Not since Dylan went electric have the liberal progressives felt so alienated and hurt by a pop culture icon's sudden change from a familiar folksy sound to the sort of contrived distortion that one often hears closer to the center.
But it turns out that Obama's sudden rightward shift has an easy and rational explanation: he has an evil twin who often poses as Good Obama and spouts disturbingly non-progressive views. The absolute resemblance of the Obama twins makes it almost impossible to distinguish between the two, although it has been reported that Evil Obama wears a goatee.
~ Separated from his evil twin at birth, Good Obama happily grew up among the friendly and altruistic Marxists, while Evil Obama had the misfortune of being raised by distant cousin Lynne Cheney and her conniving husband Dick. This explains Evil Obama's bitterness that is causing him to cling to his Bible, guns, and victory in Iraq.
Newly discovered photos of young Evil Obama and his adoptive father Dick Cheney.
Obama's Evil Twin is a man of many faces
To prevent Evil Obama's attempts to destroy his good brother's presidential campaign, it is crucial that the twins are correctly identified, especially when they are speaking in public or to the media.
The differences between the two are subtle, yet the following tips may help the journalists, activists, and other conscientious members of the progressive community to stop the deceitful culprit.
The signs to look for are a flag pin, goatee, eye patch, a long facial scar, or a combination thereof. Keep in mind that Evil Obama is prone to change appearances and often uses a number of disguises or no disguise at all, which can be confusing.
But perhaps the most effective way to tell the two Obamas is to hear what they are actually saying. If the Obama in front of you isn't vague and repetitive, doesn't make you feel like fainting, and doesn't send tingles up your leg, chances are it's his evil twin.
Flip-flops notwithstanding, Good Obama remains the only real candidate, and Evil Obama will never have the presidential powers to enact those extreme centrist policies.
The discovery of an evil twin comes as a huge relief to most Americans who otherwise might conclude that Obama is not a new transcendent-type messiah, but a usual Chicago-type lying politician. Luckily, nobody will have to contemplate the depth of Obama's perceived depravity anymore, because the existence of the evil twin changes everything.
In light of the recent changes in the current truth, it is important to understand which contradictory "flip-flopping" statement belongs to which twin. The officially registered "flip-flops" already include Public Financing, Guns, Iraq, FISA, Special Interests, NAFTA, the Cuba Embargo, Illegal Immigration, and Abortion. The list grows almost daily.
Going forward, Republicans predict that their sock puppet Evil Obama will take center and right of center positions on every single issue, increasingly looking more like conservative talk show host Michael Savage, and creating an impression that it was John McCain who actually befriended the flag-stomping Marxist terrorist Bill Ayers.
Obama's Evil Twin imitating the appearance of his idol, Michael Savage
I fail to see a real problem here. Every politician at some point starts shifting to the middle. However, when we are referring to the "middle" here, we are talking of the middle left, those not quite sure they are ready for a complete submission to the party. The middle here is more like those Trotskyites that are being wooed for the moment, and once November comes along, will be shown the error of their ways. Obama's "middle" equates to McCain's "left."
This reminds me of an episode from the original "Star Trek", where they beam into a parallel universe where Spock has a goatee and is Evil.
This proves beyond a shadow of doubt that BHO is an alien or the next step in human evolution, a mutant. Everyone knows that Dick Cheney is Darth Vader's Great Grandfather, a thousand years removed. This may be the result of Cheney's experiments in genetics, like the "Boys from Brazil".
Zarkof, I think you may be onto something here, I'm beginning to doubt the truthfulness of my unnamed sources. And as KGB reminds us Obama is not from earth, could this be a smear tactic by the Starship Veterans For Truth?
Sheeee-it
Who da f#@k you trying to kid?
Quit using old pictures of Dick Gregory from 40 years ago or I'll spike your malt liquor with AIDS or something else.
You know what I'm talking about.
'scuse me I gotta run, I have the Mothership on the communicator. I have to beam up for a conference with Elijah Mohammed. It's really important.
Obama, what can you expect? At least they finally sobered up enough to catch the old Star Trek connection.
What the hell do you mean by that?
Forgive me Comrade....I must have been mistaken when I said you had sobered up. No, no...wait a minunte. That is not what I meant to say at all! What I meant to say is that you have been doing some fine work for the Party, and you can be sure there are a lot of eyes on you!
And as KGB reminds us Obama is not from earth, could this be a smear tactic by the Starship Veterans For Truth?
Another case of "Starshipping" by the Republicans. I hate how they've taken that word that once used to mean something fine and noble, and perverted it as a means of covering up their Starship attacks against Democrat candidates. And you can be sure the Republican Starshipping will continue all the way through November.
That said, I do believe this evil twin revelation explains why at the last Obama rally I attended, I didn't faint or feel any tingles up my leg.
That said, I do believe this evil twin revelation explains why at the last Obama rally I attended, I didn't faint or feel any tingles up my leg.
In fact, I was forced to fake Obamagasm!
Pinkie...I know this may be a disturbing question, but do you have any gaps of "missing time" in recent weeks, perhaps preceded by a drive on a lonely road, a bright light, and pain or stiffness in certain intimate areas when you awoke?
Pinkie...I know this may be a disturbing question, but do you have any gaps of "missing time" in recent weeks, perhaps preceded by a drive on a lonely road, a bright light, and pain or stiffness in certain intimate areas when you awoke?
As a matter of fact, yes, but that's always been the case, especially when I've been drinking the Putinka vodka.
As a matter of fact, yes, but that's always been the case, especially when I've been drinking the Putinka vodka.
Why do you ask?
Hmmm. I suggest you get someone to check the back of your neck for any scar or possible needle mark. You may have been tagged with a Rethuglikkkan Emotion Control Chip to inhibit your logical and inevitable "tingle" response to any image of or word spoken by His Obamaness. They're out there, you know. They try to explain it away with the double game of blaming it on alien abductions which they then debunk, but it is really a sinister GOP plot to control our minds. Roving (get it?) surgical units have been installed in otherwise nondescript trailer trucks that cruise the interstate highway system (remember who came up with that idea?) to abduct and operate on people who seem too eager to support the Annointed One.
That said, I do believe this evil twin revelation explains why at the last Obama rally I attended, I didn't faint or feel any tingles up my leg.
In fact, I was forced to fake Obamagasm!
Be warned, my fellow Hussies!
Pinkie, you might want to check out this product, I think its made by the same company as the Ted Kennedy doll
I suggest you get someone to check the back of your neck for any scar or possible needle mark. You may have been tagged with a Rethuglikkkan Emotion Control Chip to inhibit your logical and inevitable "tingle" response to any image of or word spoken by His Obamaness.
Is THAT what Red Square was referring to when he talked of me getting tattooed while I was passed out drunk on the floor?!!?
There's only one way to know for certain. I'll have to try Maksim's Obama doll!
And it better not be one of those cheap vinyl things with the protruding seams up the outside of his legs. Those things really chafe.
I'm afraid that they are so close in appearance, there will be no way to tell them apart easily. The only reliable test will be to see which one sends the "feeling" up Comrade Matthews leg.
Commissarka Pinkie you must be careful, You have heard the warnings that EX Grand Puba Billy Bob Clinton has offered that McCain being an Ex-pow could snap at any time.
Is THAT what Red Square was referring to when he talked of me getting tattooed while I was passed out drunk on the floor?!!?
There's only one way to know for certain. I'll have to try Maksim's Obama doll!
And it better not be one of those cheap vinyl things with the protruding seams up the outside of his legs. Those things really chafe.
Commissarka, I hate to bring this up, but I seem to have noticed that you have been engaging in an exceptional amount of complaining lately. This begs the question... Are You a 91%er? Yes! I think you are a 91%er! Admit it!
Commissarka, I hate to bring this up, but I seem to have noticed that you have been engaging in an exceptional amount of complaining lately.
Are you paying me a compliment, Marshal Pupovich?
If I'm complaining, it's because I'm miserable. And if I'm miserable, then it can only mean I'm a true Progressive!
Remember, only selfish neocons are ever happy and content, because they don't care about anyone but themselves. They look at the inequality and injustice that plague this world (assuming they bother to look at all), and they only shrug their shoulders and say, "Oh well, that's just the way it is, whatcha gonna do?"
This can only mean one thing: The implant Betinov mentioned is a dud. It's useless against someone like me who's alive, exciting, kind, thoughtful, gentle, strong, intelligent, informed, principled, humble, a true Progressive who doesn't hate!
For this I should be praised . . . rewarded . . . and dare I say it? . . . promoted!
Or at least granted some kind of official victimhood so I can demand financial reparations and favored treatment.
That said, I do believe this evil twin revelation explains why at the last Obama rally I attended, I didn't faint or feel any tingles up my leg.
In fact, I was forced to fake Obamagasm!
Be warned, my fellow Hussies!
Pinkie, you might want to check out this product, I think its made by the same company as the Ted Kennedy doll
Hussie approved,my a**! There's nothing between it's legs. It's been neutered!! Guaranteed to please? I want my money back!!! (although,I did quiver a little w/ delight when it spewed the empty slogans) But I still demand my money back.
I knew Jay Leno was onto something when he tried to warn us about the dangers of Evil Twins more than 20 years ago. This was so long ago that Letterman hadn't even taken up our progressive cause, in fact he was mocking Hollywood at the time.
Now, with this Obama news I sit locked in my car like so many open minded Pete Seegers circa '65 - holding my ears, shutting my eyes and screaming, "Make it stop!!!"
I think it deserves to be quoted here before the post is removed from Obama's site. Note also that it was posted 3 days after the People's Cube article. Ho-ho-ho.
Willyboy wrote
Evil Twin? By Willyboy - Jul 9th, 2008 at 11:28 pm EDT
Also listed in: 9 groups
OK, I've read the FISA justification; it's a big steaming pile of excrement. I've decided Senator Obama has been replaced by some evil, nasty right wing, Constitution scorning, corporate lapdog on an evil twin.
The disappointment I feel is hard to describe. All the people who were saying the Senator was just all talk in an empty suit apparently were correct. For the first time in 30 years I thought we had a candidate that actually might be different, might in fact work to change the system. But it's the same ol' BS.
FISA, NAFTA, Faith Based Initiatives... What's next, Senator? Gonna throw the GLBT folk under the bus, reverse your comments on DOMA? Seek out the endorsement of the two nuts McCain has rejected, Hagee and Parsley? Let's hear the justification for invading Iran. How about packing the Federal Judiciary and SCotUS with right wing Neanderthals hell bent on overturning Roe and revoking the taters of The Constitution that Bush will end up leaving us with.
What a let down. I don't know what I'll do come November, but at this point I am really regretting the work and money I've invested in a candidate that turned around and stabbed me and so many others in the back.
Bring back the good twin we all supported; take this evil twin away!
I think it deserves to be quoted here before the post is removed from Obama's site. Note also that it was posted 3 days after the People's Cube article. Ho-ho-ho.
,,,, How about packing the Federal Judiciary and SCotUS with right wing Neanderthals hell bent on overturning Roe and revoking the taters of The Constitution that Bush will end up leaving us with.
Wait just a Leningrad second here! Bush is going to make taters out of the Constitution?? I love taters! Fried taters, boiled taters, baked taters... you name it! Why. next to beets, taters is one of the choice crops of the Party! Have we made an error here?
It's not looking good for the Obamessiah, Comrades. He's looking more and more like some charlatan at a tent revival. Even my Obama doll leaks. All it says is "uh" and "er" and it looks like the guest soaps were cut off. Maybe that's causing the leak, because he's awfully soft and limp.
At times like this, I'm ever so glad I wasn't one of those who was so quick to denounce the Empress and measure her for a cut-out--unlike a certain furry, four-legged, tail-wagging marshal I could name but won't (unless, of course, they make me).
'Tis better to be at the right hand of Hillary than in her path!
It is a bit worrisome Commissarka when one hears one of Obama's spokesmen on tv saying how "McCain would be a continuation of Bush. We need change. Obama will be a change." While this is all true, somehow you wish one would hear something a bit less juvenile from the people representing him on the news, Besides, I want to hear more about them taters Bush is making out of the constitution.
Even my Obama doll leaks. All it says is "uh" and "er" and it looks like the guest soaps were cut off. Maybe that's causing the leak, because he's awfully soft and limp.
Pinkie, you have been scammed, SCAMMED I say, by this imitation of a true socialist blow up doll! Remember, at the Stalin Storehouse, we have a Stalin for your every need, and I do mean every. (They didn't call him the Man of Steel for nothing...'nuff said?)
Eggselent point Comrade Brain in a Jar! You know, what with me being busy Marshalling now, perhaps you would be interested in making sure those Party needs are taken care of?
What? Far be it from me Comrade Brain! As you know, I was Commissar of Eco Prostitution and as such, over say my Pup's Party Pleasure Houses. However, with my promotion to Marshal and the many new duties that represents (though they have not been communicated to me as of yet - so I continue of a well deserved People's Vacation in the interim), it may be in the People's interest that you be promoted into that vaunted position.
Were I to do so, there would have to be some marketing strategy changes. I'm thinking something along the lines of Cheech Marin's little opening monologue in front of the Titty Twister in Tarentino's "From Dusk 'til Dawn."
I think it deserves to be quoted here before the post is removed from Obama's site. Note also that it was posted 3 days after the People's Cube article. Ho-ho-ho.
,,,, How about packing the Federal Judiciary and SCotUS with right wing Neanderthals hell bent on overturning Roe and revoking the taters of The Constitution that Bush will end up leaving us with.
Wait just a Leningrad second here! Bush is going to make taters out of the Constitution?? I love taters! Fried taters, boiled taters, baked taters... you name it! Why. next to beets, taters is one of the choice crops of the Party! Have we made an error here?
Hell Yeah!!! Especially good with a Jack Daniel's BBQ sauce.
Were I to do so, there would have to be some marketing strategy changes. I'm thinking something along the lines of Cheech Marin's little opening monologue in front of the Titty Twister in Tarentino's "From Dusk 'til Dawn."
Hmmmm.... I am not aware of said monologue. I am aware that the name Tarentino is supposed to be big...but other than Pulp Fiction, I can't say I have seen anything of his worth seeing. and it took me more than one try to watch PF.
What other changes would you make in this ministry I have worked so hard to build?
Were I to do so, there would have to be some marketing strategy changes. I'm thinking something along the lines of Cheech Marin's little opening monologue in front of the Titty Twister in Tarentino's "From Dusk 'til Dawn."
...other than Pulp Fiction, I can't say I have seen anything of his worth seeing. and it took me more than one try to watch PF.
You're not missing much. Like a lot of Tarentino's work (and I realize I'm about to piss off any Tarentino fans out there) it is the theatrical equivalent of half a brick in a sock: it gets your attention, but not neccessarily in a way you really like. If you're half-drunk and feeling raunchy, it is just right. It does have the redeeming feature of a sultry dance number featuring Salma Hayek.
Quote
What other changes would you make in this ministry I have worked so hard to build?
Nope. I did NOT just type that sentence that I just deleted. No, no, no. Didn't type that.
Comrades, this morning I had my tinfoil helmet off for a few minutes to make sure my head had not been drilled into by one of those capitalists seeking oil, and for a few moments independent thinking almost took hold. During that time, I was thinking that perhaps an important point was missed in this thread of an Obama "evil" twin being compared to that Star Trek story may have been overlooked. As a Star Trek expert will tell you, the "evil" Spock in that episode, was recognized by the "good" captain as being the best hope for the Change needed for that Spock's empire to become a just collective. So even the "evil" Obama twin represented the Audacity of Hope for Change.
Only a repuglican smokes evil right-wing tobacco products, its not progressive at all.
p.s.
Sorry I haven't posted in while comrades, but I'm sure you all heard about the prisoner swap foul up that our beloved FARC organization was involved in. The Che' shirts on the fascist-Colombian government thugs really convinced us they were brothers in arms. Huh....my FARC is really falling apart....Obama is our only HOPE!
Sorry I haven't posted in while comrades, but I'm sure you all heard about the prisoner swap foul up that our beloved FARC organization was involved in. The Che' shirts on the fascist-Colombian government thugs really convinced us they were brothers in arms. Huh, my FARC is really falling apart....Obama is our only HOPE!
Agent Ivan are you going to denounce yourself for completely and utterly failing in your mission to bring about change, not to mention the embarrassment you caused Nancy, or do I?
Sorry I haven't posted in while comrades, but I'm sure you all heard about the prisoner swap foul up that our beloved FARC organization was involved in. The Che' shirts on the fascist-Colombian government thugs really convinced us they were brothers in arms. Huh, my FARC is really falling apart....Obama is our only HOPE!
Agent Ivan are you going to denounce yourself for completely and utterly failing in your mission to bring about change, not to mention the embarrassment you caused Nancy, or do I?
How can anyone blame this on FARC; HOW?
Those weasel wannabe progressive-dems had assured us through a dispatch to Chavez that they were gonna get the fascist Colombian government OFF OUR BACK!
San Fran Nan LIED!
What happened to my beloved FARC is just another example of the COMPLETE failure of the Democratic controlled congress.
Those weasel wannabe progressive-dems had assured us through a dispatch to Chavez that they were gonna get the fascist Colombian government OFF OUR BACK!
Chairman Meow, via our fellow travelers in the Democratic Party, sent several crates of cash down to Chavez to bribe secure the cooperation of appropriate Colombian government officals.
So, the questions that the Inner Circle™ needs an answer to are:
Where are the crates of cash that Chairman Meow sent to Chavez?
Where is Chairman Meow?
If Meow redeployed the cash to other important areas of The Party's™ operations (like paying for Nancski Pelosivich's bikini waxes), that's one thing. But if Chavez has it in one of his Cayman Island bank accounts, then he will be needing a visit to Comrade Smersh's interrogation room.
I smell a Central Committee investigation coming. And we all know how ugly that would be!!!
Yes, there are questions that need to be answered indeed. All I can say for certain is that some crates were sent to Chavez, and it is true that he has been relatively quiet lately. I for one have complete faith that the Chairman used that cash properly. That being said, I must admit we would all feel a bit more confident if he were not so conspicuously absent.
Even my Obama doll leaks. All it says is "uh" and "er" and it looks like the guest soaps were cut off. Maybe that's causing the leak, because he's awfully soft and limp.
"The shroud of the dark side has fallen. Begun, the Liberal Wars has!"
How racist of you. Go get your shovel (you should know the routine by now considering your realatives, Me1, Me2, and Me3, have had the same treatment.)
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
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Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Snappin' *ussy? Yikes!! 
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
