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Lois Lerner's computer pleads the fifth

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[img]/images/IRS_Coimputer_Pleads_Fifth.png[/img]

Comrades, I have important news regarding the ever-present struggle against the enemy and their feeble, attempt to uncover corruption the details regarding the Internal Redistribution Service's targeting categorization of certain political groups.

Lois Lerner, as most of you know, declined to testify to the oversight committee due to her fifth amendment rights, naturally, the committee has attempted to gather more information by searching through her emails, however, her computer has also... er 'stepped up' and pleaded the fifth.

When asked to give testimony before an investigation committee about the status of the emails, Lerner's computer simply responded by saying this, before giving the committee an obscene digital gesture followed by the blue screen of death.

"01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100110 01100110 01100101 01110010 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101011 01100101"
After further efforts to gain information from the device, it was later discovered that the emails relevant to the years encompassing the so called 'scandal' were somehow deleted from the system, even though they certainly didn't contain information regarding the auditing of certain political groups.

Fortunately for us though, there's absolutely no way that this data could be recovered, as our government does not have the means to recover emails from its servers at will. Additionally, Lois Lerner's computer is known to still have a few, shall we say, 'connections.'

Remain true to the collective and our glorious purpose and stand for digital justice!

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Comrade Sovremennyy,

The Craptek Real Accurate Press (CRAP) has broken the story 9 minutes and 6 seconds ago. Get with it! Time is of the essence, comrade.

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Err... well you see Comrade, I submitted it a total of 7 minutes before you, but somehow, the post mysteriously vanished and it was unable to be recovered, you see.

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I see, but "What difference does it make?"

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I think I've synthesized both your reports into a Singularity of Truth: The server ate her email and then took the fifth (of Stoli) home and drank it.

--KOOK

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Comrades, not only has the server took the fifth of Stoli, but ran away to the keys....

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I understand from state-sanctioned news reports that Lois's computer crashed, causing loss of emails. What I want to know is why it was even driving after consuming a fifth of vodka?????

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Silly people asking for e-mails and not O-mails.
Omail1_.jpg

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Comrade Anyer Marx, you forgot the skypeImage

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Opiate of the People wrote:I understand from state-sanctioned news reports that Lois's computer crashed, causing loss of emails. What I want to know is why it was even driving after consuming a fifth of vodka?????

Comrade Opiate - The secret to ending computer drunkenness:

        Mystery item No. 1

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[color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color], like the sneak he is, sneakily wrote:
01000010
01100101

01110011
01110101
01110010
01100101

01110100
01101111

01100100
01110010
01101001
01101110
01101011

01111001
01101111
01110101
01110010

01001111
01110110
01100001
01101100
01110100
01101001
01101110
01100101
00101110

damn-you-craptek.gif

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Comrade Putout wrote:
[color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color], like the sneak he is, sneakily wrote:
01000010
01100101

01110011
01110101
01110010
01100101

01110100
01101111

01100100
01110010
01101001
01101110
01101011

01111001
01101111
01110101
01110010

01001111
01110110
01100001
01101100
01110100
01101001
01101110
01100101
00101110


How clever of you comrade...yes, life is full of little disappointments...oh, well...

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Comrade Opiate - The secret to ending computer drunkenness:

        Mystery item No. 1


Comrade Squirrel, before I was a TV set, I was a code-breaking super-computer on behalf of the fascist-fighting agents of the Motherland (until I was replaced by a $1.99 calculator from Marx-Mart.) And I mean the words "code breaking" literally... I dropped each code on the floor and broke it.

Anyway, I applied my super 11-dimensional vacuum-tube technology computing power to the code you presented and decoded it thusly:

Be_sure_to_drink_your_Ovaltine.

(I know that is the same answer that Comrade Putout arrived at but my Cold War experiences taught me not to trust any data that appears in a picture with a child wearing suspenders.)

Anyway, this answer still did not make sense to me so I forwarded the problem to the NSA and got this coded answer in return. I was working on translating it when my vacuum tube main processor went into a loop... went into a loop.... went into a loop.... went into a loop...

Etgay ealray, Ovaltineway andway odkavay oday otnay ixmay!


 
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