Living on Zionist Time

1999 Darwin Awards Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin.

5 September 1999, Jerusalem In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Saving Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year.

Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on "Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the "correct" time.

At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions.

The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Saving Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to ask whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely demises.

Too bad they all don't go that easily.

Premier! Is that anyway to talk about innocent victims of Zionist warmongers and their domination of the People's Time, who were merely trying to throw off the chains of oppression by a government that are nothing but the lapdog of the Bushitler, who BTW, lied so people died? Please help me to understand that I misunderstood what you meant about them all not going so easily, as I would hate to have to denounce you once again. I am seriously getting to be worried about you. Have you been gorging on some of that vodka that Commissar Theocritus has been trying to sell advertising that it had been filtered and flavored by passing through the Many Titted Empress' underwear? Surely you know that was just meant for the proles, and that while it had indeed been passed through some underwear of sorts, it was actually a pair of Nancy's soiled diapers. Say it ain't so Joe!

Why does everyone want to denounce me these days?!? It's not my fault!!!!

As for my comment, um... well, uh... ooh! I know! I was referring to The whole daylight savings time thing getting switched. Why don't all daylight savings time conversions between countries go that well and start revolutions in which The Party™ can exploit to gain campaign money, and to spread the glorious word of communism.

We need terrorists like that to start trouble, which we can then fund and turn their cause into a full blown revolution in which we can then exploit for our various reasons. Then when the "freedom fighters" have plunged the entire country into civil war, killed half it's population, and finally gained control of he government, we come in with our T-72's and wipe out the crippled government and create our own glorious socialist dictatorship with equality of oppression for all.

And then we go get doughnuts.

Well of course we want them to cause trouble, but we don't want the blood thirsty terrorists to die as a result do we? Not to worry, I wouldn't dream of denouncing you... I just think you got hold of some of that cheap vodka, and who can blame you anyway?

Of course we don't want terrorists to die. Unless we have taken over the world and the terrorists are trying to institute a capitalist republic in place of our glorious socialist dictatorship.

And yes, I gots the vodka, but I plan to sell it at twice the price I bought it for to the foolish proles who don't know the difference. After all, while we are forced to live in this kkkapitalist hellhole, we might as well exploit it while we can.

No doubt you exploit the market as well as anyone! I saw a really good movie this evening.... Eastern Promise. The closest I can compare it to is The Godfather, but this is about a dead 14 year old girl, her diary, the baby she left behind, and a Russian exile mafia family in London. Very good movie.

<off character>
HA!!HA!!HA!!HA!! <falls on the ground laughing> Oh! That is funny! Go ahead; do not switch over to the Zionist time clock. Wish more of you would do it! HA!!HA!!HA!!

<on character>

Oh, so sorry to hear this. We need to give them more money!

Yes yes, you need to send them some of your money! BTW, as it happens, I am headed over that way er... in the next few days. So just send the money to me and I will make sure it gets to the families of the poor victims of Zionist-US imperialism.

My money?! You crazy?! I was talking about tax payers money. You know, the same money that we send over to other countries so that women can have abortions?

OK, send that, it spends the same, I mean, it will help many victims.

Don't not worry comrades. I have a fool proof plan that will remedy this.

1. Blame Bushler.

2. See step one.

<div><embed src="https://www.livevideo.com/flvplayer/emb ... 8C3290BE6D" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" WIDTH="445" HEIGHT="369" wmode="transparent"></embed><a href="https://www.livevideo.com/video/embedLi ... ">Comedian -Jeff Dunham - Suicide bombers</a></div>

He also had a new character called Akhmed the Suicide Bomber. That was funny. The sad truth though is that most of the suicide bombers don't really know what's going on because most of them are mentally retarded, and are forced into it by others.

It's shameful the way this money grubbing capitalist makes fun of our brave freedom fighters for Islam!

HILLarious Comrade Pup. HILLarious!

Shameful, yes. Hilarious, unfortunately, yes also. I know I shouldn't be laughing, but the way he portrays useful idiots is hard to resist laughing at.