Roger Waters takes 'The Wall' Concerts to 57 Islamic Countries to Protest against Sharia Law and Execution of Homosexuals by having Walls Fall on Them
Having supported every wall-related cause and courageously stared down the free world over hundreds of minor injustices involving walls, co-founder and former lead singer of Pink Floyd Roger Waters has announced that he will take 'The Wall' performances to the Muslim world to protest the practice of crushing homosexuals with walls.
"I've already dragged my Wall concerts around the world to protest against walls, fences, and miscellaneous types of enclosures," explains Waters. "There's no reason I should exclude Muslim countries just because the cause would be real and the album's message would actually apply."
~
"After my wall protest in Israel, a holler against death walls in Muslim countries would just be a hop, skip, and a jump away. I was literally only one zip code away from doing this anyhow," says the legendary author of the we don't need no education jingle.
Indeed, it won't be the first time the singer braves the Middle East. In 2006 he defiantly protested the border wall in Israel that keeps gays escaping Gaza and the West Bank from having walls fall on them, including those that may topple onto them at Israeli night clubs because of suicide bombers.
"It fills me with horror," Mr. Waters said at the time. "The thought of being constrained by something like this - it's like living in a giant prison." He adapted the lyrics of the famous song to: "We don't need no occupation. We don't need no racist wall." Before performing, Waters spray-painted graffiti across part of the wall near Bethlehem, reading "No thought control," and urged Israel to tear down the wall, since preventing anyone from killing Jews is by definition racist.
"After my Israel trip I have received many letters from fans in Muslim countries," says Waters. "Most of them happened to be homosexuals who pleaded with me to come and perform The Wall in their area, as a way to raise awareness about the walls of death that are being dropped on gays there in accordance with the Hadith."
As an artist and therefore not a hypocrite, not a coward, and not one to measure Muslims by different standards from the rest of humanity, Waters decided to rise to the challenge of speaking to a part of the world where "thought control" is the understatement of the 7th century.
"If I did it in Israel and Berlin, I should be able to take The Wall to Islamic countries to benefit gay rights there," says Waters. "If all cultures are equal, what worked in Israel should also work in Saudi Arabia. I honestly believe that Muslim cultures are just as mentally and morally equipped as the Western cultures, if not more so. Besides, a gesture like this would add a nice new touch to my image as an artist with a message who brings meaning to his lyrics, one who has always defended progress against irony and sarcasm."
Roger Waters' resume includes protesting against various types of structural enclosures made of brick, wood, vinyl, wire, tarp, or cactus plants. He has successfully performed in front of hedgerows, palisades, dry stone walls, snow fences, pet fences, and electric security fences. Graffiti optional. References available upon request.
Roger Waters protests a picket fence in Spitsville, Minnesota
When Dan Pinski of Spitsville, MN erected his white picket fence in violation of the Municipal Building Code, he was hoping that his brother-in-law in the local council would leave the irregularity unchallenged. But local resident and neighbor Jeff Gersak uncovered the glaring discrepancy and invited Roger Waters to raise the local community's awareness about this injustice. Waters eagerly responded and sang the entire pre-recorded Wall album as he stood against the unlawful white picket fence, while being cheered by a crowd of 24 Spitsville residents and one police officer. Because of the relatively small audience, Waters had only two strings tuned, but the enormous power of his message has forced Pinski to demolish the illegal fence and rebuild it one and a half inches shorter in compliance with State and Municipal Building Codes.
Middle East 'Wall' Tour Update:
"I thought Gaza was a good place to start," Waters said by phone from the recently Israeli-vacated Gaza Strip, where Hamas has been speedily Islamicizing the laws and populace. He explained this choice by saying he hoped to prevent Gaza from going the way of the Taliban's Afghanistan, where in 1998 three men convicted of sodomy were buried alive under a pile of stones, and a tank pushed a wall on top of them.
The singer added, however, that "it's not as bad as it sounds. According to the Sharia judge's order, their lives were to be spared if they were still alive when the stones were removed. I'm not sure how that turned ou - ow! What the - stop that! Ouch! I gotta go - "
Mr. Waters hung up the phone without giving an update on how his Middle East Wall tour was going so far, but what sounded like a brick hitting a cell phone could be heard through the line before he hung up.
At his American publicist's request, the State Department made an inquiry with the Hamas government and learned that after he attempted to spray-paint a wall that was waiting to squash another homosexual, Mr. Waters was arrested and is currently awaiting trial for facilitating sodomy. Apparently, that also carries with it death by a lethal wall injection, meaning that Roger Waters himself may have to face The Wall. Gaza authorities are considering a family request that Waters' album be buried with him. Local media reported that Mr. Waters was overheard grumbling that he should have kicked off the tour in Saudi Arabia instead.
In honor of his heroic stance, a suggested epitaph, should it be necessary:
But it was only fantasy. The wall was too high, As you can see. No matter how he tried, He could not break free. And the worms ate into his brain.
Hamas spokesperson:
"The Sharia court patiently listened to the entire godless double album entitled 'The Wall' and discovered plenty of incriminating evidence against Crusader Waters, including, but not limited to, his attempts to corrupt young listeners by spreading immorality and perversion with repeated references to 'another prick in the wall.' Allah willing, he himself will soon become one. Thank Allah for the divine irony."
Does anyone else find it unfair that Mr. Waters paints over other folk's progressive messages? I guess he is entitled to deface the messages of others since he is, after all, a very wealthy celebrity capable of buying more Carbon Credits than the other progressive graffiti artist. Why, I should fly down to Israel right this minute with my hammer and chisle and get me a chunk of the that wall with his signature and sell it on E-Bay to score some serious campaign dough! I'm sure some campaign cash would make MTE very happy (She hasn't been doing so well since B. Hussein Obama brought up her spot on the Wal-Mart BOD).
Comrade Waters is one of our usuful idiots and should not be mocked publicly. Admittedly he's more idiot than useful and is therefore better at reaching out to other useful idiots than the undecided (facist/reactionary) element. However, he is very humble. Yes! A humble servant of the Party. Just another brick in the wall of the Collective.
Very good! *Kommissar Vodkov pats useful idiot Waters on the head*
Next time remember that Bu$h got his education mostly in liberal states, not Texas. The Party can only tolerate so many mistakes...
Pink Floyd was one of my favorites until The Wall came out. I had expected a lot from it. But I listened to it and listened again, trying to get it. But it was just empty. The music was mostly boring and the message was pretentious and rather juvenile. After that I wasn't even curious in more Floyd. I like the older stuff, though. Atom Heart Mother was very cool.
"Several Species of small furry creatures gathered together in a cave and grooving with a Pict." My favorite song title of all time.
Yes Comrades. That and "be careful with that axe, Eugene". It's not only the titles which exude such hallucinogenic delusion creative inspiration. Some of Floyd's older tunes themselves sound more unbearable than a horse shitting on a tin roof are perfect progressive expressions, refusing to be constrained by orthodox music technical structure, traditional melodies or the requirement for listening pleasure. Nobody is more qualified to make statements on the legitimacy of Jew-killing Zionist oppression and Western corruption than Waters. Except maybe
Rage Against the Machine or Pink.
He adapted the lyrics of the famous song to: "We don't need no occupation. We don't need no racist wall."
Oh dear. How tacky. As if the original lyrics were not progressive enough. Perhaps he should try this for his next revolutionary performance.
We all need re-education
We all need the Jews to fold
This leftist anger is so trendy
I hope it gets my next tour sold
Hey! Lefties! Buy it ‘cause you’re told!!
All in all I’m just a'nother prick with a cause
Apologies for not being able to emulate his fine, progressively whacked-out grammar i.e. "leave them kids alone". I don't want to appear too educated.
Ah Comrade Red Square, I am a huge fan of The Wall, and it is my favorite Floyd album. The Trial foresaw the Chairman himself (even if he has been notably absent from recent show trials). I can see the Chairman in action every time I listen to that, a most pleasing vision (Chairman. you are looking quite healthy and bloodthirsty today I might add). Though I could never forgive him for denouncing thought control, after all, where would we be without that most progressive of sciences?
Perhaps it's time Pink Floyd lost the intolerant bigoted pig balloon that's insulting to the Muslim sensibilities. All album covers from the 1977 "Animals" album to be replaced with an updated version. Those holding the album in private collections must get them out and cover the pig with a blot using a black permanent marker.
A story based on the Three Little Pigs has been turned down from a government agency’s annual awards because the subject matter could offend Muslims.
The digital book, re-telling the classic fairy tale, was rejected by judges who warned that “the use of pigs raises cultural issues”. Becta, the government’s educational technology agency, is a leading partner in the annual schools award.
The judges also attacked Three Little Cowboy Builders for offending builders.
The judges also attacked Three Little Cowboy Builders for offending builders.
I certainly would be offended if I were a builder (not that I would actually build anything but world Socialism) to be mentioned in the same sentence as a "cowboy." There is so much wrong with that term that it makes me feel dirty to even type it here. The cowboy is an uber-hetero male icon figure, and thus offensive to metrosexual sensitivities. The cowboy is equated with the foreign policies of Ronald Reagan, the man that the Rethuglicans glory in, claiming he "won the Cold War (a preposterous LIE!) The cowboy is an ecological war criminal, imprisoning and torturing peace-loving bovine persons against their will, contributing to global warming by doing so (and by insisting on riding horses, which produce probably several metric tons each of methane every year). The cowboy slaughtered the buffalo (wich do not produce methane and never have) to provide the land for his war crimes. If he had the chance he would do the same to both polar bears and baby seals.
Ahhh.. The sounds of Progressive "thought" (there's a stretch) in our leftist media and entertainment branches!! "We don't need no education" is the perfect slogan for today's progressives!! Education, in the classical sense, instills free thought and critical reasoning. Such horrors!!
Classical education runs contrary to GroupThink and Political Correctness (aka Party Truth). Those who received and absorbed this IndividualThink education realise they do not need the Party and our true oppression... erm.. enlightened progressive policies.
Now, as for the wall painting, I hope that was Non-CFC spray paint he was using!!!! For that matter, even non-CFC paint is bad since it induces particles into the air! He better make sure his carbon credit fund is well stocked! Such a screw up can lead to the downfall of even thre most useful of idiots.
///Off Character///
I really do wish more of our Hollywierd "elite" would actually try this in Sharia dominated countries!! Coming face to face with the real evil they project at us would be "enlightening" to say the least..... Probably the last bit of enlightenment these leftists would ever get as the knife came down and/or the stones rained in (or drawn and quartered, electrocuted, beaten in the streets by a mob.... did I miss one?).
Of course, these same fools who insult and belittle the American Armed Forces would cry out in despair if we did not risk everything to save the Hollywierder from their Islamofascist "allies"...
Someone really should give these people a clue... They do not want to believe the MILBLOGS, Soldiers, former Muslims, refugees from Sharia nations, etc so I do not know what, besides experiencing uncensored Sharia first hand will convince them. And that experience is terminal.
How pigheaded can you get? I see they also covered Animal Farm, but what about Wilbur the Pig in Charlotte's Web? Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle? And Piglet from Winnie the Pooh?
Should Miss Piggy be stoned to death for (a) being a pig, (b) pursuing an interspecies relationship with a frog, (c) not wearing a burqa, or (d) all three?
How about the little piggies on our children's feet who went to market, had roast beef, and went wee-wee-wee etc? Should we turn them into, say, puppies? (Sorry, Pupovich.)
Does this mean I should no longer wear my hair in pigtails?
That you can no longer go to an all-you-can-eat buffet to "pig out"?
You can't give piggyback rides? Or have them?
If I can't speak Pig-Latin, then how am I supposed to verbally transmit classified information in front of the kids?
If my house isn't a pigsty, then what is it?
Is this why you don't see many Muslims at football games? Because of the pigskin?
The Beatles' White Album includes a song called "Piggies." All copies of that album should be destroyed. Maybe it can be reissued without that song.
Finally, how are they supposed to end Looney Tunes cartoons without Porky Pig sputtering, "Buhdeeba-buhdeeba-duh-that's all, folks!"
Piggybank? You don't need one, kids! Just give your nickels and dimes to Hillary. She knows better than you how to spend it, and besides, she cares about you!
OK, I must contribute as a recycle bin and remind you all how close Mr Waters came in bringing down the current fascist regime back in 2004 with this ditty.
Collectively Numb
Hello,
Are you longing to be wealthy.
Just answer me correctly
And I wont take away your home!
Come on in,
Don't resist while I break you down.
I will give you pain,
And break your face again and again.
Reeducate!
I'll give you the information first
Just the beausuios facts.
Don't make me have to inflict on you the hurt!
There is no pain you are receiving.
The hammer and sickle once again arising!
You will only eat and drink in waves.
Your lips will move but no one will hear what your saying.
Treat all just like a child, we will cure you of your fever.
Your hands will be filled with a shovel and two brooms.
Now that you will have no career once again.
No need to explain, the masses would not understand.
The scourge that is capitalism.
We all must become collectively numb!
Pink Floyd was one of my favorites until The Wall came out. I had expected a lot from it. But I listened to it and listened again, trying to get it. But it was just empty. The music was mostly boring and the message was pretentious and rather juvenile. After that I wasn't even curious in more Floyd. I like the older stuff, though. Atom Heart Mother was very cool.
Some words that come to mind concerning "The Wall": boring, pedantic, repetitive, derivative, sophomoric, vapid, untalented, uninspiring, unhelpful. Something akin to, (what was it Beelzebob said?) listening to a goat take a shit? My strongest memory of the album and the movie was watching Bob Geldoff sit in a chair while his cigarette developed a prodigious ash. Wow! Art! And somehow one is supposed to feel sorry for the poor slob as he whacks chunks out of his head with one exotic ingested substance after another. Ah... no.
How pigheaded can you get? I see they also covered Animal Farm, but what about Wilbur the Pig in Charlotte's Web? Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle? And Piglet from Winnie the Pooh?
Should Miss Piggy be stoned to death for (a) being a pig, (b) pursuing an interspecies relationship with a frog, (c) not wearing a burqa, or (d) all three?
How about the little piggies on our children's feet who went to market, had roast beef, and went wee-wee-wee etc? Should we turn them into, say, puppies? (Sorry, Pupovich.)
Does this mean I should no longer wear my hair in pigtails?
That you can no longer go to an all-you-can-eat buffet to "pig out"?
You can't give piggyback rides? Or have them?
If I can't speak Pig-Latin, then how am I supposed to verbally transmit classified information in front of the kids?
If my house isn't a pigsty, then what is it?
Is this why you don't see many Muslims at football games? Because of the pigskin?
The Beatles' White Album includes a song called "Piggies." All copies of that album should be destroyed. Maybe it can be reissued without that song.
Finally, how are they supposed to end Looney Tunes cartoons without Porky Pig sputtering, "Buhdeeba-buhdeeba-duh-that's all, folks!"
Piggybank? You don't need one, kids! Just give your nickels and dimes to Hillary. She knows better than you how to spend it, and besides, she cares about you!
Brava, maestra. Practically perfect in every way.
I think that Muslims need to start persecuting the porcupine, too. Perhaps a public flogging!
They ought to cease all conjugal relations, b/c you can't pork each other in the Muslim world.
They could also persecute anyone who tries to smoke a "fat hog" or ride around on a Harley.
Piggly Wiggly convenience stores must be jihaded; as should movies like "Animal Farm", "Babe" and "Pygmalion."
All this backwardness in the Muslim world probably stems from their not following the edicts of the Baconian revolution and other enlightenment thinkers.
(BTW ; they couldn't play football also b/c of the pigpiles that occur)
Pygmalion? Ah, but they had anticipated that when they changed the title to My Fair Lady. A stellar example of preemptive self-censorship and thoughtcrime control in Hollywood going back to the 1960s!
As far as the "porking" goes, if the news gets out that certain followers of Prophet Mohammed are porking other followers of Prophet Mohammed, it may lead to a huge international scandal and identity crisis, which will result either in a sharp decline in population growth among the Mohammedans, or in massive defections from the radical interpretation of Islam. Which of the two scenarios is more preferable for the revolution?
Ah, PigglyWiggly. We still have one in my home town. They're doing a storebrand generic line of soft drinks now. Their knockoff of Dr Pepper is a knockoff of Mr Pibb, which they call "Mr. Pig." I have a bottle sitting on mybookshelf and whenever I feel really weird--about twice a day--I'll look at and in my best Sidney Poitier voice intone "They call me Mister Pig." Then I feel better.
As far as the "porking" goes, if the news gets out that certain followers of Prophet Mohammed are porking other followers of Prophet Mohammed, it may lead to a huge international scandal and identity crisis, which will result either in a sharp decline in population growth among the Mohammedans, or in massive defections from the radical interpretation of Islam. Which of the two scenarios is more preferable for the revolution?
Well, if the response is castration of the faithful, the followers ofMohammed could then eliminate the further problem of being equippedby Allah with pork and beans! (of, course, they'd only eliminate the beanspart, so maybe it isn't so good a solution)
Ah, PigglyWiggly. We still have one in my home town. They're doing a storebrand generic line of soft drinks now. Their knockoff of Dr Pepper is a knockoff of Mr Pibb, which they call "Mr. Pig." I have a bottle sitting on mybookshelf and whenever I feel really weird--about twice a day--I'll look at and in my best Sidney Poitier voice intone "They call me Mister Pig." Then I feel better.
Ah, PigglyWiggly. We still have one in my home town. They're doing a storebrand generic line of soft drinks now. Their knockoff of Dr Pepper is a knockoff of Mr Pibb, which they call "Mr. Pig." I have a bottle sitting on mybookshelf and whenever I feel really weird--about twice a day--I'll look at and in my best Sidney Poitier voice intone "They call me Mister Pig." Then I feel better.
I think they closed the Piggly Wiggly in my home town. Who would have thought that Arab, AL could be so "progressive"?
Perhaps it's time Pink Floyd lost the intolerant bigoted pig balloon that's insulting to the Muslim sensibilities. All album covers from the 1977 "Animals" album to be replaced with an updated version. Those holding the album in private collections must get them out and cover the pig with a blot using a black permanent marker.
A story based on the Three Little Pigs has been turned down from a government agency’s annual awards because the subject matter could offend Muslims.
The digital book, re-telling the classic fairy tale, was rejected by judges who warned that “the use of pigs raises cultural issues”. Becta, the government’s educational technology agency, is a leading partner in the annual schools award.
The judges also attacked Three Little Cowboy Builders for offending builders.
Dear Comrades, as I recollect from early childhood Party Approved reading, it was comrade Wolf who I felt sorry for the most. Listen, as it Really happened.
The poor comrade Wolf just wanted to borrow a cup of sugar for Red Hood's grandma's cake surprise recipe from nearest neighbor. To his misfortune the neighbors happen to be just Pigs.
The First Pig refused to open his door, then went to bed with a lit cigarette and burned house down in his sleep. Wolf running to save him, found just smoked rind of pork and took it home for supper.
The Second Pig refused to open his door, then went out the back and had a cigarette next to leaky propane tank on deck. Resulting explosion barbequed him very nicely. Wolf rummaging thru debris finds nicely BBQ'ed pork takes it home and eats it.
The Third Pig refused to open his door, called 911.
Comrade Wolf was arrested and charged with B & E, looting and suspected in soliciting minor, Red Hood.
Hood confessed that she made it all up. Solicitation charges were dropped.
However NY Times yet to publish a retraction on reporting false facts of that story.
The editorial on harmful effects of smoking, targeting residential spaces as well as public, was published also
Now wait just a minute Comrade Iron Felix, are you suggesting that one of the Party's approved propoganda organs, the NY Times, is not printing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but? Clearly there is a contradiction here and there can be no contradictions unless pre-approved by the Party, so I submit that one of your premises must be incorrect.
Now wait just a minute Comrade Iron Felix, are you suggesting that one of the Party's approved propoganda organs, the NY Times, is not printing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but? Clearly there is a contradiction here and there can be no contradictions unless pre-approved by the Party, so I submit that one of your premises must be incorrect.
Dear comrades at the prograssive Party organ of Record, simply should really just printed a reBUTTal rather than retraction. We must try not build the Walls around Party Approved Information, but rather bring it to the masses, who don't need no education, how to use their self control. We have MTE for that.
If it however pleases the party, I'm willing to subMitt myself to Party Loyalty Tribunal for an exam. In my defence, I'm willing to demonstrate a Party Approved Lewinsky technique, which I also taught at Party organ of Record, as part of Party Loyalty Awareness seminar.
Dear Iron Felix! Next time don't forget to log in, so your name does not appear as "Guest." It's the first step towards getting your name erased from the Party Organ of Record.
Don't forget your gloves either, especially if you toil in the field of proctology, politics, or selling used cars. The routine of saying "trust me" and "bend over" in one sentence is what unites all those three professions. Gloves are optional - but highly recommended.
The people are ready! Their dire need in unconditional glove is going to determine this year's elections. "Smile, this won't hurt a bit."
GLOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!
The need of glove is profoundly covered in many other romantic glove songs, from Glove Me Tender to Give Me All Your Glove to Whole Lotta Glove.
This theme has also been covered by tireless people's researchers Jennifer "Glove" Hewitt and Courtney "Glove," and has become the subject of such popular films as Glove's Abiding Joy, Glove the Hard Way, Enduring Glove, Mad Glove, Glove at Large, and Addicted to Glove.
Our comrade at Fit To Print News has reported on new developments:
Egypt Seals Gaza Border Using Secret Weapon Turns out, Yoko Ono's classic FEELING THE SPACE album released in 1973 is a great repellent for Palestinian intruders when blasted by the Egyptians from the same speakers that are normally used to call Muslims toprayer.
And the peace loving Palestinians wanting to use Egypt as a clear pathway into Israel to blow themselves up at public markets should not be denied their right to travel.
Since I am the last person to deny the Palestinians their right to blow themselves up, let me propose a better venue for blowing themselves up. What about the Academy Awards? Under the view of the entire world and the Progressive Hollywood types could go see Allah at the same time, no doubt fulfilling their desire to show solidarity with the brothers in the Middle East.
... it was comrade Wolf who I felt sorry for the most. Listen, as it Really happened.
The poor comrade Wolf just wanted to borrow a cup of sugar for Red Hood's grandma's cake surprise recipe from nearest neighbor. To his misfortune the neighbors happen to be just Pigs.
The First Pig refused to open his door, then went to bed with a lit cigarette and burned house down in his sleep. Wolf running to save him, found just smoked rind of pork and took it home for supper.
The Second Pig refused to open his door, then went out the back and had a cigarette next to leaky propane tank on deck. Resulting explosion barbequed him very nicely. Wolf rummaging thru debris finds nicely BBQ'ed pork takes it home and eats it.
The Third Pig refused to open his door, called 911.
Comrade Wolf was arrested and charged with B & E, looting and suspected in soliciting minor, Red Hood.
Hood confessed that she made it all up. Solicitation charges were dropped.
However NY Times yet to publish a retraction on reporting false facts of that story.
The editorial on harmful effects of smoking, targeting residential spaces as well as public, was published also.
Don't forget Comrade Iron, the Wolf was also a cross-dresser. So what's even more important was he belonged to an oppressed, misunderstood progressive minority.
But the case was thrown out of court when it was found that the basket of goodies that Hood was taking to her surrogate parental-authority figure was prepared with high cholesterol transfats, refined carbohydrates and white flour.
You know Red, I don't know if you have ever had experience with this, I hope not, but I knew the moment I saw the famous OJ glove scene that there was no way it would fit. It is nearly impossible to fit any glove over a latex glove, for the same reason a tire holds to the road. I used to try to do this when working with hot oil since you had to wear leather work gloves for the heat, but they also had a way of becoming oil soaked, But even those oversize work gloves could not be put on over a latex glove without a huge fight.
Pygmalion? As far as the "porking" goes, if the news gets out that certain followers of Prophet Mohammed are porking other followers of Prophet Mohammed, it may lead to a huge international scandal and identity crisis, which will result either in a sharp decline in population growth among the Mohammedans, or in massive defections from the radical interpretation of Islam. Which of the two scenarios is more preferable for the revolution?
Betty, how can you say that? I trust him just as much as I trust any other party member. I trust him as much as I trust Meow, whom I would never blame just because my Lalique went missing after he was here at the Rancho del Rio Grande.
perhaps, but he/she/it used bold letters so it must be important. We must break this code, the future of the PWONT may depend upon this message from the cubist formerly know as prince.
Well now, we can't have trolls exposing themselves on the Cube. It might upset the children and the polar bears and the other special interest groups who will be hardest hit. I think we need to start a petition for the government to provide a proper pair of underpants--at the very least--for prince.
He can't really be blamed for exposing himself though; he comes from such a poor background that he cannot even afford a capital letter for his name. And whose fault is that, comrades? Why doesn't he have a capital letter? Because the CAPITALists have stolen it from him, my friends! We face a shorts shortage of astronomical proportions!
This is no time for half measures or timid actions!
--I propose an immediate windfall profits tax to be levied on Big Underpants to provide direct payments to all Americans to buy their votes help them through these tough economic times.
--I demand the creation of a cabinet-level Underpants National Deployment Interim Entitlement Secretary (UNDIES) in charge of a Department of Underpants Affairs to study the problem of sagging underpants numbers and to determine a course of action to create a sustainable program for underpants development while making sure that there shall be no increase in domestic underpants production--which would be detrimental to the environment.
--To those who say "Weave here, weave now, cut dependence on Depends," I can only point out that Big Underpants already cover much of the Midwest and Deep South with cotton production leases and receive significant rayon tax breaks. Why should new land be opened up for Big Underpants Corporate Fatcats when they refuse to produce cotton on their already held leases in the Okeefenokee Swamp and along the high granite ridges of Appalachia? And it would take at least ten years before any new production would have any real impact on underpants prices and availabilty for the consumer.
--In fact, I question our entire dependence conventional underpants, and demand an immediate and intensive crash program for the development of alternative underpants, a veritable Bloomer Apollo Program. And until our looms bear new fruit, comrades, we must recycle, reduce and reuse. We must air up our boxers, wipe twice and wait for the wind.
The kind attendant here at the KMTC has just stirred a white powder into my jar and I have to go sleepy-bye now.
Betinov, I'm surprised at you. Not to mention disappointed. Underpants, whether disposable or reusable, are BAD for the environment, and anyone who really, truly cares about the polar bears would NEVER wear them! (The underwear, not the bears.)
People around the world who have no access to diapers manage to raise children, and a small group of parents in diaper-rich countries have decided to follow their lead. Around here, it's called "elimination communication" or "diaper-free." The concept is logical and simple: Infants give recognizable signs of imminent peeing and pooping; it's possible to learn your infant's signs; infant pee isn't frightening; and if you train your kid to ignore their outputs, you'll just have to go back and retrain them when traditional potty-training time arrives.
Diaper-free parents and caregivers learn the telltale signs of elimination and give their own signals of recognition in return. My local experts Dana and Sarah noticed that their daughter squirmed in a particular way when pee was coming. They would say "pee-pee" and hold her over the toilet or sink -- this was their go-ahead. The child learned as an infant to refrain from peeing or pooping until these signals had been exchanged. When she started sitting up, they would hold her on a potty; at about 15 months, she went to the toilet on her own. Yes, they missed some pee, but it's basically water, so they just washed her pants. They've never had a problem seeing a poop coming far ahead.
Mind you, for this to work you have to master this one little trick:
Quote
Parents and caregivers need to be able to pay close attention to the child, hold him or her most of the time
Or you can go the route of my former idol.... BF Skinner, and raise them in one of his environmentally controlled cribs that can just be wiped clean when soiled.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
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Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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You know Red, I don't know if you have ever had experience with this, I hope not, but I knew the moment I saw the famous OJ glove scene that there was no way it would fit. It is nearly impossible to fit any glove over a latex glove, for the same reason a tire holds to the road. I used to try to do this when working with hot oil since you had to wear leather work gloves for the heat, but they also had a way of becoming oil soaked, But even those oversize work gloves could not be put on over a latex glove without a huge fight. 
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
