Free Obama Phones: Fact vs. Fiction

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Do you pay taxes and ever wonder what exactly Obama is doing with your money?
This viral video shows the end result of one miraculous government program that gives away free cell phones; it keeps the Democrat voters both fired up and oblivious to the world around them.

But what makes this program even more miraculous is that while the monthly charges go directly to the taxpayer, an illusion is created that the phones are given to the entitled voters personally by the Oprah-like President Obama: "You get a phone! And you get a phone!"

But wait, there's more! Our researchers have compiled the following list of features that distinguish the free ObamaPhone from a regular cell phone:

  • It automatically rejects calls from people with a different opinion.
  • Every time you take a picture, it produces a grimmer image of America.
  • It doesn't have a plan; it just keeps telling you how bad the other guy's plan is.
  • When it crashes, it blames your previous phone.
  • All 3 AM calls go directly to voicemail.
  • It has a really useless app called "Biden."
  • Pairing it with another device sucks all the energy out of the other unit.
  • Type in "job search" and it gives you directions to the welfare office.
  • The navigation feature covers all 57 States.
  • The default ringtone for international calls is "I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology."
  • The healthcare app downloads and installs itself without your permission.
  • When you make a call, a teleprompter pops up to help you speak.
  • Restaurant reviews are all written by Michelle Obama.
  • There are never any winners on Angry Birds.
  • Instagram takes two months to process a photo and you have to fill out 3 PDFs to do so.
  • Paypal app is replaced with ReceivePal app.
  • You can't find "Jerusalem" on Google maps.
  • It turns all your Facebook friends into enemies and all your enemies into friends.
  • Don't want to work? There's an app for that, too.
  • It automatically bows down to phones made by foreign companies.
  • When you watch a YouTube video, a US ambassador gets killed.
  • When you dial "home", it calls Kenya.
  • As opposed to the iPhone, it's called the mePhone.


This list is based on our tweets in the #ObamaPhone hash tag game, which trended at #3 today and made it to Michelle Malkin's Twitchy - but then inexplicably vanished from the trending list before we could make a screenshot. Our frequent contributor, General Secretary, who posted today on our behalf, claims that the #ObamaPhone game started with the above one-liners, immediately retweeted by hundreds. However, given Twitter's speed and millions of users, this may be difficult to prove.

Within hours, the game's popularity reached the radar of the Obama Truth Team and Think Progress, who then quickly intervened to enlighten the unwashed masses about the Current Truth about the ObamaPhone. Their messages boil down to the familiar "Blame Bush" and "Obama didn't build that." They did not mention, however, exactly how much of the taxpayer money has been used by this and other government programs to build the strong 47% support base for the Democrats.


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Huh. And here I thought an "obamaphone" was a musical instrument: incredibly expensive; requiring massive amounts of hot air; operated by 47% of the population in exchange for goodies; and, only played one song: "Dirge for the Republic."

It's posts like this that keep me coming back to this site. Now THIS is funny. Great Work Comrade Red Square!

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I am very excited to get my new free Obama cell phonery to replace my cheap, hand me down precision talking piece I received from dearly beloved, decease ex-husband. I will have so many free minutes I will be able to call the Cubers and talk for hours and days!!

Now if I can just come up with the $198.59 shipping charge, I will be set.


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Anglo-phone = one who speaks English
Franco-phone = one who speaks French
Obama-phone =

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  • The Obamafone has a hidden app that logs all calls and information to ObamaCentral™ to be gathered by the Bureau Of Prolitariat Registry.
  • Every call made on the Obamafone automatically matches each user to a pre-registered list of necro-voters, and undocumented democrats, automatically electronically voting for The One™.

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Finally! I can text my vote for Obama, just like I do for American Idol and Dancing with the Stars!

And all from the comfort of my couch, so I don't have to stand in line on Election Day. I do enough of that at the welfare office.

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A good Romney ad:

Group of enthusiastic Obama supporters holding up their Obamaphones like cowbells while striking the Obamaphones with drumsticks and shouting "More Obamaphone! More Obamaphone!"

Obama's policies are "More Obamaphone!" Stimulus? More Obamaphone! ObamaCare? More Obamaphone! Jobs bill? More Obamaphone! His budgets that get no votes from anyone? His budgets are the beating of drumsticks on Obamaphones.

Stupid unserious noises made to the issues and problems that all his Obamaphone cowbell drumbeating is cynically purported to solve.

Four more years of Obama?

More Obamaphone! More Obamaphone!

The perfect summation of the Obama presidency. It would be humorous if real peoples lives weren't being ruined.

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These phones are a cheap gimmick and trolling for votes! A dastardly political ploy.

What carrier and how do I get one?

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Now this article has been linked to The American Spectator:

The American Spectator wrote:ObamaPhone Humor
By ROSS KAMINSKY on 9.28.12 @ 12:24PM

In case you haven't heard about the federal government's free cell phone program, "Lifeline", derisively called the ObamaPhone by critics (including me), it's not a joke, even though it seems like it should be: ... GXHNlHZ27x
The clever people over at have a new article about the ObamaPhone including some of its most important features as submitted by Twitter users.

As long as we're mentioning web site, this is really funny too: ... t9706.html

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At last, a free gubbermint cellphone! I am so sick and tired of paying high prices for iPhones and then the money-grubbing phone companies charge you to use them as well! Cell phones are a human right like medical care, food and housing. I shouldn't have to pay for them.

By the way, the workers at the phone companies are on strike again! Let's support them in their demand for more money!

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I so cannot wait until 60" flat screen HD T.V.'s become a "fundamental right"!

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Does the free fone also come with a free provider of service or are they apportioned out to all carriers on an equality basis?

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Now if I can just come up with the $198.59 shipping charge, I will be set.
Ahhh, Comrade Fraulein, always a pleasure to see your bright and shining countenance on my Commodore 64 screen!

I have it on good authority that if you click on one of those "Tell Barack You're In" advertisements they will lower the shipping price to only $99.95!


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Sorry I missed the tweets, but #ObamaPhone :

I just got my first bill, and it was over 2000 pages. I called the phone company and they said I have to pay it to know what's in it.

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What a most excellent and upgraded version you have, Red Square. The older model has noting on the newer model filled with such marvelous apps. But, the older model still has it advantages...
  1. Unlimited minutes.
  2. Drop calls only occur when one of the callers passes out from excessive alcohol consumption or a crack induced coma.
  3. The Face Time app has AMAZING clarity (If sober at time of operation).
  4. multi person communication can occur if others are within 4.5 feet from one another.
  5. Never needs to recharged.
  6. Assorted colors such as Campbell's Soup Red, Ranchero Beans Brown, Kernel Corn Yellow
  7. Replacement cords come in various colors and can be obtained when dumpster diving for old shoes.
  8. The banking app is unbelievable as the phone itself operates as the bank

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As long as you and your commrades living in the same hovel make under 10k rubels a year, you too can have an obamaphone!

As a bonus, if you are already enrolled in another wonderful government program such as food stamps, WIC, welfare, or housing, you qualify without having to do anything at all and just have to demand your free obamaphone for it to be sent to you at no cost (to you) overnite FedEx, right to your hovel's front entrance!

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Our glorious collective can't stop self-congratulating itself when writers like Daniel Greenfield (Sultan Knish) link to this post: ... world.html

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Check out a photo and complete features callout of the just-released 2012 Free Obama with pop-up teleprompter and Sandra Fluke emergency contraceptive pack (next to battery pack). BTW, no one built this phone, it just appeared out of thin air.[hr][/hr]

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Outstanding, Komrade Barackoff. If Dear Leader had time between Letterman and the View, he would no doubt bestow his highest accolade:


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"What a bargain! I just traded my son for a free brand-new Obamaphone!"

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This woman is so overjoyed, she forgot to mention "At no expense to myself, ever".
Last edited by General Confusion on 10/23/2012, 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason for editing this post: 'pleteness

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Image You see that street lamp? Your mama stands under that long enough, she'll get 4G reception on that phone...