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Miss California: The 1st Amendment is the Hottest!


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Glory be. I just read about this not two minutes hence. Indeed, several of these young women think (gasp!) that there really is a right and wrong way to go about certain things... poor deluded souls; they need some re-education.

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How dare she speak of such heresy we must send her to the Russian Gulag with a shovel in hand. BTW should we invite the new Gay Comrad Perez Hilton to this glorious site?

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Argh, here's another one of those very rare Caliservatives (does Ronald Reagan mean anything to anyone?) giving some anti-Progressive crap to our most equal state.

(off)
I bet the judge would have never seen that one coming in her wildest dreams.

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Enough empty talk! Miss USA awards must be always given on the basis of progressive thinking, just like the Oscars!

At this time they are not! How do we know? Because if they were, we all know who the winner would be in every contest!

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In fact, it's time to hold a Miss People's Cube pageant. We already have enough female units in our collective to start making a selection.

Submit your applications, comrades! Chairman Meow will be in charge of registration.

Comrade Red Square,

What types of competition will these Comrade's have to compete in?
Will there be a competitive event for marksmanship, wiretapping and surveillance, seduction of suspected enemies of the State and prowess with a shovel??

mi
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Comrades! The "Submissions" link at the top of each page is not working, but I have this burning question, which a senior comrade ought to respond to at once:
[BLOCKQUOTE]What book would Ahmadinejad give to Netanyahu, if they were to meet at an international conference?[/BLOCKQUOTE]
I also wonder, why didn't our glorious President Obama, who called himself a "reader", give visiting Prime Minister of UK a book collection, instead of DVDs?

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Vladimir Toot'en wrote:How dare she speak of such heresy we must send her to the Russian Gulag with a shovel in hand. BTW should we invite the new Gay Comrad Perez Hilton to this glorious site?


if the party would be so kind, there is plenty of room at our Gulag for these misguided thought criminals, just saying.

Шовел 4 У

Guest
I DENOUNCE "MISS PEOPLES CUBE PAGEANT".

It discriminates against the many cross dressers among our Comrades and what
about the trans gendered among us?? I feel like a victim.

What about our glorius spokesthing "Garafolo" - do we know if she could enter??

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Because I am, essentially, an oversized lizard I have the extraordinary power of being able to change my gender as the environmental necessities dictate. Therefore I throw my crown into the ring and hope to win this glorious pageant for the continued glory of our glorious cause.

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I must agree with comrade "Guest" (if that's really his name). All this talk of restricting this pageant to female units smacks of sexism. I demand total gender neutrality! The nongendered deserve full equality along with the ugly and untalented.

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I can't keep the excitement. Whatever the final rules of the contest will be, one thing is clear: solving the People's Cube puzzle remains a decisive category.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:I must agree with comrade "Guest" (if that's really his name). All this talk of restricting this pageant to female units smacks of sexism. I demand total gender neutrality! The nongendered deserve full equality along with the ugly and untalented.
Well said, Comrade Whoopie. You see as I do the unconscious acceptance of demeaning Bourgeois principles regarding gender with its implicit emphasis on attractiveness. That a Miss People's Cube contest should be progressive and open to all regardless of gender (and we must point out there are many choices in that category) appearance, or talent goes without saying. We will continue to use the standard point system for ethnicity and victim status to discern the greatest degree of equality.

This could be the start of something new and great. I have always chafed at the salaries of professional sports celebrities who had talent and ability unfairly denied me during the Bush years. I demand the right to play in professional sports and to win UFCs in all categories regardless of inherent size and lack of coordination! I further demand to receive the same salary!

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Card Check!

I voted for Theocritus Bruno.

Now that's überprogressive!

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Red Square wrote:Enough empty talk! Miss USA awards must be always given on the basis of progressive thinking, just like the Oscars!

At this time they are not! How do we know? Because if they were, we all know who the winner would be in every contest!

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Oh, Red Square, thank you for the makeover! I wondered what you were up to the other night when you got me drunk and shoved me into that telepod with "Pretty Woman" Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

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It's a good thing you weren't in the telepod, too, or who knows? I might have ended up with A People's Cube in place of my head. Or even something of Richard's, like an urge to go ohhhhmmmm.

Speaking of which, where'd he go?

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But seriously, shouldn't we be concerned that this sort of thing is a type of competition? Do we really think that's fair? What about the feelings of the runners-up?

Otherwise, I like all the many things the Miss America Pageant has done in recent years to alienate their loyal viewership in favor of appeasing the feminists who wouldn't be caught dead watching it boost their flagging ratings.

Like doing away with the uniqueness of "state costumes." I hated never knowing what I was going to see next.

Allowing the contestants to wear black pantsuits for the evening wear competition so they all look like penguins, and everyone knows penguins are cute, especially since their habitat is now endangered by Global Warming.

Changing the name of the swimsuit competition to "fitness competition" so you'll look at these women and think only of muscles fit for swinging a shovel, instead of boobs and butt fit for--well, never mind.

And let's not forget how they finally dropped those hateful lyrics glorifying what is clearly meant to be a CONSERVATIVE female in favor of the host merely humming the Miss America Song.

Finally, my very favorite part of the pageant, THE POLITICAL PLATFORM, in which contestants describe their favorite cause/issue du jour, and how they will spend their reign Raising Awareness about it and showing everyone how much they care by wearing the appropriately colored ribbon and haranguing the government for more funding.

Yes, I love the whole defeminization and politicization of beauty pageants in recent years, where what's fashionable is no longer your swimsuit or evening gown, but your pet cause.

Politically correct thought. Awareness of our most pressing issues. Caring more than others. Spreading guilt. Bashing conservatives. Looking not to ourselves and our own individual strengths to do what must be done, but to the power of the Government to do it for us.

Such things, comrades, comprise the new Progressive definition of Beauty.

Therefore, let us have a pageant!

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i would like to officially enter my favorite shovel:

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Inanimate objects have feelings too!!

Шовел 4 У
норлиск Гулаг

И вилл вин тхис цомпетитион витх мы деар шовел.

Guest
Commisarka Pinkie, we humbly request the exposure of the matronly, home grown bosom of the motherland to assure the winning of this glorious people's pageant for the progressive collective. This will be no mere western style wardrobe malfunction- it will surely stun the world at the sheer power of the people's equality system. The people shall likewise swell their bosom with pride. The world must be progressively educated in this way.

It will surely cause a glorious tingle to course up the leg of all true progressives in the world collective. May the people humbly suggest a gloriously stunning, beet red hammer and sickle thong bikini for the beet shovel fitness competition. Perhaps small beet leaves can serve as pasties if necessary.

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What about the NECRO VOTERS?
We wouldn't want to piss off ACORN.

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Red Square wrote:In fact, it's time to hold a Miss People's Cube pageant. We already have enough female units in our collective to start making a selection.

Submit your applications, comrades! Chairman Meow will be in charge of registration.
Are you sure putting Chairman Meow in charge of submissions is a good idea comrade? I smell a backroom rigging and him working with Der Shlick Meister back there.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:But seriously, shouldn't we be concerned that this sort of thing is a type of competition? Do we really think that's fair? What about the feelings of the runners-up?
What about the feelings of those not competing? I bet there are Progressive whimin out there who aren't competing because they are not equally pretty, but this is just going to go on.
Otherwise, I like all the many things the Miss America Pageant has done in recent years to alienate their loyal viewership in favor of appeasing the feminists who wouldn't be caught dead watching it boost their flagging ratings.
(off)
Do I smell jelousy from them? HmmmmmmMMM. . .?

Allowing the contestants to wear black pantsuits for the evening wear competition so they all look like penguins, and everyone knows penguins are cute, especially since their habitat is now endangered by Global Warming.
(on)
Not to mention how many movies our comrades in Hollywood have spewed created out of nothing but pure Party thought, and the Progressive children who so badly want to see them

Changing the name of the swimsuit competition to "fitness competition" so you'll look at these women and think only of muscles fit for swinging a shovel, instead of boobs and butt fit for--well, never mind.
Well, Progressive whimin can create Progressive children who can then swing a shovel better then their parents, who can create children who can swing better then them. . . and so on. As such, a "fitness competition" is a much better, and fitting term for such Progressivness..


Finally, my very favorite part of the pageant, THE POLITICAL PLATFORM, in which contestants describe their favorite cause/issue du jour, and how they will spend their reign Raising Awareness about it and showing everyone how much they care by wearing the appropriately colored ribbon and haranguing the government for more funding.
(off)
I've never seen/heard them rallying for thier cause. Maybe I'm just not tuning into the correct channels.

Yes, I love the whole defeminization and politicization of beauty pageants in recent years, where what's fashionable is no longer your swimsuit or evening gown, but your pet cause.
(still off)
I've noticed this in a lot of things in America, like any TV channel, they pop in with Obama's picture. Unfortuantly I'm drawing a blank on organizations they shouldn't be politicized, but are.

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Comrades, let us also not neglect our Islamic brethren who undoubtedly would jump at the chance to enter such a contest...
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Visiting Danish Commisar
I am so very glad to have stumbled upon this site. Here in the most pure and pristine Socialist paradise in the world we are very sceptical about the progression of the revolution in the Capitalist dictatorship of America, so it's good to see that there are groups so firmly committed to the cause.

But comrades, it seems I detect some worrying trends among you. I find it particularly disturbing that instead of denouncing the whole idea of pageants, you are even going so far as wanting to hold one yourself! May I remind you that pageants are competitions and as such are completely unacceptable. The whole idea that anyone can 'win' anything is absolutely contrary to humanitarian ideals of equality and solidarity. It undermines the very foundations of enlightened and civilized society and is an offense to the dignity of the workers' collective.

It is understandable, if wholly undesirable, that in that harsh Capitalist environment in which you live your ideals should become to some extent corrupted by the ideals of the sorrounding society. I suspect that your gulags are in need of a shake-up and I shall gladly arrange for inspectors to come from my homeland to help you in this regard. They employ up-to-date methods of an outstanding quality. Could you just take the trouble beforehand to ask the staff to dig three holes within the camp perimeter, each 6 feet deep, 15 feet wide and 12 feet across? That would be a great help. Don't worry, all will be explained in due course.

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VD Commisar has a point (are you also, Comrade, the Commisar of VD 'cause I been having this itch...?)
I suggest that party members be allowed an all expense paid trip to view the gulags in Malibu and Las Vegas in order to become better acquainted with the needs of our glorious infrastructure. AS for the pageant idea... didn't we forget our little furry friends? I'd love to see some dogs entered into the pageant...

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Guest
I - Perez Hilton wish to enter your glorious pageant!!
None of you commie wannabes have a chance against my mastery of progressiveness -
just get back to your shovels and send me the prize.



Guest Zhidovskaia Morda
Anonymous wrote:I - Perez Hilton wish to enter your glorious pageant!!
None of you commie wannabes have a chance against my mastery of progressiveness -
just get back to your shovels and send me the prize.


I believe that hideous clothes, like Komrad Perez Hilton wears in this video have a right to enter pageant too!

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Let me predict outcome of glorious event. All will be declared "winners" and "special". Daughters of leaders will be declared more equal and will be given any worthwhile prizes.

No proles will be among the judges. Judging will happen very quickly and be unanimous; consensus among judges will appear almost as if scripted.

Many daughters of proles who rated "honorable mention" will be "invited" to spend vacations in dachas of leaders.

Note to self: Good batch of Hjemmebrent!
Note to self: Lenin help me to remember to delete this without submitting.
Note to self: I've gotta lay off these tater squeezins.

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I think ALL in the cube should enter this pageant. Contests include solving The People's Cube, digging beets, listening to Al Gore give speeches, as well as licking Obama's boots.

All points earned in each contest will be held in Pageant Point Unification Pool until the end of the pageant. Then points will be distributed to each person according to their particular needs. In the end everyone will have equal points, and all will receive heavily enameled medals declaring that the recipient has performed an adequate function for The Party.

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Obamissar 7.62 wrote: listening to Al Gore give speeches. . .
(off)
zzzzzzzzzz. . .

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[quote="Obamissar 7.62"]I think ALL in the cube should enter this pageant. Contests include solving The People's Cube, digging beets, listening to Al Gore give speeches, as well as licking Obama's boots.

??????

{off}


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Klingon
I wish to enter said Earth contest...


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Miss Klingon - I'm afraid you've been outgunned:

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Dig those ripping arms. How do they keep their love going? Is her husband buff in a swimsuit? What is her favorite muffin recipe? Did they just get a dog? Is she Jackie-O with a tan or what?

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AbecedariusRex wrote:AS for the pageant idea... didn't we forget our little furry friends? I'd love to see some dogs entered into the pageant...

Will prompts be allowed? Because this comrade is ready.

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Nansky
I'm practicing for my crown. It's mine - mine, mine, mine.

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WE'RE GOING BACKWARDS HERE, COMRADES!

And being Good Progressives, that's the last thing we want to do!

For too many years the pageants were nothing but showcases for fluff and frills, sweetness and light, T & A, just shallow, insipid, empty-headed nonsense as women were paraded about in tawdry bourgeois costumes and made to do nothing but smile and look pretty while answering vapid questions about their favorite color or flower.

The Progressive movement decided that in order for the pageants to continue, changes had to be made that would not only compel everyone to take it more seriously, but that would make an important contribution to society at large by removing all the silly competitive aspects in favor of raising awareness about the issues that really matter (see my previous post above).

Did Barack Obama win because of his smile? His ability to answer a question about his favorite ice cream? Or because he knows just how to wrap masking tape around his pects to enhance the pectiness and place padding in just the right areas to enhance the peckiness? Or because he looks good in a swimsuit?
Comrades, for the pageant to be successful, we can no longer rely on petty little distractions from the Real Issues that matter. We The People want informed contestants who can discuss current events and serious issues in a clear, concise manner. If, on the other hand, we want to get sick off all that frilly, fluffy, giggly, girly, slumber party stuff, then we'll go to a venue better suited for such mindless drivel.

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We received an email from a common proletarian reader who pointed at our mistake:

Jill wrote:You, like many of us, confused them with the Miss USA contest. We want to bless Miss America contest and direct our comments to the guilty Miss USA organization.

Miss America Organization's Public Relations Department wrote:Good morning Jill, please be advised The Miss America Pageant was televised this past January. The show you are referring to which was televised last night, was The Miss USA Pageant, an organization that is in no way connected to us. The Miss America Organization remains committed to our core values and our 88 year old tradition - which we are all so proud of today.

We have been receiving emails today and trying to correct the confusion and explain that we are completely two different organizations. Miss USA and Miss Universe are owned by Donald Trump and we are not associated in any way.

We appreciate your interest in our organization and hope that this clarifies any confusion.

Thank you,
Sharon Pearce
The Miss America Organization's Public Relations Department

Dear Cube! Your fans want your graphic corrected to read Miss USA so we can place it at the bottom of complaint emails to Miss USA. The photo of a proletarian worker with a shovel is Every Woman in the New World Order. I'm betting all Miss USAs will look just like her if Hilton had his wish. Miss USA does not protect women from abusers, obviously.

Naturally, it may take a long time for my request to be processed. There is so much bureaucracy at the People's Cube. (I am in no way complaining about central control.)

We have expedited Comrade Jill's request through the bureaucratic channels and made an updated Miss USA Pinkie graphic within this quarter of first year of the current Five Year Plan. Please also update it in all places where you have previously kept Miss America Pinkie graphic, including pinups, customized postcards, wallet photos, and internet cache on your computers, replacing it with this Miss USA Pinkie graphic:

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The Donald has now called off the lawyers Red Square, nice save.

And now he can get back to bidnez interviewing next years contestants.


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The Navigator
Thank you, Comrade Red Square. You are a credit to Our Glorious Leader.

Obama Girl
I'm in. Didn't I already win this?

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Excuse me, but did the "sex is liberation" policy changed? After all, sex drains you of energy. Without energy, you DON'T want to look for info or resist communism and progressivism. Sure, it can distract you. But at least it won't make you think that Israel can actually be right, no?

-Out of Karakter-
I'm really getting tired of sexploitation.


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Klingon wrote:I wish to enter said Earth contest...


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I was unaware that the Klingon Empire hosted Rosie O'Donnell & Teresa Heinz Kerry Doppelgängers. Are the Klingon or the humanoid versions the evil twins?

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Red Square wrote: Chairman Meow will be in charge of registration.


And collecting a "registration fee". All for The Common Good™, of course.

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Comrade Pinkie! I just heard glorious news - comrade Brad Pitt is available again! You may get the shovel with comrade Pitt's picture on it from the shack and put it back into your bedroom. Unless, of course, you are happy with the harmonious relationship you are currently having with the shovel that has the picture of Barack Obama from Time Magazine on its business end.

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Why can't I have both, Red Square? When you compare these pictures, surely you'll agree it's impossible to choose between them. So why can't I have both?

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Being a true Progressive is all about being free to love whoever you feel love for at any given moment, and sometimes that means more than one person.

Surely you're not suggesting I should limit myself to one, that I should not be allowed to spread my love equally? Like any good Progressive, I am full of compassion and caring that would be wasted on only one. Why shouldn't I spread it around, like other people's wealth?

Surely you don't mean to force me to choose at the risk of rejecting someone who has to be rejected simply because, "Sorry, I can only choose one of you due to some obsolete, antiquated, bigoted, intolerant, hateful, and mean-spirited Judeo-Christofascist tradition that brutally oppresses and tortures me by dictating that I can only love one comrade at a time"?

Surely you don't intend to trash me and ridicule me and call me insensitive names that hurt my feelings and self-esteem and make me feel like a second class citizen, someone less equal than everyone else?

Surely that's not the kind of image we want for the Miss People's Cube Pageant, is it, Red? Surely that's not the message we want to send to the masses? Though I should clarify we'll certainly reserve the third Surely for those contestants who clearly present themselves as less than Progressive. And we'll do it not only during the Pageant, but on the talk show circuit afterward.

And as long as I'm here bombarding you with questions, of the two pictures above, tell me again which one is supposed to be the black guy?

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Our next contestant is from the Motherland. What you will hear may sound very progressive in English, but in Russian it is just nonsensical endearing baby talk like goochie goochie. And then she promises to eat him up. Which again is pretty innocent in Russian but appears very forward-thinking to English-speaking comrades with the minds firmly planted in the progressive gutter. In other words, she has chances to win for something she didn't even mean.

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MSLSD
A progressive pageant? Can we play Oddball?

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Butch Maddow
Meeeeee too. I know the answer to Perez's question!!

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Tsaritsa Cube
Red - we will rule the World of next Tuesday together, my love.


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What is the meaning of this gray cube? Are you trying to say that if we combine the dark past with the bright future we get the gray present?

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I agree with Pinkie - We must support free love! That includes prostitution. I think we should call them "loveworkers".

Also, the gray cube is close to white. White=racism. KEEP THE CUBE RED.

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Nansky wrote:I'm practicing for my crown. It's mine - mine, mine, mine.

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Please, Comrade, that visual of Commisar Pelosi on a pole caused aglorious bout of projectile vomiting to emit from my maw. My ration ofbeets is now on a puddle on the floor of my dacha.

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Shitski, the problem is that you are going to get a lap dance from Nansky whether or not you want one. You've paid for it, and you will pay for it.

Twice. In your wallet and having to watch it.

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They just can't cope with a beautiful face taking a stand for soemthing substantial, can they? Since Prejean can't be like the great Connie Chugn, Katie Couric, or - dare I compare her? - Hilary Clinton, they must keep "finding" these "videos" she made. They must have really cughed it up to her former bweau.....either that, or he's going to become the same kind of attention hound Bristol Palin's ex- is...


 
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