Now that the properly conditioned guilt-ridden voters have elected the first Certified-Oppressed-Minority™ president, America has officially entered a new Guilted Age. The Guilted Age is similar to the Gilded Age, only instead of being motivated by the acquisition of gold, the nation is motivated by the distribution of Guilt™.
A guilty electorate is a less demanding electorate: beggars are not choosers. Collective remorse makes the masses more malleable. Workers toil harder for less pay and donate surpluses to progressive causes within the hope that it would offset their culpability for having the wrong color, ethnicity, religion, zip code, profession, hobbies, vehicles, grocery bags, communing and shopping patterns, taste in food, living standard higher than in Zimbabwe, and exhaling the CO2 while breathing.
The pursuit of happiness in the Guilted Age becomes to mean this: the stronger your guilt, the happier you are to give your stuff to us. We call it Sharing™.
We don't believe in chance, that's why we are disposing of capitalism. We can't leave Guilt™ to chance either - it is a fickle sentiment and, therefore, it must be systematically reinforced and replenished. In order to support a massive guilt-fueled American economy, both Guilt™ and Sharing™ must be institutionalized and managed in a planned, scientific manner from a central location by experienced professionals.
To rule over the guilt-driven nation more efficiently, the Obama administration needs to create the US Department of Guilt - a government agency intended to stimulate and enhance guilt complexes among the population through coordinated guilt-inducing campaigns in the media, entertainment, and public education.
Guilt czar is to be selected from among the best professional guilt trippers on the raster of Socialist International, to oversee the proper distribution of Guilt™ among all Americans in accordance with assigned quotas (see diagram below). Guilt czar will steer and support the transition from Conspicuous Consumption™ of the Gilded Age to Conspicuous Compassion™ of the Guilted Age, as mandated by government edict.
To this end scientists at Karl Marx Treatment Center developed the following Progressive Guilt Quiz. It is to be taken by all Americans at the start of each fiscal year, to estimate their position in the Guilt™ hierarchy. The level of Guilt™ they are required to feel is directly proportional to the money they are required to Share™ with the Party and its organs in order to receive their annual Guilt™ Offsets.
Progressive Guilt Quiz
Your level of Guilt™ is calculated in Guilt points. Print out the result and staple it to your government-issued ID card. If requested, present it to the arresting ACLU officer.
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