Iran Reveals New Fighter Jet; Denies Photoshopping

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Dateline Tehran

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinebamajad on Saturday revealed Iran's new domestically built fighter jet.

Defense Minister Ahmad Vahidi stated that the new آب نبات 313 jet "Allah willing (pbuh), our new fighter jet, better than anything ever built by the west, will keel you!"

However, we had previously obtained the following photo, clandestinely taken at the Iranian Air Force research and development center:

When asked about the apparently faked new fighter jet, President Ahmadinebamajad exploded in a fit of rage and - jabbing his finger toward everyone at the press conference repeatedly - screamed "WE KEEEEL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!" before stomping out of the room.

Iranian translators attending the conference did admit, when pressured, that the literal translation of آب نبات is "candy".

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It's pretty advanced, though comrades. I see a 5.25 floppy drive in the cockpit. And it's definitely able to avoid radar detection since it can't get off the ground! Most remarkable is the fact that this aircraft can be displayed in a truck service center building where the only entrances are standard roll-up garage doors.

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Dear comrade, I hail from the Middle Eastern occupied domain of the evil Zionist entity.

I find the notion that the glorious Islamic Republic of Iran faked the creation of a 21st century VTOL stealth aircraft rather offensive!

Surly the leaders of this most illustrious and free nation would never lie. This must be the work of some narrow eyed Jews.

I have you know that this top secret jet was developed by a collaboration of the most brilliant scientists behind Fisher-Price, IKEA and Toyota Prius.

Listed below are some of the unique features of this aircraft:

1. Jihadist safety features - in order to assure maximum possibility of martyrdom there are none of those silly ejector seats or landing gear that the infidels seem to like so much.

2. High tech stealth technology - plywood and fiberglass hardly give out any radar signature.

3. Top of the line navigation and targeting computer - The pilot may chose between Waze and Google maps.

4. State of the art weapon technology - weapons do not deploy unless the pilot knows the secret code. (click up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Pray!)

5. "The Holocaust never happened" - The onboard computer continuously reassures the pilot by sporadically reading aloud various well-known facts. "God hates Women and gays".

If the pilot ever find himself confused or unsure he may relax in the knowledge that thinking is neither required nor recommended. "Obama is our overlord"

Hail Cube!

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Iran is well advanced of us in green technology, as their stealth fighters operate on quarters.


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Chairman Meow wrote:Iran is well advanced of us in green technology, as their stealth fighters operate on quarters.

You speak the truth fuzzy comrade, for the Islamic republic technological prowess is quite evident. Why I've heard that all their computers were recently upgraded and are now Y2K compatible.
Picture above: The glorious scientists of Iran have shrunk a personal computer to a more manageable room size.