GREETINGS, FELLOW PROGRESSIVE!

A year of hopeless misery has passed, to be replaced by a year of disastrous crises:

• Brutal dictator Bush remains at large, slaughtering hundreds of millions, crushing dissent, and creating the worst Presidential Crisis in history.
• Millions of troops are still bogged down in the worst Military Crisis in history, instead of doing what they enlisted for: Cleaning up debris from natural and man-made disasters, and participating in social experiments.
• Millions of Americans become homeless every day because of the worst Mortgage Crisis in history.
• Millions lose jobs every day because of the Unemployment Crisis caused by the looming Recession Crisis due to strike any day now.
• Millions of Undocumented-Americans become victims of the Immigration Crisis, forced to risk losing their cultural roots on a daily basis, by sneaking into this country as if they were criminals. Is it fair to deny them the same rights Bush has taken away from the rest of us, after they've sacrificed so much more?
• Millions are dying every day because of the Health Care Crisis, since people can't afford to buy health insurance after they buy a pack of cigarettes (Smoking Crisis), a cup of coffee (Starbucks Crisis), and fill up their tank (High Oil Prices Crisis).
• Millions more will soon die from the Global Warming Crisis--unless you raise the awareness of all the world's leaders, and force them to stop all industrial production NOW!

DO YOU FEEL MISERABLE AND GUILTY? YOU SHOULD--BECAUSE THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! OBVIOUSLY, IN THE PAST YEAR YOU DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH!

"I'm just as miserable as you, but I'm only one person," you whine. "What can I do?"I'm glad you're miserable - and that you whined, my friend--for that means you are a true Progressive! But that is not enough. You MUST raise awareness about how miserable you are and how much you care! You MUST call everyone's attention to the issues of grave concern to all of us who worry what others might say about us a hundred years from now!You MUST make a resolution that every day of this year, you will make at least ten people around you feel guilty and miserable. Spread the guilt! We are here to help!

FORWARD THIS LETTER TO 10 PEOPLE. EACH RECIPIENT MUST FORWARD IT TO 10 MORE PEOPLE, WHO IN TURN WILL EACH BE INSTRUCTED TO FORWARD IT TO 10 MORE, ETC.

As soon as the number of guilty and miserable people reaches a tipping point, progress will occur.

YOU MUST NOT DELETE THIS LETTER, NOR THROW IT AWAY. YOU CANNOT IGNORE ANYTHING IT SAYS. YOU WILL NOT FIRE BACK AT THE SENDER WITH HATE SPEECH LIKE, "Why don't you move out of your mother's garage, get a job, and stop sponging off my tax dollars?"

THE DEBATE IS OVER!

IT IS A MORAL IMPERATIVE THAT YOU FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS IMMEDIATELY; OTHERWISE, THE CHAIN WILL BE BROKEN AND THE FOLLOWING ATROCITIES WILL DESCEND UPON US:

Children will starve due to cancellation of school lunch programs, the elderly will be forced onto the streets, hurricanes bigger than Katrina will strike the U.S., flooding cities as far inland as Dallas and Denver - cities which, due to Bush's siphoning of funds to the illegal war in Iraq, have NO LEVEES AT ALL!

Ice caps will melt, drowning hundreds of millions of cute baby polar bears with big brown eyes, darling baby seals with sweet button noses you just want to rub with your own, and adorable baby penguins with happy feet.

The world's oceans will rise, killing all inner-city residents because Bush-controlled FEMA will keep secret from them that they need to get the hell out of there.Another justice will retire from the Supreme Court and get replaced by a knuckle-dragging extremist who will tilt the court rightward for generations to come. This will result in the violent deaths of millions of women from back alley abortions, and the births of millions of babies who will be snatched away by predatory military recruiters, shipped to Iraq, and murdered for Bush's unquenchable thirst for blood and oil.

Finally, Bush will confirm our worst fears since the stolen 2000 election and proclaim himself absolute dictator of Planet Earth - FOR LIFE!BY NOT ACTING NOW, YOU WILL BECOME BUSH'S WILLING ACCOMPLICE! IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, FORWARD THIS LETTER AS INSTRUCTED!



If you do, in three days you will receive the following:

- 100 carbon credits
- 1,000 necro-proxy Democrat votes, good any year at any polling place.
- 10,000 signatures you can apply to any petition for a resolution that states any of the following:

1. Impeach Bush and Cheney!
2. No blood for oil!
3. Stop climate change!
4. Free haircuts for everybody!

ACT NOW! CHAIN LETTERS DON'T SEND THEMSELVES!


 

Hmmmmm did I detect an attempt at subversive behavior there? "Coffee crisis?" Didn't you know that coffee is a drink for imperialists? They drink coffee to oppress our brothers in the third world who ARE FORCED AT GUNPOINT to grow it! And you think it is a crisis if coffee is expensive? Coffee is the BLOOD OF THE THIRD WORLD!

Let me tell you something Commissarka: Real communists drink tea and vodka! The tea is obtained through barter from our yellow brothers and they get arms for their People™ in return. The vodka is made from potatoes grown by our own peasants ehh ... farmers and admittedly some class enemies under the watchful eye of the NKVD.

I suggest you cease these sneak attacks against The Truth™ unless you want to find yourself growing potatoes for my vodka!
 

No Blood For Coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

There's officially licensed Empress gear for it, so it's okay!

Hillary Grail


And take care you don't compare those who grow her coffee to Wal-Mart "associates"!

Now put a cork in it.
 

Only if we can use Hugo Coffee... That is until he overthrows the capitalists in Colombia.

After that, all will be well.
 

I think we have Commissarka Pinkie exposed here. If she is indeed a good communist, she should know that coffee is the blood of the third world. Then she complains that it's not cheap enough. NOT CHEAP ENOUGH!!

Here Commissarka. Take that conflict diamond. It cost 10 of our African brothers their life. If we subtract cutting and dealer fee each life is worth $10. Is that too expensive for you?

Our diamond mining and coffee growing brothers in the third world could all being enriching their lives in pursuit of higher education or surfing for porn on one of the $100 laptops but no. They are forced to work so you can get cheap coffee and diamonds!

Oppressor!
 

Criminally Insane Vodkov, everyone knows you hate our Empress and that you're a secret supporter of pretty boy Edwards.

Quote:

He said that thousands of children in Africa die because their parents can’t afford a $4 vaccine, and then he made me cry when he chided me for spending $4 on my cup of coffee


While I take delightfully fiendish pleasure in this wuss's blubbering While I weep and my heart bleeds like the good Progressive I am for this man's crying--for it obviously means that he too is awash with good Progressive guilt and misery--the point is that no one should have to choose between a $4.00 vaccine and a $4.00 cup of coffee. They have the right to both!

I notice you're not squawking about the free haircuts--or demanding to know why no one is paying attention to the high price of styling gel or glass polish for the bottom of your bottle.
 

Ok ok I'll admit that John Edwards is kind of sexy and I'm not even gay. Edwards has indeed nice and appealing feminine features compared to our Empress who brandishes her Fist of Steel with a brutally masculine frame that makes Governor Arnold look like a little nancy boy. But enough of my fantasies. I'm going for a nice cup of coffee.
 

Try Cafe du Monde Chicory coffee as a properly progressive drink. Not only does it benefit the progressive economy of progressive farmers progressively, it is distributed by a company with roots in New Orleans, which allows the drinker to show solidarity with the victims of Bush and Cheney's planned demolition of the levees. And it has the added benefit of being named in French. What's more, the name translates as "Coffee of the World." OF THE WORLD, comrades! It recognizes no national boundaries. declares no national affiliation! It is the drink of the Internationale!
 

Quote:

Try Cafe du Monde Chicory coffee as a properly progressive drink.


For Progressivity... um... Progressiveness, you can't do better than Lenninade.
 

Commissar Pinkie,
That was bloody beautiful!
I now have to check with my doctor before viewing this website.
Errr...my second doctor.
The first died in his office. I told him about my constant soiling that occurred when viewing this website. So...we went to the PCube from his luxurious office with no rodents or bugs.
After about 5 minutes he clutched his chest and that was that.
I told my current doctor I just go there for the articles...but you know better.
;-)
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Hillary Grail
Cool!
A target supply house.
I grew weary of shooting things for food.
Now I can shoot and have fun!