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USA Pinups + USSR Posters = Glorious Visual Agitation

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Image "Did you toil today for the Motherland, woman?"
Digital illustrator Valeri Barykin of Nizhni Novgorod, Russia, creates nostalgic fantasy art by combining vintage Soviet propagandistic posters with American pinups of about the same historical era, thus filling out the blank spots in Russia's culture, fantasizing about things that may have happened but didn't.

While history doesn't work in subjunctive mood, art does. Below is a selection of Cube-worthy fantasies we prepared for our readers.



Revolutionary Art - Революционное искусство
(a truthful depiction of our daily toils at the People's Cube)

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Zina the Collective Farmer, winner of socialist competition - Наша Зина

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Communal workers! Provide quality services in housing projects!

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The first woman cosmonaut - Первая женщина-космонавт

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Hunters! Don't startle women! - Не вспугните женщину!

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Don't litter: treat janitorial staff with respect they deserve! - Уважайте турд уборщиц

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Books are your best friends - Книга - лучшая подруга

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Don't abuse alcoholic beverages - you may have to be at the factory early in the morning! - Не злоупотребляйте спиртными напитками

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You too can be a crane operator! - Крановщица

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Approaching Moscow by train - Скоро Москва! Поездом.

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Approaching Moscow by plane (an utterly impossible scene) - Скоро Москва! Самолетом.

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Approaching Moscow by truck - Скоро Москва!

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This image is different. Forget vintage pinups - The Matrix rules!
Beat the Fascist Enemy!

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And, finally, a 2010 wall calendar designed for ROMEK, a Russian manufacturer of construction equipment. The calendar seems to have created a small national sensation - Календарь для ГК "Ромек"

January: Don't waste working minutes needlessly!

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February: Get up early, go to work!

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March: Construction workers should not be distracted!

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April: Worker! Give your wages to your wife!

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May: Follow proper safety procedures while working at heights

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June: Building a better future can't wait for your headache to stop!

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July: Unauthorized personnel keep off the crane during operation

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August: The country needs young construction managers!

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September: You are needed at the construction site!

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October: Supporting the young, respecting the old. "My apprentice!"

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November: Loitering at a construction site may result in an accident.

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December: Did you toil today for the Motherland, woman?

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Y'know, those Ukraine girls really knock me out...they leave the West behind.

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...and Moscow girls make me sing and shout and....

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Ivan Betinov wrote:Y'know, those Ukraine girls really knock me out...they leave the West behind.
I'll have to take your glorious word for it. The woman living high on the hog is quite fetching, though.

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HELLO NURSES!!!

When I first saw this I thought I was back at my old job at the SEC!

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I WANT TO KNOW WHERE IS THE EYE CANDY FOR THE LADIES?? What about "equality" and "fairness"?!

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:I WANT TO KNOW WHERE IS THE EYE CANDY FOR THE LADIES?? What about "equality" and "fairness"?!
This feel good?

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I ask for some hunk-a-ramas and you supply left over Eharmony rejects? I love a good comrade as well as the next gulag gal, but this makes my eyes drool, especially the one on the end with spittle running down his goatee. And could you not find one spiffy male not in the Pointed Head Society?
Humble apologies comrade Red Square!, but these loyal comradic gentlemens remind me of dear beloved late Mr. Pulloskies and he's been dead for 12 months! (the viewing should be over soon though and we can proceed with the burial)

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Oh no, not my Friday night regulars. With the exception of "Comrade March" and "Comrade September" they look just like all the others illustrated here.

We want more men like Comrade March and Comrade September!

And I am very disappointed that so far no one has remarked on the obvious in certain pictures--or haven't they noticed because they're so busy drooling over all the glorious T & A?

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Pinkie - what's obvious?

Mrs. P - Getting warmer?

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Maybe if I loaned you my red headscarf so you could use it to wipe the drool from your keyboard, you might see what I see.

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Pinkie - I combined the two of your favorite poster boys and they are a perfect match!

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Here's the same pinup in English:

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Now we're getting warmer. May I have my red headscarf back? (Please wring it out first.)

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Ahhh most glorious! Excuse me while I engage in a vigorous SEC approved activity to show my appreciation for the the wonders of The Motherland

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Wait, Pinkie, I'm not done yet...

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And now in the original Mother Tongue...

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Done! Here's your scarf.

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Zina The Collective farmer appears to have mastured the Art Of Efficiently Operating The Collective Animal Industry! Three Huzzahs For Her Revolutionary Zeal!

Huzzah! Huzzah!? HUZZAH!!!!!

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Kamerad November: Has She Been Caught In a Bourgeois Plot That Exposes The Revolution? NYET! - In the next panel, were it available, She Seizes The Moment, Withdraws A .45 Western-Created (Though Soviet-Manufactured) Pistol, And Reclaims The Revolution From The Revanchist Crane-Operator!


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AKK! Leninka! What a revealing, if not glorious, photo of you and dear Imadigajob. My my, before we know, you will be in Playing Boys magazine. ooooh la la?
(I fear I must avert my eyes)

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For the record, that is Michelle O, not Leninka. Our Leninka fixes her own fixtures, like a good prole.

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Obamugabe - why let facts stand in the way of a good, juicy story?

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After seeing that picture, don't you wonder why they bother to make such a big deal over Michelle's arms? Wouldn't you rather see her show up for the SOTU address with her butt dimples on display?

Thanks to Michelle, think of all the millions of women out there who'll feel so much more comfortable about letting their own butt dimples show while they shop at Wal-Mart.

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Ahminnadinnajacket seems to be sporting a big tool tucked under his belt. Perhaps he is aroused by butt dimples.

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[highlight=#ffff99]"Approaching Moscow by plane (an utterly impossible scene) - Скоро Москва! Самолетом."[/highlight]

OFF
That one brought back memories of what a delight flying used to be. Back in the early 60's I flew to Miami via 1st Class a few times and it was exactly as the image portrayed. Talk about "eye candy", the Stew's were all gorgeous and you were treated like a king. You received a full meal and your class was never empty.

Today you're just another piece of meat cargo.


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Red Square, Pinkie, the Fraulein, ConservativeMuzhelozhstvo, and I all thank you for your glorious revolutionary people's art. I'm afraid that my art collection cannot show the ideological purity hiding in some comrades. I know I've trotted this picture out before but it bears repetition
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Looking at that you would never know that beneath his formidable pecs beats a heart of Socialist gold. Behind those buns is a steely determination to vanquish the fascist.

You might think that this is some silly pool boy, but no, he is not. This is the face of the progressive of the future.

And if any of you neanderthals says otherwise, I will question out just why are good prole women wearing high-heel shoes? And those prole women seem to have all their teeth. That is proof of a diet which consists of more than a few moldy beets and a rotten potato.

This is the proper peasant look:
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And we'd better not forget it.

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According to EnglishRussia.com, HAIR'S HOW magazine also recreated old Soviet Posters - this time with Barbie Dolls (ushanka tip to our resident Barbie Doll specialist Colonel 7.62).

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See more at https://englishrussia.com/index.php/201 ... rbie-dolls

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They are easier to get than real women, and cause much less bother. What can I say?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Red Square, Pinkie, the Fraulein, ConservativeMuzhelozhstvo, and I all thank you for your glorious revolutionary people's art. I'm afraid that my art collection cannot show the ideological purity hiding in some comrades. I know I've trotted this picture out before but it bears repetition
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Looking at that you would never know that beneath his formidable pecs beats a heart of Socialist gold. Behind those buns is a steely determination to vanquish the fascist.

You might think that this is some silly pool boy, but no, he is not. This is the face of the progressive of the future.

And if any of you neanderthals says otherwise, I will question out just why are good prole women wearing high-heel shoes? And those prole women seem to have all their teeth. That is proof of a diet which consists of more than a few moldy beets and a rotten potato.

This is the proper peasant look:
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And we'd better not forget it.
I'm digging it and Komrade Red Square's work.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: This is the proper peasant look:
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And we'd better not forget it.

I disagree.

Proper Party-Approved Peasants™ (or PAPs™) are all young, beautiful, strong, and ready to put their backs (and whatever other Party-Approved™ body parts) to work for the good of the Motherland!

Now, don't take this as a smear against non-PAPs™, but we can't have the capitalist swine believing our Wimmins are anything but the best, the brightest and the most buxom!

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Comrade jac, I do not think that you really understand the purpose of the Kollective. You're right of course in spreading enormous amounts of utter and complete shit about the glories of the Fatherland, but that's to drag them in.

We don't want people thinking outside the box. Or inside the box. Or about the box in any form whatsoever. Which is why I posted the picture of Dear Grandma Natasha above. For after all, she still has three teeth left, and can chew seal hides to soften them and so is still a valued and worthy addition to the Kollective.

Until of course she sickens.

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ConservativeMuzhelozhstvo, glad to see you back.

I found the translation of muzhelozhstvo and I am confused. I understand that it means "men lying with men," but isn't that just the stock-in-trade of the Czars, and Obowma's cabinet, hangers-on, sycophants, and most important, TelePrompTers?

I mean, I'm a Made Prog. In fact I'm the first Made Prog. Which means that I understand the virtues of Progdom. And the first of these is, wait for it, lying.Now no one is going to tell me that I can't come into a room and start lying to everyone there, while they lie to me.

Now, I ask you. What's wrong with men lying with men?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrade jac, I do not think that you really understand the purpose of the Kollective. You're right of course in spreading enormous amounts of utter and complete shit about the glories of the Fatherland, but that's to drag them in.

We don't want people thinking outside the box. Or inside the box. Or about the box in any form whatsoever. Which is why I posted the picture of Dear Grandma Natasha above. For after all, she still has three teeth left, and can chew seal hides to soften them and so is still a valued and worthy addition to the Kollective.

Until of course she sickens.
Ah but I think Comrade JAC has the right idea. Of course our Socialist Women are the best and most well endowed in the world.And coupled with the fact that Dear Grandma Czarwea... errr Natasha is also a fine example of Socialist Womanhood, we must presume that *all socialist women* are in fact the finest examples on the face of the earth and are to be treated equally. That is what we are after, correct? Equality? Dear Grandma, and Hawt Hannah are really one and the same. In fact, it is time we establish sexual rationing. All comrades will receive equal bedroom time. Equal orgasms for all!

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I do take your point. Just as all children who play a game are given trophies, all prog women will be lovely.

But, er, doesn't the hair on their legs bother you?

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Comrade Theo, I live in Olympia Collective. If hairy legs on women bothered me, I would be unable to redistribute the wealth of my loins at all...

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Colonel, perhaps then you could visit Austria. I recall being there and at times it was a close thing as to had the hairiest legs: me, the man I was traveling with, or the odd Fraulein.

And if dear Fraulein P is reading this, my apologies. My eyes have never gotten below your Cube Boob.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:
And if dear Fraulein P is reading this, my apologies. My eyes have never gotten below your Cube Boob.

Take it from me Theo, she's all woman.

(er, what I mean is, she's a real lady)

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:ConservativeMuzhelozhstvo, glad to see you back.

I found the translation of muzhelozhstvo and I am confused. I understand that it means "men lying with men," but isn't that just the stock-in-trade of the Czars, and Obowma's cabinet, hangers-on, sycophants, and most important, TelePrompTers?

I mean, I'm a Made Prog. In fact I'm the first Made Prog. Which means that I understand the virtues of Progdom. And the first of these is, wait for it, lying.Now no one is going to tell me that I can't come into a room and start lying to everyone there, while they lie to me.

Now, I ask you. What's wrong with men lying with men?
Out of Weak Karakter:
Oh, I'm always around. I just don't consider myself very good at writing the Party Approved Newspeak. As tomuzhelozhstvothat was the closest Russian word I could find.

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This is the most glorious, most equal agitprop I have seen since I commanded Special Services brigade at the cathouses of Kunming. Progressive minds must normally remain clear from such distractions, as they reduce beet quotas and sow class conflict. But for the intelligencia and Party leaders, it is important to stimulate new means to advance the collective! Consider what the Blonde on Pig could do for pork production, to say nothing of reminding young proles of the glamour of field and factory!

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Good to see you out and about again, comrade general. I'm curious...did you have a Kunming Linguist at that cathouse?

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Red Square wrote:Obamugabe - why let facts stand in the way of a good, juicy story?

Because all juice should be killed!

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Ivan Betinov wrote:Good to see you out and about again, comrade general. I'm curious...did you have a Kunming Linguist at that cathouse?
Many thanks, Comrade Betinov. I am a cat, and as such I tend to come and go away again with inexplicable timing. Regarding my affairs in Kunming, let me assure you I will devote a chapter in the memoirs I am writing for Random House to the linguists. Of course, I am donating all proceeds from publication to the Party, for The Children™.

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Ahh it is good to see the Comrade General out and about. I probably should stop my effort to divert that warehouse of caviar to my underground bunker.

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Thank you for watching over my caviar in my absence, Comrade Colonel. As Commissar of Time™, you certainly would understand the curious time-space continuum we cats frequently move into and out of. Your generosity in offering the safe return of said caviar is most gratifying, and I gladly offer any fresh seafood offering - from a non-gulf location, of course - for your dining enjoyment.

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Indeed, it was the observation of cats that first tipped me off to the potential of mastering the space-time continuum.

Meanwhile, have you any Chilean Sea Bass, abalone, or dolphin meat I would greatly enjoy some.

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Uh oh! Commissar Colonel,
The mention of dolphin meat around here is a big no no. Oh my, I hope Sister didn't see that. Gulp.............

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Dolphin meat? Who said Dolphin meat? Excuse me for a moment. I need to slip back in time. Errors to correct. Problems to fix. 5 year plans that need completion. Non persons to remove from pictures. Be back in bit...


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ThePeoplesComrade, are you trying to turn the Kollective into a group of grab-ass pansies? Well, are you?

Good luck. I've been trying for some while and it's a very hard thing. For one thins, 7.62 stubbornly refuses to be swayed by Bruno when he's singing "Tico Tico," In fact the Colonel pulled out a gun which was bigger than Texas and threatened to shoot him if he sang one more word.

General. Good to see you back. And I'm very glad to see you and 7.62 conspiring, er, talking about the cathouses of Kunming. But I am worried, though--you talked as though it was for your own pleasure, and not for the further enlightenment and delectation of the people at large. By this I mean just how much money have you been able to extract for The People from the cathouses of the Kunming linguists?

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Come now Comrade Theo; the gun wasn't that big. Although I did use the term "exit wound big enough to drive a humvee through" when Bruno wouldn't stop. But I digress.

I'll have you know I spent most of the day disguised as a capitalist at Olympia's Gay Pride festival. Why I saw a man with a pony tail, vampire fangs, and a pink tutu engage in a feather dance. And then there were the glorious progressive songs, one of which included the line "doing jumping jacks in a speedo", and ooh the queen in a corset, with pot belly hanging over blue jeans. And the anti war(TM) protesters. I saw so much grab ass pansiness today, Bruno was starting to look straight.

{off} All true, all oh so very true. I'll report to the Inner Party(TM) later. Regretfully was unable to get pictures due to camera problems.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:ThePeoplesComrade, are you trying to turn the Kollective into a group of grab-ass pansies? Well, are you?

I have my suspicions as well Theo. He doesn't seem impressed by the Fraulein's Party™ approved endowments. He even seems hostile toward discussing them.

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Whoopie, even I have become ensorcelled with Fraulein's enormous, and deliciously wrinkled, dugs. I find it very suspicious that any red-blooded prog would not be smitten. And anyway, we have enough funny people in the collective. We don't need no more stinking pansies. F. Lee Bruno and I fit the bill well. What's that old joke? How do you keep Jews out of the country club? Let one in and he'll keep the others out. Just so with pansies.

Colonel, I'd have paid to see pictures of the goth at the gay-pride festival. A feather dance. Just where was the feather going?

And next time you're at the Rancho and Bruno favors you (yeah) with a rendition of "Tico Tico," do what I do. Toss him a rhinestone on a string. Keeps him fascinated for hours. In fact didn't you think it strange that I have a calculus book on the table in the Rancho's foyer?

Just behind the calculus book is a bowl with rhinestones on strings. Elastic colorful strings. Take one the next time you're here. The calculus book is to scare off Bruno. I could have Barbra Streisand's nose just behind a book on differential equations and he simply wouldn't see it, or anything else in a two-foot radius.

This makes me think. What if we hid embarrassing things the same way? Say some of the czars have been implicated in child pornography and prostitution. Couldn't we just arrange for His Supreme Awesomeness to read it out and then no one would hear it? It's a sort of super purloined-letter effect.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:General. Good to see you back. And I'm very glad to see you and 7.62 conspiring, er, talking about the cathouses of Kunming. But I am worried, though--you talked as though it was for your own pleasure, and not for the further enlightenment and delectation of the people at large. By this I mean just how much money have you been able to extract for The People from the cathouses of the Kunming linguists?
Many thanks, my good Commissar! My fact-finding mission was long and exhausting, but I assure you solely for The Common Good™ . Regarding the funding procured from the many contributors who were responsive to my staff's strong encouragements, let me say I won't be needing any government stimulus checks for a while! What did I miss while I was gone? And where is that irritating hard-working hero of the people, Pupovich???

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I haven't heard from Pupovich for awhile. The poor man may be ill from his strenuous exertions for The Common Good(tm). [ Seriously; he's a very sick man. ]

General, I may have to make you report to Jiffi-Lobo. Just WTF do you think you're doing not accepting a stimulus check? This is like turning down free sex. Stimulus is better than turning down free sex. Free sex is a horrible and selfish thing because it comes from one person. With a stimulus check, you get to screw Joe the Plumber! And you don't have to be gay to love it!

And he has nothing to say about it! Now if that doesn't wobble your tripes and make your junk stand at attention then you're not the made prog that I have taken you for.

So. Make all the money you want. Steal all you can. Be censorious about people who do the same thing, because it means that you didn't get there first.

But never, ever, EVER turn down government money.

To Jiffi-Lobo with you, now, and don't come back until you're incontinent.

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I do condemn and denounce censoriously all those who would grab public money from The People's Trough for their own selfish consumption.

My problem is no Stimulus money seems to be trickling down to me (as an owner of Florida real estate). You don't suppose it is trickling up, do you? Or trickling sideways? I'm not discouraged about our collective position on sharing the wealth but the tardiness of it's arrival into my pocket is troublesome to my banker.

These heartless Capitalists
mortgage.jpg

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I have a small business in West Texas, where I smile at people just before I put my jackboot on their necks and rob them of everything. Well, how do you think I got to be such a honking big made prog?

We've had salesmen call us asking us if we want our share of Obama money.

I was so shocked that I hung up the phone swearing f-bombs offered to spit-shine his shoes just so long as I could get my hooks into OPM.

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It is a real poster; I didn't alter anything except adding the English caption at the top and the TPC stamp at the bottom.

The Russian word at the top literally means "We shall overcome". The lettering on the snake says "Alcohol abuse."

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I keep seeing this poster viewed by some of the stern Baptists that I knew 45 years ago...

These are the people who gave rise to the joke: Why don't Baptists make love standing up? Someone might think they were dancing.

Or it's an ecumenical world when the Baptists and the Church of Christers start drinking in front of each other.


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Obviously our comrades had not come across the pickle-plucking Mrs. Al. Or they wouldn't dare suggest that comrades take their pleasure amidships rather than in the usual way, per orem.

mi
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I wonder, if OSHA has anything similar to these... Awesome.

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Regarding the poster about the worker giving all his money to his wife, when did Colin Mochrie pose for a Soviet agitprop poster?

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Apparently in Pinkie's younger days she used a hoe instead of a shovel. I'm glad I didn't know her then, a whack from her shovel is painful but nothing like losing a few toes.

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With a hoe, anything that sticks out is likely to get whacked off.

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Stop the presses! New scandal brewing in the Inner Party!

PINKIE ADMITS TO HOEING, WHACKING OFF

More as the story develops, or less, if I get shattered by a shovel blow.

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[img]/images/Poster_Pinup_Worker_Girl_Sister.jpg[/img]

Did you go to work today, sister?

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Komrades I am troubled by such display of decadent neo-kapitalist vulgarity. You turn the revolutionary beauty of our motherland into a tawdry objectification of female body. Why you never show the heroic breasts that give strength to the newborn Socialist state? Why no depiction of the wombs that bear the future revolutionaries? Why no strong sisters you show - only commodified objectified stooges of U.S. imperialism?

I am indeed agitated, and I may be forced to report some here for inkorrect tendencies...

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Ivan Betinov wrote:Y'know, those Ukraine girls really knock me out...they leave the West behind.
Komrade - you misinterpret lyrics. Is not "Ukraine girls have best behind"?
No - wait I make little mistake - is "Ukraine girls have breast behind"?
Perhaps this agitprop will keep you abreast of developing feminist movement:


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It looks to me that Ukrainian feminists have studied from, hm shall we, expired textbooks. Not that I complain at all. However, in the interests of breast fairness and equality to USSA feminists, something has to be done. Again, this is not urgent issue.

Signed.

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A good woman from motherland have more muscles in breast than American bodybuilder man have in whole body.

I spit on your capitalist breast!

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Oh, the places this could go!

Go ahead, don't mind me... But post photos.


 
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