The purpose of our Progressive movement is to instill enormous guilt among wealth creators, causing them to give their money to us voluntarily. Think of guilt as secondary taxation. While the government extracts the first round of money by taxing a limited number of activities by wealth creators (with the help of a mind-numbing tax code), the imposition of guilt allows us to extract the remaining money in virtually unlimited amounts by associating guilt with the broadest range of activities - from what you eat to how big your toilet tank is. Most of you are guilty merely for breathing air, and the number of victims suffering from your noxious CO2 exhaust is unlimited - from the whole planet Earth to endangered microscopic communities of bacteria that thrive collectively on dead bodies and whose existence you are jeopardizing by selfishly staying alive.
~
After the revolution, volunteer contributions to the People's Cube will cease to be necessary because the red cube will be the only cube available. All non-red cubes will be outlawed as criminal infringement of the civil right of the least capable to succeed equally. This will spare the toiling masses the unnecessary pain of thinking, and eliminate the need for wasteful advertising. The daily reading of the People's Cube organ shall become mandatory, with subsequent discussions of our ideologically correct materials among the working collectives at general weekly meetings.
Never drop your guard! Capitalists are known violators of the Common Good™ and are expected to conspire against our glorious red unanimity and to encourage competition by sneaking in the multi-colored cubes, or cubes that, instead of colors, have pictures of Curious George on each side. The latter must be found and destroyed because they advance a known capitalist plot whereby the Curious George books had subliminally influenced a generation of American children into voting for the war-mongering dictator George W. Bush.
Our Objective
The objective of the Progressive movement is to force a change in the society so that we no longer have to wait around for voluntary contributions from the guilty. Instead, we will forcibly extract as much money as we deem necessary to maintain and advance Progress™, which is our brand name for systematic wealth extraction. A planned extraction facilitates control over the guilt-ridden masses by well-meaning Party apparatchiks and a more seamless central planning of state-run economy in the name of the Common Good™, which is our brand name for state-run economy. And since everything that is being done for the Common Good™ automatically becomes a historically inevitable necessity, it is absolutely necessary to take the power away from wealth creators and give it to wealth distributors.
Our Strategy
Stimulate the feeling of guilt in wealth creators no matter how much money they've already given us. The more guilt, the bigger the contributions. Studies by Progressive think tanks have shown that there is no limit to the amount of guilt that can be injected, so to speak, under the skin of a single person. If the Obama election campaign is any indication, a properly conditioned guilt-ridden taxpayer can be driven into a distributive frenzy, stripping his children of inheritance and responding to a liberal fundraiser with a donation that would make the IRS look like a bunch of rookie panhandlers. And the best part is that we don't even need to maintain anything as big and costly as the IRS: we simply carry our infiltration of existing media, educational, and entertainment establishments to the next level. Correct, scientifically calculated strategy can make any corporate pencil-pusher feel guilty just for sitting in his chair all day when he could be out there in the streets with a shovel, joining the socially conscious masses in digging trenches for the Common Good™.
Our Tactics
Organize and coordinate guilt-instilling thematic campaigns, guilt marathons, and guilt drives that touch on race, war, oil, environment, gay issues, male chauvinism, Islam, globalization, the income gap, homelessness, and so on. Studies show a consistent increase in the amount of money flowing from the pockets of the guilty to Progressive organizations during such established and popular guilt drives as Earth Day, Hiroshima Day, Black History Month, Gay Pride Parade, International Women's Day (celebration of communist Klara Zetkin's birthday), Columbus Day (the genocide of Native Americans), etc.
Best Practices
Soviet collective farmers, stripped of land and the products of their labor, were made to feel extremely guilty for still not giving enough to the people's government. A thought-control campaign of such epic proportions was brilliantly accomplished by means of guilt-instilling techniques perfected by the state-run education and the state-owned media and entertainment subsidiaries. We are aiming to achieve the same perfection with the American readers of the People's Cube, starting with owners of the outdated bourgeois non-red Rubik's cubes.
Diagnostic Test
Establish connection with the Motherboard. Stick a finger of your right hand into any available slot in your computer and put your left hand over your forehead.
Run the diagnostic test. Without changing the position of your hands, stare at the monitor for eight hours while thinking guilty thoughts. If you move or blink, this may increase your guilt and corrupt the scientific data. In that case you must start the test again.
Check your result. Without changing your position, scroll down by pressing the "down" arrow button on your keyboard with your nose to see test results.
V V V V V
DIAGNOSTIC TEST RESULTS:
GUILTY!!!
Our windfarm-powered computer program designed by the scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center has determined that you are required to feel guilty (refer to graph).
If your current predisposition does not match the mandated quota you must feel guilty about that as well - and write another guilt-induced check to a Progressive organ such as this website.
I suggested this earlier but it's worth repeating it here:
We should start a Progressive Guilt Credit/Offset business named THE GUILTED AGE INC, collecting money from capitalists who don't want to feel guilty about their success, and pass it on to our bleeding heart liberal volunteers whose daily job will be to feel terribly, unbearably guilty - eight hours a day, forty hours a week.
To feel guilty after hours will require a 1.5 overtime rate. For a special bonus they will wake up screaming in the middle of the night from guilt - so that you can have a good night's sleep, wake up fresh in the morning, and make a ton of money during the day to offset a new portion of your accumulated capitalist guilt. We'll be keeping, oh I don't know, 10% of the money passing our hands?
GUILT CREDIT COMMERCIAL:
Quote
Are you a bleeding heart liberal? Are you feeling guilty all day while living in your mom's basement? Is your guilt preventing you from having a job, a career, or a meaningful relationship? Well, now you can feel guilty and get paid for it! I am Red Square of the People's Cube. Sign up to be a volunteer in our Progressive Guilt Credit program and become a successful guilt receptacle!
<voice> Hi, my name is Alva Goldbook. I used to be full of guilt and anxiety just because I was a U.S. citizen. I spent my days moaning about the lack of government programs that would pay me enough money to move to Cuba or North Korea. But after I joined the Progressive Guilt Credit program I quickly grew from the position of Assistant Nervous Wreck to Whining Paranoid Blogger, and within only a year I became an Area Guilt Manager in charge of guilt sales and redistribution in all of Northern Virginia. I can now stop asking Mom for allowance to go to Starbucks or buy Panera bread with my own guilt credits. Soon I'll even be able to leave the basement and travel to far-away romantic places like Cuba or North Korea with my real new human-flesh girlfriend!
If you are a liberal moaner, stop wasting your time carping for free! Join our army of paid whiners, complainers, and nit-pickers - and earn real income!
We'll have a different set of commercials for capitalist customers, as well as monthly and annual Guilt Drives, raising guilt amounts and increasing the value of guilt we would help them to offset! WELCOME TO THE GUILTED AGE!
Wait. I just checked and it turns out such business model already exists. Its branches include Moveon.org, Center For American Progress, Ford Foundation, Tides Foundation, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, that thing Bono is trying to set up, and many, many more.
Why should we not have this, Comrade Red Square? There's a site, cheatneutral.com that allows you to offset your cheating! Members of the site can either purchase cheat credits, or register as a faithful couple who will remain monogamous while collecting CEUs from those who don't.
Edit: Just looked at the thread you linked. Of course, you already knew of cheatneutral. Silly me, doubting your omniscience. I denounce myself in shame...
Why stop with money? People, beautiful people especially, should feel guilty for not giving enough loving to the more, um, needy. I patriotically volunteer for the position of secretary for love and affection and will gladly receive all love donations from those beautiful people who need to contribute to the common good. Now, GIMME ALL YOUR LOVIN', ALL YOUR HUGS AND KISSES TOO!
I feel guilty for having more People's Motivational Tools and People's Motivational Tool Ammunition than my more progressive neighbors who not only do not own any guns, but are working to make sure nobody else but our glorious government does.
Oh yes I also feel guilty for having a job, paying my bills, and not being uncontrollably in debt. I should go get credit cards I can't afford now.
I read this illustrious article by Comrade Red Square and I wept uncontrollably, Comrades! The guilt that I feel is overpowering and makes me ashamed.
But there is Hope!! What can I do to try to earn my place in the Party and heal the planet Earth from the ravages of CO2 and flatulence??
After reading this declaration from Comrade Red Square and the enlightened teachings of the High Priest of Climatology, Al Gore; I've realized that the answer is to practice a form of "Cap and Trade."
First, we must redistribute the wealth of ALL of the Robber Barons and affluent proles inhabiting this cesspool of "Freedom". Then after His Excellency, Nancy, Hillary and Harry Reid have started the Purges; every good Comrade would turn a mandated number of Dissenters, Birthers, KKKapitalists, and Constitution lovers into the State, for show trial and firing squad "education".
Yes Comrades, we turn our enemies in to the State, they are "capped" and we use their demise to offset our carbon/methane emissions. This would be a form of "Cap and Trade" that every loyal Party member could participate in.
This alone will remove untold tons of CO2/methane from the atmosphere, make food and water more plentiful and remove the slime of Freedom lovers/KKKapitalists from our midst. We can remove the scum of humanity from the Earth and make Mother Earth healthy and green again.
I feel guilty about pointing this out, but requiring everyone to read TPC would allow everyone to know how to read, and this could cause problems. However, given the current trends in Glorious People's Public Education we won't have to worry about it in a few years.
'Read' is relative. Wonderfully appointed future Commissars (Children of the ruling class of course) could be used to 'Read' these tomes and other needed propaganda truths to the unwashed and illiterate.
Thus they would serve two destinies.
The Destiny of future greatness. (Who knows they could become Premier President)
The Destiny of 'instructing' the masses.
Oh Hell All Hail 'The One'.
We have learned that it is difficult to control citizens who are not guilty....so we craft more and more laws. With bountiful laws, everyone is guilty of something, yes? In this way, citizens will comply, lest they encounter real guilt. This is even more fun than "social" guilt!
Just TRY not breaking any of our laws, just TRY........
Comrade Red, your Atlas Complied phrase has inspired me, although you may not be familiar with the most successful cliffhanger in TV history "Who Shot J.R."
Comrade Red, your Atlas Complied phrase has inspired me, although you may not be familiar with the most successful cliffhanger in TV history "Who Shot J.R."
Thanks, Superkommissar! Indeed, I wasn't familiar with it, as at the time I was performing a secret Party assignment in the Motherland.
But you gave me an idea too. I heard rumors that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were shooting Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged," but I wasn't sure Hollywood could squeeze 1000 pages with lengthy speeches into a 90 minute blockbuster. Problem solved. Changing the title is the first step.
Brazil's President, while meeting Gordon Brown, has said the global financial crisis was caused by "white people with blue eyes".
Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva is a known progressive socialist, so he has a very good understanding that whoever is in position to help the most, must be made to feel guilty the most. Works every time!
I feel guilty about pointing this out, but requiring everyone to read TPC would allow everyone to know how to read, and this could cause problems. However, given the current trends in Glorious People's Public Education we won't have to worry about it in a few years.
Actually it wouldn't be entirely necessary. A future could be conceived where the unwashed masses no longer read anything but merely responded to iconically recognizable images such as, say, this:
or this:
or hypothetically this:
or where folks went about repeating cliched phrases heard from radio or movies; phrases such as this:
or this:
or this:
Or where people spoke only in broken ideas and phrases like this one:
"Then I was like, and she was like, and I was like 'Whatever!' me and him... know what I mean? Dog? ROFL"
Of course, such a future would be entirely science fiction as no one would ever be foolish enough to trade the freedom of literacy and the circumspect vision of a nuanced education for the horror and darkness of illiterate slavishness to their passions. Right?
I read an interesting article that I'm too lazy to go back and find about how students today, so accustomed to sprdn h8 wit txt are having difficulties in composing essays and thesis-like works. Imagine that!
In these dark times when Atlas Shrugged is gaining popularity, particularly against the more Progressive Atlas Complied, I have a humble request for the masses.
Perhaps Comrade Red Square could write and publish (on store shelves at Party Approved book sellers- not just in the Gulagosphere) the biography of Comrade Oleg, a hero of the revolution.
Excellent Puns, Comrade. It's only a matter of time before The People's Internet blocks The People's Cube at work due to my constant snickering at posts like that.
This is why I'm nervous about Atlas Shrugged the Movie. I can see life totally imitating the Cube and the actually poster being very similar to Red's most excellent creation.
I've also read rumors there is a remake of The Fountainhead in the works, I just recently watched the original for the first time (loved it) and I would be shocked to see the same message come out of Hollywood today.
BigBlackfoot reviewing The Fountainhead on Netflix wrote
I was fully unable to get past Cooper's abominable acting. He recites lines like not just a robot, but a robot who despises the material it's reciting.
If they did this in '49, imagine the hatred Hollywood would install. They'd probably blow up Galt's Gulch or focus on the Rearden/Taggart affair in an attempt to discredit all of Rand's philosophy.
I feel guilty for everything now! My clothes are comfortable, my food tastes good, my pillow is soft, my dog is cute, I can read, AAAHHH! Help me Comrades! I have a computer! I have unnecessarily high-speed Internet access!
How can I find a slob who's undeserving enough to take this burden from me?
Somebody denounce me quickly and then take this pollution from my lungs.
If your guilt is making you ... irregular, try some of this.
Comrade Infidel Castrate:
Are you the creator of this poster? It rivals the mastery of our Maximum Leader. Seeing it reminds me of the large number of the "middle" and "independent" voters, who, as unwitting Proles-To-Be, are on the verge of learning that consumption of Quakery leads from irregularity to AssImilation making regularity the new paradigm.
Comrade Infidel Castrate:
Are you the creator of this poster? It rivals the mastery of our Maximum Leader. Seeing it reminds me of the large number of the "middle" and "independent" voters, who, as unwitting Proles-To-Be, are on the verge of learning that consumption of Quakery leads from irregularity to AssImilation making regularity the new paradigm.
Yes, I am the perpetrator of that and most of the thought crimes that I post here.
I am ruunning a resistance operation here in the Gulags where I have been imprisoned for my thought crimes. They were not able to re-educate me so I was committed.
If only the Proles-To-Be could be fitted with those special sunglasses like in the movie "They Live"
Ahh, but in the end Rowdy Roddy is Betrayed by one of 'Us" and for what? Ahh. Greed, Gain. Power. Indeed she was a good party member. (And a Fox too)
As to the glasses. I need them not, for I have seen them and know them by their words.
First, we must redistribute the wealth of ALL of the Robber Barons and affluent proles inhabiting this cesspool of "Freedom". Then after His Excellency, Nancy, Hillary and Harry Reid have started the Purges; every good Comrade would turn a mandated number of Dissenters, Birthers, KKKapitalists, and Constitution lovers into the State, for show trial and firing squad "education".
In my somewhat limited training in the use of People Persuaders, I've noted a large amount of global warming gases are produced. Wouldn't it be more progressive to use a method which creates no pollution. Like this...
In these days so many of the robber barons are progressives themselves. If you have money and want to do good for people you have to, er, work and think to figure out a way to do it.
These, dear comrades, are the days of specialization. Would you go to a barber to have a tooth pulled? No. Would you go to a GP for eye surgery? No. Would you go to a divorce lawyer for a tort case? No.
So why on earth would you actually think about where to give money? Silly fool, leave compassion to the professionals. And His O'liness has decided that we are not capable of our own charity.
He invites the wealthy to join with government in being charitable but in limiting deductions to 28% for well-off people he has insured that this coalition will fail.
All hail to the one--the most totalitarian public official since Henry Wallace. Who was, as we recall, defeated.
Ahh, but in the end Rowdy Roddy is Betrayed by one of 'Us" and for what? Ahh. Greed, Gain. Power. Indeed she was a good party member. (And a Fox too)
As to the glasses. I need them not, for I have seen them and know them by their words.
My own post provoked me to create some more criminal art. The scary part is the text in the top corner is exactly the same on the original poster.
Took me 4 days to recover from the Shock of sticking my finger to the Motherboard! But I had a dream!....
I was in the Arctic sledding my Huskies across a great sheet of gray ice, while the red sunset flickered in spastic jolts with the Northern Lights. I was wearing a bear skin poncho and a Speedo.... when suddenly out of the Northern sky... Marx himself spun through the red sunset!
And he said: "Dreams are futile, join the collective and condemn the dreamers!"
As I awoke and my dreams shriveled up and died, I became the Seed of Glorious Misery!
I now denounce my redness, I am forever dedicated to gray... and as the words were spoken to me, I must forever denounce the colors here... Gray Glorious Gray For All!
I was in the Arctic sledding my Huskies across a great sheet of gray ice, while the red sunset flickered in spastic jolts with the Northern Lights. I was wearing a bear skin poncho and a Speedo.... when suddenly out of the Northern sky... Marx himself spun through the red sunset!
And he said: "Dreams are futile, join the collective and condemn the dreamers!"
...were you eating a klondike bar in your dream perchance?
I was in the Arctic sledding my Huskies across a great sheet of gray ice, while the red sunset flickered in spastic jolts with the Northern Lights. I was wearing a bear skin poncho and a Speedo.... when suddenly out of the Northern sky... Marx himself spun through the red sunset!
And he said: "Dreams are futile, join the collective and condemn the dreamers!"
...were you eating a klondike bar in your dream perchance?
My Goddess!!! You must be omniscient! I was not about to admit such a travesty... but yes... yes... I was....
*ashamed*... capitalist dreams of klondike bars (spit, spit)!
Mmmm very suspicious. Gun? Where did you get this gun? Is it licensed? Does the Party know about it? And most importantly it better be a communist design. You will have to shovel more beets in the Party Approved Afterlife™ if you liquidate yourself with a decadent western gun.
Mmmm very suspicious. Gun? Where did you get this gun? Is it licensed? Does the Party know about it? And most importantly it better be a communist design. You will have to shovel more beets in the Party Approved Afterlife™ if you liquidate yourself with a decadent western gun.
Get? Licensed? Party know about it? Why of course comrade! Do not be silly... oh you made a funny comrade! LOL As if one could get, have, obtain a gun otherwise!
And of course Obamissar 7.62, said gun was of communist design. After aborting a trip to the Party Approved Afterlife™, I took said gun out in the yard to kill a Raven cackling outside my window. Upon commencing fire said gun misfired and killed a Mockingbird in a tree behind my right shoulder.
Gun and Mockingbird have been properly disposed of in the Furnace of Equality ™.
Mmmm very suspicious. Gun? Where did you get this gun? Is it licensed? Does the Party know about it? And most importantly it better be a communist design. You will have to shovel more beets in the Party Approved Afterlife™ if you liquidate yourself with a decadent western gun.
Get? Licensed? Party know about it? Why of course comrade! Do not be silly... oh you made a funny comrade! LOL As if one could get, have, obtain a gun otherwise!
And of course Obamissar 7.62, said gun was of communist design. After aborting a trip to the Party Approved Afterlife™, I took said gun out in the yard to kill a Raven cackling outside my window. Upon commencing fire said gun misfired and killed a Mockingbird in a tree behind my right shoulder.
Gun and Mockingbird have been properly disposed of in the Furnace of Equality ™.
The Raven lives.
Mmmm Raven? That sounds most suspicious. To kill a mockingbird is one thing, but for the Raven to live makes me wonder if you actually are referring to the affordable equalizer favored gun of criminals and drug dealers of the same name.
Meanwhile you destroy the gun you claim the Party has approved? Did they approve the destruction? Many questions are now raised, many many questions which I will have to pass on to the local Commissar. Unless.... *cough, cough* certain measures are taken to ensure I have witnessed what you have said. (I favor top shelf vodka, rum and decadent western pantyhose for my mistress)
Why not sable? There are only two full-length sable coats in the world. One for the queen of England, and one for the female Russian cosmonaut. I know that Our Many Titted Empress was all hot to get sable underwear for her steatopygous ass but the Holy Gore intervened saying that it would make sables extinct.
Mmmm very suspicious. Gun? Where did you get this gun? Is it licensed? Does the Party know about it? And most importantly it better be a communist design. You will have to shovel more beets in the Party Approved Afterlife™ if you liquidate yourself with a decadent western gun.
Get? Licensed? Party know about it? Why of course comrade! Do not be silly... oh you made a funny comrade! LOL As if one could get, have, obtain a gun otherwise!
And of course Obamissar 7.62, said gun was of communist design. After aborting a trip to the Party Approved Afterlife™, I took said gun out in the yard to kill a Raven cackling outside my window. Upon commencing fire said gun misfired and killed a Mockingbird in a tree behind my right shoulder.
Gun and Mockingbird have been properly disposed of in the Furnace of Equality ™.
The Raven lives.
Mmmm Raven? That sounds most suspicious. To kill a mockingbird is one thing, but for the Raven to live makes me wonder if you actually are referring to the affordable equalizer favored gun of criminals and drug dealers of the same name.
Meanwhile you destroy the gun you claim the Party has approved? Did they approve the destruction? Many questions are now raised, many many questions which I will have to pass on to the local Commissar. Unless.... *cough, cough* certain measures are taken to ensure I have witnessed what you have said. (I favor top shelf vodka, rum and decadent western pantyhose for my mistress)
Ahh comrade, you know of my roots. How much more do you know? Nevermind! I will disperse payoff certain things at once, however you must understand that being a jiffi-lobo devotee it is difficult for me to come by many material items.
Please comrade accept my first born instead?.?
My wife comrade partnership makes good to have baby with shovel already in hand.
Ahh first born? That can be useful. It can work a double shift and dig it's allotment of beets, as well as my own. Send it to the Olympia Collective, State of Obama. I shall call it "#137" in honor of the Gulag of the same name next door.
...Our Many Titted Empress was all hot to get sable underwear for her steatopygous ass but the Holy Gore intervened saying that it would make sables extinct.
I would have been amused to see that. Perhaps a new line at Victoria's Notquitesecretsinceeverythingisrightoutinfrontlikeabazooka-no-twobazookas (formerly known as Victoria's Secret)
the prototype for Our MTE
comes in greyishwhitish sable and a little bit more sable
Gray Rooster, if you get the Proletarian Express card, you get discounts at Jifi-Lobo. I wouldn't leave home without it. And once I do leave home, I forget why I did leave home. It's the Jifi-Lobo thing, you understand.
Rex, that is the definition of a horny-handed son of the soil, those gloves that you showed. And if you show any mercy whatsoever to your fellow compadres, you will not speculate on the term horny-handed son of the soil.
Proletarian Express Card? Where does one apply for this glorious credit giving device? Also does Jiffy Lobo have a punch card to reward you for multiple visits?
Of course, 7.62. When I was last in Phoenix I had a high-level confabulation with AmEx. There is a Korean Express, and of course our normal American Express. And the flavors of their cards.
Proletarian Express is a rewards card, like the Platinum Card. You spend money and you get points. With the Platinum Card you get a rewards catalog--electronics, Starwood Points, things like that. With Proletarian Express you also get a rewards catalog. 10,000 points for a free prefrontal tuneup at Jifi-Lobo. 5,000 points for an oil change on your Zil. And 20,000 points for a denunciation of your choice.
If you collect 100,000 points you can have your own show trial. You get to choose the crime, you get to choose the judge and you even get to choose the Star Chamber that you're tried in.
Just fill in the application, using of course someone else's social-security number.
Ahh what a glorious card and amazing rewards program. I must have one of these progressive tools.
It is too bad I did not get one sooner, as my Zil just conked out for lack of oil. Oh well, I shall find a donkey and hitch it to the car. Perhaps then I can actually get beyond my driveway...
Why not sable? There are only two full-length sable coats in the world. One for the queen of England, and one for the female Russian cosmonaut. I know that Our Many Titted Empress was all hot to get sable underwear for her steatopygous ass but the Holy Gore intervened saying that it would make sables extinct.
Pravda, do not be disparaging about Gray Rooster. He has been one of the best customers of Jifi-Lobo.
This explains all.
Mmmmmmmmmm... JIFFI- LOBO.... deadly delicious.
You have to be out of your mind to want it. Youare out of your mind when you get it. You don't mind after having it. A mind is a terrible thing...waste it.
Pravda, do not be disparaging about Gray Rooster. He has been one of the best customers of Jifi-Lobo.
This explains all.
Does it explain Buddy Holly?
he little things you say and do
Make me want to be with you
rave on - it's a crazy feeling and
I know it's got me reeling
when you say “I love you” - rave on
The way you dance and hold me tight
the way you kiss and say goodnight
rave on - it's a crazy feeling and
I know it's got me reeling
when you say “I love you” - rave on
Well, rave on - it’s a crazy feeling
and I know - it’s got me reeling
I'm so glad - that you're revealing your love for me
rave on - rave on and tell me
Tell me - not to be lonely
Tell me - you love me only
Rave on to me
Pravda, do not be disparaging about Gray Rooster. He has been one of the best customers of Jifi-Lobo.
This explains all.
Mmmmmmmmmm... JIFFI- LOBO.... deadly delicious.
You have to be out of your mind to want it. You are out of your mind when you get it. You don't mind after having it. A mind is a terrible thing...waste it.
Excellent! My sentiments exactly comrade. Minds are full of all kinds of decadent dreams. The fewer the better. This is how we win over the minds of The People.
Their hearts? Well, black will be the final color of hearts...
People have their wisdom teeth extracted if they give trouble. The same goes with minds.
If you feel that pain between your ears which connotes cognitive dissonance, don't take an aspirin. Go to Jifi-Lobo! And you will be a happy Progressive, never bothered by thinking again.
It works for me. I'm a good customer.
Excuse me. Time to change my diaper. My last tune-up was a bit severe because just for a second I thought that His O'liness might not be able to square the circle and convert matter to energy just with a look of his eyes.
My Apologies all, I Fear Gray Rooster, is one of my Goons Highly trained troopers that somehow got off the reservation in a manor of speaking.
If I am correct, Gray Rooster is the one we call “Pugsly”. He scores high in the I.Q. Department with an inspiring 61
“5 points higher than the Obmessiah”,
“9 point higher than the US Congress”.
He seems to be building a resistance to the Psychotropic drugs, and seems to enjoy being zapped with a cattle prod, most likely we will need to send him to the Gulag. But he can be amusing, if you play Shirley Temple movies he jumps up and dances along and sings.
Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality ä INC
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the Faith
Ah, Red Star, I like your idea of the Novus Ordo Seclorum. Pugsley, and of course we have Bonnie Fwank as Morticia. You ought to see him in his hobble skirt. Or in any skirt. It just raises the question where his ventriloquist's arm goes up his ass--you know he never moves his upper lip and that's as good an explanation as any.
And Thing. Notice the square wrists--much like Miss Resentment at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Kind and Generous Leader yes the "New Order of the Ages" or the Glorious World of next Tuesday, my Goons Highly Trained trooper seem to enjoy re-runs of the Adams Family, Hogan’s Heroes, and Leave it to Beaver, but especially the Partridge Family, they clap like trained seals when David Cassidy sings.
Bonnie Fwank ventriloquist's arm goes up his……… this creates a rather disgusting mental image, almost as disgusting as my last visit to Rancho de Rio Grande, when the MTE, came out wearing a bikini, which by it’s self caused me to vomit, but then she bent over to pick up a penny that fell out of Bruno's nose, the bottom part of the outfit snapped, the sight I saw....If I was not a Well disciplined Commissar who has been involved in many campaigns and seen the worst the KKKapitalist could dish out, as well as torture resistance training of having to watch 24 straight hours of Progressive insurance commercials with the fat dark-haired screecher, and episodes of “The View” with Rosie Opigo. I could have been blinded by this disgusting sight; I will admit I still have Nightmares from time to time and suffer from flash backs, about what I saw.
I tell myself it could have been worse, like walking in on Meow and Nansky seeing them going at it in wild Monkey Sex…….Excuse me…………………….Sorry I seem to suddenly want to heave dinner……
Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality ä INC
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the Faith
My Apologies all, I Fear Gray Rooster, is one of my Goons Highly trained troopers that somehow got off the reservation in a manor of speaking.
If I am correct, Gray Rooster is the one we call “Pugsly”. He scores high in the I.Q. Department with an inspiring 61
“5 points higher than the Obmessiah”,
“9 point higher than the US Congress”.
He seems to be building a resistance to the Psychotropic drugs, and seems to enjoy being zapped with a cattle prod, most likely we will need to send him to the Gulag. But he can be amusing, if you play Shirley Temple movies he jumps up and dances along and sings.
Comrades, yes I must admit I do enjoy Shirley Temple movies, I must, my minions demand it.
It is interesting you should mention the Psychotropic drugs, I left them under your seat the last time I was in your Zil, Red Star, and from what I know they tend to bloom from beneath.
Red Star, you know that you are always welcome here at the Rancho and there is always room in the barn for your goons ACORN-trained troopers. But I had successfully repressed the memory of our Many Titted Empress' bikini coming off. The memory was just too grim.
But now that you've brought it up, do you recall that after her bikini came off, Bruno shouted, "Theocritus! It's a double moon! Look at the craters!"?
At that point Nansky and Meow, who were, and again I repressed this, having wild monkey sex with a 55-gallon tub of J-Lube and fifteen of Dick Johnson's finest latex products. And they didn't even the grace to go into the room that serves for wild monkey sex and butchering roadkill, which at the end are pretty much the same thing.
7.62, don't worry about your next visit to Jifi-Lobo. Because of your services to the party I have pre-approved you for your Proletarian Express™ card and as a sign-up bonus you get a free tune-up on your pre-frontal lobes.
Make sure though that you put name tags on all of your nearest and dearest. Dr. Lecter has taken to drink and his hand is not as steady as it once was. But since under the Obama Administration he is going to be Surgeon General, it is merely a taste of things to come.
Red Star, you know that you are always welcome here at the Rancho and there is always room in the barn for your goons ACORN-trained troopers. But I had successfully repressed the memory of our Many Titted Empress' bikini coming off. The memory was just too grim.
But now that you've brought it up, do you recall that after her bikini came off, Bruno shouted, "Theocritus! It's a double moon! Look at the craters!"?
At that point Nansky and Meow, who were, and again I repressed this, having wild monkey sex with a 55-gallon tub of J-Lube and fifteen of Dick Johnson's finest latex products. And they didn't even the grace to go into the room that serves for wild monkey sex and butchering roadkill, which at the end are pretty much the same thing.
7.62, don't worry about your next visit to Jifi-Lobo. Because of your services to the party I have pre-approved you for your Proletarian Express™ card and as a sign-up bonus you get a free tune-up on your pre-frontal lobes.
Make sure though that you put name tags on all of your nearest and dearest. Dr. Lecter has taken to drink and his hand is not as steady as it once was. But since under the Obama Administration he is going to be Surgeon General, it is merely a taste of things to come.
Theocritus, I must say you've missed the mark, I talked to Dr. Lecter most recently, he ensured me that he has always been of the experimental variety in the world of vice. Most fine surgeons are...
How could you doubt Clarice's lover?
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
You owe me a piece of information, you know, and that's what I'd like.
An ad in the national edition of the Times and in the InternationalHerald-Tribune on the first of any month will be fine. Better put it inthe China Mail as well.
I won't be surprised if the answer is yes or no. The lambs will stopfor now. But, Clarice, you judge yourself with all the mercy of thedungeon scales at Threave; you'll have to earn it again and again, theblessed silence. Because it's the plight that drives you, seeing theplight, and the plight will not end, ever.
I have no plans to call on you, Clarice, the world being moreinteresting with you in it. Be sure you extend me the same courtesy.
I have windows.
Orion is above the horizon now, and near it Jupiter, brighter than itwill ever be again before the year 2000. (I have no intention oftelling you the time and how high it is.) But I expect you can see ittoo. Some of our stars are the same.
Clarice.
Red Rooster, Pugsly, Comrade Come back to “Camp Fluffy”, and yes I found the drugs or should I say your Co-troopers did in the ZIL. I was wondering why they were not washing the car, and laying about saying, clouds wow…. You will be heading up a group that will hanging around grave yards, collecting valuable census data. Further you will be overseeing your fellow Goons Errrr Acorn workers Errrr Highly Trained Census takers, fraudulently, inventing, Doing a valuable service for your country and the Great Obamessiah. I promise, I will not ship you off to the Gulags well at least not until the Great Chairman Obamessiah has solidified his grip on all free enterprise in the USA of KKKK.
Great and Generous Leader, I do not know if you realize Meow paid one of the Acorn Troopers to film him and Nansky, I was told the camera exploded during the filming, and the Trooper he is still at Jiffy Lobo, But good News Tiny Tim Geithner sent him a letter asking him to join the Messiahs administration, Yes he is a drooling imbecile, but so is Geithner and the Messiah.
Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality ä INC
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the Faith
Red Star, I know that it is very difficult to have the iron constitution required of a Made Progressive. After I have more times than I can care to count rubbed Crisco on the back and ass of our Many Titted Empress to cut down on the chafing, and prized out the blackheads. After that I have no trouble watching autopsies and the exhumation of mass graves. Once I came across in YouTube a video of Helen Thomas in the ladie's room making noises on the thunder mug. That was just a walk in the park for me. After my ministrations to our MTE.
I'm still thinking about Meow paying one of the, er, troopers to film him and Nansky having wild monkey sex. Have you seen Nansky without her clothes? I have, at the Rancho.
The only thing that I can figure is that Meow was going to boast that he could find the right wrinkle.
Comrades, Comrades... now, now... do not fear. There is always enough room in the Gulag for everyone. It is built to maintain maximum duality. I have contemplated this for some time, The Many Headed Monster™ is a glorious thing I met in my days through the looking glass.
But please, please keep the screeching down to minimum as you let the visitors in. It would be greatly appreciated...
Red Rooster, Pugsly, Comrade Come back to “Camp Fluffy”, and yes I found the drugs or should I say your Co-troopers did in the ZIL. I was wondering why they were not washing the car, and laying about saying, clouds wow…. You will be heading up a group that will hanging around grave yards, collecting valuable census data. Further you will be overseeing your fellow Goons Errrr Acorn workers Errrr Highly Trained Census takers, fraudulently, inventing, Doing a valuable service for your country and the Great Obamessiah. I promise, I will not ship you off to the Gulags well at least not until the Great Chairman Obamessiah has solidified his grip on all free enterprise in the USA of KKKK.
Great and Generous Leader, I do not know if you realize Meow paid one of the Acorn Troopers to film him and Nansky, I was told the camera exploded during the filming, and the Trooper he is still at Jiffy Lobo, But good News Tiny Tim Geithner sent him a letter asking him to join the Messiahs administration, Yes he is a drooling imbecile, but so is Geithner and the Messiah.
Comrade do not despair, The Great and Honorable Red Square of The People has been nothing but a gentleman in creating such wonders as the Cube. I shall take the post by the Graveyard Entrances as you wish.
However, I find your comments about our Dear Leader very suspicious, very suspicious indeed. Has the Messiah condoned such drooling? And in fact, if drooling is a favorite past time of The One, has he mentioned a proclamation as to it's implementation for all? Very suspicious Red Star, perhaps you should check with the MTE before making such statements.
I'm still thinking about Meow paying one of the, er, troopers to film him and Nansky having wild monkey sex. Have you seen Nansky without her clothes? I have, at the Rancho.
The only thing that I can figure is that Meow was going to boast that he could find the right wrinkle.
Ahhh yes, another dose of Jiffi-Lobo for me and one Proletariat Express to go please....
And can I have Fries with that?
I will feel secure knowing you are at the Graveyard Entrances, but you and your squad need to collect names, so the Messiah can steal elections errrrr, share the power.
"Red Star, perhaps you should check with the MTE before making such statements" Comrade I will remind you I am a made Progressive, never question a "made progressive"...We shall not discuss this again....
Now collect your goons Acorn Troopers and score one for the Obamessiah!!! The glorious World of Next Tuesday awaits us!!!
Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality ä INC
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the Faith
I'm still thinking about Meow paying one of the, er, troopers to film him and Nansky having wild monkey sex. Have you seen Nansky without her clothes? I have, at the Rancho.
The only thing that I can figure is that Meow was going to boast that he could find the right wrinkle.
Ahhh yes, another dose of Jiffi-Lobo for me and one Proletariat Express to go please....
And can I have Fries with that?
Pravda! That calls for a week of punitive shoveling! Big Ketchup is the sentence that non-person Kerry has to bear for losing against the biggest idiot in the world, George W. Bush. Even a dead cactus should have been able to win against the Bu$hitler. But non-person Kerry showed that he is arrogant, elitist, out-of-touch, and a complete douche and tool, and therefore he is to be punished by a liaison with Big Ketchup.
If you remember, this is precisely what happened when that little Kulak Monster stole my Cube and hoofed it to the coat closet - it is amazing how fast they can run on those little legs... If I had not been diligent and retrieved it quickly, removing the paint almost as soon as the tiny dybbuk had applied it, and subsequently ruining my favourite boning knife when I stabbed the little monster in the head... both you and Meow were present, online, Meow squealing like a small girl to 'kill the beast... stab it, for the love of all that is good, Sister, stab it!... .. is it dead?... poke it with a stick and make sure." were, I believe, his exact words, and you urged me to take a foto, which is on my other computer... I can find it for edukational purposes if necessary... in any case, could these underage thought-criminals not have been inculcated by a nest of Kulak monsters over the winter, stuck as they were indoors during the cold dark months while their parents were busy worrying how they were going to keep their homes? You know how small children are sometimes drawn to the little Kulak creatures as they too are small and drawn to shiny things, often seeming to play 'hide and seek' as they dart hither and thither, and collecting objects that strike their fancy.... their parents' Cubes, shiny small treasures, butter...
I think that perhaps these small thought-criminals have, in fact, simply been fooled by little Kulak monsters, and their parents', distracted with the day to day realities of survival, have put their childrens' stories down to 'imaginary friends'. Of course, this means that just as happens every spring around this time, it is necessary for all good Cubists to include in their spring cleaning the search for Kulak Monster nests (you may also find much of your grandmother's jewelry, and those missing pounds of coffee that made you wonder how you could have been drinking so much.... I once found eight pounds of high quality Sumatran, Yukon, and Verona beans while clearing out a linen closet that spring). In any case, I think we must ask ourselves, who painted those cubes? Especially as I am certain the Party only stocked red paint in our education centres this year... It certainly bears consideration.
Oh... BTW... Have you heard they are producing a film version of Atlas Shrugged? Shall we begin haranguing the Mime and his Minions sooner, or later (I mean, other than our usual activities directed towards pushing further over the line between sanity and madness... not that he hasn't already crossed it, only we've got that pool going to see how far someone can go over the line and he's still so far ahead that it's almost become an exercise in psychological experimentation and we may soon qualify for a grant)... I can make some funny picket signs with pretty sparkle paint and funny pictures if you like... perhaps it would be a good Party approved activity for the young thought-criminals... a lesson in the proper use of multi-coloured of paint.
Yes, sister, a friend emailed me the article about Atlas Shrugged and it's on the blog.
I intend to wart Jodin some. I think there's gold in dem dere whining. The Mime, vespertilio lunae Minnesotis, is a white-hot massively pissed off self-entitled dungheap. But Jodin Morey--now there's and industrial-strength whiner. We have not been paying enough attention to Master Jodin and I intend to remedy that.
I intend to wart Jodin some. I think there's gold in dem dere whining. The Mime, vespertilio lunae Minnesotis, is a white-hot massively pissed off self-entitled dungheap. But Jodin Morey--now there's and industrial-strength whiner. We have not been paying enough attention to Master Jodin and I intend to remedy that.
I tell myself it could have been worse, like walking in on Meow and Nansky seeing them going at it in wild Monkey Sex…….Excuse me…………………….Sorry I seem to suddenly want to heave dinner……
Comrade Red Star,
That was not Nansky Pelosivich that our Chairman Meow was with! That was a Hairless Chinese Crested!!! (Not that there is anything wrong with that)
Pravda! That calls for a week of punitive shoveling! Big Ketchup is the sentence that non-person Kerry has to bear for losing against the biggest idiot in the world, George W. Bush. Even a dead cactus should have been able to win against the Bu$hitler. But non-person Kerry showed that he is arrogant, elitist, out-of-touch, and a complete douche and tool, and therefore he is to be punished by a liaison with Big Ketchup.
(While furiously shoveling)
There is no ketchup to the world it is always a step ahead for only 'The One' can know what is the future and obviously the Kerryite was not 'The One'. (-Sotto Voice-I'll stay with Mustard and Horse radish,)
Pravda, I have on consideration decided that non-person Kerry's punishment is listening to Terry Heinz. After all, even non-person Kerry, who divorced a woman worth only about $300 million to marry one worth three times that, will suffer greatly listening to that bimbo di bimbos.
In her own way she's as bad as Nansky. Just imagine non-person Kerry, who is built like a 2x12, having monkey sex with Terry in order to pay for his campaigns.
Pravda, I have on consideration decided that non-person Kerry's punishment is listening to Terry Heinz. After all, even non-person Kerry, who divorced a woman worth only about $300 million to marry one worth three times that, will suffer greatly listening to that bimbo di bimbos.
In her own way she's as bad as Nansky. Just imagine non-person Kerry, who is built like a 2x12, having monkey sex with Terry in order to pay for his campaigns.
In her own way she's as bad as Nansky. Just imagine non-person Kerry, who is built like a 2x12, having monkey sex with Terry in order to pay for his campaigns.
I guess you need to crush a lot of tomatoes to make ketchup (to put on your omelet).
Also, isn't everyone else glad that Russia is smiling and laughing and shaking hands with his Oliness? I'm so charmed to see Medvedev's pearly whites and learn that the Obomb "listens" and is "totally different from his predecessor ol' what'shisname". It's about time that our comrades in Russia recognized the true greatness of our democratically elected dictator. I'm sure a new era is at hand in which Russia will finally acknowledge just how truly progressive and socialist the United States really is.
Truly a heartwarming sight; and they even included a nice black and red ashtray in the foreground to catch the fallout from the peace pipe.
Did anyone catch Miss Resentment hugging Lilibet? I recall when some 15 years or so ago the Canadian Prime Minister steadied Queen Elizabeth II--it was quite the lapse of protocol. But when Michelle, with her arms, reached out and hugged the Queen, the Queen patted her back!
I can read Miss Resentment's diary:
They said I didn't have the grades to get into Princeton. But I wrote that from Princeton. They said I couldn't get to see the Queen. But I hugged the Queen. Next--I'll break off a chunk of the Pieta and take it home.
Herro everybody! I just want remind arr my Ferrow Traverers, especiarry in USA and Japan, to await DPRK's grand fireworks show starting tomorrow Aprir 4 and rasting through Wednesday Aprir 8. We do this in honor of Aprir Fools Day May Day, one month early. Make sure to rook up into sky for Big Frash™.
Meanwhire, I got a bone to pick with running dog revanchist media who are making me rook rike bad guy cuz I arrest and torture poritery question two USA journarists who are actuarry spies & capitarist rackeys. These two broads deserve death penarty firm scording but I promise they will onry be raped repeatedly by People's Guards shown the error of their ways and then rereased & deported.
Finarry, Red Comrade must do something about srowness of his website software. My PC runs very srowry every time I rog on here. What gives?
[ off ]Comrades could speed things up a LOT by not quoting other pictures. Because every time a picture is loaded it has to go to the server. And if you quote someone else's picture in the quote, that's twice the time.
Thank you, comrades! The same goes for videos and long nested quotes. Of course there are times when quoting an image or whatnot is necessary to make a point, especially if the image is on another page, but there are also times when such quotes are made simply out of laziness and are unnecessary.
Laziness is subject to special anti-laziness program at the people's Karl Marx joycamp.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
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SPONSORED BY:
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click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
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Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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The objective of the Progressive movement is to force a change in the society so that we no longer have to wait around for voluntary contributions from the guilty. Instead, we will forcibly extract as much money as we deem necessary to maintain and advance Progress™, which is our brand name for systematic wealth extraction. A planned extraction facilitates control over the guilt-ridden masses by well-meaning Party apparatchiks and a more seamless central planning of state-run economy in the name of the Common Good™, which is our brand name for state-run economy. And since everything that is being done for the Common Good™ automatically becomes a historically inevitable necessity, it is absolutely necessary to take the power away from wealth creators and give it to wealth distributors.
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
