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1-800-IM-SNITCH Makes it easier to denounce your neighbor!

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Neighbor just roll up in a new Jag? See your coworker with an iPod Touch when you just have a Nano? Wonder how to cause pain in the lives of people you don't like? Trying to keep the local Obamissar off your back?

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/itax/news/20030221a1.asp

Turn in those Class Enemies who would rob from the mouths of those who need.

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obmaissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Excellent Vodkavich , Yes we can rat people we just plain don't like out. Now if you will excuse me I am going to make a list Let's call it E.O.R (Enemies of Redstar)

Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality Inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith

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Not to be confused with Equal Opportunity Representative, which is something completely different, but also completly vital to the administration in its quest to establish a new paradigm of socialism. Does the phrase "Handicapper General" ring any bells, Comrades?

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Well finally! Now I have some resource to use until the "Google Earth" and NASA Cooperative Project is complete for tracking everyone, everywhere & at all times.

Also the RFID chips still have bugs in them that the developers are working out.

By the way, is this 800 number toll free or is it like the 900 numbers that cost me a fortune to talk to lonely ladies Commissar Theocritus uses?

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Comrade Proletarian Robot,

The income from the number is immediately added to the stimulus to help construct new Planned Parenthood offices.

The incredibly Progressive members of the PPC of Oregon are one step ahead of you on the RFID chips. Afterall Comerades, what happens when the proles of the USSA embrace our vision for a completely regulated global economy controlled under the guise of halting Global Climate Change and buy fuel efficent cars? The Party starts losing out on skim! It is a most troubling paradox. We must choose whether to remove the incentive for fuel efficiency and the acceptance of GCC by taxing miles or we must lose revenue but gain believers in the Church of the Holy Goremon (PBUH).

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Robot, why on earth would I use a 900 number? If I want utterly vacant talk I always have Bruno. I can always talk to Speakerette Nansky when she's here, and once she even blinked.

Speaking of 900 numbers I am thinking of setting up a Progressive Talk Line. Comrades, like the Mime, who are not feeling controlled enough, who are threatened by freedom (<i>so</i> awful), can call 900 ENSLAVE ME and for just 49% of your income you can have a willing commissar tell you that freedom is an illusion, that you're evil, and if you're a good little boy your friendly totalitarians down at city hall will enslave your neighbor just like you--so that's okay then.

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I attempted to call the number and turn in Comrade Daschtardle, but the lines were busy. Apparently, people were tripping over themselves to call him in, and the office is currently holding a lottery to see who will get the prize money reward pat on the back from the State.

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The health stocks rose 2.6% after the resignation of Faschle Dashle. That little shit gives me a moment of gut-grinding perfect hatred exceeded only by Howard Metzenbaum. I'd rather be waterboarded by the hairy Mrs. Clinton that look at that slimy little totalitarian bastard.

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I guess he'll have to go back to his cool million dollar a year gig as a lobbiest consultant, he paid those back taxes for nothing.

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Has he paid them? I don't know that he has. Bear in mind that laws are for the little people. Not for Fascle Dascle, who is perfect in his own way. The perfect socialist shit who is miserable if someone does something that he's not a part of.

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Comrades,

Thanks to the wonders of Form 2555, I have not paid US taxes for closing in on two decades. Would one of you be so kind as to report me? I have tried to report myself, but they seem to think it is a joke. I think my tax evasion status makes me uniquely qualified for a top position in the Obama cabinet. If possible, I would like to be Secretary of Fairness.

Thank you in advance.

Yours,

CT

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Tovarich, I know that you would like to be the Secretary of Fairness, but that's taken. His O'liness is the embodiment of fairness. When asked by Charlie Gibson about capital-gains tax, "Every time it's been lowered the tax revenues have increased," his O'liness stuttered, saying that wasn't the point

The point is having people under the thumb.

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Comrades,

Will the phone calls be made available to the public? Jones BIG A$$ Truck Rental and Storage has begun releasing some of its voice mail that is superb:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/JR6OHrJcKo8&c ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/JR6OHrJcKo8&c ... edded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

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Comrades,

This phone number is wonderful. With voice transcription software, every phone call can be posted online as audio and text so everyone will know who the untrustworthy are; identified enemies can be denounced more easily, thus allowing denouncers to accumulate "solidarity points" to use as offsets against spurious or mistaken denunciations.

To maximize the system's effectiveness, every citizen must of course be issued a secure computer (with a government-accessible backdoor and COBOL for compatibility with government machines), reliable hi-speed connection, and training.

Not only will jobs be created, progress will progress!

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COBOL? What happened to RPGII? Aren't they still running them on IBM 360s with the Tape Operating System?

Nothing is more sacred to me than watching flight controllers perform a sort of the flights using three tape drives.

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Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

These are good questions that others blessed with government employment will have to answer.

In these days of 500 million jobs/lives/souls lost per month/week/day/hour, it is imperative that the stimulus bill help tape drive makers. I do believe that my Commodore 64's was made in America, thus fulfilling the "Buy American" law, trade wars be damned.

If no tape drive makers can be found, surely a public-private company can be formed to receive the money.

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Yes, Tovarich, we should subsidize them. Also I'm that we ought to subsidize Studebakers--the old cars and of course their Conestoga wagons. And all the harness works too. If we don't use the harness on actual horses we can use them on recalcitrant Rethuglicans.

Or Maxine Waters, as long as she doesn't bite through the metal. She could, you know.

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Theo, true enough! Progress knows South Bend, Indiana, where the Studs were built, could use a shot in the arm of something other than heroin, crystal meth, or the fakery of too many Notre Dame U. faculty.

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Tovarich, I'm beginning to think that we may not need any progressive educational colleges for the English departments of nearly all colleges are so progressive that Beria would blench.

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Theo, perhaps a Maoist view is called for: strip English professors of tenure and send them to enlighten the masses in small-town, bitter, jobless, Bible-reading, gun-clinging, and xenophobic parts of America. Armed with the likes of bell hooks and Marx, what could possibly go wrong?

It's like "spreading the jobs and education around," for the Public Good™ and The Children™.

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Tovarich, would you reward foot-soldiers of the Enlightenment so? These professors have given their all to embitter women and minorities. Why, for a good while the Shakespeare professor at Columbia said she would teach it from a Marxist-feminist perspective! Now what's wrong with that?

Why send her out into the hustings to deal with people who live just fine without her?

mi
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Michael Moore is <a href="https://www.michaelmoore.com/words/mess ... ">inviting seksots</A> to tell him about "the real deal" on "abuses" at the brokerage firms and banks...
There is nothing wrong with snitching, when it helps the Revolution -- it is called "bravery":

[BLOCKQUOTE]I am in the middle of shooting my next movie and I am looking for a fewbrave people who work on Wall Street or in the financial industry tocome forward and share with me what they know. Based on those who havealready contacted me, I believe there are a number of you who know "thereal deal" about the abuses that have been happening.[/BLOCKQUOTE]
The masses are worried, however, whether his movie will expose the revolutionary <a href="https://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage. ... ">pressure on the lenders to lend to the unqualified</A> as the main cause of the crisis. We need guidance from the Party -- and so does Comrade Michael.

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Poor Miguel, he'll be unemployed once we have been transformed into a workers paradise. Besides the Hitler History Channel beat him to it with Crash: The Next Great Depression, it traces the economic meltdown back to evil Reagan. http://www.history.com/shows.do?action= ... eId=380298

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The History Channel is owned partly I believe by CBS--certified Party Members. They did a revisionary documentary on dropping the atomic bomb on Japan, which even the BBC found too biased to run. And the BBC are true believers: they have been banned from British warships, and they consistently spread the truth about Israelis murdering innocent Hamas bombers.

So none of this should be unexpected.

From comrade Sovietskayakaputnik,
Comrades....
I had an imperialist neighbor across the street from me. He was always a snob. I noticed that during our orchestrated elections last year he had an unauthorized McCain sign in his yard. I noticed a few days ago he bought an American made Caddilac SUV and got rid of his socialist made Lada.
The last straw was that I heard him and some friends laughing and making a joke about our DEAR SOCIALIST LEADER...Obama. Well...my socialist fervor and fury was ignited. I immediately phoned the '1-800-IM-SNITCH' number. I got a nice and helpful young socialist on the phone named Latisha. She took down my information and said she would refer it to the proper authorities.
To my delight...in one hour or so,...three Police cars and 4 OSF vans full of officers..(OSF=Obama Security Forces) drove up to the imperialist neighbor's home. The kicked down his door and brought him out in handcuffs. He seemed to be bleeding.
They herded his crying children into one van and his screaming wife into another. Their dog was shot. The Caddilac was towed. In about 23 minutes...the whole thing was over and their was a 'for sale' sign in his front yard.
Of course...everyone was in the street watching the show. It was then, I noticed that my next door neighbor was glaring angrily at my new Volkswagen.
Should I be concerned???

Forever socialist and a promoter of class envy...
Comrade Sovietskaykaputnik

mi
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sovietskayakaputnik wrote:From comrade Sovietskayakaputnik,
[...]
It was then, I noticed that my next door neighbor was glaring angrily at my new Volkswagen.
Should I be concerned???

Forever socialist and a promoter of class envy...
Comrade Sovietskaykaputnik

Worry not, Kaputnik, Volkswagen, having been founded by one of the greatest collectivists in the world and still being made by proud union-members, is on the official list of Party-approved vehicles.

What's worrying in your report is the mention of "For Sale" sign on the izmennik's former lawn. The house should've been repossessed by the government, and given to the proletariat (one room per family society-cell).

It seems like the head of your local OSF-branch is too weak to conduct the struggle with the vigour demanded by the times...

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Yes, Kaputnik, I agree with mi. Unless the proceeds of the sale were to go to the appropriate authorities. 28% of each dollar dedicated to welfare actually gets passed out to the needy. The other. The other 72% is absorbed by the People's Workers who administer it.

If all the proceeds of the sale were to be dedicated for the care and feeding of Government Workers, then the For Sale sign would have been fine. For the needs of the Government Workers come first. Until they are sufficiently housed and fed, everyone else can sleep under a bridge.

Comrades Mi and Theo
I agree with both of you but a few minutes ago I saw 3 OSF vans drive up to the house again and they herded in (what looked like) a bunch of illegal aliens. There seems to be about 20 of them with some knapsacks. They may be going to homestead the house. It seems the OSF is going to use the home as a weigh-station for illegals.
I am looking out my window now and I see that an OSF officer is beating an illegal with a nighstick for relieveing himself on the side of the house and one officer is yelling at two illegals for trying to make a bar-b-que pit out of the plastic trash can in the front yard. A crew of OSF officers are taking out all valuables from the home and I am sure they will be giving them to the poor.
Soon..our neighborhood will look like a slice of the world and the world socialistic march will ge going down our street. I cannot see the for sale sign and do not know if it is still up or not because their is a '67 chevy low-rider parked in the yard in front of where the sign was.

Socialism forever...
Comrade sovietskayakaputnik

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Kaputnik, this is very important. Is the 67' Chevy an all-round low rider, a low-in-the-back rider, or a low-in-the-front rider? Also, does it have purple fluorescent lights under the car's sides, which shine on the pavement?

Are the tires extreme low profile? Not sports-sedan low profile, but extreme low profile?

Does it have spinning hubcaps?

Is the cook stove in the front yard? If so the aliens have chopped a hole in the kitchen floor. [This really happens.]

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Commissar Theocritus-

What is this nonsense about floor chopping? I'm out of the loop on this one and need re-education.

*BREAK BREAK*

COMRADES! Your tales of snitching have created progress in the pants of this crooked Obamissar!

Comrade Broke Soviet- I see you've been invoking the powers of the OSF! Good job! Comrade Red Star, who is in charge of... well... a whole lot of shit to include some non-methane emitting unicorns, is also the Obamissar of OSF. His goons highly trained professional door kickers are quite effective at night, but we needed a force better suited to daylight operations and thus the OSF was born.

Once the low-rider starts bouncing on its 'droes, you'll notice that the sign will have changed from "For Sale" to "ACORN outreach station". Feel free to go register and make sure to bring your blender with you. Oh, and do make sure to note the mini-satellite dish that has undoubtedly replaced the standard whip antenna. Tell them to remove it before attempting to enter a Prole-O-Matic because I won't assume liability for the damage.

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Vodkavich, some of our undocumented aliens some years ago were living in barracks on the farms here in West Texas, before their deportation caused the usage of combines. Many farmers would rehab the barracks, which are now derelict in the desert, and come to find the cook stove in the yard for they had never seen one, and the window screens off and chopped up for cooking wood, which was burning in a hole in the barracks floor.

I also like the idea of an ACORN outreach station. I think that the Congress ought to pass a law called perhaps Motor Voter 2. In Texas you register to vote in the county tax office; the county clerk administers the election, all under the direction of the Secretary of State in the People's Republic of Austin. Which voted 110% to -10% for His O'liness.

Title XIII shall provide that each state shall provide panel trucks which with pictures of ice-cream cones on the side. If you approach the truck and register and vote, all in one easy process, you are rewarded with an ice-cream cone.

To keep the Rethuglicans from suggesting that it is rigged, no one under the age of 12 months can vote and no one can vote more than once an hour. And the Rethuglican candidate's name has to be printed in type no larger than 2 point.

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Comrade Commissar-

That's a telling example of the culture divide and the need redistribute GLOBALLY as well as locally. These are the ones that need The Amero. Reminds me of the Iraqis who surrendered after encountering the "magic" of an MRE heater. Fire without flame?! Lay down your People's Rifle!

Registering in the tax office would provide a superb opportunity to make sure each prole's finances were in order before he was allowed to register. Aw hell- who am I kidding! We'd register him anyway. It's for The Common Good! As are the additional stipulations of ice cream and 2pt. I suggest cigarettes as well because it would entice the really unwashed to vote correctly, as well as disqualify them from Try-Care on the basis of risky behavior! Score!

-OV

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Yes, and I forgot to mention that we put sprinkles onto the ice cream. Sprinkles made of a ground-up roofie.

We get their vote and their money.


 
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