Marxists Riot over Desecration of Their Holy Book

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Violent protests accompanied by massive looting, flag-burning, and clashes with riot police erupted yesterday among faculty members on U.S. and European campuses, after Newsweek magazine reported that a U.S. interrogator desecrated Das Kapital. The holy book of an estimated 1.5 billion world's Marxists was allegedly flushed down the toilet in order to humiliate and demoralize a progressive human rights lawyer and devout Marxist Lynne Stewart.

Deans, heads of departments, professors, and assistant professors marched in the streets holding portraits of Karl Marx, chanting revolutionary slogans, tearing up American flags, burning effigies of George Bush and David Horowitz, and threatening to suspend those students who didn't join them in their righteous protest. On Berkeley campus a gigantic bonfire consumed all available copies of books by Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and other conservative authors that could be found in the library and local bookstores. The rioters were being spontaneously joined by groups of trial lawyers, progressive journalists, and union leaders.

"Even though some of us may have overreacted, it all pales in comparison with the grotesque injustice committed by this administration," said John Edwards, a trial lawyer from North Carolina who ran for presidency in 2004. "Looting? You may stereotype it as such, I suppose. But I call it an exercise in spontaneous Marxism, which is a God-given right of every devout Marxist in America whose rights must be protected if we still value our Constitution and its freedoms."

Riots continued through the night despite denials by Scott McClellan that Das Kapital had ever been mishandled. The White House spokesman assured that the U.S. government respects cultural sensitivities of all Marxists regardless of their citizenship or immigration status, and routinely provides activists of progressive faith, who happen to be in detention, with free standard-issue copies of Das Kapital, which their faith requires them to read five times a day. The government started doing so after being bitterly criticized by ACLU and Amnesty International.

Continued pressure from progressive groups and the media forced apologetic government officials to release new details about five confirmed cases of U.S. personnel mishandling Das Kapital at federal detention centers, acknowledging that guards and interrogators kicked the Marxist holy book, got copies wet, stood on Das Kapital during an interrogation and inadvertently sprayed urine on another copy.

Conservative bloggers have ridiculed Newsweek's allegations on the grounds that no toilet is fit to flush even a comic magazine, let alone Das Kapital of 1,200 pages. But ACLU claims its lawyers have evidence that the Bush Administration had placed a large order with Halliburton, a company formerly owned by Dick Cheney, to manufacture a ProgressoFlush 3000, an SUV-sized gasoline-powered 3,000 liter monster toilet, capable of flushing such voluminous books as Das Kapital, Bhagavad Gita, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, the Harry Potter collection, and Star Wars spin-offs, with the purpose of humiliating and breaking the will of worshippers in federal detention facilities.

Lynne Stewart is a Marxist attorney indicted by Attorney General John Ashcroft for enabling her client, the progressive Sheik, Omar Abdul Rahman, to carry out his progressive agendas while in prison. Rahman was the spiritual leader of a cell that carried out the first World Trade Center bombing and was planning to blow up the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels.

Ramsey Clark, founder of the progressive International Action Center, who recruited Stewart to the Rahman case, issued a statement today inviting the involvement of the International Tribunal, and suggesting to turn Lynne Stewart's prison into a museum of atrocities committed by the US government against Marxists, similar to the ones already planned for the Abu Ghraib prison and for the Liberty Museum at Ground Zero.

Kommander Kenneth
Wow, this Lynne Stewart is one HOT Babushka mama. I bet she makes a mean pierogie (pyrohi). First pictures of Valentina and now Lynne. Are you sure the Cube isn't turning into "Glamour" magazine? I'd shovel many a ditch for this delicious bitc.........(shut your mouth)Oh, and who's that dazzling reporter to her left (where else but...) Is that Al Franken's twin sister? Gawd, is she HOT! I really dig the sagging boobs and the no bra look. I must go now and detain myself in the restroom.

That is Al Franken, he was just celebrating "Cross Gender Hermaphrodite Dressing Day".

Comrade Kim
U.S. Muslims desecrate American flag

This is a happy day for our world revolution.

WATCH VIDEO HERE. Look at ... patriotism

2011 International Socialists Technical Upgrade For Red Jihad And Islam

The video above is no longer available.

Update Lynne Stewart:
In 2005, Stewart was convicted on charges of conspiracy and providing material support to terrorists, and sentenced to 28 months in prison. Her felony conviction led to her being automatically disbarred. She was convicted of helping pass messages from her client, Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman, an Egyptian cleric convicted of planning terror attacks, to his followers in al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya, an organization designated as a Foreign Terrorist Organization by the United States Secretary of State.

She was re-sentenced on July 15, 2010 to 10 years in prison in light of perjury at her trial and other factors not properly considered against her by the sentencing judge.

Stewart was educated at Hope College, American University, and graduated with a B.A. in political science from Wagner College. She received a Masters in Library Science from Pratt Institute, and a J.D. from Rutgers School of Law-Newark.

Stewart was convicted of providing material support (through a press conference and allowing access by her translator) to a terrorist conspiracy to kill persons outside of the United States and conspiring to defraud the U.S. government when acting as counsel to Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman, the blind Egyptian cleric who was convicted in 1996 of plotting terrorist attacks against various sites in the New York City area. Specifically, she was accused, in a federal grand jury indictment, of passing Rahman's blessing for a resumption of terrorist operations to his fundamentalist Muslim terrorist cell in Egypt after cell members inquired whether they should continue to honor a ceasefire agreement with the Egyptian government. The material support charges were dismissed in the summer of 2003, but in November 2003 Stewart was re-indicted on charges of obstruction of justice and conspiracy to provide material support to terrorism. She was convicted on these charges.

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I hear that Comrade Michael Moore has ordered one of those ProgressoFlush 3000s for himself. Apparently normal toilets won't work for him because of all the s**t he has in him.

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Rumor has it that brutish fascist guards have further defiled Das Kapital (or the bible, as I like to call it) by soaking its glorious pages with "golden showers". Sources are also reporting that Marxist detainees are being forced to use crisp 100-dollar bills for bookmarks. It's outrageous! Somebody call Amnesty International.

In protest, I have burned copies of F.A. Hayek's The Road to Serfdom and The Constitution of Liberty, in addition to every Ayn Rand book that I could lay my hands on by means of spontaneous Marxism. Milton Friedman's Free to Choose, and Robert Nozick's Anarchy, State, and Utopia were likewise used to fuel the great conflagration.

i am currently enjoying well deserved holidays at my cousin's (underground) datcha in pyongyang and want to encourage all my dear comrads in their ever ceasing struggle against pityful petit bourgeois actions to defame our eternal sunshine karl.....

Promethean Antagonist
That was an awesome report! I'm gonna chow down and take a dump on my tattered version of the holy tome of leftist nonsense before it even gets a chance to be near a toilet. (There's always some works by Chomsky to use for toilet paper).

Why stop at flushing leftist literature. Why not flush all holy books. Equal opportunity flushing at it's best.

You can do it now at <a href= target=_blank>Flush A Holy Book</a>

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flusher wrote:You can do it now at <a href= target=_blank>Flush A Holy Book</a>

Thank you Comrade Flusher!

Nice site. We love the disclaimer: " was created to promote a serious dialogue about religion and belief." We also noticed that you wisely avoided putting Das Kapital by Karl Marx on the list of books to be flushed. A truly progressive thinking!

Indeed, we always get into serious mood while sitting on a toilet. This is where some of our best ideas were born, regarding revolutionary struggle, the destruction of the old world, and creation of a new egalitarian universe.