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Prominent Muslims: Why Do They Hate Us?
By Groupthink
9/19/2006, 9:14 am


by Dr. Salima al-Kurgman


Muslims protesters: "Is it because we didn't support Ned Lamont? Is it because our lousy plastic recycling program?"

Ever since the confrontation between the West and Islam began, the question "Why do they hate us?" has been topping the Frequently Asked Questions charts among Western leaders and intellectuals, tormenting minds and souls of the Western populace prone to introspection. Considering the magnitude of the problem, we have assumed that the same question similarly torments the minds of prominent Muslims in the lands of Islam. And indeed, our special Bridge-Building survey has determined that from Saudi Arabia to Iran to Afghanistan, in the halls of the prestigious Islamic universities and government palaces, prominent Muslims are asking the same questions: "Why us? Why the terror alert system? Why security checks at airports?"

~
Bridge-Building Series: "Why do they hate us?"
Prominent Muslims reflect on possible reasons why they may be resented in the West

Dr. Mahathir Mohammed, ex-Prime Minister, Malaysia:
I think they hate us because we did not support Ned Lamont for the U.S. Senate. Not once did Mr. Lamont's name come up in our parliamentary discussions, for which I'm sorry.
Ali Khamenei, Supreme Leader of The Islamic Republic of Iran:
I guess they dislike us back there because we have not granted full human rights to animals. I'll 'fess up: I'm not a vegan. Go on, hate me for it!

Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz, Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, Prime Minister, and King of Saudi Arabia:
They must hate us because we have permitted six outlets of Starbucks Coffee to operate in The Kingdom - even though Starbucks is notorious for discouraging unionization. It also drives local mom-and-pop cafes out of business. What's worse, our oil exports are ruining Earth's delicate ecosystem. Even I get sick when I see people owning cars - why can't we just become a more pedestrian-oriented planet? Truly, I almost hate myself sometimes.
Muqtada al-Sadr, Commander, Mahdi Army:
Two things: Unions and health care. Technically, we're not a union shop yet, so people think that our soldiers aren't getting full health benefits. They say, "Muqie, how many pap smears did your people get during the last quarter?" Now see, we don't have many women working here, so I have my guys get pap smears instead. Had one myself the other day. We'll roll out a better plan when we sign up with the AFL-CIO after slaughtering the infidel invaders. So, give us a chance! Don't hate us yet!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of The Islamic Republic of Iran:
Could it be because I'm the only transgendered person in our government? Trust me, we're trying, we really are. We are working on a proactive outreach program to the transgendered community, encouraging them to run for office. Please don't hate us! The thought of being hated makes me weep.
Osama bin Laden, Founder, al-Qaeda:
Sometimes, I think the hatred arises from our "glass ceiling" that unfairly keeps women out of our executive suites. But I think that we really deserve to be hated because our lack of an annual gay-pride parade is interpreted as thinly-veiled homophobia. But that's such a misunderstanding! Isn't it obvious that we clearly don't need women to have a good time?

Ismail Haniya, Prime Minister of The Palestinian National Authority:
The number one cause of hatred towards Islam stems from our perceived gender bias against female suicide bombers. Yes, many women have detonated themselves to murder Zionists, but their numbers are far too low. Equality of opportunity is not enough; we must address the disparate outcomes. Until there are more female suicide-murderers, we will remain guilty of de facto gendercide.
Mohammed Omar, Boss, The Taliban:
It's the minimum wage, definitely. I hate to say it, but between the beheadings, the detonation of ancient statues, the plethora of laws that prohibited just about everything, and our slaughtering of thousands of Americans, we pretty much let the minimum wage issue fall through the cracks. If I get a chance, I'll bring that up with my staff. They'll agree; we don't want anyone to hate us.
Sayyid Hassan Nasrallah, Secretary General, Hezbollah:
It's got to be our lousy recycling program. I'll admit it, we haven't been paying much attention to it lately because we've been focusing our resources on killing every Jew on the planet. Still, that's no excuse for not sorting our plastics by color. We know that these materials aren't biodegradable, and can see why that could cause resentment. If it matters, we only use recycled steel for the ball bearings in our rockets, but yes, plastics are much more of an environmental hazard. Yet we hope you will find a place in your hearts to love us!

Next in our Bridge-Building Series we will ask prominent Muslims to clarify their positions on such burning questions as Slavery Reparations, Free Unlimited Universal Healthcare, Transgendered Marriage, Lawsuits Against Rich Pharmaceutical Companies, McCarthyism, and Removal of God from Pledge of Allegiance.
 
Reply with quote
By General Ivan
9/19/2006, 4:17 pm


From Translater the general was to busy working on peoples cube (see picture at top of page) he had one day off at gulag he picked up cigarettes gaurd had dropped and reurned them. The general says to remind everyone no- no  not the Bill Clinton thing again General .How about Burkas ,females in schools , removal of female genatalia, incest and family rape, Family killings of females,and zero tolerenace of non muslim. Oh yea peoples cube writer person the general wants to know where's the qoute from The great JOn Kerri???He mumbled something about one of the greatest leaders of the 21st century before falling asleep!!
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
9/19/2006, 8:39 pm


Why do we hate them? Hmm....lack of personal hygiene immediately comes to mind.

Oh, and the fact that they're animals disguised as people, fooling the Proletariate!
 
Reply with quote
By Premier Betty
9/19/2006, 9:18 pm


Quote

the fact that they're animals disguised as people


That guy in the first picture looks like a monkey. Not a very good disguise
 
Reply with quote
By S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
9/20/2006, 1:08 am


Quote

That guy in the first picture looks like a monkey. Not a very good disguise


True dat...put an organ grinder in his hands and a red cap on his head and you got it...
 
Reply with quote
By Kommissar Vodkov
9/20/2006, 4:15 am


Shame on you comrades! These men are the last line of defense against Western Imperialism. Our hopes of progressive society depend on them! They deserve better than this reactionary slander. I'm calling the NKVD...
 
Reply with quote
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
9/20/2006, 8:53 am


Kommissar Vodkov, let us restrain ourselves a bit here, do not get your red shorts in a bunch. There is no need to call "The Guild" or the ACLU on this matter. It is perfectly acceptable for a Party member to call someone else a "monkey" because it just further reinforces our claim that man (and womyn!) both evolved from ape, equally. Now then, if Premier Betty were say ummm, a republican, then his claim would be a racist insensitive remark which is not protected by first amendment rights. Then and only then should you call the proper authorities and have someone removed from collective sight. Also denounce their friends, family and co-workers just to be safe. Oh, and call socialist services and have their kids taken away from them as well, just to add a bit of progressive vindictive flare.
 
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By Kommissar Vodkov
9/20/2006, 12:07 pm


I apologize for my overzealousness. I blame my bourgeois background for this lapse. I have not yet fully understood that by becoming a progressive person (I almost wrote "individual" - shame on me!), I have the right to say things that the class enemies may not utter. I'm working hard modifying my thought processes so they may become politically correct. I implore that I be given a chance and not reported to the Thought Police.
 
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By Comrade Clyde
9/20/2006, 1:53 pm


Comrades, we hate them because they are junkies!  Religion is the opium of the people.  Only those who have found the cleansing nirvana of atheism are worthy of not being despised.

Their new friend Senor Chavez also shows disturbing signs of improper beliefs for a Marxist.  Why, he accuses the capitalist roader Bush of being the Devil?  But logically, if there is no God, how can there be a Devil?  Or is that too Manichaean a construct?
 
Reply with quote
By Kommissar Vodkov
9/20/2006, 4:31 pm


Comrade Clyde,

We Marxists do not have to be logically consistent. If we were, we would not be Marxists to begin with. Logical consistency is a reactionary invention anyway. Comrade Chaves has done nothing wrong!
 
Reply with quote
By Laika the Space Dog
9/20/2006, 6:00 pm


Quote



That guy in the first picture looks like a monkey. Not a very good disguise



True dat...put an organ grinder in his hands and a red cap on his head and you got it...


Comrades!

Have you not seen the great nature film "Muslims in the Mist"?
Diane Fossey and Jane Goodall lived among the Howler Muslims Monkeys for five years. The troop they studied had an alpha male named Silverback Osama. They are very territorial and aggressive unlike their other monkey cousins.The Howling Muslim Monkey is easily offended by the mere presence of the Christian Forgiving Monkey and the Jewish Atonement Monkey, and has been known also to fly into a rage when they wander into Buddhist Meditating Monkey or the Hindu Reincarnated Monkey territory, claiming it for their own.
The female of the species is rarely seen and submissive, the males keep them well hidden and are extremely jealous of any female activity including breeding.
It's a very fascinating movie.
 
Reply with quote
By Premier Betty
9/20/2006, 7:03 pm


Are they endanger of being hunted to extinction?
 
Reply with quote
By Laika the Space Dog
9/20/2006, 8:00 pm


Quote

Are they endanger of being hunted to extinction?


Oh goodness no! If we were to compare the Howler Muslim Monkey in an entomological sense to breeding and extinction it would be.......... Order: Blattodea. Family: Blattidae. Genus: Periplaneta. Family: Islamofasciadea
 
Reply with quote
By Comrade Clyde
9/21/2006, 9:23 am


They are some fugly people.  This is what happens when your parents were first cousins and the family tree doesn't branch...
 
Reply with quote
By Red Square
9/21/2006, 5:21 pm


This just in -

this story got translated into Hebrew by Israeli occupiers and published on a Zionist pro-capitalist website.

http://www.anochi.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=159&Itemid=2

Workers of the world, unite!
Long live the International Revolution!!!
 
Reply with quote
By Comrade Otis
9/21/2006, 6:06 pm


Red Square wrote
This just in - this story got translated into Hebrew by Israeli occupiers and published on a Zionist pro-capitalist website.


How dare they! The capitalists will stop at nothing.
 
Reply with quote
By Freedom
9/28/2006, 2:15 pm


Quote
Why Do They Hate Us?


I'll tell you why.

Quote
What If Israel Had Never Been Created?

“Imagine there’s no countries...Nothing to live or die for...Imagine all the people living life in peace.” - John Lennon

Thanks mostly to U.S. President Harry S. Truman and his “susceptibility to Zionist influence,” Israel came into existence in 1948. (1) Humanity, and in particular, the Palestinians, have paid dearly for his decision. The land on which the Palestinians had been living for centuries, in peace, with a minority Jewish population, has been gradually transformed into an Apartheid state by the machinations of the Zionist Movement. That Apartheid state, in turn, is today dominated by Israel’s Death-Mayhem-and- Occupation Machine. (2)

Americanchronicle


I thought a long time about whether to post this, and had it been any less carefully written, I would not have.

The reason I did finally link to it is that I have long ago independently come to the conclusion that Israel is a failure. Created supposedly as an independent state for the safety of the World's Jewish people, everything Israel's government has done makes the world MORE dangerous for Jewish people (and everyone else). Plus, having cost the US Taxpayers more than four times the entire cost of the Apollo Moon Program, Israel hardly qualifies as "Independent".
 
Reply with quote
By Red Square
9/28/2006, 2:55 pm


Freedom wrote
I thought a long time about whether to post this


Once again, Comrade Freedom (if that's your real disposition), we urge you to avoid long quotes. You have posted a link, which is quite enough.

We have shortened your post above for the second time. We hope there won't be a third time, or you will be send straight to the Gulag. Our good advice to you is to maintain your proletarian shovel in good repair. And while you still have time, google "permafrost" and familiarize yourself with some of the more efficient ways to dig a home in it.

As for "Imagine There's No Israel" it's already been covered here:
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=782
(a song by John Lennon and Laika the Space Dog)
 
Reply with quote
By Margaret
9/28/2006, 3:29 pm


Freedom wrote
Quote
Why Do They Hate Us?


I'll tell you why.


I read the linked article and the 25 propositions of what the world might be like today if Israel had never existed. Umm, I know I'm not the brightest light in sky but most of those propostions suppose that Middle-east problems arise from an opposition to Israel. The propositions suppose that 9/11 wouldn't have happened if there were no Israel, that we never would have had to topple Saddam Huessein if there were no Israel.

If there were no Israel I propose that Saddam Hussein's nuclear program that the Israeli's bombed out of business back in the '80's would have produced nuclear bombs - back in the '80's.

Here's another proposition: Islam, regardless of Israel, would still be working to cover the globe by the sword. This has nothing to do with Israel.

Here's another propostion: In free countries citizens can be part of the electorate and government. By defending "Palestinian" rights, as a tribe, as opposed to the rights that all individuals posses, you are proposing a collectivist view of rights and will never achieve freedom for anyone.
 
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By lancelotty
9/29/2006, 2:09 pm


The " Brain of the World", as comrade Ceausescu was  named by the happiest part of the romanian people, in the late 70's used to meet freqvently Yassir Arafat ( Fedayye ) the leader of the Palestine Liberation Front. They spent a lot of good time together because their inner world and personal struggle were common : to do their best for the common good of their People. They've knew the basic : without people there is no greatness, no money, no fight against the rotten capitalists. In their friendly cooperation- were they TOO close, I wonder ? -  something is hidden.
My guess : In what Ceausescu  was really interested is personal power and fame, a Nobel Peace Price is famous alright, that's why his dream was to mediate peace in the Middle East ;  Arafat was ready to do anything for the "sempervivum" state of mind of his fellowship : killing Jews!  
Ironicly, Arafat has got the Nobel Price for Peace - just think, how our western world is sometimes unlinked to the real merit, while Ceausescu's got some bulletts on 25 Dec. 1989 !  
 
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By Anochi
9/30/2006, 3:38 pm


Dear Foredoom,

You still got some time to contemplate about your post, As long as the Zionist entity is standing in the midst of the benevolent Moslem world you may take your time… It is after Israel that you may expect full attention and a visit from your local Molla – So get ready.

We may "Imagine There's No Israel", as some Czech people know there was a time that the western European countries believed that they might do better if only the Czechoslovakia will disappear – and guess what happened?

Well all this is past history now.

So we hold our post…  and if more of your kind are around it looks as we will be the only and last one to act against the Iranian nuclear program, as we did with the Iraqi nuclear program and save your ass again…

Anochi, TA, IL
www.anochi.com
 
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By saveaworld
10/24/2006, 2:47 pm



 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/24/2006, 2:49 pm


Comrades:

I thought a long time, long long long time about this and also had a prolitariate about it.

But yes, this must be said.

What if there were no Palistinians?
Palistinians are a failure.
Right now, yes, right now they are rampaging and killing one another.

The land which the Jewish people love and where they have lived for over 3,000 years has been turned into a place of mayhem.

Imagine there's no Palistinians, it's easy if you try
nothing to die for, no suicide bombers too  .....


freeworldforever.blogspot.com
 
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By General Ivan
10/26/2006, 11:29 pm


Even without Peace loving Palistinians the pilgrims migrating in and out of gaza to various religious shrines is staggering and the vacuum from the Palistinians would quickly be filled by the 30 million other muslim/Islamic antisematic jew hating Arabs from (insert country of choice here) that live for the enjoyment of killing or maiming Jews or Jewish supporters. Remember all the furor over the wall being built around Gaza and the leftwing pundits (including the U.N.) all screamed we are a bunch of whiney babys that see no use for this stupid wall because we can't see school buses of Jewish kids blown to pieces next to the coffee shop destroyed the day before buy a young women in a Burka with a bomb strapped on her  MSM MSMBC ABD they all interviewed jon KeRRi on the matter....
 
Reply with quote
By saveaworld
10/27/2006, 9:48 am


I guess we can't let the vacuum get refilled.  No replacements accepted. sorry.
 
Reply with quote
By Laika the Space Dog
6/27/2007, 7:53 am


The Howler Monkey is the Cindy Sheehan/Rosie O'Donnell of the Muslim world.
Where ever he goes, there's a camera:

I came across the Snapshot story thanks to Cox & Forkum:

http://www.snappedshot.com/archives/964-Professional-Protester,-Jihadi-style.html

And more from our comrades at TNOYF:

http://www.thenoseonyourface.com/
 
Reply with quote
By Comrade Hasan
7/29/2007, 2:04 am


I apologize comrades. Our suicide belts emit way too much green house gases, which in turn aggravates the current global warming crisis. The other problems is that our terrorist taxes favor rich Jihadists over the poor ones.
 
Reply with quote
By Adnan Hajj
10/5/2008, 6:41 pm


Islamic Rage Boy, Collector's Edition


 
Reply with quote
By Commissar_Elliott
10/7/2008, 10:34 pm


I think it's because we live in a country where unfortunately, we have people who want to kill them, we must embrace multiculturalism people!
 
Reply with quote
By melonieperfect
1/6/2009, 12:35 pm


Premier Betty wrote
Quote

the fact that they're animals disguised as people


That guy in the first picture looks like a monkey. Not a very good disguise


PEOPLE are animals. Just becuase some of us think we're the better species.Which is wrong, by they way.
 
Reply with quote
By Che Gourmet
1/6/2009, 1:21 pm


melonieperfect wrote
Premier Betty wrote
Quote

the fact that they're animals disguised as people


That guy in the first picture looks like a monkey. Not a very good disguise


PEOPLE are animals. Just becuase some of us think we're the better species.Which is wrong, by they way.


Ms. Perfect,

The Premier was referring to the way the Muslims treat their own people, although I agree that animals would not treat their own kind the way the Islamofacists do.  PETA has no room in this discussion, unless you are willing to neuter the f**cking terrorists, to keep them from reproducing more degenerate hate-filled Islamoturds!
 
Reply with quote
By Commissarka Pinkie
1/6/2009, 2:27 pm


Why, just the other night I was watching a documentary, must've been on the NGC or Animal Planet, and they showed a pride of peace-loving lions strapping explosives to one of their cubs so they could "send a message" to those bloodthirsty no-good gazelles who think they're entitled to their own little space in the savanna.
 
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By Premier Betty
1/6/2009, 10:50 pm


Che Gourmet wrote

neuter the f**cking terrorists


They seem to be very reluctant to go through the neutering process.
 
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The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand


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Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'
More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20
Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America
You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.
Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
Somali pirates hijack international space station
Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"
Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"

CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide




Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth
US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force
Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!
Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word


FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'
Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'
Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
Biden calls taxes patriotic
Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter
Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes
Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement
February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached
Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day


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How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?
Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint

Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
Lou the Looter In Iowa
CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
Hillary supporters organize against Obama
Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station



Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination
Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead
Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!
Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich
Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

Stop and smell the Sharpies
Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy
Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"

Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey
KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg
USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'
Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint
John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement
To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama
NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp
Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
Brokeback Mountain loses climber
NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars
Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers
Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib
Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak
Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
High school Meth teacher starts new class
Holy Mitt!
Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%
Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick
Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive
"How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes
"Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad
New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others
Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough
Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress
Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"
US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November
Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home
Reid: The war on fire is lost
Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.
Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore
Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?
San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault
Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France
Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"
Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"
Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics
Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming
To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama
Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.
George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
"Death to America"
Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
"Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists
Al Gore to recall the Internet


Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month
First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle
Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead
William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package
Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability
London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings
Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"
Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"
Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric
Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?
US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq
US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?
Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page
As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"
Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant
Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"
Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey
Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"
French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results
Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture
Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely
Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time
Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids
ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'
Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops
Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling
Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision
Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases
Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
mote Global Warming Jelly
New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system
Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket
Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"
Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up
Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries
Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues
Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial
House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission
North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright
Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission
Is it time for Pinochet yet?
see CITGO think HUGO CHAVEZ

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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