A message from Al Gore, People's Inventor

The masses often ask me, "Comrade Gore, why not power our houses by collecting the static electricity created by rubbing woolens and balloons against our hair and skin? Is this not the true People's Power that will end forever the greed and oppression of Big Electricity by giving them a jolt of the Revolution?"

Here's my answer. I came up with it during one of my Leer Jet trips to Asia. The place was crawling with useless, carbon-breathing babies. The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance. They are perpetually moving obstacles that can trip you up and literally impede your progress towards a brighter, enlightened future.

So I thought, if babies are crawling around aimlessly anyway, why not slip them into static-generating pads connected to the community power grid? Let them earn their keep, sweep the floor, and protect the planet by generating renewable energy at the same time. I call it the TriplePlay™ formula.

Comrade Gore,
You have shown us once again, why you are worthy to receive the Nobel Peace prize.

You are an inspiration and a wealth of knowledge to be used in this battle to reverse Global Warming™ and save the earth from the ravages of inconsiderate Carbon based life forms and the insidious destruction of our atmosphere from Carbon-dioxide and Methane. What better way than to tax them for their Carbon emissions and force them to generate their own electricity from their Methane emissions.
This new invention to harness the power of Revolutionary Rugrats™ is truly for The Children™. It will harness the power and renewable energy that would be wasted raising the next generation of Party workers who were not aborted or were the result of an evening of debauchery.
It will give the People the means to repay the State for the cost of the burden of raising their children for them. It truly takes a Village and a benevolent State to raise a Citizen who will contribute to the State and serve the Common Good™.
Well done Comrade Gore!!!

Comrade Gore,

Lenin has tears in his eyes. We will buy many of these and have the residents of the gulags crawl about after our "Lubyanka-style" training sessions with them, recharging our "reeducational" tools such as the Taser and Sheeple Prod invented by our Great Motherland!

Wow, flatulence is power? I've been wasting a lot of potential....

Wow, flatulence is power?

Two words, comrade: Vladimir Pootin'

If we could only harvest all of the hot air being spewed in Washington, the Presidential candidates, and the news media, we could run the entire World for a Century!














Smells worse than a baby!

Wow, flatulence is power?

As if you didn't know!

"The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance."

Margaret Sanger could not agree more. That is why she formed the progressive population control, I mean birth control group: Planned Parenthood. This eugenicist knew that minorities only polluted the gene pool, and that African Americans "breed" excessively.

"Now, Comrade Hasan," You ask me, "Isn't that racism?" Of course not, because it wasn't said by any right winger but by our dear Comrade Margaret Sanger. It is racism except when it isn't. 4 legs are better than 2 except when they are not or when the party says so.

Red Square wrote:The place was crawling with useless, carbon-breathing babies. The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance. They are perpetually moving obstacles that can trip you up and literally impede your progress towards a brighter, enlightened future.

Comrade Red Square! Am I the only one who sees the error in this? Or have I been blinded once again by your brilliance? But does not a baby represent yet another voter? Do we forget that the baby also represents yet another potential subsidy? Yes, the baby is all that you describe, but it is also much more, at least those that we allow to become future voter/subsidies. I believe it is important that we distinguish those babies that are born outside that imperialist notion of a "nuclear" family to those who aspire to non-progressive futures, those born to single moms/appliances and our progressive leaning comrades that will need the Party to survive.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

Red Square wrote:The place was crawling with useless, carbon-breathing babies. The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance. They are perpetually moving obstacles that can trip you up and literally impede your progress towards a brighter, enlightened future.

Comrade Red Square! Am I the only one who sees the error in this? Or have I been blinded once again by your brilliance? But does not a baby represent yet another voter?

Pupovich, 'tis indeed the brilliance that blinds you. Methinks Red Square has described to perfection not only your average baby, but the typical Democrat voter.

Putting people to work to serve the state, before they are even able to walk???

BRILLIANT!!!

--

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Wow, flatulence is power?

Two words, comrade: Vladimir Pootin'

Speaking of which, anybody notice that Putin rattled his sabre over the Bay of Biscay recently? Unfortunately, it looks as though his sabre has a bit of rust.

What i want to know is what what France and Spain are going to do about it... eh? eh? That's what I thought.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

Red Square wrote:The place was crawling with useless, carbon-breathing babies. The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance. They are perpetually moving obstacles that can trip you up and literally impede your progress towards a brighter, enlightened future.

Comrade Red Square! Am I the only one who sees the error in this? Or have I been blinded once again by your brilliance? But does not a baby represent yet another voter?

Pupovich, 'tis indeed the brilliance that blinds you. Methinks Red Square has described to perfection not only your average baby, but the typical Democrat voter.

Commissarka, I believe Comrade Zampolit sees the wisdom of what I posted. There are babies then there are our progressive babies, and they can be put to use by the Party even before they can walk.

Babies! Bah! A bunch of lazy no-goodniks.

Cap'n Snappy wrote:Babies! Bah! A bunch of lazy no-goodniks.

That sir is a Thoughtcrime™!!!

The Party™ exists for The Children™!!!!

You will report to the nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center™ for a proper re-edumakation.

--
ZB

Yes, the party is all for babies. Delicious babies. Especially in between 2 pieces of bread. Mmmm....

Wait... oops. Shouldn't have said that....

Betty,

Have you stopped taking your head meds again?

--

No, one of my favorite dishes is roasted babies stuffed with Ritalin.

Damn!

Betty,

You have to take your Haldol.

Comrade Zampolit, aren't you being a bit exclusionist in regard to Premier's preferred diet? I am sure it is a cultural thing.

No No No! The comrade Premier is known for his bouts of odd behavior and delusions. Not to worry, Comrade Pup! He's harmless when he gets this way. This is always because he did not take his head meds. Namely, Haldol.

I don't remember any Haldol... what is it for? With all the medications my teachers are giving me I forget how many I have and which ones to take... and occasionally I forget who I am too....

I know you tend to forget.

It's the little orange colored pill, Premier!

The one with red stripes that I'm supposed to take before bed each night, or the one with purple polka dots that I'm supposed to take every 4-6 hours?

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:No No No! The comrade Premier is known for his bouts of odd behavior and delusions. Not to worry, Comrade Pup! He's harmless when he gets this way. This is always because he did not take his head meds. Namely, Haldol.

Well it is a hallmark of our glorious Bolshevik past to take great concern in our Party leader's health. After all, heavy is the burden that lies on our shoulder. a burden we do not complain about, since it is For the People™.

Premier Betty wrote:The one with red stripes that I'm supposed to take before bed each night, or the one with purple polka dots that I'm supposed to take every 4-6 hours?

No! Neither! The Orange colored one that you are supposed to take before bed at night.

If you need a refill, talk to Meow.

--

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:No No No! The comrade Premier is known for his bouts of odd behavior and delusions. Not to worry, Comrade Pup! He's harmless when he gets this way. This is always because he did not take his head meds. Namely, Haldol.

Well it is a hallmark of our glorious Bolshevik past to take great concern in our Party leader's health. After all, heavy is the burden that lies on our shoulder. a burden we do not complain about, since it is For the People™.

And, For The Children™! And because We Care™. Remember, Socialism = Compassion.

--

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote: No! Neither! The Orange colored one that you are supposed to take before bed at night.

If you need a refill, talk to Meow.

Oh, those ones. I think they got mixed up with the Flinstone vitamins and for some strange reason, I can no longer tell the two apart.

Wasn't this among the discarded scenes in the Matrix?


"I was really hoping you would take the pill with purple polka dots, Betty!"

Nope. In that situation I would have definitely followed party mandate and take the blue pill.

Comrade Betty,

How did your head meds and your Flintsone vitamins get mixed up?

I mean they are easy to inden...

MEOW!!! Damn it!!! Quit messing with Betty's head meds!!!

--

I need my meds! The schools won't allow me in without them! And ever since I started obeying the skools and taking all the pills, I'm finding it difficult to differentiate objects of the same size. I wonder what could be causing this... probably Bush's mind control device....

Premier Betty wrote:... I'm finding it difficult to differentiate objects of the same size. I wonder what could be causing this... probably Bush's mind control device....

If you have them, put your glasses on.

If you do not have, perhaps a visit to the eye Dr. is needed? After all, we are all about "free healthcare for all".

--
ZB

I have trouble seeing in color sometimes as well. The doctor said there might be some side effects from all the pills, I wonder if this is one of them....

<img src="https://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c336 ... ckshaw.jpg">

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:
MEOW!!! Damn it!!! Quit messing with Betty's head meds!!!

Er... this is most embarrassing, but perhaps I... I mean one of my subordinates may be to blame. As Commissar of Mental Health, I recently issued some directives to drive down the cost of these medications to the state (and of course increasing my profits) by tightening up the distribution system of medications and who can authorize their usage. Of course, the Chairman was still exempted from this crackdown, however, in his natural desire to please me, a minor functionary, one I hardly know at all, may have caused a disruption in the meds that eventually reach the Premier via the Chairman. This should be straightened out now any moment. and the culprit and his family, have been summarily shall we say, "isolated from the collective."

Well hurry up and fix it! I may not stay loyal to the party without my medicinal coma! I need those pills!!!

We have the computer fixed now so the Chairman should have no problems gettting these pills for you Premier. Lenin only knows when he will shop up agan.

Good.

[begins munching on medicated Hot Pocket}