NEW YORK - Sept. 24, 2007. It was a pleasant sunny day in New York - just like the one on 9/11 six years ago. Peace activists gathered outside Columbia University to support Iranian President's speech on campus, anticipating a great leap forward towards World Peace™ and a glorious blow to American imperialism.
Supporters of international socialism stood side by side with supporters of the international caliphate - against the crowd of Jews and other agents of the international Zionist conspiracy who descended on the corner of Broadway and E 116th Street to oppose Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and steal his oil.
~
Oil-thieving Imperialist: Give me your oil, Mahmoud! I don't care if your children drink oil or if your wife drinks oil! I don't care if drinking oil is part of your cultural and religious experience! I don't care if your people have been drinking oil for thousands of years as their only source of vitamins and minerals. Not anymore! I'm gonna take that oil right now! Watch me!
The forces of sweetness and light were represented by the Revolutionary Communist Party, StopWarOnIran.org (listed under the same address and phone number as all the other Ramsey Clark's subversive front groups), The World Can't Wait (Marxists for Instant Gratification) whose Advisory Board includes Lynne Stewart, Gore Vidal, and Howard Zinn (see their anti-Bush sign on the left) ...
...friends of al-buruj.com - a group of nice people whose Jihad-friendly site is adorned with violent fantasies about America's destruction and Noam Chomsky's videos....
...and other Important Intellectuals of our Age.
Raising the collective grandiloquence one big word at a time
Mr. Silvertongue: No, I'm not a Marine but I wear this shirt so that I can tell people that I was in Iraq and how we are getting our asses kicked over there by freedom fighters. Yeah, it worked on about three people so far but I'm shooting for my fourth this afternoon.
There were jolly old ladies whose former adherence to choice and progressive collectivism must have precluded them from having children, and now some of them are working out their neuroses by telling stories about their imaginary sons dying in Iraq and calling radio shows to share their unbearable grief...
There was a representative of Sumo Wrestlers Against The Elders of Zion cult who announced in a strong Japanese accent that all evil in this world is the result of a diabolical Jewish conspiracy.
Disgruntled Sumo Wrestler: The Jews put man-boob hormone in my sushi, tooth-yellowing agent in my sake, and mind-control substance in my crack!
The Jews shall be defeated in a worldwide Wrestling Championship! All your Zion are belong to us!
The Al-Buruj people agreed: only Jews would be so wrong-headed as to oppose such great causes as the destruction of Israel and the surrender of the West to Islam.
Let's be fair - not all Jews are evil. There is a number of progressive, self-hating Jews who support the annihilation of Israel, who travel to Tehran, and who kiss Ahmadinejad on the mouth (see below). Peace activists can respect that. All the other Jews are, of course, evil. And the numbers of evil Jews at Columbia that day prevailed over the Red Jihad coalition.
Five minutes among Jewish right-wing warmongers turns a progressive dog into a thoughtcriminal
Before going in ourselves, we sent in an undercover agent - one of Laika the Space Dog's many relatives, a rookie whose psychological profile stated, "Self-hating dog who wants to be a cat: a staunch progressive of correct moral disposition." When the dog didn't return we had to look for it ourselves, in the middle of a crowd of Jews and their right-wing cronies, fearing for our young agent's physical and emotional wellbeing. We found our operative lying on the sidewalk completely drunk, brainwashed, and wearing "Ahmadinejad Not Welcome" buttons on the collar. No more Fox News for this thoughtcriminal!
The Zionists in the crowd played their usual mind games, imposing cognitive dissonance on the motorists. "Honk if Bush is a Terrorist" and "$300 Fine if you Honk." Moral choice versus materialism? They should be sued for challenging peace-loving progressives with having two conflicting thoughts at the same time.
Idealistic Progressive Activist: Oh sure, we've been here all afternoon taking the names of those who resist progress. These papers in my hand are the lawsuits we are filing against the scoundrels who think they can protest against World Peace and cause us to have cognitive dissonance. The "honk" trick alone can lead to a psychological trauma endangering one's progressive behavior. Umm, you said you were from the New York Times, right? This is off the record, I assume?
Do the right-wingers have any idea who they're up against? Let's see...
"The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism" (Karl Marx).
The essense of the international peace movement is, therefore, to fight opposition to socialism and shake the foundations of capitalism until the Party gains control of the government and silences thoughtcriminals by legislative means. Until then, all those who oppose socialism must be denounced as enemies of peace, child murderers, and war criminals.
The need to advance the dream of World Peace may involve violent uprisings, looting, and extermination of enemies of World Peace. To the uninitiated such activities may look like war, but in reality it is struggle for World Peace. When a progressive group engages in mass murder, torture, imprisonment, deportations, and terror, they are only advancing Peace. But when the U.S. government tries to stop them, it endangers World Peace with imperialist wars of aggression.
That's why Ahmadinejad is a friend of peace, while George Bush is an evil warmonger. Other noted fighters for World Peace include Yaser Arafat, Carlos the Jackal, Unabomber, Saddam Hussein, and Joseph Stalin (who organized and financed the first international peace movements).
The unifying theme for the progressives at this rally was not as much Iran of which they knew nothing, but a transcendental hatred for Bush.
We only wish they had contacted the People's Cube in advance for better and more radical slogans, like...
The Truth Will Give You Cancer
Bush is the Reason You Needed a Root Canal!
Vote for Osama (D-Afg)
I Want Ahmadinejad's Baby!
Green Cards To Gitmo Prisoners!
Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kim Jong Il
Death to America '08!
The Neocons had a greater number of signs, no doubt paid for by Rupert Murdoch and Halliburton.
The centerpiece of right-wing propaganda was a group of young men from The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property (TFP) with large banners and a bagpipe. This was counter-revolution at its worst. What is TFP if analysed from the correct perspective of the Greater Good™?
Tradition is what the progressives are trying to replace with political correctness
Family is a repository of wrong ideas, violence, perversity, and home cooking. Parents are the scum of history to be replaced shortly by experts whose skill at social engineering will make the family an obsolete nightmare.
Property is a false concept because no one has the moral right to claim ownership to the world's limited resources that belong to everybody.
Representatives of the progressive Religion of Peace promptly confronted these Catholic scoundrels and explained to them the true meaning of Tradition, Family, and Property by repeatedly calling them morons. The TFP guys were guilty of refusing to acknowledge the wonderful advantages of multiculturalist immigration policies set up by Ted Kennedy, including the Diversity Lottery that awarded green cards to anyone in the world simply because they were diverse - especially if they had different ideas about Tradition, Family, and Property - like these supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Tired of such negativity, Mahmoud's supporters returned to displaying their more positive messages, such as, "May Allah Make A Mushroom Cloud Over 'Israel'!"
Claiming that Iran needs nuclear fuel for peaceful purposes while wishing that Allah nuke Israel is the result of the same logic as used by Muslim radicals when they claim that 9/11 was carried out by Zionists and then threaten to do it again.
Apparently multiculturalist immigration policies also welcome radically different ideas about logic.
Now let's put these two images together:
The Progressives soon joined them in the pen protected by the NYPD from the Zionist aggressors. They might as well started chanting, WHAT DO WE WANT? SHARIA LAW! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!
Islam is today's most politically correct religion of choice. Its wild popularity with the Western liberals following the attacks on America has caused the cultural elites to give up Paganism and other progressive cults in favor of Islam.
Progressive Peace Activist: Islamic radicalism is a way oppressed minorities of the Third World conduct class struggle against white imperialists, reactionary Christians, and Zionist colonialists. They hate the Western lifestyle and bourgeois morals as much as we do - and that's all one needs to do in order to have our full support and cooperation. We'll sort our philosophical differences after the Western civilization collapses. I think.
A middle-school history teacher enlightens the crowd about the peaceful nature of the Islamic Republic of Iran, maintaining that until 1948 no wars ever occurred on planet Earth and that she never heard of Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, or any Iranian weapons and operatives in Iraq killing Americans.
Progressive Democrats and Third World's Anti-Semite Minorities stand side-by-side as they alert the world - and Iran in particular - to be weary of the Joooooos! Carefully monitor them, President Ahmadinejad! Iran needs a good set of Nuremburg Laws before it is too late!
Oppressed Third World Minority to the interviewing journalist: That's what I said, Mr. Journalist. If anyone understands the Jewish question it is Hillary. I mean, didn't she call Harold Ickes a "Jew bastard"?
Americans better vote for her if they don't want another 9/11 - which was, of course, the work of the Zionists!
Time for another montage...
Communist Activist from RevCom: There are about 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, many of whom pray daily for the destruction of Jews and Israel. It is mandatory, therefore, for all progressive organizations to display a fervent support for Islamism, denounce Zionism, and compare Jews to the Nazis.
The opportunity to recruit 1.2 billion Muslim supporters is just too good to let go; if that means watching a few million Jews pushed into the sea and drown, it's all for The Greater Good™, wouldn't you say?
We are currently working on helping the Muslims to accept our definition of them as an oppressed minority under the umbrella of international Marxism. It works. It really works.
Is her burqa worse than her bite?
Progressive Unveiled Iranian Female: I tried flaunting my hooters over in Iran but I always got rocks upside my head. Then I got arrested by the Moral Police and so I agreed to be sent to America and parade my big tatas there while agitating for the Islamic Republic and against Israel. If I go back to Iran, there's a hole in the ground and a pile of stones waiting for me. My plans for the future? To join the "Breasts not Bombs" campaign where I might get more exposure.
Other international guests included Borat Sagdiyev and his producer who came to denounce the Zionist-Imperialist entity known as "Israel" on behalf to make benefit for glorious country Kazakhstan.
The progressive characters above were countered by two right-wing superheroes who were later reported to an ACLU / NLG non-partisan activist and removed for displaying non-Islamic religious "materials" in public view. Their trial is currently pending.
Mr. MORAL CLARITY
Mr. AMERICA
At the end of this serious event came an unexpected comic relief:
Smoking the Kosher Herb
A group of Yiddish-speaking ultra-orthodox Jewish supporters of Ahmadinejad showed up to advocate for the annihilation of Israel, Islamic Revolution, and Egyptian slavery. It was the same group that attended Iranian Holocaust Conference in 2006.
Bad Hair Day. Moishe ben Gefehlenmishpochah had to hide the sorry state of his forelocks under the hat. "It's absolutely impossible to get a decent Peyos 'set' in Tehran," he lamented later.
If they had contacted the People's Cube we'd have given them more effective signs:
Self-Hating Jews for the Holocaust
RabbisOnCrack.org
We were fine in Egypt, no thanks to Moses!
MoveBack.org
King David was a War Criminal!
RabbisOnCrack.org
Destruction of Sodom was an inside job
MoveBack.org
How many endangered species were killed when the sea parted?
RabbisOnCrack.org
One could go on...
Up Against The Wall:
Pro-Ahmadinejad Jews debate whether to face The Wall and pray, or face outward and wait for their turn to be shot while carrying a sign that says "Judaism dictates Jewish subservience to all nations."
Three youths attempt to illustrate the content of their sign by miming "See no evil, Hear no evil, and Speak no evil" while their two compatriots on the left argue whether "speak no evil" is being correctly mimed.
Pull My Finger
Rabbi Shmuelly ben Simpkopf tells the story of his first meeting with Ahmadinejad:
"So, I walked up to him and I said... Mahmoud... Pull my finger... and he did! And then I pulled his finger... and we became good friends."
The rally had no prominent media icons, so we compensated that by pulling some of the favorite People's Cube cardboard cutouts from the bag - a must-have for all news photographers who want to advance the Greater Good™ by manipulating their audiences.* __________________ * All cutout ideas belong to the International Front for the Liberation of Media Whores
Media reporters wasted no time to beat Flat Gareth to all the choice pickings of Hippie pussy. As shown: a reporter chats up a young radical hoping to score for world peace, socialism and someone to make him breakfast in the morning.
The media was represented by an Eyewitness News van with blinded windows, a teleprompter with direct feed from Laika the Space Dog, and a great number of shiny objects.
But The People's Cube outshone them all. Its predictable certainty of unerring, historically inevitable outcome, is the model for the correct and predictable journalism of our progressive media
But then the Cube was stolen from our hands by Zionist Michelle Malkin and we had to retreat to our underground bunker.
What have we learned?
The main question of the Columbia rally was, of course, "Who's the real threat to World Peace - Mahmoud or George?" Based on what we learned today, the correct answer is, as always, George Bush.
NOTE: All quotes in this reporting are fake but accurate. The photos, however, are real and available in high resolution.
We've been exposed, comrades! The Politburo must retreat to the underground bunker. The rest of the Party must quickly melt away into the countryside and regroup. Like Lenin and Stalin, we shall penetrate the tundra, the taiga, and the steppes of the great American Motherland. Keep your Red Cube receivers handy, you shall soon hear the transmission instructing you of the Party-approved course of action.
Malkin's People's Cube is of standard issue, containing the same receiver of signals directly from Laika the Space Dog. Luckily she doesn't realize that one must wear a tinfoil hat to hear them. If anything, the frequency will affect her subliminally. Comrade Kenneth will be monitoring the progress.
Kenneth? Has anybody seen Kenneth? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Well, if you see him tell him the Party has a new assignment for him and Laika.
Not only Michelle Malkin stole the People's Cube, she's now bragging about it on her blog
Red,
You have outdone yourself again. The Malkin blog entries indicate some confusion from her readers. You may wish to define the word satire on the mother page.
My nightmare is that this is what you endure daily in New York??!!!!!!
If so, send them to me in Wyoming. I have a Prize Ram I wish to introduce them to.
I just inserted another cutout character of Islamic Rage Boy into the post above, after an alert comrade reminded us about the omission. This was an important omission. The entire Creative Directorate #11 at the Propaganda Department have already picked their shovels and are on the chu chu train heading north for a five-year creative hiatus. We hope that healthy tundra air will help them raise their awareness of the Current Truth.
There were many good pictures I snapped at the rally but couldn't possibly use them all. I'll just post this one, of a fragile young woman wearing Israel Defense Forces T-shirt, who remained calm and focused in the midst of the madhouse roaring around her. What was she looking at? The collection of the Islamic Rage Boys on the other side of the police barrier.
I'm really glad nakedness is not part if the radical islam, wacko, leftist, nutcase, jewish WTF'rs and all the other crazies I didn't mention.
There must be a developing gene problem going on..........
I think it would be funny to see flat Gareth behind these Muslims.
I think I got it....
Only in this context he should be called not Flat Gareth but Flat Gershel. After all, the other sign says "Learn a lesson from these Jewish protesters here."
I don't understand... all the signs had conflicting messages, and yet they are all on the same side? It's as if they had multiple personalities that supported each other, but had no idea what the other's real intentions were while at the same time saying that they knew exactly what was going on with each other. I'm so confused!
a fragile young woman wearing Israel Defense Forces T-shirt, who remained calm and focused in the midst of the madhouse roaring around her. What was she looking at? The collection of the Islamic Rage Boys on the other side of the police barrier.
Is it a thought crime to know exactly what someone (IDF Girl) is thinking just by looking at this picture? I know exactly what she is thinking as she looks at the Islamic rage boys.
Once again I lament that the progressive hero AchthewomenIdidn'tjab did not pluck up the courage to brave a visit down under to our fascist dictatorship so much in need of a green revolution. You Amerikkkans don't know how lucky you are.
Why, Mahmoud (sigh) would have loved to have met such famous Stray-yan-progressives like this one
Lenin rest his soul. Sob. He always loved doing so much at once. Sniff. Sure, he may have pretended that his agenda was purely a love for animals and conservation rather than being a deep-seeded fanatical hatred for capitalism, cars, John Howard, America and Joooz. But we were willing to change him, by Lenin, and we would have, had he not been taken so soon. Excuse me, I must go an mourn once more for what might have been.
Red Square wrote
There were many good pictures I snapped at the rally but couldn't possibly use them all. I'll just post this one, of a fragile young woman wearing Israel Defense Forces T-shirt, who remained calm and focused in the midst of the madhouse roaring around her. What was she looking at? The collection of the Islamic Rage Boys on the other side of the police barrier.
<OFF> Red, what an utterly brilliant photo. Any chance of a hi-rez copy? I wanna frame that.
Ooh, I'm just melting away with a warm, fuzzy feeling from all this Revolutionary activity. The great synthesis of the Diverse proletariat is coming to pass! And the People's Cube has captured it for us, for all posterity. This post will be on display in the great Museum of the People, that we will erect, so help me Hegel, on the ruins of the first Western city to be destroyed by the forces of the Greater Good. I can't write anymore, I have such a lump in my throat from the joyous convergence of progressive forces, so well documented. The running dogs of imperialism can feel our power. There is no turning back! Empress, empress, take me away....
The original is about 1MB and it's a straight detailed photo. I applied the "radial blur" filter later, to the smaller and slightly cropped image. I can email you the original, or if you rather wait I can crop the larger image and apply the filter to it - maybe over the weekend.
When elected I promise to re-establish diplomatic relations with Iran and make Barney Frank ambassador. From what I understand, there is a dire lack of diversity in Tehran. Dr. Ahmadinejad's comments were a cry for help and of hope. I will also send Madonna to Afghanistan and the Indigo Girls to Syria This will bring a greater understanding between our cultures and help bring about world peace and The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.
Hill, if you were to actually promise to make Barney Frank ambassador to Iran you just might win. Campaign promises of that nature will get you more votes than socialized health care. There must be more of such promises. This is how you can capture the heartland vote.
There were many good pictures I snapped at the rally but couldn't possibly use them all. I'll just post this one, of a fragile young woman wearing Israel Defense Forces T-shirt, who remained calm and focused in the midst of the madhouse roaring around her. What was she looking at? The collection of the Islamic Rage Boys on the other side of the police barrier.
<OUT OF KARAKTER>
Isnt it funny how some things can make absolute sense in utter chaos. Those that have the confidence in the absolute outcome need not fear the gyrations and riff-raff of a putrid part of society. That Peace shows as a light in a sea of self indulgence and stupidity. (either that or shes waiting for her moment to go Jackie Chan on Islamic rage wannabes)
<OUT OF KARAKTER>
I was at the rally with some friends, including a daughter of an Iranian journalist and a political prisoner, who had actually dragged me out of the house so I could be there too. Then Michelle Malkin showed up, and right after the short but sweet Cube Award ceremony (see photo op above), Michelle took my Iranian friend aside for a video interview.
Here is that interview, shot against the same setting as the story above, capturing the same scenes and characters.
I think we should hire or at least offer an NEA or NEH grant to the wonderfully progressive folks at al-buruj.com. Their mastery of subtle and well-produced propagan...er...TRUTH was much in evidence at the Ahmarecentfad Rally. I visited their website and it was so progressive that I couldn't understand half of the hate-filled scree...er...reasoned arguments they presented, which is a true sign of their veracity and sophistication. They have released themselves from the bounds of outdated Western ideas such as logic and evidence and embraced a higher level of conciousness in their tireless revelation of the ancient connection between the Joos and the Bush family throughout history.
Comrades,
I urge a party-planned moment of panic starting... now! Notice, comrades, how all the faithful party member females comprising this rally are extremely homely-like and all the capitalist swine females opposing this rally are really truly hot! I mean, Michelle Malkin, the IDF babe, the video of IDF ladies, the redhead with the flag, the lovely Iranian dissident interviewed by MM, by Lenin even the deceased young lady at the end of the video. All attractive young women. And then the party has ... Flat Fatima? Green shirted beak nose woman? Orange mamma? Blue shirted scrunchy-face? Lawsuit Lucy? We have one, comrades, ONE sizzler in an Iranian shirt.
This poses a problem for the party. We need more hot commie babes at these rallies! I propose a new wing of the party in charge of weeding out the homely females and putting them in less... shall we say... public venues (such as the rubber stamp verifying office); and another wing of the party (a different wing) in charge of recruiting some hotsie totsies for any public demonstration of the party's sentiments.
Perhaps the name of the department could be; People's Undersecretary for Selection of Sweet Youngthings ... or, um, something.
a fragile young woman wearing Israel Defense Forces T-shirt, who remained calm and focused in the midst of the madhouse roaring around her. What was she looking at? The collection of the Islamic Rage Boys on the other side of the police barrier.
Is it a thought crime to know exactly what someone (IDF Girl) is thinking just by looking at this picture? I know exactly what she is thinking as she looks at the Islamic rage boys.
women in the IDF
These videos are highly subversive and must be removed by the party (and put in my private vault for future viewing)
Dahlinks! It is wise to use the Islamo-fascists to garner power for the Cube but it is also wise to watch them. Remember, the Party opposes all religious behavior because we all know that all devotion should be to the State not to some invisible guy named "Allah." Once we have gained all power, we will have to send the Islamo-fascists to the gulag for immediate reprogramming.
Is Natasha the only one seeing a very uncanny resemblance between the two men in the photos entitled "A picture is worth a thousand Words?" They look like father and son. What would we do without the fathers and mothers who never grew up and grew wise as to our true intentions? Thank goodness for lemmings, silly young college students and immature group-think adults! The Party would be lost without them!
Once the Party has gained world power, we will have to stop paying these protestors to protest and actually put them to work in our factories, fields and schools. This life of leisure spent holding signs of protest will have to end. After all, screaming, yelling, marching and holding signs will not make the bread, guns and future programmed party members now will it? Off to the gulag with them if they are unable to adapt to a life of hard work!
Natasha (Hard at work watching all religious yahoos)
I'm also promising to let Ahmadinejad sleep in The Lincoln Bedroom, but before I do that, does anybody have a home cure for removing goat stench and camel farts?
I'm also thinking of installing a bed vibrator and cabal TV with HBO there after I'm coronated. You know, make the guests more comfortable. Of course there would be a surcharge, made payable to ME for those little extras.
I have it booked through July 2012 already.
$10,000 per night. Cheap.
We need more hot commie babes at these rallies! I propose a new wing of the party in charge of weeding out the homely females and putting them in less... shall we say... public venues (such as the rubber stamp verifying office);
Observation, wouldn't this idea render our best candidate for President useless?
I like hot babes with small ankles also, but they don't look as good in boots as Hillary's does!
Comrade Abcedarius Rex! Comrade Bubalasky! I am outraged by your sexist, backward remarks about my struggling ugly sisters vs what you call hot capitalist babes!
We progressive gals pride ourselves on being equal to you men in every way possible, from our hairy legs and our muscles built up from long hours of shoveling fertilizer and other resources for the Party, to our ability to take a leak anywhere, toilet seat be damned, to our boobs that sag like yours will once you reach old age--only ours will sag down further, longer, leaving you men with sick, yes, literally sick with sagging boob envy.
First of all, those "hot capitalist babes" in your feverish imaginations are the products of pure artifice . . . slavery . . . and yea, even cruel death. They paint their faces and style their hair using all manner of environmentally-unfriendly, planet-destroying, Global Warming-causing, Gore-enraging chemicals manufactured by big evil corporations that make millions of dollars in profit that they share with no one save--well, shareholders, but that's not the same as sharing their wealth with all of us as they should. These greedy corporations call the evil Bush-like chemicals they manufacture "cosmetics."
Millions of cute adorable rats with delightful twitchy whiskers and darling pink tails, who've never done a damn thing to hurt you, are horribly tortured, maimed, waterboarded, their Korans taken away from them, all to test the effectiveness of the cosmetics you see painted on your fancied "hot capitalist babes." Afterward they're brutally murdered by a cruel, agonizing form of death known as "lethal injection."
And why do these so-called babes paint their faces? Ever hear one of them say, "I have to put my face on before I go out"? What's that tell you, Sherlock? Why, that they can't go out without putting on their faces! Literally! They're blank on the outside, empty on the inside, little more than mindless, pitiless, unfeeling, uncaring droids just waiting to be programmed by the likes of talk radio and Fox News.
Such are conservatives!
That said, I wonder if Bush and Cheney wear cosmetics? I believe Nixon did. The phony crap dribbled down his face under those hot TV lights when he debated Kennedy; why, he looked like the droid Ash who malfunctioned in the movie "Alien."
Anyway, back to your phony hot capitalist babes. There's a reason my sisters and I look so wonderfully, earthily natural, while your right wing chickies look so--well, so phony. Plastic surgery, boys! It's big business nowadays! Big Business! And who's in cahoots with Big Business? Why, none other than those evil, hateful, mean-spirited, baby kitten eating Republicans!
Those women are so plastic with all their boob work and eye work and butt work, their painted on faces, their oh-so-perfect hair, that they're nothing more than oversized Barbie dolls, guys!
"Huh huh," you grunt and scratch your hairy paunchy bellies, "I'll take Barbie any day! I used to play and dismember my sister's Barbies, huh huh huh!"
Then surely you know, Comrade Beavis and Comrade Butthead, that Barbie is missing certain key features you men highly prize, ergo so are your hot capitalist babes; and not only that, but Barbie has a copyrighted trademark embossed on her butt cheek. Not pretty.
And just like Barbie, your hot capitalist babes want stuff, Fancy Expensive Chick Stuff, as in they will expect YOU to provide it for them, no matter whether you can afford it. I'm talking diamond jewelry that's been mined by children who have no union benefits. Furs ruthlessly ripped from the bodies of cute adorable minks and darling chinchillas and cuddly porcupines. You'll have to buy her Barbie's Dream House with elevator. And Barbie's Dream Hummer, Dream RV, Dream Spa, Dream Home Theater that ONLY plays chick movies starring NOT more hot capitalist babes like Barbie or MM, but ideal Progressive paragons like Sally Field, Shirley MacLaine, and Jane Fonda.
And the clothes. Don't forget the clothes. And the shoes. Millions of them, enough to shod two continents as long as one of them isn't Antarctica.
That gettin' ya hot yet, boys? But wait, it doesn't end there! Next she's going to want Dream Guy (aka "Ken"). You think you're Dream Guy? He's clean cut, muscular, makes at least $100k annually, wears a tie to work, takes out the garbage before it falls over, puts down the toilet seat, doesn't scratch his pits at the dinner table, or slouch in front of the TV cleaning his nails with the antique letter opener that belonged to Barbie's great-great grandmother. And Barbie doesn't like walking into the bathroom to find "Dream Guy" using her $250 hair removal system to extract the stuff growing out of his nose and ears.
Oh, and by the way . . . Barbie doesn't like to have her hair mussed, or her makeup smeared, if you know what I mean. She gets headaches from drinking too many Starbucks lattes and not enough vodka.
Still think you've got what it takes for a "hot capitalist babe?"
Be patient, men! Courage! Be not tempted by those so-called "hot capitalist babes." They're nothing but mythical sirens, luring you to the jagged rocks of capitalist disaster. Instead look forward to the day when Hillary sweeps to power in all her glory, and all of us progressive women whom you deride as ugly and repulsive, shall become as truly and naturally beautiful as the phony capitalist babes with their paint and their mousse and their assorted plastic parts.
How, you ask? The Empress has a plan. I know that upon her ascension, I and my sisters' ugliness will melt away to pure beauty--no longer shall we be beasts!--and it will happen just as magically and wonderfully as the Empress will finance and sign into law her Universal Health Care, 5k for every child, and bring our troops home! Oh yes!
O Glory Hallehillary!
P.S. Now you guys take back what you said! I want you to ask our Democrat friends in Congress to pass a resolution condemning your remarks! I want you to apologize on every talking head show. I want to see you go groveling on The View--and see if Whoopi wants to do YOU!
And if you don't, then 10 years from now when Hillary goes looking for a couple of guys to help her out with something and favors you two, I'm going to come forward and tell her what you said on this day--and become a heroine for all progressive women everywhere!
I read and I cried, Comrade Pinkie. This speech deserves its own topic, if you're willing to present it as such on the People's Blog. The collective will supply the illustrations.
The theme as I see it would be "The Conservative Chicks Are From Venus, The Progressive Chicks Are From Uranus."
What about Mars you ask? When Hillary wins we shall finally colonize the Red Planet - and guess who we will populate it with!
Comrade Pinky,
I laughed so hard I choked. Thank you.
At least in comparing myself to Dream Ken my apparatus has not been sawn off by an apparatchik.
Nevertheless, I will amend my ways and ogle only hairy progressive beasts from now on.
Whoopi Goldberg will become my new idol and I will pin this picture up in my little red cubicle:
http://www.zombietime.com/hillary_sf_office_topless_protest/video3.jpg
and this one too (she's my gyro)
http://www.zombietime.com/nude_protest_at_memorial_oak_grove/IMG_2266.JPG
[quote="Pinkie"]Comrade Abcedarius Rex! Comrade Bubalasky! I am outraged by your sexist, backward remarks about my struggling ugly sisters vs what you call hot capitalist babes!
Face the facts Pinkie, you are a hot Commie Babe! Are you Maureen Dowd or Rosie Odonnell, I must know!
I read and I cried, Comrade Pinkie. This speech deserves its own topic, if you're willing to present it as such on the People's Blog. The collective will supply the illustrations.
The theme as I see it would be "The Conservative Chicks Are From Venus, The Progressive Chicks Are From Uranus."
What about Mars you ask? When Hillary wins we shall finally colonize the Red Planet - and guess who we will populate it with!
Sir, you have the power. You have the technology. You have the means to move this post and its subsequent comments elsewhere and frame it, illustrate it, distort it and take it out of context however you please. You can make it stronger, better, faster.
You need only tell me what to do, and what to think--using as many single-syllable words as possible, please, as George W. Bush did not make the No Child Left Behind program retroactive to my own benefit.
There were many good pictures I snapped at the rally but couldn't possibly use them all. I'll just post this one, of a fragile young woman wearing Israel Defense Forces T-shirt, who remained calm and focused in the midst of the madhouse roaring around her. What was she looking at? The collection of the Islamic Rage Boys on the other side of the police barrier.
"I can tell you Leon, this one will not go quietly...Leon, do we still have my cologne ''Red Moscow"?."
"We drunk it last night, with Nadezhda"
"Damn..."
"I will take care of the zionist Cinderella myself.
With all the faults Jews have one positive characteristic: Clean Women."
Now THERE'S a hat for a real man! Keep that in mind, comrades, when you try to think of an appropriate Secular Winter Solstice Festival gift for a loyal Party academician....
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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The need to advance the dream of World Peace may involve violent uprisings, looting, and extermination of enemies of World Peace. To the uninitiated such activities may look like war, but in reality it is struggle for World Peace. When a progressive group engages in mass murder, torture, imprisonment, deportations, and terror, they are only advancing Peace. But when the U.S. government tries to stop them, it endangers World Peace with imperialist wars of aggression. 
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
