The People's Cube has obtained a draft of Al Gore's Oscar acceptance speech to be read in full, uninterrupted by music, at Hollywood's Kodak Theater on Feb. 25. The same speech, with minor adjustments for local weather, will also be delivered in Oslo City Hall on Dec. 10, where Al Gore is hoping to receive a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in putting Global Warming on the front burner of class struggle. Below is the full text of Al Gore's speech:
~ Ladies and Gentlemen! Comrades!
Climate change is a modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill mankind's utmost desire to redistribute wealth and establish a centralized global government with an army of enlightened bureaucrats running a planned global economy based on world-wide quotas and five-year plans.
In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution - global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair - Global Warming stands out as the most convenient, non-denominational replacement thereof. It provides both the means to manipulate the masses - and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you shall be notified of changes, if any, by the NPR, the New York Times, and other progressive media organs.)
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not. If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
Global temperatures are rising.
This is a bad thing.
Rising temperatures (if they exist) are caused by human industries.
We must place human industries under centralized control and issue production quotas to stop rising temperatures.
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4.
Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching my film "An Inconvenient Truth," they all figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's Oscar-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."
This, and many other Global Warming trivia you will find in my new book which I will be selling in the lobby right after this speech, so you better start forming a line now. Get used to standing in lines, comrades, because when my plan for the future is implemented, lines and ration coupons will become a national pastime for non-Party members. In an easy, accessible format, my book will explain why, unless you appoint me the next President of Earth, you and your pets will all die a horrible death when this planet blows up.
The book consists of the following chapters:
How we're all doomed and the planet is going to blow up.
How stopping Wal-Mart can help the polar bears.
How higher taxes can help the polar bears.
How fairness doctrine can help the polar bears.
How higher unemployment is linked to cleaner air quality.
How poor impoverished countries like to stay that way.
How the printing of Bibles destroys millions of trees every year.
How to spot heretic scientists and other Global Warming deniers.
How to report Global Warming deniers to the authorities.
How greenhouse gases should be renamed so as not to offended the green party activists, people that don't live in houses, and anyone whose last name happens to be Greenhouse.
You will also learn:
The quick and easy way to make anyone feel guilty enough to write you a big check.
Idiot-proof steps for destroying world's most productive economies and getting big checks in the process.
Down-to-earth advice on suppressing dissent and/or getting big checks by pulling "scientific facts" out of your ass.
* * *
We hear that Al Gore has generally approved the draft but asked to go easy on Marxist references so as not to scare away those bourgeois who might still write him a big check. His other suggestion was to change the book title from "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Global Warming" to "The Progressive Activist's Guide To Global Warming."
The speech, commissioned to the writers of the Propaganda Department at Karl Marx Treatment Center, has been reserved for inclusion into a compilation CD of "Historical Speeches of Famous American Leaders" also featuring speeches by Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, and Oprah Winfrey.
It is terribly unfair to assign such malevolent motives to Chairman AlGore.
Our cultural superiors have all been telling us that AlGore is a near-deity at this point, and given the unprecedented freeze in the eastern US, he will soon be photographed walking on (frozen) water, right before he transforms it into a biofuel. Even the People's Media acknowledges that there is no question that everything AlGore says is true. Who are we to question this assembly of such stupefying superiority?
Really, I hope the Chairman has stocked up on People's Spam for the anticipated standing-room-only influx at the People's Treatment Center. These unpatriotic skeptics need re-education - STAT!!!
Thankfully, millions of American children have already been indoctrinated in Gore-ology, so it's only the adult agitators that we'll need to deal with.
I hope Mr. Gore also details the importance of not employing any college professors or kindergarten teachers who deny the Four Truths of Warming. Naturally the People's Education System has already been purged of such non-individuals, but Mr. Gore should be pushing for legislation to keep these disgusting corporate shills out of all schools worldwide, regardless of ownership.
If someone wanted to condense the history of our age (as portrayed by the media) into one image, one could not think of anything more complete than this one. Good find, Margaret! Is this what you call retro-cool?
Thats my Uncle Jasper in the pink leotard......... he is voting Democrat now, fishing accident got him.... which was caused by Global Warming, of course! All death and calamity is caused by Global Warming! Why is everyone looking at me funny?
Bless my lucky red stars... that is Bea Arthur! My goodness, she has packed on the pounds since the last time I've seen her (which was at the Country Buffet in Reno). My goodness... I think I see Mad Albright in her tighty-whities too! My Uncle Jasper Punchenko was a ladies man no doubt, Bea Arthur and Mad Albright were always at his pad in the dead of night.......... even after he started voting Democrat.
Necrosexuality is not a disgrace... its a way of life! EQUALITY NOW!
What looks like Bea Arthur appears to be Sean Penn re-enacting his glorious feat of New Orleans. Which doesn't mean he couldn't appear as her at the Country Buffet in Reno or at your Uncle Jasper's pad in the dead of night with Mad Albright in her tighty-whities. He's just such a progressive man, Sean is. It's a way of life for him. He's always there when he's needed. Wait, someone's knowcking on the door...
Luckily, cooler heads are working on a Noah's Ark to save us from Global Warming:
'Doomsday vault' to resist global warming effects wrote
An Arctic "doomsday vault" aimed at providing mankind with food in case of a global catastrophe will be designed to sustain the effects of climate change,
the project's builders said as they unveiled the architectural plans.
The top-security repository, carved into the permafrost of a mountain in the remote Svalbard archipelago near the North Pole, will preserve some three million batches of seeds from all known varieties of the planet's crops.
The hope is that the vault will make it possible to re-establish crops obliterated by major disasters.
"We have taken into consideration the (outside) temperature rising and have located the facility so far inside the rock that it will be in permafrost and won't be affected" by the outside temperature, Magnus Bredeli Tveiten, project manager at Norway's Directorate of Public Construction and Property, told AFP.
Pardon my confusion, but isn't Komrad Gore planning a concert that will solve all global warming problems? Remember years ago when there used to be hunger in Africa? Concert; problem solved. Maybe it would be better for the party to focus on Bush/Halliburton, and how they are standing in the way of having the appropiraite problem-solving concerts? I think...
Oh never mind, I see the problem now. I was trying to think. Whew, that was a close one. Gore/Franken 08!
Doomsday is upon us! Its going to be 63 degrees tommorow in The People's Commonwealth and I'm afraid all is lost!
Quickly, someone get Dr. Strangelove on line-two, we might have to go underground until Global Warming goes away... or until Amerika becomes a socialist utopia like the DPRK... whatever comes first.
Former Vice President Al Gore could pay a visit to the University in the near future to receive an honorary degree for his work in climatology.
University President Bob Bruininks spilled the beans at the February Board of Regents meeting, saying that “two of our colleges are working with Vice President Gore to provide, we hope, an honorary doctorate.”
###
“He’s in the news and is a legitimate expert on a pressing issue of global concern, climate change, so this level of interest is understandable,” Wolter said. “However, no plans have been set and it’s unlikely that would occur this spring.”
Quickly, someone get Dr. Strangelove on line-two, we might have to go underground until Global Warming goes away
As long as a computer selects several hundred of our most talented people to inhabit these mine shafts for a hundred years, they would probably be able to come back up in a hundred years. However, we must not allow a mine shaft gap!
As we all know, President Gore and other experts have warned us that global warming will cause the ice caps to melt. Here in the midwest, the warmer weather the past two days has been melting the generous layer of ice that formed on all the tree branches and the ground last week. I hope President Gore will make many more flights around the world in his private jet to warn others so what happened here will not happen elsewhere.
I agree comrade Branish! Just the other day I dumped a People's cooler full of ice outside onto my plush manicured lawn....and today....well.... today it was gone! Poof! Evaporated into the icy blue skies all because of Global Warming! I nearly soiled myself, comrade Branish - I was overwhelmed in fear. Just imagine, in two days time the world will be as hot as the surface of the sun and no longer will we be able to keep our boxed wine cool! Just imagine!!! Oh the shame! The shame of it all! The shame!
We should've listened! We should've listened! Damn you Bushler! Damn you all to South Central L.A!!!!
As long as a computer selects several hundred of our most talented people to inhabit these mine shafts for a hundred years, they would probably be able to come back up in a hundred years. However, we must not allow a mine shaft gap!
Yes! Brilliant! And I so propose that these people that move into the mine shafts and live underground shall be referred to as 'Morlocks'!
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
What if Rush wins instead? Hah! I think this is so great because if Gore doesn't win, which he shouldn't, because he's a total flake, all he'll be able to say is, "Yeah, I was nominated the same year Rush Limbaugh was." You know he's gotta hate that. hee hee hee.
From Newsbusters:http://newsbusters.org/node/10552
Limbaugh Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize
Posted by Dan Riehl on February 1, 2007 - 16:19.
I am posting this as the mainstream media hasn't picked it up.
While not being able to keep up with all of his many accomplishments over the years, I do speak from personal experience when I say Rush Limbaugh's 1992 Best Seller The Way Things Ought To Be may have done more to carry discussion of conservative ideas and the concept of political freedom into elements of American popular culture where it was never thought much about before.
So it's good to see Mr. Limbaugh finally nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize:
LEESBURG, Va., Feb. 1 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Landmark Legal Foundation today nominated nationally syndicated radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh for the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize.
Limbaugh, whose daily radio show is heard by more than 20 million
people on more than 600 radio stations in the United States and around the
world, was nominated for the prestigious award for his "nearly two decades
of tireless efforts to promote liberty, equality and opportunity for all
humankind, regardless of race, creed, economic stratum or national origin.
These are the only real cornerstones of just and lasting peace throughout
the world," said Landmark President Mark R. Levin.
Unfortunately, this might not bode well for his career. In 1988 the Nobel Peace Prize went to the United Nations Peace Keepers, who went on to distinguish themselves as sex traffickers and under-aged skin traders of world renown.
As if those shoes aren't hard enough to fill, there's always the 1994 winner, terrorist Yasser Arafat - one of the few individuals to often meet privately with then President Bill Clinton without fear of staining his dress.
And who could forget 2001 winner Kofi Annan, or 2002's Jimmy Carter, both somehow allegedly long on being noble, questionable on anti-semitism, and extremely short on actually bringing peace to anywhere, certainly not Rwanda or Iran and the Middle-East, respectively.
With some thought, perhaps the real question is, were the honorable Mr. Limbaugh to ultimately win the prize, is it one he should even accept?
Though were he to put it on E-Bay, I suppose a fellow named Clinton could be counted on to run up the bids.
Oh, some guy named Al was nominated as well. Is he a plumber, or somethin
Very confusing... just caught a recap of Algore's speechifying in Toronto last night... He spoke at the University of Toronto at Convocation Hall which normally holds 1,500 but was 'expanded' to hold 2,000... 500 tickets were prereserved, so there were 1,500 tickets for sale for $20 each and there were 23,000 hits on the website and it crashed... thing sold out in 5 minutes and as of yesterday afternoon, they were scalping tickets for up to $500 each... I don't understand... He basically covered the same power point presentation that's the basis of An Inconvenient Truth... and the most reported thing that came out of it was his pronouncement that although he still believes the Canadian people capable of great leadership and making wise choices, he doesn't believe our leadership is capable in the same wise... so, apparently, we can make good choices regarding leadership, we just haven't? Maybe he misspoke, a la John Kerry, and he didn't MEAN to insult us... but man, what an arrogant f**k that guy is... he has just become so superior since he stopped being perceived as Al Bore and it was truly pathetic to see the Liberal and New Democratic Party psychophantic politicians, past and present, looking on adoringly (hey... they were in the shot), and every single one of them had given up their regular party's tie colour of choice in favour of green ties last night... it was like a bunch of teenage girls had all gotten together ahead of time to plan out what they were going to wear...
... and all of this kaka is leading into a Carbon Busters thing at the same venue tonight called A Convenient Truth (hey... they're nothing if not creative) which is essentially a cost/benefit analysis of reducing carbon emissions by changing how we live and the things we use in our homes (sorry Meow, but according to these guys, you shouldn't be so in love with your toaster.... Ahhh! I know!... the bastards!)... and they somehow come to the conclusion that we can reduce our carbon output from the home and our vehicles by 70% at a cost savings of around 54%... Now, I want everyone to listen carefully, in case you happen to catch anything on Sir Nicholas Stern's report on the economics of climate change or such-like, because between Stern and David Suzuki and a bunch of politicians in Australia (where they have just banned incandescent light bulbs so that people must use compact fluorescents... which for some reason I thought were less environmentally friendly once they die... harder to get rid or, or maybe I'm wrong) and Algore and Godo Stoyke who is the president of Carbon Buster - this European group that designs or redesigns things in an ecofriendly way - his second book, "The Carbon Buster's Home Energy Handbook" has just come out so he's touring on Algore's coattails to promote it... So... If you see or hear any of these guys, listen carefully for the word, "opportunity"... count how many times they say it, cause it's their new buzz word... in other words, the need to reduce carbon emissions and the technology necessary to do so is an economic "opportunity"... win/win... or so they're trying to tell us, but only if we rush into it headlong right now... wait... sorry... that was wrong... ... rush into it headlong RIGHT NOW OR WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, BUT NOT BEFORE SOME SWEDISH IDIOT GIVES ALGORE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE (why the peace prize... why not one of the other ones?)...
So... I'm confused... I know Algore invented the interweb or the information superfreeway or whatever it's called, and he probably coined the terms "Global Warming" or "Greenhouse Effect" and he was the "next president of the United States" and he's married to Tipper (who, by the way, must have enough crap in her hair to shelac a pinata and isn't that stuff all full of environmentally unfriendly solvents?)... But I had no idea your ex-veep was a rock star too...
By the way... he showed up at his lecture last night... sorry... not his lecture... it was, apparently, a panel discussion, but I think they completely forgot about the other nine people... in a big old gas guzzling limo... apparently, the Prius was in the shop...
.....and the most reported thing that came out of it was his pronouncement that although he still believes the Canadian people capable of great leadership and making wise choices, he doesn't believe our leadership is capable in the same wise... so, apparently, we can make good choices regarding leadership, we just haven't?
2... a cost/benefit analysis of reducing carbon emissions by changing how we live and the things we use in our homes (sorry Meow, but according to these guys, you shouldn't be so in love with your toaster.... Ahhh! I know!... the bastards!). ....
3. By the way... he showed up at his lecture last night..in a big old gas guzzling limo... apparently, the Prius was in the shop...
1) I think he's speaking to you as the kindergarten class. There are kids in the kindergarten class who make good choices and bad choices, and they pick the right kids to be on the dodgeball teams (it never was me, by the way, making me more at risk to be a serial killer I guess) but he is still the good and benevolent CONTROLLING government appointed entity, sent to undo all that you've done and force you to do everything he wants you to do.
2) What do we use instead? Uh...besides Chairman Meow.
3) NONE of these people use the economic, world-friendly tools they want you to, they guzzle gas, they employ illegal aliens as workers at a lousy wage....Al Gore jets around the world to do his lec-er excuse me, power point demonstrations, accompanied by his well-shellacked wife, he rides in very fancy cars, it's a do-as-I-say,not-as-I-do racket.
A perfect Nobel Peace Prize Nominee, given those who've gone before. Like the increasingly anti-semitic Jimmy Carter (or, if you will, Jimmy Carter, who, as he gets older, is becoming more frank about his anti-semiticism).
You're my hero, SMO! uh, in a comrade sort of way.
This was sent this morning by the guy who does www.polisat.com
Al Gore drives "GoreMobile" to Global Warming Concert celebrating nominations for Nobel Prize, Academy Award and Honorary Climatology Degree for "An Inconvenient Truth" fueling "Draft Gore" for 2008.
Heed the Goracle, comrades! Since Christianity has become passe and nobody wants to be a Muslim because there goes your vodka, environmentalism is the only suitable opium of the People. Comrade Gore is the new prophet, a William Jennings Bryan for our time. Ironic, isn't it?
Very confusing... just caught a recap of Algore's speechifying in Toronto last night... He spoke at the University of Toronto at Convocation Hall which normally holds 1,500 but was 'expanded' to hold 2,000... 500 tickets were prereserved, so there were 1,500 tickets for sale for $20 each and there were 23,000 hits on the website and it crashed... thing sold out in 5 minutes and as of yesterday afternoon, they were scalping tickets for up to $500 each... I don't understand
I understand! Dammit SMO! You shold have bought ten and the Party would be up $5K in soft cash. Don't let Hillary know.
Jeeze!
Got two?
Got two?
Got two?
Sounds like some Algore Deadheads "Needed a Miracle"
You could have sold some Che t-shirts to get you to the next Algore show.
Who opened the act? The Dixie Chicks? Dave Matthews Band? Phish?
You're my hero, SMO! uh, in a comrade sort of way.
Heroine... massively opiated heroine... which is a sort of tautology, really...
... and you are my heroine, Tsarevna, in a Romanovs-who-might-have- ascended-but-were-rightfully-executed-by-Bolsheviks-for-crimes-against-The-People™, Your Imperial Highness Grand Duchess (sorry... which one are you?... Anastasia Nikolayevna?) sort of way... I have heard tales of your wonderful and revered Lenin bust.
Laika wrote
I understand! Dammit SMO! You shold have bought ten and the Party would be up $5K in soft cash. Don't let Hillary know.
With respect, Comrade Canine Laika... how do you know I did not? I have, as you know, also invested heavily in "$oft Ca$h hand-held transportation devices" via shares in Samsonite, as I'm sure Her Highness (Hillary... not the Tsarevna) will be needing many of them shortly for all the support she will be receiving from her loyal subjects, and we might as well reap what we sow... why give our above-the-board kapital away to $.$. and his ilk, when it may be returned to us through dividends... I promised the party would not be sorry for the acquistion of my business degree, and I aim to show that I have learned that, in a world of perfect information, it is possible to suck AND blow...
... and now for my final act, I have created what I like to call, Theatre of the Arbitrage, starring Jeffrey Skilling, Andy Fastow, and the rotting corpse of Ken Lay in a little skit called "Death Star and the Cost of Fueling a Stretch Limo"...
Have you noticed that Disneyworld's Animatronics haven't been taking any quantum leaps forward lately? Do you suppose that Algore's handlers have bought them off lest he appear at a disadvantage to something puffing air and creaking and looking like it has a steel rod up its ass?
How confusing. Life imitates art. And I'm not sure which is which.
The thing I find most heartening and uplifting about the environmental movement and global warming has to do with the proposed solutions. The methodology is very telling and is a wonderful demostration of how far we, as Socialists, have come to dominating what were once free societies. There used to be a saying that summed up what I mean very neatly, that saying was "You can't do that, this is free country." By that it was meant you can't use the government to force other people to do things - basically, you can't establish tyranny.
Now take environmentalism. In a free country you wouldn't be able to violate the freedom and liberty of other people by forcing them to use certain light bulbs or do or not do things with the property they own or any number of things that've happened or are on the drawing boards of legislation. What you can do in a free country is state what you believe in order to convince other people of the soundness of your belief. Then they will make free choices as to what they will do. You'll notice that no one in this day and age even considers that by using the government to force what they believe on the rest of society, the best example being environmentalism, they establish precident that violates every tenate of freedom and liberty. They turn the role of government as a means of protecting freedom and liberty, the American experiment, on it's head.
Whereas a century ago the phrase "You can't do that, this is a free country," an expression stated proudly by free men, should now be worded by all of us Left Wing activists as "You can't do that, this isn't a free country." (Heavy accent on the "isn't.") This is a phrase you can proudly spit in the face of evil because freedom and bourgeois notions of liberty are dangerous to the environment, the Planet, and society as a whole.
There are all sorts of things you can't do anymore. The precident of tyranny has been well established and no one even identifies it as such. This development of regarding tyranny as a social good and not even entertaining what the worn notions of how to preserve freedom is good news for all of us that believe in Socialism and the dictatorship of the People. Very few people even desire a free country anymore! Times have changed.
Nowadays when I see a smoker or someone that isn't recycling his empty bottle but is just tossing it into the garbage or any number of crimes being commited against the People and the Planet I get right up in that criminal's face and shout: "Hey asshole, you can't do that! This isn't a free country, you know!" And I say it isn't a free country proudly. It's taken us decades to wipe the idea of what a free country is out of the minds of Americans and to turn the notion of freedom into an epithet of criminality.
The next time you read an editorial or hear someone speak of solutions to environmental problems notice that they never entertain the methodology of freedom in their solutions,. They never say, I believe this is a problem but I also believe in human freedom so I simply want to convince your minds and allow you to make choices as free people, as is your birthright. They never simply want to convince your mind and let you voluntarily choose a free, independent course of action befitting a free person; they choose tyranny. They choose using the force of government to make you do what they think is right. That's because freedom is dangerous and you can't be trusted with it. That's because "this isn't a free country, you can't do that."
Be proud of that fact. Freedom would kill us all. That's why there's tyranny. Great civilizations have been built on tyranny. People like Al Gore understand this.
Note that all proposed remedies are the most expensive and difficult ones possible, and here is another key point--that third-world countries, who pollute much more, are oddly exempt. For there is no glory in rulling over poor and weak people. The dollar is a fungible unit of power. That's utter genius.
And here's another telling thing. The scare-mongers, until very recently, said that greenhouse gases "may contribute to global warming." And that "may" is sufficient to take action. Now they take it as a granted. See the Rand quote at the bottom of every page of the Cube.
The brew of viciousness, bossiness and the hysteria of the weak minded is toxic. I'd be a royalist and believe in a benevolent dictator had not history shown that his son would likely be worse, and if the palace intrigues wouldn't, at last, overpower even the best of them.
Fisher Ames may have been right in calling Jefferson an optimist, saying that it was a fool's game to think that people could put noble ideals above self interest. And don't people in wars fight for their comrades? It may be how we're so constituted. The genius of the founding fathers was to know human nature as well as they did, but bear in mind they came before the Prometheus of mind control, Karl Marx.
How much simpler it was to see the sword in the murderer's hand and to know that here is danger because it's immanent. In a world when most people cannot remember what they had for supper last night, can we expect people to make plans long range enough, out of reason, which needs thinking, which is painful and to be avoided for it takes away from entertainment?
He who has the best propaganda rules the world. And for that reason I, although an atheist, am perfectly willing to bow my head at a Christian prayer, knowing that the values are in general ones that I like.
But don't let me near a Jesuit. One of my hobbies is insulting them, and on the Georgetown campus yet.
Oooh... didja watch the Oscars... everyone who won anything for an Inconvenient Truth had to thank Algore for drawing their attention to 'the issue', which all said wasn't partisan... neither red nor blue but green (as in ad nauseum, maybe?)... to the point where the producers made the mistake of dragging him up on stage for their acceptance speech and he hijacked the producers' speech and got in the last word... I don't even think he realized that it wasn't his speech to make - that (aaaaahhhh... Gawd... I just looked to the right and there's this frightening picture of Helen Thomas... now I'm gonna have nightmares... F**K!... sorry)... anyway, it didn't even occur to him to just shut up and smile and let the producers accept their award... he had to jabber... and Tipper's hair looks as plastic as ever... really... she's got to have more petroleum products in there than a can of aerosol cheese... it's just freaky...
... anyway... it was really annoying... he was really annoying... and he got to give his acceptance speech even though he didn't win... what an annoying man...
At least The Departed won Best Director and Best Picture.... I had a feeling when they had Spielberg, Lucas and Coppola come out to announce Best Director...
Annoying AND stupid. The left jabbers about W being an idiot but Gore flunked out of Law school and dropped out of Divinity school or the other way around--how do you flunk god? Now I can see god flunking him, and I tend to be pro-life but would make an exception in his case. And I'm told that the French import aborted fetusus for cosmetics. Can you imagine what French women would look like with their faces adorned with warpaint made of Gore? Edith Piaf, dead lo these many years, would rise from her coffin, laughing, and peel the paint a mile away.
And in GPAs Gore did worse too.
Let's not forget their daughter Karena, I think it is. Tipper wanted to name her after the Russian book because she'd wept a tear seeing a train rushing on, but couldn't spell it. That's as funny as Oprah being a misspelling of Orpha, the Biblical name her aunt was supposed to give her.
Did you see the convention in which Algore was blethering on about how bad he fewlt about his son's being run over? It was child abuse. More child abuse than being a child of Algore.
Wait... so their daughter was supposed to be named Karenina? Isn't that Tolstoy's character's last name in the eponymous novel?
As for his son's accident and his referencing it as he has, I don't think of it as child abuse so much as exploitation... and not child exploitation, but simply cynical emotional political exploitation... oddly, someone sent me a link to this article last week, called Weird Al, which does sort of sum it up...
Tipper? Isn't that the mascot dog for RCA Victor? Listening to a gramaphone? Hears her Party Master's voice....?
Didn't they name their kids Lassie and Rin-Tin-Tin?
Quote
With respect, Comrade Canine Laika... how do you know I did not?
Because the Party didn't receive the wire transfer. You have the ABA and the routing, plus the secret account number for Switzerland. Now what's the hold up?
Yes, SMO, the girl was supposed to be named Karenina.
I consider it child abuse because although it certainly all of what you said, I saw him fondle the child on camera, as genuine as his deep-mouth kiss of Tipper, and point at the child, who looked acutely uncomfortable. A child with a problem. Being held up as an object of pity to the world for serve his father's ambitions. Turning anyone into a victim whore is child abuse.
Tipper was also on the board, possibly head of it, which wanted to put ratings on (then) LPs which might have unsuitable lyrics. She had Frank Zappa on to testify, showing just how truly dim she is.
"Lady, the name of the group is Black Sabbath. What do you think is going to be inside?"
But to her credit, evidently once she saw the cut of our Many Titted Empress' jib, she wanted nothing to do with her. Algore and Our Empress were very politically close. Algore once upbraided one of his children and pointed to the security detail guarding his life and said, "Do you want to grow up and be like those?" (This from emails from Secret Service officers.)
To find a greater combination of arrogance and stupidity you'd have to go back to Marie Antoinette. But her taste in art was better.
Because the Party didn't receive the wire transfer. You have the ABA and the routing, plus the secret account number for Switzerland. Now what's the hold up?
Is $5K... Anything below 10K goes into discretionary fund and Housekeeping Petty Cash as Meow has a tendency to 'sleep walk' and often finds himself, for whatever reason, in the petty cash vault, and even on the phone to the Bahamas.... as well, 40% allocation to supply cupboard for times when Housekeeping must react quickly to Chairman's fainting spells and place mounds of filthy lucre about Meow to cushion his fall should he collapse. Also, to be held under his nose until he regains full consciousness, which can take some time as the aroma of $oft Ca$h can sometimes provoke what the medical establishment terms a "perverse reaction" in the Chairman, causing him to enter a trance-like state that may last for hours, even days, until Dr. P manages to coax him out of it (or, sometimes I am allowed to whip him with rubber hose if Dr. P is in a hurry and losing patience)...
I hope this clarifies the situation. Certainly, all is accounted for - you know how Sister likes organization and I certainly like accountability... though not double entry accounting as that is a crime against humanity.
I remember reading a tabloid on the can a year or so ago about Algore's son getting a DUI? Is this the same son that was hit by a car!?! OH THE IRONY! THE IRONY!
Honorable Chairman, you have sent a frisson of delight down my spine. This is perhaps even more delightful than the fact that nearly every single large meeting of MADD results in the arrest of one of the pooh-bahs with a DWI (Driving While Intoxicated--Texan). Which leads me, inexorably and as always, back to my universal Theocritus' General Unified Theory of Life--people do everything for power. MADD started with a laudable idea but once the Mad Mommas found traction, they were joined by men wanting traction, with the delightful results of at least once a year one of them getting arrested for DWI.
And speaking of unsatisfactory termagents, didn't Jill Ireland of the Feminazis have a dust-up between her husband and her girlfriend? I don't have any sympathy for Ireland though, for if she was a dyke she ought not to have married him. I've had men and women both throw themselves at me, and the women were much more suitable than the men--two are doctors--but I knew it was unfair to marry someone I didn't want to sleep with. But then--silly me--I thought that perhaps the world wasn't after all all about me.
I see I need a course in a good re-education camp. Is there a Four Seasons in Martha's Vineyard where I can watch New York liberals drink the blood of peasants? Perhaps they have had as a guest in past years, before he went to that great stew pot in the sky, Idi Amin, who in his best Julia Child persona said, "I prefer to drink da blood of de black man dan de white man because it is sweetah."
I wonder if they drink the blood of Republican virgins out of Baccarat or Stueben?
Absolutely not, Theocritus! Do not say such things... we are progressive, we know nothing of this "taste" the Republinazis drone on and on about. I, personally, happen to fancy the tears of small children after raising their mommy and daddies taxes... ahh yes, little Johnny will not be getting the Lionel train set this Christmas... no, no, not this year at least. Why, you inquire? Because Tyrone and Shakeefa need a new caddy, recording contract, a few 40's, and all the drugs he/she/it can consume - all on the dollar of the tax-payer. Let us not forget Rodney and Peggy... they too are unfortunate trailer-trash womps that need free money as well... yes, that meth addiction will not pay for itself. See... progressives do not discriminate based on race. We all feel that all of Darwin's children deserve someone else's money... that is if they have the right political affiliation.
Sorry. I've been gone for a while, whipping my serf for boiling my eggs in plain water instead of widows' tears. She cried, her face turned up toward me, for she has no legs, "But Commissar! You know I cannot see since you blinded me for daring to look at your face!"
"Silence, Laploshka! Or I shall feed your tongue to my dogs. And sautee me a slice of the foie gras from that diabetic child with truffles from my private estate in Provence!"
What, honorable Punchenko, do you do about serfs any more? Four or five hundred good clouts of the knout and they want to lie down for an hour. Do you have this problem?
No, Noble Theocritus - I do not have such problems. For I take a more drastic approach... my serfs/peasants/useful-idiots believe that I am a Communist New Man with strange God like powers (Think The Island of Dr. Moreau, with Marlon Brando of course) They fear my knowledge of the Dark Side of Socialism... which of course is just me threatening to hose them down with very cold water... or as they call it "liquid magick". Yes, the "liquid magick" as they like to call it gets them everytime - especially if soap is involved, they are absolutely terrified of soap. They usually fall to the ground and quiver, thinking that the soap and very cold water will eat their flesh... ahh yes, the screaming and the horror in their little voices when they utter "liquid magick" amongst themselves, <sigh> gets to me everytime. I also like to be carried amongst my villagers in a solid-gold liter while donning my godly garbs of self-righteousness, altruism, and a few shiny medals I was awarded in the Glorious Soviet Union, all the while wearing white make-up, gaudy sunglasses and a Sho-Gun helmet with a jade staff gilded in gold (for theatrical effect of course). Yes, that will scare the uneducated masses into submission! That and also scaring them with the idea of a "surprise visit" from Her Excellency... which scares even me.
Those who do manage to discover that I'm nothing more than an insecure greedy bureaucrat are summarily shot... or as they like to say, "put down by the boom boom stick to serve Stalin in Detroit". I have them think that Detroit is the afterlife... they're so cute, Theocritus, especially when you play with their insignificant little minds.
Dammit... stop talking about over budget Sci-Fi shows! I might go into another trance and begin writing a progressive script for such decadent gutter sludge!
Wouldn't you first have to come out of your current trance? I promise, the $oft Ca$h is all locked away in an air-tight vault... not a whiff could possibly escape to pull you out of your current torpor... Be at peace, Meowski... all is well with the world, and there are no Inconvenient Truths you need concern yourself with at present...
Al Gore is starting Soylent Corporation...
Soros, Google, Heinz-Kerry, and Sulzberger family are major investors...
Production of Soylent Green to begin by 2022...
By then population is expected to be scared into submission by Global Warming...
Socialist policies will bring about shortage of food...
The only authorized food source will be Soylent Green...
It will be non-polluting, non-carbon-footprint, non-trans-fat...
But it will be made of people...
Somebody tell the Exchange...
I have proof...
Soylent Green is people...
If Algore starts making food out of corpses then he'll have to start with himself. He looks dead. But it's a mistake to think that he's dead from the neck up--evidently he and Our Many Titted Empress are very closet (but not intimate) politically, calculating on how best to make us serfs. And this is no arch faux-commie bit.
Environmentally-conscious proletarians relax after a week of hard work while listening to Party-approved songs by government composers powered by the People's Solar Panel.
Environmentally-conscious proletarians relax after a week of hard work while listening to Party-approved songs by government composers powered by the People's Solar Panel.
Not sure why, but the picture... and perhaps the entire thread (Theocritus did bring up a good point that Disney's animatronics haven't exactly taken any technological leaps forward in the last while, and there are some freaky "It's a Small World After All" like creatures in the same scene as the one I'm about to mention), suddenly brought to mind Johnny Depp's quoting the song Good Morning Starshine by Oliver, in Tim Burton's latest filmic retelling of the facist wife beating antisemite Roald Dahl's story of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Willy Wonka, seemingly out of nowhere, suddenly blurts out uncomfortably: Good morning starshine. The earth says hello.
I remember this song from when I was a kid, and I remember even wondering if it was like Puff the Magic Dragon and was talking about stuff that it didn't seem to be talking about (my first real exposure to the concept of hidden messages in music, even if I had no idea what the hidden message was about... cause I was 4 years old)... Anyhow, I found the entire lyrics, which should explain why any memory of it whatsoever has the 'feel' of a flashback, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure Mom wasn't lacing my Tang with acid back then... at least, not yet... Now, what's even better is that there is a version of the song on YouTube that has an incredibly cheesy montage of shots of either Hawaii or Japan, which the editor/poster even admits has nothing to do with the song but they just want you to hear the music <hmmm... For the Children???>... I posted the link way below, but here are the lyrics. I thought it was important to see them cause, well... those guys on the beach with the solar powered stereo did remind me of the song, and of Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, and frankly, sometimes, so does Al Gore... I wonder if Laika is 'tweaking' anything and I didn't get the memo about adjusting my tin hat 'just so' to avoid distortion, cognitive or otherwise... and last night was Friday - retro night...
However, I really am going to have to have a long talk with my parents and ask them to explain to me just WHAT THE F**K this song is going on about, cause I just don't understand and to be entirely honest, the whole thing, when listened to with the music, freaks me out a bit... I know it was in the musical Hair, but really, baby-boomers... that's just no excuse!!! All those words... those disjointed words in the lyrics at the end... he sings them all... all of them!!! And Tipper was worried about the lyrics to MY music... Freaks!!!
So... if you go down to the video and hit play, and then go back up to the lyrics, you can sing along...
Good morning starshine The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song
Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song
Singing a song
Humming a song
Singing a song
Loving a song
Laughing a song
Singing a song
Sing the song
Song song song sing
Sing sing sing sing song
Yeah... so that was the song... and now, the pointless video, though I do have a plot spoiler for you... about half way through there's an even more bizarrely pointless sequence of shots that has incredibly Freudian overtones... it's of a tunnel... a pedestrian tunnel... which at one point, you cannot see through to the end of... say no more...
However, I really am going to have to have a long talk with my parents and ask them to explain to me just WHAT THE F**K this song is going on about, cause I just don't understand and to be entirely honest, the whole thing, when listened to with the music, freaks me out a bit... I know it was in the musical Hair, but really, baby-boomers... that's just no excuse!!! All those words... those disjointed words in the lyrics at the end... he sings them all... all of them!!! And Tipper was worried about the lyrics to MY music... Freaks!!!
I am the Space Dog
I am the Space Dog
Sister's the Porpoise
Goo Goo Goo Joob
Sister's on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
People's Cube tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a commie boy, the Party's bread line is long.
I am the Space Dog
I am the Space Dog
Sister's the Porpoise
Goo Goo Goo Joob
goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob, goo goo g'joob, g'goo goo g'joob g'goo
(rhythmical speaking along with juba's).
Juba juba juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba juba. Juba juba.....
(speaking)
--Repeat (eventually juba's will stop) and fade until end.--
during the fade out background vocals:
[Simultaneously:] 'Everybody's got one' and 'Oompa, oompa, stick it up your joompa' [jumper]
Sister...your tinfoil hat has now been re-adjusted. You may now continue to receive transmissions.
I really am going to have to have a long talk with my parents and ask them to explain to me just WHAT THE F**K this song is going on about
It was the dawning of new age of Aquarius, Sister. Dan Brown explains it in his DaVinci code. The age of the Fishes was ending (meaning Christianity) and the new age of Aquarius was about to begin, bringing in different mentality, values, and culture. And if you didn't really grasp the concept you could always fake it. There had been more faking and fakes in the 1960s than in any other historical era.
The part you couldn't understand in the song was the "speaking tongues" part of the new religion. That cult spread like fire not because it was better than the old one, but because there had been a prophecy about it and many people really really really wanted it to spread, without much of an idea of what it was exactly they were spreading.
Samples of that cult remain well-preserved until this day in California, in the so-called New Age community. They have been active supporters of the Revolution and dedicated fellow travellers. It's a pity they will have to be eliminated after the Revolution as useful idiots. Because the real New Age is not that of Aquarius, but of a Socialist Utopia.
I am the Space Dog
I am the Space Dog
Sister's the Porpoise
Goo Goo Goo Joob
Sister's on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
People's Cube tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a commie boy, the Party's bread line is long.
I am the Space Dog
I am the Space Dog
Sister's the Porpoise
Goo Goo Goo Joob
goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob, goo goo g'joob, g'goo goo g'joob g'goo
(rhythmical speaking along with juba's).
Juba juba juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba juba. Juba juba.....
(speaking)
--Repeat (eventually juba's will stop) and fade until end.--
during the fade out background vocals:
[Simultaneously:] 'Everybody's got one' and 'Oompa, oompa, stick it up your joompa' [jumper]
Sister...your tinfoil hat has now been re-adjusted. You may now continue to receive transmissions.
Laika
Dearest Laika,
Thank you so much for the tin hat alignment and calibration - I had noticed that it has been vibrating terribly when I get up to speeds in excess of 120 km/h and that it was pulling to the right... Thank you also for the lovely personalized rendition of "I am the Walrus". I cannot begin to tell you how honoured I am. As a small calf my parents often played me Beatles music and I loved it very much, as it is playful and has much wonderful imagery in it. They even made me a Yellow Submarine birthday cake, complete with licorice and lollypop parascopes one year, my Dad freezing the cake and then carving it and them icing it well into the night so it would be a surprise for my birthday party the next day - I have wonderful parents. So despite The Beatles eventual - or perhaps continued would be a better word - moonbattyness, I have a special place in my heart for much Beatles music, even if I couldn't give a shit that someone shot John Lennon and don't think he was a particularly interesting person.
However, I am still somewhat at a loss - The Beatles were and still are and will always be... well... the Beatles... whereas Oliver was Oliver for a bit and then disappeared and died without too many people noticing... I don't need to ask my parents what Beatles songs meant cause they were (and still are) just fun, particularly for small kids - what three or four year old wouldn't want to live in an Octopuses Garden or a Yellow Submarine? And the rest of it is just silly nursery rhymes. Oliver, on the other hand, is just scary...
Red Square wrote
The part you couldn't understand in the song was the "speaking tongues" part of the new religion. That cult spread like fire not because it was better than the old one, but because there had been a prophecy about it and many people really really really wanted it to spread, without much of an idea of what it was exactly they were spreading.
Samples of that cult remain well-preserved until this day in California, in the so-called New Age community. They have been active supporters of the Revolution and dedicated fellow travellers. It's a pity they will have to be eliminated after the Revolution as useful idiots. Because the real New Age is not that of Aquarius, but of a Socialist Utopia.
I'm sorry Red, but I must respectfully disagree. If there is any creature best suited to speaking in tongues, it is a three year old singing to themselves, and when we hear things like:
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song
... put to Oliver's music, they are simply frightening... perhaps because we (as children) do know exactly what they mean and so vaguely remember as adults. But understanding glossolalia is a skill often lost as one grows up and so I, with great trepidation and with permission, of course, from the parents, played the little snippet above for my neighbour's four year old... She burst out crying, but after we had calmed her and given her a couple tablespoons of Victor Vodka laced with maple syrup, she explained that what she heard when this was played for her was:
Although I am now
an Adult I don't care.
I care only for me.
It is so much more fun
to have no silly worries
My kids are okay....
Me generation,
EST indoctrination,
Narcissism is my life.
My Kids Don't Need Me
They can raise themselves
My Guru is waiting
There's food on the shelves
My Kids don't need me
They just drag me down
They want to sabotage my
soul and suck my lifeforce out...
... &tc. &tc.... and apparently it just gets worse from there...
I did ask my parents about this. And just as you explained, they told me of a 70's phenomenon called "The Me Generation" where people believed that it was better to act like children and that if they just stayed children for their entire lives, they would make the world a better place by default. They also explained that ultimately, it was an empty doctrine supported by useful idiots who were really not interested in social change or improvement of the world for themselves or their children, but only really interested in self-fulfillment and finding justifications for being selfish and stupid. I asked my Dad if maybe this wasn't a little harsh a judgement, considering that Malva so often appears to mean well, but he became very angry and started cleaning his rifle very vigorously and so I thought it best to just let the subject drop. Apparently, The Me Generation wasn't very good at helping to keep the root cellar topped up and had a tendency to leave the lights on when they weren't in a room. I think it is a case of my parents being the very leading edge of the baby-boomers and so not so hippified that they couldn't adapt when necessary, whereas later inductees simply got their heads lodged so far up their own asses that they were never able to get them out and eventually grew to believe that the world existed only of their large intestine.. But it is only a theory.
That said, I think that many of them did, in fact, know exactly what kind of cult they were spreading, and used the useful idiots cover to hide their knowledge and therefore, their tacit acceptance (or non-acceptance) of responsibility. I would like to know whether or not you agree.
Theocritus wrote
Is there really a difference? Socialists, new age, sky pilots--all the same thing all the time. All coercion, all channels, all the time, to everyone.
I suspect that once again, and despite the fact that I do not fully understand, Theocritus is right... this cold is making my thinking muzzy, so I may not be apprehending exactly, but no... I don't think there is any difference... The Wizard of Oz will always be some little man behind the curtain, and he will always try to fool us into believing he is the Great and Powerful Oz... Which is why we are so blessed to have Laika orbiting above us, monitoring the airwaves for dissonance from poorly tuned tinhats and adjusting the frequency, Kenneth, so that things are always as they should be. Without this constant watchfulness, we might never achieve the Socialist Utopia of The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.
I am so attuned, perhaps paranoid (but then a successful paranoid never knows if he had to be) that I believe that people who thrust themselves in front of a camera are trying to control you. They want your attention, and your time, taking part of your life for them. If they are merely Hollywood trash, then the answer is simple: switch the channel or turn it off. A soap-box orator you can rush past. But--and here's the crucial difference--the people to look out for are the ones who demand your attention, and it is just that, and try for a coercive way to do it.
Rand is right, yet again. Something on the lines of, "When someone comes to you and tells you to follow your mind and your reason, you scream your fool heads off, but when someone tells you to renounce, renounce, renounce, you follow him."
It is this passivity which is the only thing that really makes me despair. It can be weakness of mind, for there are many such. (And which I do not understand; Catherine the Great said it was no use for one of strong mind to advise one of weak mind for the weak-minded one cannot understand it, and she was right.)
Also this passivity can be cowardice. But the one that I deep down inside, in the dark of night, that I truly fear, is my gathering suspicion that the left is composed of really nasty self-hating people who are looking to find someone mean enough to act out their self-hatred on the world. This explains their lust for coercion, even if it affects them.
And we make much mock fun at the Cube of our dachas and, in my case, multi-colored towels for Direktor Irena, and people like Algore certainly qualify for that, but how stupid are people to think that the pie is of infinite size?
I really think that there are a great many people who are spiritual masochists, and who are looking for a master. To salve their self-hatred. To punish them for their very existence. Rand(ian) again. Notice the meanness of the left--the gathered shoulders, the heads pulled in like a vulture's. The lowered brows. The entire body language. Look at David Corn. Alan Colmes before his PR lessons.
I'll make you a bet. Watch a news program with the sound off, and you have to come in after the crawl has identified the provenance of the guests. You can tell the leftist by the hateful eyes. I can.
Sorry Sister, I'm sorta like "Brain Drain Golden Olden Moldy Goldies"
Good morning sun.
I say it's good to see you shining.
I know my baby brought you to me.
She kissed me yesterday.
Hello to silver lining.
Got Spring and Summer running through me.
Hey, 98.6.
It's good to have you back again.
Oh, hey, 98.6.
Her lovin' is the medicine that saved me.
Oh, I love my baby.
Hey everybody on the street.
I see you smiling.
Must be because I found my baby.
You know she's got me on
another kind of highway.
I want to go to where it takes me.
Hey, 98.6.
It's good to have you back again.
Oh, hey, 98.6.
Her lovin' is the medicine that saved me.
Oh, I love my baby.
You know she's got me on
another kind of highway.
I want to go to where it takes me.
Hey, 98.6.
It's good to have you back again.
Oh, hey, 98.6.
Her lovin' is the medicine that saved me.
Oh, I love my baby.
You might wake up some mornin'
To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind
And if you're quick enough to rise
You'll catch a fleeting glimpse of someone's fading shadow
Out on the new horizon
You may see the floating motion of a distant pair of wings
And if the sleep has left your ears
You might hear footsteps running through an open meadow
Don't be concerned, it will not harm you
It's only me pursuing somethin' I'm not sure of
Across my dreams with nets of wonder
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love
You might have heard my footsteps
Echo softly in the distance through the canyons of your mind
I might have even called your name
As I ran searching after something to believe in
You might have seen me runnin'
Through the long-abandoned ruins of the dreams you left behind
If you remember something there
That glided past you followed close by heavy breathin'
Don't be concerned, it will not harm you
It's only me pursuing somethin' I'm not sure of
Across my dreams with nets of wonder
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love
[Instrumental Interlude]
Across my dreams with nets of wonder
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love
Oliver is the guy who wrote the scary song Good Morning Starshine song... The strange thing is, if you see a picture of him, he's so normal looking that he's almost invisible... like the perfect sociopath... I know I'm fixating but I'm certain that only a sociopath could write a song with the lyrics:
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song
And people paid him for it... he was paid money for this... it was used in a hit Broadway musical - Hair (which just goes to prove my point that Andrew Lloyd Webber is the spawn of a Kulak Monster)... There is evil in the world, and it's name is...
Sorry Sister, I'm sorta like "Brain Drain Golden Olden Moldy Goldies".
Is okay now that tinhat is properly calibrated... as long as I am protected from 1969 music mind control, or worse, early to mid-seventies, all is well... Besides, if I play Pergolesi's Stabat Mater at "10", it drowns everything else out...
This is my favourite recording of it, with Gillian Fisher, and if you scroll down you can even listen to a sample of it... quite beautiful... I'd like to see Andew Lloyd Kulak Monster write that...
The Party and Politburo's favorite composer has always been Tchaikovsky. His Swan Lake used to be played nation-wide when a significant Party leader died. Both sad and optimistic, on many levels. Please adjust your musical tastes accordingly.
Andew Lloyd Kulak Monster didn't write the decadent bourgeois musical Hair. Hair was written by James Rado and Gerome Ragni (book and lyrics), and Galt MacDermot (music). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_%28musical%29
I think Andew's first musical was "J.C. Superstar," an equally decadent reactionary propaganda of the opiate for the masses, as it was described to us by our teacher in school.
The Party and Politburo's favorite composer has always been Tchaikovsky. His Swan Lake used to be played nation-wide when a significant Party leader died. Both sad and optimistic, on many levels. Please adjust your musical tastes accordingly.
I know Red, but sadly, even the great Pytor Ilyich cannot drown out the screaming caused by a generation of narcisists finding out the world does not revolve around them... and for some reason, despite their religiocity, the lyrics to Sorrowing Mother always strike me as more appropriate for dispelling the taint of useful idiots who have found reasons to neglect their offspring. Of course, I only use it in instances where music of the late 60's and early 70's is concerned. For anything else, we must stick to uncle Pyotr's work, certainly...
Red Square wrote
Andew Lloyd Kulak Monster didn't write the decadent bourgeois musical Hair. Hair was written by James Rado and Gerome Ragni (book and lyrics), and Galt MacDermot (music). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_%28musical%29
I am aware. Andrew Lloyd Kulak Monster doesn't actually exist - he is an amalgam I refer to as stand in for all the creators of such decadent musical thought crime... I see no difference between one 'composer' of such reactionary musical Kulak-attracting garbage and the next as they are each simply writing the most 'shiny' and 'pretty' pieces to attract magpies... I believe that MODERN musical theatre is actually an underhanded attempt to destroy civilization and to undermine an entire generation of CHILDREN. I also believe quite strongly that we must hunt down any Andrew Lloyd Kulak Monsters in their nests and destroy them before they can do any more damage... FOR THE CHILDREN!!!
Red... if you could have seen my father's face as he began to clean his rifle more vigorously... it must have been a horrible horrible time. He has clearly seen the face of evil and it is "Cats"!
Red Square wrote
I think Andew's first musical was "J.C. Superstar," an equally decadent reactionary propaganda of the opiate for the masses, as it was described to us by our teacher in school.
This teacher was very wise, and deserves much for passing this wisdom onto you. I certainly hope your teachers recieved their just rewards for such a quality education.
Comrade Meteorologist Heidi Cullen of Weather.com agrees...
"If a meteorologist has an AMS Seal of Approval, which is used to confer legitimacy to TV meteorologists, then meteorologists have a responsibility to truly educate themselves on the science of global warming, If a meteorologist can't speak to the fundamental science of climate change, then maybe the AMS shouldn't give them a seal of approval".
Cullen failed to mention her proposed Meteorologist Re-educated Camp...
Thanks so much for your Q&A Column. Since I am novice in computer use and getting around on the internets (ooops, sorry about that !!), I faithfully follow your very, very much appreciated expert technical advice regarding computer parts… and all that other stuff about these little magic boxes.
Brother Al, I have a question about these “spy wares.” How many of them do you think are out there on the internets (Darn !!), and do you have any advice or solid evidence that these spies may be the U.S. government?
Al, the thing is… I use my computer as a voice of political dissent against the current occupants of the White House, and often stress my opinion that they all should be strung up to the tallest trees on the front lawn. At times, I’m pretty (oxymoron) vociferous about that and few other things, such as Bush’s smirks and Cheney’s sneers. And they apparently tell a lot of lies. That's very troubling. I believe they really do have spy wares out there on the internets (don’t remind me !!), and I have the uncanny feeling they are watching me.
Al, another thing… I have read reports that half the honeybees in the U.S. (and elsewhere) have disappeared. Aren’t the honeybees crucial to the environment and the production of our food supply? What or who is killing off the honeybees?
Please advise a.s.a.p.
Troubled,
Sister Blue Bell
=================
Dear Sister Blue Bell,
Thank you for your kind letter and for your important queries, which I will answer in two parts.
1. Spy ware: Well, uh… hehehe… I believe you may have the wrong idea about the terminology and use of “spy ware.” hahaha. Although, I must say that, indeed (wink), there may be spies lurking on the internets (Damn !! He has me saying it !!). Well, I have this to say about government spies on the internets…
<<< Reply zapped and vaporized by the automatic Harmonizer >>>
2. Disappearing Honey Bees: I am quite disturbed and concerned about this subject. It is my belief that…..
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Sister Blue Bell, I hope my comments on both these subjects of great importance will be of help. It’s always a pleasure to hear from concerned folks like you. Keep smiling and keep up the good work !!
Why is the New York Times turning against Gore? Is it because they saw the truth - or they simply can't enjoy the rest of the day unless they betray at least someone before breakfast?
Whose Ox Is Gored? The media discover the former vice president's environmental exaggerations and hypocrisy.
[Darth Vader Voice] NOOOOO!!! [Darth Vader Voice/] It cannot be! How could they turn against the one who invented the internet which has made them so prosperous? Why would they turn on the one who supports the cause that all of their artikles are based on? HOW!
By pure chance I discovered that the trailer for Inconvenient Truth fits perfectly with "Play that Funky Music Whiteboy". Try it. It's like Pink Floyd and that Dorothy movie:
Inconvenient Truth
I must admit that on further reflection this image reminds me greatly of those swinging hipster sixties. Ah the memories we had; shivering in the mud and rain, the smell of patchouli and hemp, the constant flashbacks to some strange blue land with butterflies made out of chewing gum... wait, what was that last thing?
Comrades, something is fermenting here in my brain jar. On the main page there is a quote attributed to the Gospel of Refomed Latter Day Climatologists, the "Goremons." Are we in fact creating a new opiate of the people to replace the older opiates? If so, what other new faiths are there out there? Beliefs based entirely on faith and defying logic and empirical test?
I can see one without looking too closely, a faith called Trutheranism, practiced by Trutherans. Trutheran doctrine is based on the esoteric knowledge that the 9/11 "attacks" were in fact staged by that great agent of evil, George Bush and his minions. This is supported by the Gospel of Saint Michael (otherwise known as "Farenheit 9/11"), The Revelations of Saint Rosie the Bovine, and the Various New Testimonies of The Wise Men of Holy Wood like Charlie Sheen. It has its Holy Orders, such as The Sisters of Our Lady of the Inarticulate Misconception, founded by Saint Sheehan.
So. We have Goremons and Trutherans. Has anyone noticed any other new religions blossoming out there? Anyone have anything to add to the theology of the Goremons or Trutherans? Perhaps, Comrade Red Square, this might warrant a new thread of discussi...er...Revelation?
The Trutherans are of course a Protest-ant sect, as are their closely related denomination, the Boobtists. The core belief of Boobtism seems to be a faith that exposing a sagging pair of leathery dugs in public places can ward off the evil eye (and all other eyes, for that matter) and force the Great Mother Spirit to enter the hearts and minds of non-Boobtists and enlighten them as to the utter evil of the Rethuglican heretics who lay awake at night trying to figure out where the largest concentration of children are so they can bomb them the next day.
Thank you, Party Organ Donor Betinov! You deserve an additional drop of vodka added to the alcohol solution in which your brain is currently floating.
Please find time to sit down, sharpen your Party-issue pencil with your shovel, and write down a complete list of progressive religions with all relevant characteristics. A small intro at the beginning and a conclusion at the end.
If not you, who? If not now, when?
The Propaganda Department will take care of the visuals.
You have access to posting new topics on the People's Blog. If it matches the criteria of a People's Editorial it will be moved to the Current Truth section.
Perhaps we should recognize the immense sacrifice of Comrade Albert Gore, reduced to accepting a prize named after the warmonger and plutocrat Alfred Nobel. What about a commemorative t-shirt:
"I labored to rule the world, and all I got was this lousy Nobel Peace Prize!"
The face could be Comrade Gore's, or perhaps "The Brain" of "Pinky and the Brain".
Little do you know, I suppose, how widely appreciated in Poland (where I'm from) were Comrade Gore's revelations about the pollution problem here.
"In some areas of Poland, children are regularly taken underground into deep mines to gain some respite from the buildup of gases and pollution of all sorts in the air. One can almost imagine their teachers emerging tentatively from the mine, carrying canaries to warn the children when it’s no longer safe for them to stay above the ground" - revealed Gore in his book titled "Earth and Balance".
Quite expectedly, those words of stark truth provoked the local bourgeouis to launch a reactionary "laughing campaign" (chiefly on various websites and numberous blogs, secretly controlled by the forces of imperialism) whose main aim was to ridicule the author and his discovery as highly incredible and insane.
Some vacillating elements eagerly succumbed to this propaganda, thereby proving Comrade Stalin's wise words that the class war gets fiercer as one moves closer to socialism.
Little do you know, I suppose, how widely appreciated in Poland (where I'm from) were Comrade Gore's revelations about the pollution problem here.
"In some areas of Poland, children are regularly taken underground into deep mines to gain some respite from the buildup of gases and pollution of all sorts in the air. One can almost imagine their teachers emerging tentatively from the mine, carrying canaries to warn the children when it’s no longer safe for them to stay above the ground" - revealed Gore in his book titled "Earth and Balance".
Quite expectedly, those words of stark truth provoked the local bourgeouis to launch a reactionary "laughing campaign" (chiefly on various websites and numberous blogs, secretly controlled by the forces of imperialism) whose main aim was to ridicule the author and his discovery as highly incredible and insane.
Some vacillating elements eagerly succumbed to this propaganda, thereby proving Comrade Stalin's wise words that the class war gets fiercer as one moves closer to socialism.
Wow, Vibov, I had to google that quote. I thought you made it up. Even Gore, I thought, could not be so brilliant and prescient.
Clearly, Comrade Gore is a great credit to the Party.
Imagine this woman's suffering! Forced to hobnob with the wealthy--even marry one of them only to divorce him and take him to the cleaners, and all FTGG. Ahh, the humanity!
Imagine this woman's suffering! Forced to hobnob with the wealthy--even marry one of them only to divorce him and take him to the cleaners, and all FTGG. Ahh, the humanity!
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not. If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it. 
Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching my film "An Inconvenient Truth," they all figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's Oscar-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."
Complete Idiot's Guide To Global Warming" to "The Progressive Activist's Guide To Global Warming."
uh, in a comrade sort of way. 
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
buy this sticker
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
