate change" when the globe began to cool, as it does from time to time. Some 45,000 delegates, "activists," business representatives and the usual retinue of journalists registered for the party in Copenhagen. This year, only 1,234 journalists registered for the Cancun beach party. The only story there is that there's no story there. The U.N. organizers glumly concede that Cancun won't amount to anything, even by U.N. standards. https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/20 ... ty-s-over/
Polar_Bear_Penguin.jpg

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Comrades,.

What is really great about this solution, There is an inverse relation between how much you consume and how little you care about what you are here for.

After five or six shots, you will have difficulty remembering little things, your namee, where your car is parked, what time you are sup[posed to be home, where home is in relation to where where you are now.

Your ability to say "globull warming" will have deteriorated greatly alng with your ability to stay on a bar stool.


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FreeLunch, I have but one thing to say: TANSTAAFL!


 
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