For this year's official report, please read last year's official report and multiply all the numbers by nine.

That is, within these glorious nine years we have posted 180 million articles that were viewed by 576 billion people in more than 4.5 million countries. Our stories were quoted on 810 million websites and translated into 63 thousand languages. Our mail room workers responded to 612 million fan emails, and the site membership has exceeded 89 billion registered users.

The unofficial statistics, available to Party members only, are as follows:

The Thoughtcriminal counter at the bottom of the page has passed the ten million mark last month. That is how many visitors have opened the People's Cube pages since April 1, 2005.

The number of total topics posted on all People's sub-forums has reached 11,116. Together with all the comments, the number goes all the way to 164,638.

It should also be emphasized that "nine years" is only the age of our glorious Party Organ, ThePeoplesCube.com. The People's Cube as a concept, however, is eternal; it has existed since the very dawn of civilization and will persevere for as long as there are dreams of Utopia, progressive agitators, and monkey brains.

Not only that, but we have completed three Five Year Plans in that nine year span, reaching (respectively) 112%, 108% and 116.7% of planned production of vital informational goals.

Spreading glorious equality and the love of beet vodka (and occasional hot tub pudding) among the masses for nine years now!

A truly glorious day, comrades!!

FOR THE PEOPLE!!!

The only bit of astonishment to yet be considered is how it is that we have not yet achieved The Glorious World of Next Tuesday. It is inconceivable that we could fail in nine years of struggle.

To our beloved Red Square and his eternal red cube, we salute you.

darski wrote:The only bit of astonishment to yet be considered is how it is that we have not yet achieved The Glorious World of Next Tuesday. It is inconceivable that we could fail in nine years of struggle.

Nay, nay, think of it this way: Despite all efforts of teabagging Rethuglikkkans and other counterrevolutionaries, the prospect of said Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ has never been dimmed, overtaken, or overcome. Huzzah for the The People's Cube!

Why this just calls for breaking out a bottle of the good stuff!!!

And to think it's also same day that Obamacare has just finished signing up 800 billion people!

Happy Birthday, Comrades!

Most commendable efforts thus far, the accuracy of the numbers shown above is
shows the increasing reach and effectiveness of the pc. Beet juice all around!

Just in time for the celebration, Tiger Direct launches Kube X 15 - a safe mini-nuclear generator. The Cube power!

A birthday Party joke:

Old Kulak on deathbed in state hospital he owes to Party: (Speaking to miserable wife) "Dearest miserable Kulak wife, this is my dying wish: I want Cube Party members to be my pallbearers."

Miserable Kulak wife: "But dearest husband, why? You hate the Party because it won't let us prey on the masses and steal the product of their labor."

Old Kulak on deathbed in state hospital he owes to Party: "I know, but I took all the benefits the Party fought for and selflessly gave to the people even though I publicly denounce the goodness of socialism!

So it's only fair. Since the Party carried me my whole life, they should carry me to the grave too."

The Americans have a similar joke but the old man is called Joe Republican.

Red Square wrote:Just in time for the celebration, Tiger Direct launches Kube X 15 - a safe mini-nuclear generator. The Cube power!

Comrade! Surely someone at Tiger's Direct must have been reading the Cube to have such an idea! And what a way to not only Share the Wealth™ but to also Share the Power™!

RedDiaperette wrote:

darski wrote:The only bit of astonishment to yet be considered is how it is that we have not yet achieved The Glorious World of Next Tuesday. It is inconceivable that we could fail in nine years of struggle.

Nay, nay, think of it this way: Despite all efforts of teabagging Rethuglikkkans and other counterrevolutionaries, the prospect of said Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ has never been dimmed, overtaken, or overcome. Huzzah for the The People's Cube!

And not just prospect - but we are always making Progress™- Forward!! Thus we are ever closer to the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ - and now we can do it with a nice glow!!

Comrades,
This would make a great gift for people you don't like. a wrong flick of the switch and their entire body will glow with heat for several seconds before demise.

Excuse me while I barf, commies.

Red Square wrote:The People's Cube as a concept, however, is eternal; it has existed since the very dawn of civilization

Now a Major Motion Picture Event!

anonemous1 wrote:

RedDiaperette wrote:

darski wrote:The only bit of astonishment to yet be considered is how it is that we have not yet achieved The Glorious World of Next Tuesday. It is inconceivable that we could fail in nine years of struggle.

Nay, nay, think of it this way: Despite all efforts of teabagging Rethuglikkkans and other counterrevolutionaries, the prospect of said Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ has never been dimmed, overtaken, or overcome. Huzzah for the The People's Cube!

And not just prospect - but we are always making Progress™- Forward!! Thus we are ever closer to the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ - and now we can do it with a nice glow!!

On that note, may the revolution never end. Praise be to the Glorious Cube this spectacular Tuesday! Next Tuesday can never come soon enough!!

[breaks out special reserve beet vodka]

In Amerikka, an immigrant with a dream can come and write a book about what he has learned, start a website and somehow feed a family. His new friends will do their best to sound like the people he left, (all in fun) ...while doing their best to set the world right. Happy birthday to the Cube, the taps are open in tractor barn #2, and for this night we will not check ration cards!

Viva la CUBE!

Red Square wrote:It should also be emphasized that "nine years" is only the age of our glorious Party Organ, ThePeoplesCube.com.

Huh-huh-huh. Hey Comrade Captain Craptek, Comrade Red Square said "glorious party organ."

Stop the celebration!
Our Dear Leader just signed an executive order postponing the birthday until sometime in mid-April so more people can sign up for the party.

Chairman Meow!

Comrade Obama is all wise, all knowing, and really one handsome fellow isn't he? Maybe the IRS will join the celebration? I know they sure love me, and I'll be there!

Happy birthday comrades, life in the gulag is sweet! Free rats and roaches for all to celebrate this momentous occasion!

Every year on this date I break out with this birthday song to this glorious community.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

Nine years old?
Big deal. So is our president.

Am I too late? After the KUBE X-15 malfunctioned I got lost in the darkened basement.

I'd like to propose a toast, not only to our most glorious boss Comrade Square, but also to comrades lost, especially Father Prog Theocritus.

за ваше здоровье

"I'd like to propose a toast, not only to our most glorious boss Comrade Square, but also to comrades lost, especially Father Prog Theocritus." -Reuixcat

Yeah, me too, Reiuxcat,

I miss Father Prog Theocritus as well. In fact, I found myself thinking about him muchly this past week, as did my spousal unit, Comrade Tovarich.

I shed tears like a little girl. I love him so much.

These frequent thoughts about him make me wonder if he is actually looking after us, and others, like he did in life. I know, he was an atheist and a bit bored with life (according to his friend, sbates), but I wonder as well if he, upon giving up his body, found something so immense and loving that you cannot see the end of it. I, myself, have seen something like this. And, it ain't boring.

I do know one thing for certain. Man did not create the universe. And that may be all I need to know.

Go! The People's Cube! The real "People's Paradise!

"We gotta do the Tenth Anniversary, we just gotta! So many comrades have said so. We want to meet each other in person. Can we get Rush's wife, Katherine, an event planner, to do this?

Just a suggestion.

"...You didn't build that..."

Peopre's Cube may be 9 years ord but never forget that Peopre's Cube 81 years ord in Laika Years ™

oh krap! my math wrong! I was using Commie Core ™ algorithms to come up with figure of 81. Me so solly! Arso carred Al Gore-ithms ™

Everyone know that Dog Years are 7 years. So nine times seven is......63!

ding! ding! ding! I a winner! what my prize?

Juche Couture wrote:oh krap! my math wrong! I was using Commie Core ™ algorithms to come up with figure of 81. Me so solly! Arso carred Al Gore-ithms ™

Everyone know that Dog Years are 7 years. So nine times seven is......63!

ding! ding! ding! I a winner! what my prize?

One case of crose rerative puppy chow. (each pack individuarry seared in aruminum foir) For a squirrer I tark pretty OK, yes?

Pamalinsky wrote:
I miss Father Prog Theocritus as well. In fact, I found myself thinking about him muchly this past week, as did my spousal unit, Comrade Tovarich.

I shed tears like a little girl. I love him so much.

These frequent thoughts about him make me wonder if he is actually looking after us, and others, like he did in life.

The Government looks after us, Comrade Pamalinsky! The Government watches us from above! The Government hears our pleas and petitions! The Government gives, but if Republicans ever get back into power, you can be damned sure they'll take everything away!

No, I don't wonder if Father Prog Theocritus looks after us. I only hope he's still voting.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: No, I don't wonder if Father Prog Theocritus looks after us. I only hope he's still voting.

Most likely many times in many places in each election.

There are reports that without Theo's direct supervision, Bruno voted for a libertarian candidate and cast only one ballot. What is this place coming to?

No, I don't wonder if Father Prog Theocritus looks after us. I only hope he's still voting.

At least three times in all fifty-seven states at last count....

Comrades, where are you with the preparations for the third 5-year plan? It's coming fast. I guess we already fulfilled the second 5-year plan 6 years ahead of schedule.

anonemous1 wrote:

Red Square wrote:Just in time for the celebration, Tiger Direct launches Kube X 15 - a safe mini-nuclear generator. The Cube power!

Comrade! Surely someone at Tiger's Direct must have been reading the Cube to have such an idea! And what a way to not only Share the Wealth™ but to also Share the Power™!

I was going to pre-order one of these till I noticed the gimmick. What happens after 50 years when you need another tube of plutonium? Hmmmm? It's like a cheap no-name printer. Once you buy it, your stuck buying their ink cartridges forever! Do they think I just hopped off a tree yesterday?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:The Government looks after us, Comrade Pamalinsky! The Government watches us from above! The Government hears our pleas and petitions! The Government gives, but if Republicans ever get back into power, you can be damned sure they'll take everything away!

I think everything is already at the Rancho, Commasarka. Bruno has it all now, after that thieving, conniving, under handing Theocritus robbed Meow. (my kinda prog!)

1 is closer to 11 than 7... here's to our Common Core comrades...

Contrary tp all reports, I am still alive and kicking. I send my congratulations to the Glorious Collective and wish I could be there for the celebrations. Unfortunately, I am under strict orders not to divulge my current situation, so I must leave for now. Have fun and remember, the People will always prevail!

Hurry back soon, Che Gourmet! The slop that Commodore Snoogie is distributing from the galley of his flagship is generally refused by starving residents of the gulag, and its not just from overuse of cilantro...