Former president Obama, known as an avid reader of books that other people only buy to decorate their interiors with, continued his tradition of releasing a list of his favorite books of the year, all so the rest of us would know which titles we should put on our coffee tables while pretending we have read and liked them.

As always during this festive time of year, an email from a trusted Soros-funded source informed our beloved former president of what his "favorite books of 2019" were. As is the tradition, he immediately ordered his personal secretary to tweet this list in the shape of a nicely formatted graphic image - nothing too extravagant, but sufficiently cute and acceptable to all identity groups on this year's roster.


If you are new to this, you should be aware that these texts can be as mind-numbing as they are soul-crushing; reading them can turn anyone's brain into a bug-infested rotting tree stump, so no one expects you ever to open them. Rather, the point of this holiday tradition is to educate us on what books we should decorate our homes with, so that we can show "Obama's favorite books of 2019" to our progressive friends, safe in the knowledge that no one else is going to read this gibberish and call us out as a liar.

Most importantly, this legitimizes the inclusion of the otherwise unsellable neo-Marxist gobbledygook into the lists of required reading in our colleges, which allows its authors to live nicely off their work through massive retail sales and bulk orders from thousands of our nation's schools and libraries.

Coming soon: a list of Obama's favorite movies we can pretend we have sat through to the end and liked them, followed by Obama's favorite music to which we should pretend we enjoy listening.


THE LIST OF OBAMA'S FAVORITE BOOKS OF 2019
Collect them all and join the small but powerful elite group of people whose members also pretend to celebrate Kwanzaa.

• "The Age of Surveillance Capitalism: The Fight for a Human Future at the New Frontier of Power" by Shoshana Zuboff
  
• "The Anarchy: The Relentless Rise of the East India Company" by William Dalrymple (not to be confused with the right-wing columnist Theodore Dalrymple)
  
• "Furious Hours: Murder, Fraud and the Last Trial of Harper Lee" by Casey Cep
  
• "Girl, Woman, Other" by Bernardine Evaristo (Booker Prize winner)
  
• "The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee: Native America from 1890 to the Present" by David Treuer
  
• "How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy" by Jenny Odell
  
• "Lost Children Archive" by Valeria Luiselli
  
• "Lot: Stories" by Bryan Washington
  
• "Normal People" by Sally Rooney
  
• "The Orphan Master's Son" by Adam Johnson
  
• "The Yellow House" by Sarah M. Broom (National Book Award winner, nonfiction)
  
• "Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland" by Patrick Radden Keefe
  
• "Solitary" by Albert Woodfox
  
• "The Topeka School" by Ben Lerner
  
• "Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion" by Jia Tolentino
  
• "Trust Exercise" by Susan Choi (National Book Award winner, fiction)
  
• "We Live In Water: Stories" by Jess Walter

If I were Obama's advisor, I'd suggest he stay away from titles with the words 'spy,' 'surveillance,' 'fraud,' 'furious,' or 'men without women.' I'd also suggest to move the title "How To Do Nothing" to the bottom of the list because anything written after that becomes visual noise.

Oh Barack, you're so knowledgeable!

Are the crayons included with the books, or do you have to purchase obtain a ration card for those separately?

I've got it on very good authority that all he ever reads is MAD. His actual 2019 reading list:

Here's one we can all really sink our teeth into.

The life and times of Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Great speeches of Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama saves the world, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama Interviews Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama in His Own Words, by Barack Obama
How Barack Obama Tamed The Russian Bear, by Barack Obama
A Very Barack Obama Christmas, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama's Guide to Hard Drive Repair and Maintenance, by Barack Obama
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Everything you Need to Know About Barack Obama, by Barack Obama

Comrade Jenkem wrote:The life and times of Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Great speeches of Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama saves the world, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama Interviews Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama in His Own Words, by Barack Obama
How Barack Obama Tamed The Russian Bear, by Barack Obama
A Very Barack Obama Christmas, by Barack Obama
Barack Obama's Guide to Hard Drive Repair and Maintenance, by Barack Obama
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Barack Obama, by Barack Obama
Everything you Need to Know About Barack Obama, by Barack Obama