This email exchange started when a student from Communist China currently living in Japan bought an anti-Che T-shirt "My American Revolutionary Kicked Your Commie Revolutionary's Ass" from Che-Mart, an online store associated with the People's Cube. This letter makes one ponder about what America means to people in other countries, what message American freedom sends to the world by the very virtue of its existence. It also makes one think about those Americans who want to change this country, to make it look more like the Old World, and thus to kill hope for people like Billy.
We removed both email and the physical address for obvious reasons, and changed the sequence of posts for easier viewing. If someone would like to write to Billy, please send the letter to us and we will forward it to him.
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From: Billy Sent: 08 Dec '05 10:01
This email confirms that you have received a payment of $21.58 Item Name: My American Revolutionary Kicked Your Commie Revolutionary's Ass, Large Address: xxxxxxxx, Osaka, Japan
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From: "generalsecretary" Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 15:00:02
Dear Humble Peasant, You are the first customer from Japan. The labor camp will eat sushi tonight in your honor. Commandante Che
***
From: Billy Sent: 10 Dec '05 18:41
Thank you so much for your kind and humorous reply, dear Secretary General. Please allow my most respectful and heartfelt comrade's salute! I look forward to receiving my excellent reeducating material i.e. the anti-che shirt from you soon.
Please let me tell you that in fact I am a young man from the evil communist red China but not this "rotten and debauched capitalist pig's land" of Japan. I am right now studying in Japan as a student but I am supposed to leave Japan and go back to China early next year. However, for all my native country of birth and legal status about citizenship, I deem myself a solid and stalwart Conservative and Rightist from the American perspective. I can see that indeed you are all anti-commie conservative with integrity, dignity, and human commonsense, which made us congenial and like-minded comrades in a genuine sense.
I have gradually but steadily and irreversibly evolved to become a convinced and avowed ultra-conservative and arch-reactionary in the last decade thanks to the ushering in of the great age of Internet and years of my own consistent effort to read broadly, which enabled me to come to a true understanding of the evilness of the commie system, as well as the greatness of the beacon of freedom and democracy where justice and decency shine. This process has helped shape and solidify my life ideals and goals, and I have decided that despite being born with such a huge misfortune in the communist hell of mainland China, I will choose my side by my conviction, not by the accident of birth. But I will also work hard in my whole life to help my country and my people shake off the yoke of the enslaving communist system and cast away its evil spell on Chinese nation for the creation of a new era of true freedom and democracy.
My first encounter with you was unexpected and coincidental. I am a long time reader and devoted fan of National Review Online, which I read almost everyday via internet. They have published an article about the infamous Che phenomenon including both the pro-Che which seems still a majority by far thanks to ignorant masses, as well as the burgeoning and increasingly active anti-Che sites such as your Che-Mart. Anyway, owing to NRO's great article, I came to meet you guys and I was instantly impressed by your amazingly bold and vivid designs of che-mocking and che-debunking.
In short, I was so enchanted and smitten by your rich content, satirical language and an incredibly poignant and effervescent ambience. I fell in love with your creation at the first sight and when I saw those brilliant anti-che shirts, I just couldn't help wanting to get one for myself. I have already bought one anti-che shirt from another US website in the past, so this time I decided to buy a highly unique and innovative shirt from you i.e. the "My American Revolutionary Kicked Your Commie Revolutionary's Ass", which is so emblematic and distinctive of your own style and is simply terrific! I think you guys are a bunch of geniuses. This is not only reflected on your eye-dazzling anti-she shirts, but also on every single word of the uttered at your site. So powerful, so satirical, so trenchant and penetrating! Anyway, I can't praise you more for your exhilarating and riveting site! This is not a polite-sounding flattering or compliment, but one from the bottom of my heart. I want to tell you I am very proud of you as your new fan. Please keep on your good working!
By the way, most people here in Japan seem either not be able to understand English at all, or unable to appreciate political humor or satire in English. So far I have never met anyone in the street giving even the slightest attention to my various outfits with political connotations each time I wear such clothes. What a disappointment!
I will frequent your site from now on, and I will continue to support you and pray for your new achievement. I will also consider making new purchases from you after your new products become available! Many thanks again for the great delight and excitement! And with my best wishes to you for having a more fruitful, exciting and prosperous 2006!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, my dear American comrades!
Billy (a Chinese youth with an American heart currently living in Japan)
We will not tolerate your joining a touring Chinese ballet troupe so that you may perhaps defect while on tour in Las Vegas (the most vile of captialistic explotation centers - where citizens are forced to hand over their wages from collective toil!). You are no cigar rolling virgin Cubano! NO! Nor shall we allow you to walk near any American Embassy or Consulate in Tokyo or Sapporo for example - "Ours" will be watching those locales in case you decide to make an application for freedom - I mean slavery to religious tolerance, capitalism, exploitation of the mAsses, or worst of all Conservative thought and philosophies!!
Also - your ration of fine Japanese candies - particularly "Chocolate Doo Doo" or the finest of coffee cream - "Creep Cream" will be revoked if you continue to make outrageous claim that Japanese have no senses of humor!!! In their attempts to become the most of exploitative captialists -they are too busy for humor- only the bourgeois elites of USA -who have time to make humor - because they have enslaved all of the world to do their labor for them - giving them time for laughing and joke making at the expense of all races and cultures!!
Finally - if you continue to display such tendencies - we will have no alternative - but to not allow you back into "utopia". So watch it!
Chief of Organ of Main Unit of Anti-Defection Commisariat,(and Hard currencies and Bribe Confiscation Sub-unit)
Who sent me this email?
I DO NOT appreciate receiving this nonsense.
I mind my own business, keeping the peace.
In fact I AM a Communist, and I do NOT spread my idealogy, nor my opinions.
What do you know about Communism? What do you know about Ernesto "Che" Guevara?
DO not spread your disease unless you comprehend the gene.
Nyet, I am NOT a student. (Of Communism)
Yes, I am working on my Master's Degree, but that is merely the beginning of my education.
And to Kommissar Betty, you must NOT have understood my comment.
YOUR webpage (somehow) sent this link to my email address.
That IS the disease. That is what a disease does. It spreads itself to others without consent.
I did not knock on your door with my Communist dissertation, nor did I invade your privacy (your email) with my propoganda.
I DO NOT have a website with copies of "The State" available, or posters that say "Have you volunteered for the Communist Party yet?"
The disease is the word, and the gene is the people who run websites like this.
Like David Duke. He is the gene of that disease.
Now, before you go and call people like myself, "a disease", you should learn how to respect other individuals.
Ah, not good, kamarad, Magyar! A communist like yourself must not, I repeat MUST NOT be talking about such capitalist ideas as privacy. In our glorious state, that we will build soon, there will be no privacy - our great leaders must know everything about everyone!
Without it, how would you expect The Party to plan for the Good Of The People? Or protect us all from the heinous evils of capitalist spies?
It is NOT about keeping the Communist Party in Privacy, I was talking about Keeping my opinions within the disease of invasion.
People do not read what I write well.
I will never hide, nor hinder from Capitalism.
And no not talk about what I need to be educating on or about.
See, EVERYONE is suffering from what THEY think is the "way."
It is called individual concept intertwined with personal opinion.
NOT, shackling of respect for individual idealogy.
During his Yale days I believe. Although, his major of Economic Strip Mining the poor left him not much time for the frivolities of football or the joys of the perusing the Utne Reader.
Notice, I don't use the word "soccer" as you do.
"Soccer" is an American bastardization of the word used to describe the world's most popular sport. Like everything else they pervert, Americans prefer this word most likely because of its sub-conscious misogynistic rhyming with "Sock Her."
YOUR webpage (somehow) sent this link to my email address. That IS the disease. That is what a disease does. It spreads itself to others without consent. I did not knock on your door with my Communist dissertation, nor did I invade your privacy (your email) with my propoganda.
The disease has a name: paranoia. The belief that a web page somehow "sends" unsolicited emails is very indicative, dear Hungarian comrade. Now we understand why you are a communist. Your condition is also consistent with your other assertion, that communists just sit and quietly mind their own business while the non-communists aggressively try to change their beliefs and moral values. Please don't go to the capitalist doctors! When untreated, your condition is very useful for the Party's cause.
The simple truth is that you received our email because either you or someone on your behalf had signed up to our mailing list. For that matter, at the bottom of the email message there is a link that says "unsubscribe." Click on it and you will be taken to a page where you can choose to stop receiving emails from our Propaganda Department.
WARNING: Unsubscribing is not advisable. After the revolution this feature shall be removed and our mailing list shall be linked directly to the Federal DMV Office.
All signees and their families shall be spared from purges come the Revolution. For extra safety and protection you might want to consider obtaining the Politically Correct People's Cube model PCx2 -
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=64
It is also a good re-educational tool that will keep your mind busy and away from harmful thoughts, such as, trying to "comprehend the gene of the disease."
It is also advisable to keep your proletarian shovel in good repair.
Komrades!
We of the PepsGPS-L believe Magyar the Hungarian is an imposter -posing as one of "Ours"- actually located somewhere near Boulder Colorado.
He/she may in fact be perpetual student - (working on the master's diplom for the past 14 years - deciphering the Marx-Engles-Lenin-Mao-Mao-Il-man-Castro-Carter-Kerry-Klinton doctrines (as he knows the path to utopia can be found somewhere within the hyperbole).
Once we have pin-pointed the locale of this imposter - we shall dispatch the Black Maria for capture and transport to the Hillary C. Village Useful Idiot Re-Education Center (in secret location inside Archkansas.
Report any sightings of this personage to the local internal security officials at once!!!
Komrades!
We of the PepsGPS-L believe Magyar the Hungarian is an imposter -posing as one of "Ours"- actually located somewhere near Boulder Colorado.
He/she may in fact be perpetual student - (working on the master's diplom for the past 14 years - deciphering the Marx-Engles-Lenin-Mao-Mao-Il-man-Castro-Carter-Kerry-Klinton doctrines (as he knows the path to utopia can be found somewhere within the hyperbole).
Once we have pin-pointed the locale of this imposter - we shall dispatch the Black Maria for capture and transport to the Hillary C. Village Useful Idiot Re-Education Center (in secret location inside Archkansas.
Report any sightings of this personage to the local internal security officials at once!!!
Komrades, Magyar, is disciple of the most esteemed Ward Churchill. If it were not for teachings of this wise and honest teacher in the noble Colorado University, their would be no voice of reason amongst the chaos perpetuated by the "little Eichmann" and their ilk. Magyar is most noble because he joined us in our cause by sitting in a drum circle with us and taking hits from the People's bong. So do not discourage him.. Nay, we must hold him in high regard, because without hippy drum circles where would our cause be?!!!!!
You people have to much time with little meaning.
First and foremost, I REQUESTED the link that did email me this webpage and everything was figured out.
I had a conversation with one of your people a year ago. We were conversing thru email. This is how I received this link.
Second, DO NOT mock my education. Yes, I am working on my Master's Degree.
I have a year left. (I began a year ago)
And like I said, that is merely the beginning of my Education.
Third, it looks like one of you googled the word Magyar and found out it means
"Hungarian" (I know none of you speak-read Hungarian-non of you responded to my words in Hungarian)
BRAVO!!! It does in fact mean Hungarian.
I am Hungarian and Russian.
And to the individual who says I use American terms, I did that for the American people. I am not from America.
Fourth, Kommissar Betty, your little picture strikes me at a terrible time.
I am infact going through tests for Lymphoma, so I take that a bit personal.
I live in a country that rejects anyone that has health or sickness.(Health Care System)
So, yes Communism will cure the disease. You do not respect other people (I am NOT referring to your picture)
You keep pasting my quotes. You have not conquered the meaning.
I invite you all to a REAL Communist gathering.
But, as I can see, all this is- is regurgitating of past history.
This is my problem.
I am a writer. I work hard on writing my OWN idealogy(s) and political views.
I have published work, have been writing a articles for World Weekly, and been writing a new edition to the Communist Manifesto. (I presented the first two years of my work at the EGO Conference April 1-2 2005)
To be mocked and dissected baffles me.
Your link did come to me, and I checked it out with respect for individualism, yet if one of our links found itself in your email and you "browsed" a REAL Communist site and you posted your thoughts, and a TRUE Communist mocked and disrespected you, you would dust off your old Black List and diffuse the matter of our work into the masses, and we would be shut down. (It has happened MANY times)
It is like a brick in the face like when I was a child coming to America from the Soviet Union.
Pravda.
With the 100 million dead from the last 90 years of Communist experimentation, we'll have a much better chance for success this time around - without all the refusniks getting in the way!
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Pol Pot, Ho Chi Minh, Kim Jong-Il, Mao, Mengistu, and Castro understood this - let's not let them down!
What do you think will help this time around? More secret police? More Government power? More wiretapping? More show trials? More conscription? More abortions? Deeper mass graves, for sure, but how about more collectives? More atheism? More 5 year plans? I know, more state controlled media? More conformity? More non-agression pacts? More Starbucks? More Billy Bragg...?
How will we achieve the ideological purity the revolution demands?
It is like a brick in the face like when I was a child coming to America from the Soviet Union.
Pravda.
Dear Comrade Magyar,
Your confession, elicited without the coercive means available to the party, is still short of what is expected of the "New Soviet Man".
To wit:
1. This is the internet. 50 year old men regularly pretend to be 14 year old girls, so your announced gender and nationality are suspect.
2. If you are attempting to extract sympathy for a medical condition from
anyone, see point 1.
3. Mockery is pretty much the point here. If you are indeed a graduate student and are unable to comprehend what you read here, you well prove the point that communism is taken seriously only on the American college campus.
Thank you for your post. I appreciate your reactions, but would remind you of the words of Chairman Mao, Selected Works, vol. 7:
"All reactionaries are paper tigers."
if one of our links found itself in your email and you "browsed" a REAL Communist site and you posted your thoughts, and a TRUE Communist mocked and disrespected you, you would dust off your old Black List and diffuse the matter of our work into the masses, and we would be shut down.
No, we would laugh our asses off at your inability to think logically, then we would have some 11-year-old nerd hack your site to the point where the whole website was nothing but a big Viagra ad.
I announced my gender because I was tired of being referred to as "HE". I stated that.
Also, I announced my ethnic background because someone figured out what Magyar meant, but did not reply to my statement in Hungarian. (Please respond(in Hungarian) to that since you know everything)
See, everyone only reads what he or she wants to read.
You pick certain parts from my post and paste it in the "Quotes Selected" and write a response without reading everything as a whole.
I stated my personal comment about my physical being that individual because I thought it was IRONIC that-that picture was posted. (I stated that too)
And about having a brick thrown in my face when I was a child is true. That is why I typed PRAVDA underneath it.
Pravda means Truth/True in Russian.
And you really think Communism is only taken seriously on American College Campuses?
In July 2005, there was the National CPUSA(Communist Party of the USA) Rally/Gathering/Meetings.
THOUSANDS of people were there.
Do you know how many people in the world are Communists? And I am not talking about the Evil Communism (Yes I know there is evil Communism)
I am talking about cultures and countries that are thriving and have a right to choose and have the right of free speech.
You like to talk about what I say and what I reply to.
You make personal judgements about me, and question what I post.
I have not posted anything like that.
And That screen name you have "Gorky"
That is also IRONIC. I was born in Gorky.
And no, that is not suspect. Yes, I know this is the internet and people do hide behind a facade, but there are genuine individuals.
Media-ahora en espanol-Tu comprende nada, porque tu presumir siempre. (That is from me)
"Hasta La Victoria Siempre" Ernesto "Che" Guevara.
it looks like one of you googled the word Magyar and found out it means
It is a matter of common knowledge that Magyar is a self-name for Hungarians and their language. Hungarian postal stamps have "Magyar" written on them. Why would you think nobody knows that? Let me guess. On campus you are surrounded by "educated fools" who are so ignorant about the real world that they had actually become commies - and you rushed to make an assumption about the rest of us who don't live in that ivory tower? Nice logic.
We don't speak Hungarian, but some of us do speak the sacred Mother tongue spoken in Nizhniy Novgorod. No zachem vypendrivatsia pered svoimi rebiatami? Why show off and speak in tongues unless you're drunk on 1/2 liter of 45% proof Red Beet Juice? So that we'll think more of you? Please. The Chinese guy Billy whose letter started this thread didn't insert any Chinese words to make himself sound more important. He simply wrote in plain English that in the American Right he had discovered the decency and integrity that can't be found in Communist China. Some of us had also lived under Communist rule and studied Marxism in the Motherland - and we can totally identify with Billy's sentiment. In your academic research, why don't you do a little excursion into that area as well? You may be surprised with what you'll find.
We'll think more of you if instead of "I'm a mysterious foreigner" routine you deliver a coherent logical statement, or at least be funny and make us laugh. Otherwise your posts just sound like a prolonged ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME. Not too selfless nor collectivist of you.
If that's the result of being smacked upside the head with a brick upon arrival to America then we apologize. Difficult childhood should always be taken into account, just like in the case of Tookie Williams. We hate to make assumptions, but could it be that the brick that hit you had been aimed at your big apparatchik parents?
And if your skin is too thin for this then you should probably stay off the Internet and go back to your academic echo chamber - you'll quickly feel better about yourself again, with all the phony praise you'll continue to receive from the superficial ignoramuses that fill American colleges these days. Hamburg score is not for everybody, дарлинг.
If I met you in an alley I would have cut your throat--
Do not ever speak of my parents again.
Like I said for the tenth time, I stated everything quite clearly.
Why I choose to say what I said in reply, to what was said to me.
If someone calls me a disease or mocks my education, I will defend my word and my cause.
The reason I made my little comment about the whole "Magyar" comment is because I knew no-one understood what I said in my language.
Everything is so simpflied. Yet, everyone knows everything.
I NEVER said I was Hungarian--Someone called me that.
READ THE STATEMENTS & RESPONSES before you go and judge me.
And yes, the individual who sent me this god forsaken link said he was from China, and talked about being from that country. (And living in Japan)
So, it is okay for him?
And I do not live in an Academic Echo Chamber.
And I DO NOT feel better about myself.
DO YOU SEE, how righteous every one became when a Communist arrived. (because of the link I received-is why I came)
I did not come in here to state Blasphemy, or disrespect someones individual self.
Kommissar Betty said that a Communist website would be hacked.
And you say it is ME ME ME?
That is the thing with you people.
You claim to be filled with the spirits of equality and be for the people.
But, in reality, you make someone discouraged and shun away from any sort of debate or gathering.
Yes, I am a Communist, but I NEVER said that my idealogy was the higher one.
I stand around the council fire, not IN the council fire.
And thank you for calling me DARLING It makes the hate worth while.
Ya gotova s vami pogovorit. Posle takogo dolgovo vremeni ya gotova. Moye serdce zapolneno nenavestyu ot nashego proshlogo.
Ya vizy vashy smelost i vashy bol, i ya vizy po vashey anonimnosti chto y vas takiye ze chyvstva chto i y mena.
Ya ne predstavlayu kakiye y vas vospominaniya. Vi svazani s chem-to chto bolee intensivno chem vse mi.
Ya sama zivy kak privedeniye.
Ya smogy yspokoitsa cherez vash otvet.
Your sacred mother tongue.
I wrote this letter for Lana Peters AKA Svetlana Alliluyeva.
Here was her information.
Richland Center
Wisconsin 53581
(608)647-5175
Dump the Commie major and switch to a Business degree.....you'll never get a job unless that's your goal, to sit back in academia and poison young minds with failed claptrap.....and please, please, take a few history courses that isn't "diversity/minority/outcomes/focused".
Also, don't try to cut any throats in the Pittsburgh area. We like our Second Amendment rights here. (Name one Communist/Socialist country that allows the individual the Right to Bear Arms) We're a carry permit city and we have an old saying......Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
Its funny my father actually is from Kerala, India. It was the first place where Communism was voted in place. It boasts an interesting paradox. It has a 99% literacy rate, yet at the same time it has very high unemployment rate. Because the unions and communist influence are very powerful industry, even Indian state ran industry avoid it like the plague. So what has happened over the last forty years is that over one million people have left that Indian state to find work abroad. These people send money back to their relatives. In fact whenever I visit my relatives many of them ask for money for us. Where is the communist government? Why aren't they taking care of their people?
Now, about Che Guevara. The reason why he and Castro went their seperate ways was because Che wanted to industrialize Cuba. However, Cuba did not have the means to industrialize. They were an agricultural nation. This attempt at industrialization hurt Cuba. (Though this was nowhere near as bad as when Chairman Mao told his people told all his "people" to take all of their iron and steel goods and give them to the state to be melted down. This caused problems for those in rural China. They were farmers, and they needed those metal tools to grow food. This lead to a famine where millions died.) It was only when Castro decided that his comrade should take "the cause" to South America did the economy return to its current horrible state now. Its funny we see Guevara as someone noble, but the truth is that he was vicious killer. He executed people without giving them a trial. He helped imprison and kill off those who didn't fit their idealogy: political dissidents, homosexuals, and devout Catholics.
Many other problems occur in a Communist society. The state runs everything. The value of promoting idealogy outweighs the acceptecnce of different opinions and the truth. This leads to the presses printing only what the state wants. Freedom is there as long as there is not an expression against the idealogy. Why would the state promote anything that shows they are wrong? Isn't it in the best interest of the state to hide such blasphemy?
One final note. What did you expect from a site mocking communism? It would like me walking into Neo Nazi gathering and exclaim, "Where are the white women at?"
<Che Baabaabooie turned on>
Comrades, we must extol the valiant of the common people against the bourgeois, plutarchy known as America.
If I met you in an alley I would have cut your throat
We shall terminate this discussion to save our skin. Like we always say, if there's a terrorist threat, appease the terrorist and we'll all live happily ever after. Therefore - yes, comrade Magyar, you are right, you have always been and will always be right, just like Marx and Lenin have and will always be. Phew. That wasn't so hard. Why couldn't Bush do the same instead of standing on his principles? As we know all principles are fiction except all progressive princilpes.
Besides, Comrade Mememe (even though she denies being Mememe) has steered the discussion in the wrong direction. The real hero here is Billy and his plight - but since the selfless Comrade Mememe entered the discussion it's been all about her-her-her and her enormous Communist ego instead of Billy, China, and Che Guevara.
In the spirit of inclusiveness and diversity we'll probably set up a new thread just for Ms Mememe's Collectivist Ego. Agree?
I, too, comrade Red Square, find Magyar's Zarqawi-esque threat highly intimidating--not to mention her bilingual prowess--and believe we have no other option but to pursue a course of appeasement. Peace at any cost!
By setting up a new thread for Ms. Mememe, we will be essentially ceding some of our cyber territory to her; we'll call it the Rhineland. We have France to thank for the inspiration! Our token of good faith will surely make Magyar less hostile by showing her that we are reasonable people capable of diplomacy and constructive dialogue.
"He" or "She" -- nonsense. In the revolution there are only the people. Cardboard cutouts and abstractions in the mind of the faithful.
Magyar, or Magpie, or whatever should lighten up. 'Just can't seem to fathom the thought that not everyone loves Big Brother (or, more accurately, Big Person).
In gaining new recruits for the cause, don't you think a voluntary system of enslavement would be better this time around?
Anyone getting a masters degree who can't see through such blatant fanciful nonsense as communist ideology (and their ever-present pal TM. Che) should get a B.S. degree as an honest testament as to what they really stand for -- more B.S.
3 months... Che's main job was actually security detail... However, Carlos & the rest of the band got a bit tired of his constant 'collectivize this' and 'destroy that' and 'put my face on the bass drum,' so they ditched him in Bolivia... where he was met with a friendly capture and a welcoming bullet to the head.
Who is this Magyar they speak of?
Who is this wise and learned person?
I hear whispers of her great economic prowess.......
I need a Health Czar! Since she KNOWS that Americans are denied healthcare, who better to help ME than a person who understands the concept of MEMEME. It must have been hard getting hit in the face with a brick and having the mean doctors and nurses block the doors to the hospital, and now with lymphoma, the evil-American-for-the rich-only hospitals are denying her healthcare again. I suggest we trade Magyar for Elian Gonzalez in an even exchange program with Cuba so she can get medical treatment. Once she gets better, she can come back for a cabinet job and we can ship Elian back with tales of just how lucky he was to live in Cuba and how horrible things are here in the states, just like Fidel and Janet said the first time!
Viva Universal Squalid Healthcare!
Marshal Betty, Drug Czar (or Tsar, however you want to spell it), reporting for duty. After all, all doctors’ do these days is prescribe drugs, so I should be able to take care of the job.
I am registered Comrade, but the little Eichmanns at Citigroup corporate will not allow me to log in and post. For some reason, whenever I log it just takes be back to the "Broom of Truth" main page and I am still not logged in. That is why I am posting this way during the day.
Che Baabaabooie
P.S. In the mean time, I will maintain correspondence with the fearless leader, Generalisimo El Kabong. He is joining Boris and Natasha in their hunt of the CIA operatives, codenamed Moose and Squirrel. They are the ones we believe who have been destabilzing the Venezuelan elections and their economy. Why else is the fierceless and noble leader, Hugo Chavez, failing at eliminating corruption and poverty in our sister nation?!!!!
"We all declare for liberty; but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. With some the word liberty may mean for each man to do as he pleases with himself, and the product of his labor; while with others, the same word many mean for some men to do as they please with other men, and the product of other men's labor. Here are two, not only different, but incompatible things, called by the same name - liberty. And it follows that each of the things is, by the respective parties, called by two different and incompatible names - liberty and tyranny." -President Abraham Lincoln
Hey Chistka Counselor, remind me never to piss you off.
You weren't serious talking like that, were you? Tell us you were impersonating some right-wing conservative bigot. Yes, you were trying to impress our new Russian/Hungearian female communist comrade with your acting skills, right? Well, I certainly hope you didn't enjoy it.
Sometimes it's hard to tell where acting ends and suppressed thougthcrime begins, comrade. Many a Soviet actor enjoyed playing capitalists, gangsters, spies, and various Western civilians in the Soviet movies. Those were prestigious parts distributed under the Party supervision to the most ideologically reliable thespians. And for a good reason. Most of the the time the public intuitively loved those evil characters, preferring them to politically correct, selfless and righteous but boring protagonists who sacrificed themselves and others for the sake of the common good. That's why casting the right movie actor for the role of an evil Western capitalist type was a great responsibility.
And the Soviet actors responded to the Party's trust with new creative breakthroughs. They often spoke their capitalist lines so credibly, so sincerely, as if they really believed in that! And the audiences believed them too! What a great time it was for the Soviet people's film industry!
At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Bonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. At what point, then, is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.
-President Abraham Lincoln
holy jesus, mother of somebody!!!!! CHISTKA, calm yoself down, my brutha, yo dun gots da rath of god, muhammed, buddha, and every otha high power cummin down on dis maygar bitch. sheeeit bro, he ain wuth da 3 rubles the bullet would cost ta off the m*ther f*cker. ok, he be's a pieca o shit, erebody know dat, props to yo fo sho nuff outin the mofo. peace out, bro!!
diceman
When the neo-Comms aren't whining between weekend ski trips, striving to establish police states and re-education centers or resurrecting famines, purges, and mass slaughter...
...They're downright funny.
When will they learn to just leave other people alone and mind their own business (no pun intended)
Hey, Magyar! Ignore the critics here -- I don't know what got into them. What I do know is that I like you -- a lot!
In fact, you sound like the kind of sister we could use at our next Starbucks People's Flood. You know, it's where we gals pee all over the floors in their bathrooms. It has been a sustainable strategy against the Wal-Mart fascists, so we're expanding it to liberate The People from the Zionist colonialists at Starbucks.
And if their Nazi manager (no doubt in the Bush family) starts in with us...well, you certainly seem able to handle a weapon!
Hi Billy. It's nice to know there are people like you out there. I grew up here in the United States and my only big intellectual challenge politically when I was young was figuring out that what my parents meant by liberalism didn't have anything to do with classical liberalism. When I was young I thought that because they called themselves 'liberals' they were. Then I slowly realized they were socialists! Here, socialism wasn't the norm, so it wasn't something I had to come to grips with in order to transcend. For someone growing up in a communist country though, I can only imagine the intellectual challenges must be very difficult and the hurdles a lot higher to jump. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that takes dedication and a lot of fortitude - an unusual amount of dedication and fortitude. Because of that I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. People like you give me hope.
Your story calls to mind the heart-warming rememberance of 14-year-old Pavlik Morozov, who became a Hero of the Soviet Union during the Stalin era. In 1932, during Stalin’s collectivization and dispossession program that uprooted some 10 million peasants, Pavlik reported his father to authorities for giving refuge to fleeing victims.
Thanks for the Pavlik Morozov story. I remembered the story but not the name. I kept coming up with Horst Wessel, but that's another story.
Wasn't that Magyar girl a real hot potato! Maybe I should say a hot tomato, to match her red scarf. Wonder if she ever read Andrei Amalrik or Anatoly Marchenko?
Hey, Magyar! Ignore the critics here -- I don't know what got into them. What I do know is that I like you -- a lot!
In fact, you sound like the kind of sister we could use at our next Starbucks People's Flood. You know, it's where we gals pee all over the floors in their bathrooms. It has been a sustainable strategy against the Wal-Mart fascists, so we're expanding it to liberate The People from the Zionist colonialists at Starbucks…
...Now ain't that a classic haughty socialist thing to do. Piss all over the floor of some enterprise that's freely selling products to people who are freely purchasing them. Now some innocent worker (and there's plenty of evidence that socialists hate workers) is going to have to mop up your tacky "statement" and customers will literally wade through the waste of your arrogant self-righteous and bankrupt "philosophy."
Get a life and leave "THE" people alone. (Don't you have a trust fund to spend on a ski trip or something?)
I was sitting at home during the infernal holiday, when something occurred to me. We , the Progressive. need a new leader. Howard Dean seems to be too laid back. He isn't willing to take the fight fully to the corporate fat cats. He lacks the passion and the reason to lead us to victory in the 21st century!!!!!
I have the perfect replacement. I was watching "The Last Laugh of 2005" on Comedy Central, and it hit me. More precisely, the genius of one comic hit me. He was elucidating(see I am a true Progressive using big words when they are not needed) to the brainwashed masses why George Bush was destroying the country. The analogy he used was between the looting that occurred during Hotel Katrina and the President's appointments of friends. It was brilliant. He essentially also made the claim that Xtians really want and should sacrafice the Jews because their prayers aren't working. This truly brilliant as well, he was showing how powerful the voice of a childishly bitter voice can be. If you haven't figured out who are the new leader is; I will tell you his name. David Cross. The very same David Cross from "Arrested Development" and "Mr. Show". He takes the wisdom that can only be found "The Guardian" and far left blogs, and brings forth the truth in manner that Gen-Xers and Gen-Yers can understand. He uses a complaining and bitching style to show how the Apocalypse will happen if we let capitalists and right-wingers rule the world. Only an atheist that hates Xtians as much as we do can lead us. In fact, in a previous show he stated that the only truly evil act that George W. Bush had left to do was eat a Jewish baby on TV. This is the kindof leadership we need. We need that level of blind bitter hate. Isn't this what Che Guevara preached?!!!!! He is my hero, and he should be yours as well!!!!!
I'll try to clear up this Che playing guitar for Santana thing: He toured with them BRIEFLY before the making of Santana III (late '70) ; but then keyboardist Gregg Rolie got his way and brought in Neal Schon, and gave poor ol' Che the heave-ho. Schon was a disappointment, quickly becoming a Carlos-clone in his riffing. What Che could've done for those guys with his revolutionary zeal and whatnot - ahh, what might've been.
Magyar will you have my children?
I've not seen a truer commie (besides myself).
Together we could breed a whole klan...er...clan of good workers for the glory of the party!
And kudo to you for standing up for your parents!
How dare these capitalist swine speak of them!
It's just downright rude to mock mental invalids.
As for your lymphoma, I regret to inform you that while we had our top party doctors working day and night on a cure, they realized they could get the same pay to collect tickets at the local theater and quit.
Of course, the capitalist spy that made them aware of it promptly had his throat cut (as you would have liked) so perhaps that can be a little consolation for you.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
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Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
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Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
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Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
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of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
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Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
