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Diane Feinstein's recently released report on controversial CIA interrogation practices indicts, not only the Bush administration, but also all previous administrations going back to the controversial leader of the Franks, Charles Martel, and his victory over the moderate Muslim community at Tours in 732 AD, which can only be described as a gross law enforcement misconduct and hate crime.

Citing inside information from medieval Latin and Arabic sources, the report prepared by Feinstein's staffers details a shocking degree of intolerance and Islamophobia on the part of Charles Martel's administration and the army of Franks, who countered the peaceful expansion of moderate Muslims into Europe via Spain with such violent hatred that historians suspect could only be explained by racist motives.

"Clearly this was racial profiling on part of the Frankish administration," determined Yale historian Dr. Hussein al-Isis. "Franks and other white Europeans were simply uncomfortable around brown Middle Easterners, no matter how harmless their intentions."

While mostly white contemporary historians crowed about a "Christian victory over Islam," understandably bitter and disaffected members of the Muslim community, victimized by Martel's extremist policies, were compelled to fend for themselves while retreating through the Pyrenees shouting, "Hands up, don't spear me!" and "Death to Infidels!" Through no fault of their own, villages were plundered and citizens killed by some of the elements within the otherwise peaceful group of Muslim protesters, who became radicalized as a result of racism and gross civil right violations.

"I was disgusted at what we uncovered," said an indignant Senator Diane Feinstein. "Instead of empathizing with the Muslim community and hearing their side of the story - instead of trying to find common ground and a mutually acceptable compromise through interfaith dialogue and negotiations, the bigoted leader of Franks chose to kill the Muslim leader, Abdul Rahman al-Ghafiqi."

"For this sickening display of barbarism," added Feinstein, "he received the nickname of Martel, meaning 'the Hammer,' and has continued to symbolize the greatest threat to world peace and harmony until his title "the Hammer" was passed to the Republican leader Tom Delay.

"We have only ourselves to blame for this mess," opined foreign policy expert and former presidential candidate, Ron Paul. "If Martel had not unilaterally meddled in Middle Eastern affairs, then there wouldn't have been any of that blowback. The fact that Islam was spreading by violent conquest a century before the Battle of Tours is a direct result of Martel's misguided foreign adventures."

At a White House press conference, President Obama informed reporters that "I just found out about the Battle of Tours while watching History Channel, and let me tell you, nobody is angrier about this than I am. I have asked our outgoing attorney general, Eric Holder, to immediately investigate Martel's activities, to get to the bottom of this issue, and if possible, to take legal action against Charles Martel and the Frankish Kingdom. We will not rest until we have a conviction."

Nevertheless, the president did appeal for restraint. "As you protest, you're probably thinking like I'm thinking: this is the result of over a millennia of documentable Islamophobia. You know, this touches me on a personal level: Abdul Rahman al-Ghafiqi looks just like Michelle with a beard. This isn't just a Shia problem, or a Sunni problem, or a Sufi problem, it's an American problem. While I understand the rage, the calls for Jihad, the desire to impale all white Christians and burn down their churches, let's everybody stay calm and let social justice take its course."

Meanwhile, protesters holding posters of al-Ghafiqi were blocking major highways in large cities across America, and NFL players were seen charging onto the field, then collapsing and shouting, "Hands up, don't spear me!"

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Yes, Komissar al-Blogunov, gone are the glorious days of innocence when even bright young men with spears, shoes, planes or dreams of virgins, could come to this wonderful land without fear of being racially profiled by bigoted officials steeped in Islamophobic bitterness. I am quite sure that after reading these releases from the Feinstein Report many disaffected will record a statement that will be later aired by Al-Jazeera, a long time friend of the Democrat party, so that they can prepare for a civil lawsuit against the Bush Administration using court appointed attorneys. It was only the strong will of a concerned Senator that was able to slip these documents out for all to see once and for all. Feinstein is right this is the time when we should end the use of this phony threat of terrorism that chips away at their civil rights.

I call on our useful idiots fellow travelers in the Democrat Party to bring this bigot, Charles Martel, before The Party™ for ShowTrial™!

--
HAIL OBAMA!!!

Tsk. And I remember al-Ghafiqi so well. He was always such a good neighbor, always had a smile for everyone, a devout and gentle giant who wanted only the justice of Sharia and the peace of dar al-Islam, a world free of fitna from fundamentalist unbelievers.

Today, Tours. Tomorrow, Mother Page!

I always knew that guy was suspect. After all, he was Roman Catholic and he hated our oppressed Muslim brothers. He was probably a homophobe, too. And sexist! His Fascist tendencies have been kept secret for way too long.

Blessings upon the agitprop and editorial boards.

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Pяog Oй:

Zdravstvootye Comrades, Proles, and more equal Commisars!! I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself!! I am Comrade Oogie Boogie!!! Roller of the people's dice, Chief of surgery under Obamacare, and Muslim director!! I was once a meat cutter, butcher, and chef!! (I make a mean Gulag gulash with chunks of shoeleather and grilled rat). I got last in my class at med school, but now under Obamacare I am chief of surgery!! Under Obamacare I am more free to gamble with my victims..uh I mean "patients" lives. (Especially if they are old or of no longer use to the state.) Here is one of thousands of my typical Obamacare approved physicals that I did for Santa as portrayed in the 1994 movie, The Nightmare Before Christmas.



Ah but I have digressed off topic far enough. I also happen to be a Muslim Choir director. Many Muslims have told me that it's "Shirk" and "Haram" to say Merry Christmas. Luckily as an unthinking prog I pay no attention to them and have no idea what "shirk" or "haram" is.

Besides there are so many contradictions in Islam, anyways. In the Quran for example, " to kill one person is to kill all of mankind." and then "Qur'an 2:191: And kill them wherever you find them, and drive them out from whence they drove you out, and persecution is severer than slaughter, and do not fight with them at the Sacred Mosque until they fight with you in it, but if they do fight you, then slay them; such is the recompense of the unbelievers." If they can contradict themselves that way, I don't see why we can't have a Muslim Christmas choir.

So here we are, Muslim Christmas Choir Martyr Brigades in action. (Those with more equal photoshopping abilites, add conversation bubbles and add your favorite Christmas song.)

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"Oh come let us adore him!! Oh come let us adore him!!! Oh come let us adore hiiiim!! Christ the Lord!!"

Next, here is another Muslim Christmas Carolers choir singing with great enthusiasm pointing to their sheet music book!!

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"Rocking around the Christmas tree at the Christmas Party Hop. Mistletoe hung where you can see, every couple tries to stop. Rocking around the Christmas tree let the Christmas spirit ring! Later we'll have some pumpkin pie and we'll do some caroling!! You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear! Voices singing let's be jolly, deck the halls with boughs of Holly!!"

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"Have a holly jolly Christmas!! It's the best time of the year!! I don't know if there will be snow, but have a cup of cheer!! Have a holly jolly Christmas and in case you didn't hear. Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas, this year!!"


The video below shows Muslim approval of Christmas. So be sure to wish every Muslim you see a Merry Christmas. Say to every Muslim you meet: "Merry Christmas to Muslims and a Merry Christmas to Islam!!"

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I always knew that guy was suspect. After all, he was Roman Catholic and he hated our oppressed Muslim brothers. He was probably a homophobe, too. And sexist! His Fascist tendencies have been kept secret for way too long.

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I always knew that guy was suspect. After all, he was Roman Catholic and he hated our oppressed Muslim brothers. He was probably a homophobe, too. And sexist! His Fascist tendencies have been kept secret for way too long.

He has long been on our watch list. We have reason to believe he became a radicalized Christian fundamentalist while watching the Nye-Ham debate at a Chick-fil-A. It doesn't get much worse than that.

Nye-Ham at Chick-fil-A? There seems to be some racist, homophobic, islamaphobic, anti-atheistic undertones to that concept. It seems to be a kind of dog whistle, comrade. I think you could be right. It really doesn't get much worse than that.

Since I am the Kapitan of Kangaroo Kourts, I suggest a lengthy and thorough investigation, at great expense to the tax payers - for their own good (the People™ have a right to know)- followed by a show trial, conviction and sentencing to 30 years on death row, eventually commuted to life without parole, followed by a humanely arranged compassionate starvation to death in a maximum security prison hospital.

Despite the horrors of this man's crimes against humanity, we can still find room to be compassionate. After all, who would want to live like that?

Indeed, comrade, showing compassion towards evil is the best way to display our moral superiority. It brings tears to my eyes, knowing what we have achieved in our system of Justice™.

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Indeed, comrade, showing compassion towards evil is the best way to display our moral superiority. It brings tears to my eyes, knowing what we have achieved in our system of Justice™.

But is it not judgmental to call anything or anyone "evil"? In fact, is it not evil to judge something as evil? Or to judge being judgmental? Or ... oh dear, I mean, that is, I mean ... oh alas, my Jiffy-Lobo scar has begun to ache....

RedDiaperette wrote:

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Indeed, comrade, showing compassion towards evil is the best way to display our moral superiority. It brings tears to my eyes, knowing what we have achieved in our system of Justice™.

But is it not judgmental to call anything or anyone "evil"? In fact, is it not evil to judge something as evil? Or to judge being judgmental? Or ... oh dear, I mean, that is, I mean ... oh alas, my Jiffy-Lobo scar has begun to ache....

Comrade RedD, I follow this simple rule: The Party™ judges. When The Party™ judges, it's not judgmentalism, it's progress!

I hope this eases your discomfort.

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt compassionately responded, wrote:Comrade RedD, I follow this simple rule: The Party™ judges. When The Party™ judges, it's not judgmentalism, it's progress!

I hope this eases your discomfort.

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:Kapitan, we have our North Korean brethren on the hunt for this Martel, and they have sworn neither to eat nor drink until they have captured him. Once he is in custody, he will be shot, sentenced, and granted a fair trial as is customary for all criminals.

Wonderful news, comrade! This reminds me of a story I once heard about some malcontent named Paul or Saul or something like that. I don't remember the exact details but I do believe he was eventually captured.

Happily, we can rest in the knowledge that justice will be extended to the recently, and not so recently, departed.

What a thought criminal that guy was! We'll just make sure Martel's nephew is out of the loop.

Je Suis Charlie Martel

Most equal.