Chappaquiddick Triangle Claims Another Victim

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CHAPPAQUIDDICK - In a mysterious repetition of a famous drowning car accident, on the same day 37 years later (July 19, 2006), another female passenger drowned as a male DWI driver sent his classic 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont off an angled, unlit narrow Dike Bridge without guard rails, onto which he claimed to have made a wrong turn. The car plunged into tide-swept Poucha Pond and landed upside down under the water, drowning the young woman. The male driver got out of the pond, contacted his lawyer, and reported to the police only twenty four hours after the accident.

Given the elapsed time police were unable to test for alcohol or drugs, and witnesses at the cookout he had attended that night stayed mum on the man's behavior at the party.

Police have declined to prosecute due to a legal precedent, as exactly the same events had occurred on the same spot 37 years ago with Senator Edward Kennedy, when he was driving to a hotel from a cookout with Mary Joe Kopechne who drowned. The details were so repetitive that instead of writing a new report and plotting diagrams the detective simply copied the existing Kennedy file."If it were a different time, or a different bridge, or a different car, or if the passenger weren't a young woman, or the driver had not contacted the police exactly 24 hours later after he had spoken with his lawyer, or he hadn't been wearing the same bulky neck brace, we might prosecute," explained Assistant District Attorney Leon Shmeflin. "But because Senator Kennedy had been acquitted under exactly the same circumstances, we cannot call this one a crime either. Perhaps we could shoot for a $50 fine for improper boating and waste disposal," he added sheepishly.

A spokesperson for Sen. Kennedy has issued the following pre-emptive statement: "Predictably, the far right-wing conservative movement and the secretive Federalist Society will jump into the fray, attempting to hijack legal protocol by demanding prosecution of the driver. Karl Rove will spearhead the effort, as the White House is preparing to draw cynical parallels to Senator Ted Kennedy's unrelated Chappaquiddick accident."

The DNC has demanded a Congressional investigation into the hard-ball right-wing tactics and legal tampering involved in this case, and the ACLU has appointed several staff to the driver's case. "We are horrified by the usurping of this tragic victim's rights," said the DNC Chairman Howard Dean. "The rush to judgment is despicable and unjustified. Clearly, Karl Rove is to blame and needs to be investigated, found guilty and jailed," Dr. Dean said.

Some bloggers have speculated that too many coincidences point to a clever setup. Others have argued that the Democratic Party has a clear winner. The young driver, a charismatic new star whom media observers predict great future in politics and service to the common good, has already been seen visiting elite liberal salons in Boston, Mass., wearing an enormous neck brace.

The corpse of the young woman has been retrieved from the car and given to family members. Auto mechanics are optimistic that the classic 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 will be salvageable.

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As long as the driver is a progressive card carrying member of the Party, wealthy, and shouted he wanted to be President upon surfacing from the depths, I see no reason why he should be held accountable for this tragic and unfortunate event. It is, after all, ethical to maintain "consistency" with the prior ruling. As for the family of the deceased, they are just going have to buck up and realize one of our own is far more important, right Uncle Teddy??

This is conspiracy! It was really Fascist Bush that planted all that evidence to remove a political enemy.

Comrades I am truly divided. The only reason why these individuals got off scott free was because of their wealth. As we all know as a good progressive those with money are evil. How can accept the actions a of rich man getting away with a crime. I feel that the punishment for rich people should be double. Yet, at the same time one the people is a Kennedy. Simply put I am torn.

While it is true that all rich men are evil and guilty, the true revolutionist knows that it does not matter which evil hegenomist is executed for any given crime.

The answer should be obvious: Convict and shoot Karl Rove for the river 'crime' and leave the Tool of the Revolution to go Free.

Komrade Zuulski wrote:This is conspiracy! It was really Fascist Bush that planted all that evidence to remove a political enemy.

It was the evil genius of KKKarl Rove, the mastermind behind 9/11 and the Natalie Holloway disappearance (the later, to get our minds off of Bushy's illegal and immoral war). I heard that on Air Amerikkka...and they always spout the truth.

Even though it is hard to get the reception because there are so few radio stations that actually play Air Amerikkka...another evil plot of the master criminal KKKarl Rove, to limit the truth to the people of this terrible horrible racist country we are forced to live in.

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Oh, that poor man. The right wing conspiracy will hound him for the rest of his life just for one little mistake.

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Karaoke In Progress:

I'm sure Michael Stipe wrote this for Ted.
The question is "Does it need editing?".
I don't know.....


Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,
Turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
Still, it's so much clearer.
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge.
The moon is low tonight.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
I'm not sure all these people understand.
It's not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
Of recklessness and water.
They cannot see me naked.
These things, they go away,
Replaced by everyday.

Nightswimming, remembering that night.
September's coming soon.
I'm pining for the moon.
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
Could not describe nightswimming.

You, I thought I knew you.
You I cannot judge.
You, I thought you knew me,
this one laughing quietly underneath my breath.

The photograph reflects,
Every streetlight a reminder.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.

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No editing, Laika. It's perfect the way it is... Thanks to YouTube...

R.E.M. - Nightswimming in Chappaquiddick

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

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Laika has sent a Transmission to Groupthink reminding us that just this January our members had collectively written a progressive Chappaquiddick play in 3 acts to be performed by mimes:

Swimming Home Alone

The soundtrack, I gather will be the R.E.M. Song "Nightswimming"

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No editing, Laika. It's perfect the way it is...
Oh...Maybe one small tweak....change "naked" to "drunken".
"Naked" and "Ted Kennedy"....that's just not right. Putting those words together is DEFINITELY a serious thought crime. If a child should log onto this site and think that thought, can you imagine the emotional scars that kid would have to bear for the rest of his/her/it's life?
Let's change it for the children. After all, it's always for the children.

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Is Rum and Ride Kennedy Day coming up??? My goodness, I better get the Olds Mobile waxed up for the ceremonial parade route!!!

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I think that the party ought to designate July 18, exactly two weeks after that horrible anniversary that AmeriKKKans celebrate each year, as Propaganda Day. For that is the day that one of our luminaries proved that it is possible to get drunk, kill a woman, fail to report it to the cops for 24 hours, and still be called the lion of the Senate.

And if you are one of the thuggish Republicans, you get mocked for naming a dog Spot.

Now I ask you. Do we have propaganda down pat or what?

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Ah the irony. As you know, Volkswagen is The People's Car, and resulted from Dear Adolph's demand of Porsche to modify one of its car to make it better for the masses. And when WWII came around, production was changed to the Schwimmwagen, which could do just what it sounds like.

Poor Teddy. If only he'd gotten one of Dear Adolph's swimming cars, then he too could have been our Great Leader, with all attendant Chivas Regal Splendor.

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How the hell does that thing stay afloat?!?

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It must be a watertight chassis for steel is heavier than water--duh--and the only way it would float would be if the weight of the water it displaced is less than the weight of VW itself.

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But look how high it's sitting in the water! No car is that light. And with the location of the engine, the whole thing would have flipped over backward. There has got to be something underneath of it.

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Teddy's empties and vomit?

The suspension weighs something, and have you seen a beetle engine? Little tiny thing, no radiator.

And it seems possible. Some quick calculation with the weight at 1698 pounds, 8.34 pounds per gallon, 7.48 gallons per cubic foot, means that displacing 27.28 cubic feet of FRESH water would float it. If the car is 9' x 4', it wouldn't have to sink a whole foot. The ahl bidness regularly advertises #10 brine, so that would need 22.7 cubic feet. Of course the wheel wells would be out of the water, but for it to float at all, the engine cannot possibly have any openings underneath.

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Still, it looks a little fake; and I doubt it would float with him in it.

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And it could be; I'm not betting any way, although I do seem to remember a VW commercial that this was based on which claimed it would float. If the Beetle were driven onto something, it would be level in the water. As it is, the rear is down a bit more, as it would be, and the left is down a bit more, as it would be from the steering wheel, column, and rack gear.

But I do know that if Senator Kennedy were in it, his gross corpulence would start it sinking, until the water got into the doors, and then it would bob to the surface, for fat floats.

Except that alcohol floats on water, and I'm getting confused.

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You forgot to factor in the weight of stupidity. But I think the hot air might balance it out.

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Does stupidity have an actual weight or does it fluctuate? It can sink a conversation or float above everything.

But is he stupid or merely unconcerned with the feelings of anyone else?

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Stupidity definitely has a weight. I'm not sure of the exact weight, but I know that it has definite consequences. Like those mentioned in the Darwin Awards.

And, yes, he is stupid. Being concerned with others "feelings" is a definite factor that contributes to stupidity because they attempt to make people "feel" better instead of actually solving the problem.

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Yes, stupidity has consequences, but the entire thrust of modern liberalism is the effort, and a largely successful one, to divorce consequences from actions. This makes people children, and makes other people pay for someone must always be paid. Adam Smith decrees this.

And who determines who will pay? The people who want to shift consequences, hence their power. And the people who no longer have consequences for their actions feel entitled and will be lawless, and because they never earn anything, they never feel good about themselves.

It's a brutal, vicious con.

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Ted Kennedy is a great man who has done wonders for the American middle class (see: welfare reciepients). Bob, can you hold that cue card a little higher? Thank... errhmmm... Because of Ted Kennedy, drinking, driving, murder, having another drink, drinking some more, , drinking one more, drinking two more, drinking three more, drinking four more, drinking ten more, drinking twenty more, drinking fifty more and driving home after topping out at ninety drinks is now looked upon as "okay" so long as you are a Democrat.

Thanks, Ted Kennedy! Thanks for showing us that being rich, a Kennedy and a total hypocrite can get you off the hook!

Why, you guys didn't even know there was a depression going on, did ya!? Gee, your dad sure was swell! To bad my Great Grandfather was a barber and had to scrap and scratch while you guys lived off the hog. :-( Why, if he was a rich Democrat fightin' for the little guy I might be driving a Porsche right now and going to school at Yale - but too bad for me he hardly spoke a lick of English and was working his guts out while assimilating... and he was GERMAN and WWII was about to kick off!

Why, if he were a Kennedy - which would make me a Kennedy - well, I certainly wouldn't be sitting here now when I could be fondling broads, shooting back hard liqour and driving thirty miles over the speed limit in my new Porsche. Ugh, why can't we all be Kennedys? Why!?

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It's all part of the conspiracy to create a communist nobility in the U.S. Where those with entitlement can do whatever they want (like the nobility in France before the glorious peoples revolution) crossed with a commie dictatorship giving them even more power.

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Red Square wrote: No editing, Laika. It's perfect the way it is... Thanks to YouTube...

R.E.M. - Nightswimming in Chappaquiddick



What a lovely video. For it brings back memories from when I was a young Party™ apparachnik, struggling for the masses as I toiled for days on end at the Hyannis Port, MA Kommune. But I liked the added twist of blending hetero-eroticism with homo-eroticism. The nostalgia of the old and traditional with the new and socially progressive. All filmed in the water. What a creative way to appeal to the unwashed masses!

Pardon me, now. I must go "purge" this morning's breakfast. For that is the bulimic response R.E.M. induced in me.

Zampolit Blokhayev

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Premier Betty wrote:It's all part of the conspiracy to create a communist nobility in the U.S. Where those with entitlement can do whatever they want (like the nobility in France before the glorious peoples revolution) crossed with a commie dictatorship giving them even more power.

Remember what Orwell once wrote, All Animals are Equal. But some Animals are more Equal then Others. Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy are shining examples of how true this is.


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And how prophetic Orwell was in <i>Animal Farm</i>. But these are days of womyn's liberation and so our lead pig is not Napoleon, but Hillary.

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our lead pig is not Napoleon, but Hillary.

Are they not one in the same? In both pig form, and French angry midget form?

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Premier Betty wrote:
our lead pig is not Napoleon, but Hillary.

Are they not one in the same? In both pig form, and French angry midget form?

Little People*, Comrade Premier. Use of the word "midget" is not acceptable by today's accepted truth and is WRONG WRONG WRONG!

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Oops. My bad. A slight slip. It won't happen again, I promise.

(Please don't send me to re-education camp. My clothes still have not thawed out from my last stint there.)

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Well, there are little people and Little People. After John Wayne Bobbitt was unmanned by his wife Lorena, who threw it out the window of her car, the story goes that the cops were told to bring in a sawed-off little prick.

They brought in Ross Perot three times.

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Happy National Swimming Day!

Well....not exactly.

Here I was, all ready to celebrate National Swimming Day, and I read in the newspapers it was yesterday.

All the "This Day in History" almanacs list July 18th as the day. This is to back up Teddy's timeframe lie.

Teddy drove off the bridge around 12:30AM on the 19th. The cop who was going to help him with directions noted the time on his watch. That's when Teddy panicked and sped towards Dike Bridge because he thought he was going to be busted for a DUI.

You know that online petition for Hathaway?
Could we do one to lobby Congress to make today "National Swimming Day"?

Teddy went swimming twice that morning. Since the ferry wasn't operating after midnight, his lawyer buddies dropped him off at the Edgartown ferry and he swam back to town to establish an alibi after the accident.

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:You know that online petition for Hathaway?
Could we do one to lobby Congress to make today "National Swimming Day"?
I say someone must write the text of the petition - someone who knows the material well enough to provide historical justification for it. Then I can submit it on behalf of the collective to the Petition Online site. Now roll up your sleeves and back to work, comrades!

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A friend sent me <a href=" ... =">this</a>.

The house that I just sold had a small orchard. I thought of making a creek with an Olds in the bottom and calling it Mary Jo Kopechne Park. The local Democrat chairman, Bobby Dean, might not like it. He was shut down by the Texas Department of Insurance for operating a book out of his escrow account; he got drunk and killed someone (and I told the town that he was a Democrat because Teddy told him how to drive); he altered official documents and got a suspended sentence for that, and he is the only one here who will be the Democratic chairman.

There is no Republican primary.

I'm going to shoot myself.

Or perhaps take a page from some of the loonier tree-huggers, and yes, some are loonier than others. They say, "If you have a terminal disease, why not take out a dam?"