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Utilitarian tropes are over. Camouflage, outdoorsy gorpcore, protective garments heavy on the nylon are being replaced by a newer, wilder, more savage impulse—a kind of punk rock, bleak, nihilist aesthetic ushered in by Kate Spade's suicide via Kate Spade red branded scarf.

While authorities have yet to reveal whether she hung herself with a New York Sun Silk Bandana Scarf (MSP $48.00), or a New York Flamingo Scarf (MSP $98.00), the days when the above can be paired with a jingly dress from Paco Rabanne or an electric-hued animal print from Saint Laurent have abruptly come to an end.

Throw in the black dresses at the Golden Globes (in support of #MeToo), Anthony Bourdain's suicide, and the general political tumult that has once again popularized berets, fedoras, and beanies, and you have a recipe for a Fall 2018 Season destined to be mortifying—in all the best ways. Here is what we can expect:

Vera Wang Cutter Collection

Rigormortis. That's what came to mind while watching Vera Wang's most irreverent collection to date. It's not just skirts made from sheer parachute silk and vests with detachable peplums, it's not just free-flowing gowns with diamond-shaped cut-outs and a sea of macaron colors, it's large serrated knives embedded into a tiara, goat blood droplets literally spilling off the free-flowing chiffon dresses and a kind of grueling neon color scheme that is best described as psychedelic chainsaw. All the models were dead before they reached the end of the runway.

Dior Homme End-It-All Ensemble

While the slim black suit remains the linchpin of Dior Homme, and the new collection recalls the primness of military uniforms, Kris Van Assche has revitalized the Dior Homme sensibility with the divinely understated Hang-Away-Tie.

Harkening back to the clip-on tie (Christian Dior Tie Clip [gunmetal grey with gold accent]) only providing the means for a much more ghastly end, the Hang-Away-Tie is hand-crafted in tightly-woven tribal tattoo-silk that, even under extreme duress, is nearly impossible to fray. The gold-plated velcro strips attach easily to any ceiling fan, smoke detector, or light fixture—hanging you in under a minute—without causing any permanent damage to the shell of this inordinately malleable fabric. (This was demonstrated backstage by one of the models who expired before he could be cut down from the chandelier).

While the Hang-Away Tie is the centerpiece of the new Dior collection, it would have felt entirely inadequate had they not also provided key accessories such as Stab-Yourself-In-The-Jugular-Cufflinks and Poisonous Belts With Death-Ray Buckles.

Bulletholes at Balmain

Simple sequins don't cut it anymore (at least where it counts—the wrist). While there is still a tendency to combine high-shine dresses with a palace of auditory delights, the whirr and twirl, the click-clack and rat-a-tat-tat, even the whoosh—are all—at Balmain—entirely the product of guns being fired off.

Models in chain-link dresses gush charred flesh and cough blood in synchronicity with an ever-so-gentle swaying of the bullet-laden hips. While some looked like target practice at a firing range, others have a stray bullet hole leaking out the neck—an understated death motif—particularly since the gory wound was most often obscured by a mille-feuille frock.

Julien Dossena may have experimented with gunshot wounds in his Noir Collection, and Thomas Browne certainly alluded to it when he went mad for chain mail; still, only Balmain has managed to skillfully blend a light and airy sensibility with the vibe of a horrific mass shooting ardently endorsed by the N.R.A.

Gucci Guillotine

Last season may have been about the baclava—reimagined in a sinister way by Alexander Wang and Balenciaga, and Jeremy Scott certainly had his Moschino men wear postmodern ski-masks; still, this was hardly preparation for the Gucci reimagining of the guillotine.

Sharp edges, towering heights, a blade that slices entirely through the neck so that the head can be picked up and displayed to the crowd all helped make this latest offering seem as radically innovative as Richard Quinn's Day-Glo burka. Luxurious yet utilitarian, menacing while never quite caliginous, The Gucci Guillotine is, frankly, turning heads (those yet to be severed—we mean).

While Coco Chanel's Crucifix Collection and Dolce & Gabbana's Drowning Paradigms tried to steal some of the oxygen in the room (an element in short supply—given the context), there was only one designer who had his models dress like headless horseman while tossing beautiful skulls out at the crowd. Bolstering this apocalyptic vision were Storming Of The Bastille Dresses (with a tattered, naturalistic charm) and Reign of Terror Cleavage (could there be any other kind?) that skillfully blended Robespierre-like gore—including eyeballs for buttons—with Oscar De La Renta's understated sophistication. It was all so inspiring that you can perhaps understand how my girlfriends are desperate to be beheaded this Fall—but only while wearing Gucci.

Matt Nagin wrote:Throw in the black dresses at the Golden Globes (in support of #MeToo), Anthony Bourdain's suicide, and the general political tumult that has once again popularized berets, fedoras, and beanies, and you have a recipe for a Fall 2018 Season destined to be mortifying—in all the best ways.

A lot will depend, of course, on the results of the midterm elections. Will it be the Blue Wave or the Red Tide? This will determine the color of the Hang-Away-Tie and other cutting-edge accessories.


This stylish guillotine is, of course, a tribute to the progressive "reign of terror" of 1793, which is expected to come into vogue after the midterms. Whose necks it will adorn depends on the election outcome.

No matter who wins, the never-aging motto "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity" is guaranteed to turn heads.

Thanks for the images. I wonder if they sell those on eBay?

If nobody shows up to the second meeting of the "Suicide Club" I'm going to start taking a deposit for the conference room in Tractor Barn #2. Lots of organizational meetings, no follow-on. Quitters.

It will be easier to swallow this concept if we position the act of fashionable suicide as a type of abortion on demand, which is sacrosanct among progs. When Trump was became president, a CNN personality (I forget which) urged everyone to have an abortion as soon as they can while it was still legal.

The benefit of this postnatal abortion is that self-identified biological males and transgendered comrades can participate in it as well, out of solidarity with the oppressed self-identified biological females. Dreams come true in a very unexpected way: this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so hurry because there won't be a second time.

It all comes together... See the Nike thread here.

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If suicide is in again, does that mean that the KKKapitalists will sell themselves the ropes they'll use to hang themselves?