Image

The Nanski Peloski Gift Catalog Is Here!

User avatar
Comrades,

I am so excited! We've all seen gift catalogs such as Sharper Image™ and Carol Wright™... Well, Comrade Nanski has decided to capitalize socialize on her recent tremendous popularity and introduce a catalog of her own for the discriminating (I mean that in a progressive way) comrade. It's a chance to get some great stuff and help out some good causes like her re-election campaign. And, everything ordered will be delivered in time for Christmas Obama's Birthday.

Congressional Toilet Seat
Image
Nanski got the idea for this from the recent controversy over the stimulus funds. We really do need a faster way to flush distribute public funds to where they're needed. This seat has an extra-wide mouth to expedite the deposition of money and extra height so even the most full-of-it congressperson will have trouble overflowing it. It's also great if you have a lot of perpetually drunken sots around who have trouble urinating into the bowl.

Chicagoland Paper Shredder
Image
The political class as a rule generates a lot of paper, some of which could be embarassing if viewed out of context (or by juries.) Nobody generates more stuff of this type than the progressive folks in the Windy City and they needed an industrial-strength shredder that would take all they could hand it and shout "Got any more o' dat stuff?" Shreds incredibly quickly, too, for those times when the investigators don't bother to knock. Works on small arms and drug paraphernalia, too!

The "Teddy" Personal Floatation Device
Image
Not all politicians can walk on water like Obama; some need help staying afloat. Lack of buoyancy has sunk more than one political career. This self-inflating automatic life vest fits discretely under a suit jacket or dress but the minute the wearer drives his car drunkenly into a body of water, its automatic hydro-sensors inflate the vest faster than a modern auto air bag, keeping him above water literally and figuratively. And, it has a manual activation feature which allows it to become a spare cushion in a pinch! Great for spontaneous drunken trysts with campaign workers.

Politician - English Phrase Book
Image
This is a nightmare all pols have; congress recesses and you get on a plane to spend some time back in your home state. By sheer coincidence, your seatmate is from your district. He figures out who you are and starts asking you questions about public policy. There are no aides, speech writers or teleprompters available... what do you do? Ad-libs are dangerous! More than one career has been destroyed by innocuous quips made to sneaky reporters. But, if you just have this phrase book handy, you can just whip it out, figure out what he's talking about and respond in safe, vacuous gibberish. It also has a section on multi-purpose phrases suitable for impromptu speech-making and when NOT to use each (i.e. don't say "Better dead than red" to a group of Native Americans!) Nanski does not leave home without it!

Environmentally-Friendly TP Alternative
Image
Nanski is very whacky environmentally conscious and abhors waste of any kind - you can tell that from the way she watches over the Federal Budget! So her next great crusade after she fixes health care will be to declare war on what she sees as a massive waste of energy and other resources: toilet paper! Nanski had to "think out of the bowl box" a bit to come up with the answer but we think she's on to something! Here's your chance to be one of the first to climb on board for the next great crusade!

Autographed Copy of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009
Image
Have a piece of sh*t history right in your own home! Nanski Peloski's Congress had a difficult ditch to dig us out of in the form of the 2008 BusHoover depression, but they did it and saved billions of jobs in the process. To celebrate this historic achievement, Nanski has personally autographed a number copies of the original bill and made them available to her loyal comrades. This is the COMPLETE bill, all 1000 or so pages. Be the first one on your block to read the entire thing! (Heck, be the first one in the entire country to read the entire thing!) No parcel post or UPS, ships via truck only. Goes great with the Congressional Toilet Seat above.

Politically Correct Bird Feeder
Image
Designed by a progressive ornithologist, this feeder uses a patented mechanism to identify and locate the most ambitious birds (the ones who always make the extra effort to find food) then confiscate and re-dsitribute their acquisitions to the slackers. Also penalizes birds who work the hardest to build the best nests while encouraging birds like English Cuckoo, which lays its eggs in the nests of other birds and kicks those birds own eggs out. Comes in two colors, red or pink.

User avatar
How thoughtful of you, Opiate, to consider the little people. MadProgs like Nansky have an innate talent meaning that they just don't need these various bits of apparatus. Show Elvis a mike, he'd wow an audience. Show Nansky a dollar or a freedom, and she's through it like shit through a goose.

It's so very proggish of you, Opiate, to make allowances for lesser-gifted among us.

Special Opympics for Progs.

User avatar
The Progressive OlympicsTM - because none of us is as fast or strong as all of us!

"The thrill of victory; the agony of the beet!"

"Because being progressive never means you have to be a winner!"

These are all perfectly suited for GroupThink, no?

Comrade Opiate, a wonderful collection of astute merchandise for the progressive progressive. At the risk of seeming bougeouisie, could I suggest a politically advanced childs toy that has found much favor in our childrens' prisons in my motherland: the Banish Me Elmo:

Image


User avatar
Finally!!!!!!

I was looking for a Solar Powered Flashlight for years!

Who ever said Prog technology couldn't hold a candle to capitalist pig inventions in the marketplace. I can't wait to try this puppy tonight!!!!!

I'm sure it won't let me down.


Image

User avatar
Ah. Were I to die tomorrow I could go to my grave happy, having seen the ObaTrabi and the solar-powered flashlight. The ObaTrabi is a twofer--we can work the cow and milk it too, and when I won't do either, shoot it, sell the meat we don't eat, and blame Bush.

And as for the solar-powered flashlight--words fail me. It's like seeing all those wind farms in West Texas, which depend on tax subsidies to make them work. All hail the power of other people's money!

User avatar
Wouldn't the solar powered flashlight be more efficient if the lamp shined down on the solar cells? I mean, that way it would always be ready for use, even in the dark.

Which brings us to my favorite idea, the ammonia powered car. Cryogenic liquid ammonia can be burned in a car engine without any modification. Since ammonia contains no carbon, the exhaust is pollution free. And ammonia is manufactured on the industrial scale by simply blowing steam onto incandescent coke.

Of course, burning coal to make coke creates greenhouses gases, but I'll leave someone else to figure out that problem, I can't be expected to solve everything, I'm too busy coming up with solutions.

User avatar
That's right. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. And since we Made Progressives are always solving other people's problems, even if they don't have any, that means that the other people are the problems.

Whoopie, how's that concentration camp Dr. Singer Therapy Center coming along?

User avatar
Comrades,
Nanski is so excited about the Banish Me, Elmo idea; she is sure the item would be very popular as either a holiday gift or a veiled threat (or perhaps both!) Well done, General!

Nanski likes the environmentally-friendly SUV but it would compete with something Government Motors is already developing. Since you are all Party insiders, I can share some secret details with you: the propulsion system will not be a burro but an ostrich on methamphetamine.... yes, you guessed it, high-bird technology!

The solar-powered flashlight has a, how would you say, inherent flaw but Nanski thinks she has the solution to the problem....

Image


To thank you for all your inspired ideas, Nanski has some wonderful novelty bowling balls for all of you. She is willing to give you a 5% discount off the list price on them because of certain defects which cause them to roll without fail into the left side gutter no matter where on the alley they are thrown. However, this bug can actually be a feature in a game with Obama as it ensures you will not get a higher score than he does.

Image

User avatar
I have to admit that I was a tad bit underwhelmed by the performance of my solar powered flashlight last night. Though I see Nansky is working on a temporary fix until some of the bugs are worked out, on this alternate energy and eco friendly solution.
In the meantime she also sent me this handy little adaption device to plug in the back if I want to use this at night.


Image Nansky also assures me that she will make sure another 4 billion of OPM will be poured into further research to find out what the flaw was in the design and make some minor corrections. In the meantime I've ordered another fine Socialist engineered Eco friendly device endorsed by Nansky.

Image
It will be great to have fresh rain water for watering my eco friendly houseplants at home.

User avatar
It seems we're trespassing on the territory of Al Gore, People's Inventor here.

- https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=16

However, I think that the idea to make the flashlight's bulb shine on the solar batteries to make them work might just be the solution to the problem of eternal engine! Previously, perpetuum mobile was deemed impossible because any mechanical device had friction. But here there will be no friction - just pure eternal energy! We just solved the alternative energy problem!

And if that doesn't work, here's the male plug for Snoogie's extension cord leading to the female flashlight.

Image

User avatar
Red, you make this old socialist's eyes glisten with rheum. I recall 35 years ago knowing a man named Crazy Roland Harry Johnson, or Camo Roland as the cognoscenti called him. He entered the service but was mustered out almost immediately in Louisiana when it was determined that he had no brain. And said enlistment saved him from being prosecuted for murdering his mother, who was found dead here, stabbed 23 times with nut picks, while her cats do what cats do when they're hungry.

Roland Harry Johnson was a very assiduous connoisseur of UFO magazines and knowing that I knew something about electronics, wanted me to make him a special wish machine, with a vacuum tube and no power supply.

Perpetuum mobile from a UFOlogist. That makes such since.

Bear in mind that the Rancho is only 176 miles from Roswell, NM.

User avatar
Opiate, are those finger holes in Waxman's head or ventilation holes? After all, his fevered brain must need some sort of relief.

And I must denounce all the good comrades here for jumping the gun on the solar-powered flashlight. The stimulus bill of His O'liness will render this point moot.

Image
Quite seriously, I had an interesting talk with a man who wants to put up a solar-generation plant here near the Rancho. The only way that it will be economically viable is <i>five-year depreciation for the investors</i>. Wells Fargo is already working on an instrument for that, while other people are worried about their CDs. This means that the lenders will lend, since it will be half leveraged. This is yet another example of writing law for the rich. I could go on and on about the collapse of the S&Ls in the 80s and the Texas property market, but I won't. Gifts in appreciation to the Rancho.

But rest assured: the wealthy are best advised to be Democrats. If you write a check for a fancy house and a fancy car, it makes sense to write a check to a politician. For if you're well off you expect good treatment and after a while it takes some moral fiber not to expect special treatment. Which politicians are always glad to give you if you buy them.

User avatar
Red Square,

Far be it for me to intrude on our beloved Al Gores terrain. Though it must be noted he has been very quiet on the peoples inventions front as of late. I, just being a good Comrade and all, am just taking up some of the slack during his absence, while Comrade Gore continues to ponder his latest socialist invention gift to mankind.

I hope you do not mind but I was inspired by Commissar Theo and the wind turbines he mentioned. I have done a little tinkering and believe I have a perfect companion for the solar powered flashlight without any of those pesky hidden design flaws.


Image
As always beloved leader, I am but a humble servant of the party who only wishes to serve the greater good.

User avatar
Snoogie, I like that one. That could be used to light Congress.

We could also burn the methane that cows make so much of:<center>
Image</center>

---

Tip of the ushanka to Red Rooster

User avatar
Comrade, you forgot the warning sign for the people required for that post.

Image

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, are those finger holes in Waxman's head or ventilation holes? After all, his fevered brain must need some sort of relief.



In true Progressive tradition, those holes serve a dual purpose. Plus, one can insert one's spare change into the holes and said coins will be re-distributed to the masses when the ball rolls down the alley.... change we can believe in!

Image
Solar power unprofitable? That is the "old" way of thinking (you know, reality-based.) In the new world of hope and change, no bank that is too big too fail is too stupid to fail. If its loans are unviable, whether they be for housing developments in the desert or white elephant power generation projects, no need to worry, the permanent chapter of the "Friends of Angelo" in DC will print up some more phoney money and make up the difference. If my mind doesn't deceive me, there used to be some other former super power whose economy was run like this.... what was their name again? Soviet Union or something, I think.

It may not be a coincidence that many members of the chattering class have taken up the meme that the Republicans need to be more progressive (like Democrats) while the tea parties are marching in the streets demanding an alternative to both sets of idiots. The reality perhaps is that there are no Republicans or Democrats any more, just the political class and the rest of us. When one considers what happened last fall and what is happening now, one might ask why are we flushing the toilet when the same poop still remains.

User avatar
Yes! I love catalogs, didn't know Nanski had one out. They have historically been very useful in the little house with the crescent moon ventilation system.

I am very tempted by the Chicagoland Paper Shredder, but I am really in need of an Industrial Strength All Purpose Shredder as seen in Fargo. ( I have photo, am unable to paste.)

User avatar
If you're unable to paste, draw it with a pencil on your monitor and give us your IP address so we all can see it.

Image

User avatar
Does the catalog sell one of those little machines where you insert a blank piece of paper, turn the crank, and out comes a genuine dollar bill? Isn't that what they plan to use to fund the Stimulus, Obamacare, and extra money for Cash for Clunkers?

And let's not forget the amazing Sea Monkeys. Just think! If they can be trained to follow beams of light from a solar powered flashlight, who knows what else we can train them to do?

User avatar
Commissarka Pinkie wrote: And let's not forget the amazing Sea Monkeys. Just think! If they can be trained to follow beams of light from a solar powered flashlight, who knows what else we can train them to do?


Mmmmm, I don't know, I guess we can think of something.

Image

User avatar
Hi,

I'm your friendly Nanski Peloski Garbage Policeman Puppet. When you see your mommy or your neighbors throwing a plastic bottle into the rotten vegetable recycle bin, and not into the plastic bottle recycle bin, use me to tell them: "No, no, no." I am the garbage policeman and you are breaking the law. I'm going to have to put you under arrest. You broke a recycling law.

Image

User avatar
I love citizens' police. Remember that Jodin Morey was on a protest in Mnpls when he followed the protest leader who wanted the cops to arrest Dick Cheyne. This was before he threw his cell phone on the ground because he was afraid that a mall cop would think it was an atom bomb.

Boy George and George Michael make Jodin Morey jokes.

In Britain the government is instructing children on how to rat on their parents. And wasn't there a MasterCard commercial in which a man's little girl berates him for not doing something very prog? And he smiles, and nods, and conforms, and the gets control of the household as her parents quiver beneath her censorious first-grade gaze.

User avatar
The children are our future. They will show the way. They will save the planet.


Image
There's only one problem. They always rebel.

User avatar
Comrades,

There has been a slight tech glitch with my wind turbine powered flashlight. WINDSHIFT...as turbine rotates to achieve the max power to power the lamp a little 'oopsie' occurs........ Thanks to Obamacare the stitches will be removed post-haste.

User avatar
Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrades,

There has been a slight tech glitch with my wind turbine powered flashlight. WINDSHIFT...as turbine rotates to achieve the max power to power the lamp a little 'oopsie' occurs........ Thanks to Obamacare the stitches will be removed post-haste.

Hmmm, normally dangerous products would be a major scandal featuring lawsuits, hit pieces by TV journalistas and possibly demonstrations by paid agitators. But, given that this catalog is produced by one of the intelligensia (whose services society CANNOT do without) this bad news will be quietly buried by our friends in the MSM.

But of course, we will continue selling the product (hey, it's not like one of OUR fingers might get chopped off!)

User avatar
Yes, of course. Let's never forget the words of Thomas Sowell:

Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Yes, of course. Let's never forget the words of Thomas Sowell:

Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it


Sounds like a racist to me.

User avatar
Comrade Opiate of the People,

Are you saying that intellectuals have the brains of a

Image?

User avatar
Leninka wrote:Comrade Opiate of the People,

Are you saying that intellectuals have the brains of a

Image?


I would not say that at all, Comrade. Most of the birds I have known in my lifetime were much more fun to be around and capable of learning more than one trick.

User avatar
BREAKING NEWS!!!!

AN EXCITING NEW ITEM HAS JUST ARRIVED!!!!

Comrades, happy workers from foreign sweatshops all over the country have been busily working to make these fine portraits available in time for Obama's Birthday, our new national holiday.*

Just imagine how inspiring it will be to have this portrait in your home watching over you as you bow towards Washington DC for your daily prayers!


Image

You will may purchase these collector's items for a song** and, for a small surcharge*** the Dear Leader will personally have a flunky autograph your copy. I understand that physical contact with His O'liness's autograph will heal the sick and lower ones mortgage payment, and for MSM journalistas it will provide a "stimulus" of a different nature, if you catch my drift.

Don't delay.... call 1-800-OBAMA-LOVE now! Operators are standing by and getting paid for doing nothing (and we're tired of it.)

And, if you act now, you can get a certificate entitling you to consideration for possibly getting some money if the President's planned program of "Cash for Pictures of Presidential Clunkers" is enacted and you turn in a portrait of the demented G W Bush, who is responsible for all the problems in the world today.

This is a limited time**** only offer so CALL NOW! (I MEAN IT, DAMMIT, CALL NOW!)


*Unfortunately, Washington and Lincoln's Birthdays plus Memorial Day and Veterans Day will be dropped from the national holiday list to make room for the required 4-day national celebration.

** "Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?"

*** About 8 trillion dollars, American

**** The rest of our natural lives, probably

User avatar
What about Obama prayer beads? When you sin, that is, have an independent thought, you will be given a penance in your self-confession sessions, administered by an ACORN member.

For lesser sins you could have to sign "The Internationale."

For more serious ones, you'd read <i>Rules for Radicals</i>.

And for a mere Thoughtcrime(tm) you would have to demonstrate against the Rethuglicans.

And five times a day you have to be a troll on a conservative web site.

User avatar
Image
<br>http://www.danburymint.com/collectibles

She's here, Comrades! The perfect gift: A Michelle Obama porcelain doll.

She's 16 inches tall, taller than Barbie. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to see this standing on your dresser!

Sold separately: Clothes and accessories to include $500 sneakers with sparkly pink toe caps, big ugly belts and crookedly buttoned cardigans; the Obama Fun Mobile (4 AAA batteries required, not included) so your Michelle doll can go out for hamburgers with all her friends (also sold separately), and the Obama Dream House (formerly known as The White House).

Now all girls will grow up thinking they have to have perfectly toned arms just like Michelle!

Coming soon: Talking Michelle, Drink and Wet Michelle, and Malibu Michelle

User avatar
General Mousey-Tongue wrote:The Progressive OlympicsTM - because none of us is as fast or strong as all of us!

"The thrill of victory; the agony of the beet!"

"Because being progressive never means you have to be a winner!"

These are all perfectly suited for GroupThink, no?

Comrade Opiate, a wonderful collection of astute merchandise for the progressive progressive. At the risk of seeming bougeouisie, could I suggest a politically advanced childs toy that has found much favor in our childrens' prisons in my motherland: the Banish Me Elmo:

Image
There's a Simpson clip where Michael the Moore, the Dixie Chicks, Elmo, and Bill Clinton are in prison for being un-American. It was a funny episode, but unfortunatly, all I can find are German versions of the clip.

User avatar
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Image
<br>http://www.danburymint.com/collectibles

She's here, Comrades! The perfect gift: A Michelle Obama porcelain doll.



Oooh, I think I am getting a chubby. But, it's a admirer-of-strong-women so-proud-of-myself-to-be-attracted-to-someone-of-another-race progressive kind of chubby. Excuse me while I go to the bedroom to denounce stuff.

User avatar
But Commissarka, in the interest of timing, and my face (your shovel to it), it isn't X-mas yet! Sure, I would love to wake up from my cold floor with that looking down on me, showing my status as below the Obamasiah and the Virgin Michelle, but the proles won't buy it in mass unless it's a special-day (play on holiday).

I think we should make up another special-day, something like "Party Day" so they will go nuts and buy this doll, but every day is "Party Day". Curse this irony.

User avatar
Extra special offer! Enjoy a piece of His Highness's birthday cake!

(Or, save it for 40 years - like that Seinfeld episode about Peterman buying the Duke of Windsor's wedding cake at an auction, this cake may be worth MILLIONS then!)

Image

We have acquired the leftover pieces of cake from the Great O's birthday celebration (we made sure none of the wait staff spit on them) and are making them available to you loyal comrades at the special low price of $1,000,000 a slice. All proceeds will go to The Obama 2012 Campaign Fund help the poor reduce the deficit.

Act now, an offer like this doesn't come along every day (once a year, maybe.)

User avatar
Here I go again, to Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac for some money to get a piece of the cake.

User avatar
I think a Michelle Obama's mannequin could be a really hot item in the catalog, as described here by our beloved comrade Big Fur Hat:

Image

User avatar
Another great item for the catalog also comes via our IOTW friends.

The secret to Michelle Obama's toned arms and shoulders

(The IOTW collective warns, however, that they've been doing this since young age and for some reason their arms aren't so hot.)

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/4S3C4AC908w&h ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

User avatar
If this kind of thing worked, you would expect female bartenders to have great arms, provided that they made a lot of mixed drinks.

User avatar
I'd almost buy the commercial, it looks real.


User avatar
This whole "[email protected]" think sounds just like they did in the Motherland.

I'd like some back up with this just to make sure I've got my facts right.

If you reported a real and obvious enemy of the State, you got an apartment room, ergo, what do you get for reporting a thoughtcriminal to Obama, a $250,000 house?

User avatar
Commissar_Elliott wrote:This whole "[email protected]" think sounds just like they did in the Motherland.

I'd like some back up with this just to make sure I've got my facts right.

If you reported a real and obvious enemy of the State, you got an apartment room, ergo, what do you get for reporting a thoughtcriminal to Obama, a $250,000 house?


Comrade, I cannot wait until scurrilous liars like Fox News are banned from the media and all communications are Party-controlled. Then, it will be like the good old days when proles sat hunched in their basements with the radio on very low as they listened to foreign broadcasts. What's good about that? Because ambitious apparatchiks such as I went from house to house with listening devices to detect these traitors and turned in the guilty parties for extra vodka and beet rations! Oh, the joys of totalitarianism.... crappy days are here again!


User avatar
Comrades! Is your neighbor's dog barking all night? Turn him into [email protected].

Suspicion breeds security!

Work makes free!

User avatar
Comrade Collectivists! Come one, come all, to the glorious world of Shiny Things™!
Admire the wares of Socialist Serenity(TM)...

<embed wmode="transparent" src="https://www.zazzle.com/utl/getpanel?zp= ... 1934274750" FlashVars="feedId=117956571934274750" width="450" height="300" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><br><a href="/Store.php">Get Re-Educated</a> at <a href="/Store.php">The Peoples Cube Store >>></a>
=============================================
This Kulak Kommercial Interruption from The Motherland is Sponsored by Fast Freddie's Feline Emporium & Fashion Show. Thank You For Your Support!


 
POST REPLY