Superman: Our Superprogressive Superhero

In addition to the recent announcement by DC comics that Superman will soon renounce his U.S. citizenship, this mass culture hero's reconnection with his Progressive roots will usher in other remarkable changes.

Out: Truth, Justice, and The American Way.
In: Diversity, Social Justice, and The Progressive Way.

Out: Superman.
In: Super Non-Gender-Specific Person.

Out: Fortress of Solitude.
In: Fortress of The Collective (offering sanctuary to other illegals).

Out: Justice League.
In: International Justice Union of Public Service Superheroes.

Out: Good vs Evil.
In: More nuanced, less judgmental view.

Out: Crime fighting.
In: Superpowers to be used only to save the earth from capitalism and bad choices.

We have already seen the ascendancy of the progressive Superhero in the White House, and now we will have one in the skies above. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Non-Gender-Specific Person! He/her/it is here to protect us from ourselves and America's villains - Rush, Palin, Beck, and Breitbart.
~

Frustrated with the limits on Obama's powers, progressives long for a leader with dictatorial authority. Superman is just the ticket - an unstoppable enforcer of environmental regulations and healthcare legislation. There won't be a damn thing those teabaggers can do about it.

In COMPLETELY UNRELATED news, Clark Kent, formerly of the Daily Planet, has been named editor-in-chief at The New York Times.
 

Will fighting crime now be a time limited scope limited kinetic probable cause operation?
 

The American Way - definition please?
Thomas Jefferson and his 700 slaves won't answer my call.
Why all the misery around here? Lady gaga is having the time of her life. Adam Sandler is singing his tunes. Natalie Portman is dancing in the dough.
American Idol has a huge audience, perhaps i should join it.

All we need is for someone to write another book and make a movie out of it, then there will be a rooster in every pot!
 

"The American Way - definition please?"

The American way is majority law (U.S. Constitution) constrained by natural/moral law (Declaration of Independence).

The anti-American way is minority law (Marxism, Fascism, Islamo-Fascism, etc.) un-constrained by natural/moral law.
 

Kulak

"The American Way - definition please?"

The American way is majority law (U.S. Constitution) constrained by natural/moral law (Declaration of Independence).

The anti-American way is minority law (Marxism, Fascism, Islamo-Fascism, etc.) un-constrained by natural/moral law.

Is that Your final publicly edukamated answer?
 

Maksim, sometimes I think you do what you do just to get Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award:




Or maybe you do it just to get another bumper sticker for your mom:



Either way, you've really outdone yourself this time.

You, Superkommissar Maksim, are MY Super Non-Gender Specific Person!

Up, up, and away with higher taxes, government spending, and entitlement programs!
 

Eventually all the Superheros will fall for the Goracles mind submission oratory...

 

Excellent post, comrade. A tingle is running up my leg as I consider the transition to "Super Non-Gender-Specific Person." My only problem is that the person pictured in the comics is still anything but "non gender-specific." The character looks like the same leader of the reactionary white patriarchal system! We really need him/her/it to look the part.
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Maksim, sometimes I think you do what you do just to get Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award:
It's the only thing that makes life worth living, thanks.

AWOL Civilization

the person pictured in the comics is still anything but "non gender-specific." The character looks like the same leader of the reactionary white patriarchal system! We really need him/her/it to look the part.
Comrade, I forgive your confusion on this matter, much of our ideology is confusing and seems not to make sense, so let me explain. NGS only means that we are not going to specify or draw attention to gender, he/she/it's gender hasn't changed. If you are still puzzled, I suggest a Jiffy-Lobo. It will ease your mind.
 

AWOL Civilization has a point. Over the years they've altered the appearance of another icon, Betty Crocker, to make her less WASP-y by darkening her skin, etc. If there's to be no mistaking that Super Non-Gender Specific Person really is Non-Gender specific, then some alterations are in order.

For starters, how about some moobs/boobs? And instead of the tights, he could wear mom pants like Obama, and a big wide spiky belt like Michelle always wears. Oh, and instead of the cape, put him in one of Michelle's crookedly buttoned cardigans.

Replace the boots with either Birkenstock sandals or Lanvin sneakers with sparkly pink toe-caps, darken his skin, and change the color scheme of his outfit to a less jingoistic and more Progressive palette, like green for the planet and purple for the unions.

And maybe some flowers in his hair.
 

Tovarichi

Will fighting crime now be a time limited scope limited kinetic probable cause operation?

Nyet, Nyet, Komrade

He will be GAINFULLY employed fighting an entyre myriad of economic, envirnomental and hate crimes.

I heard he was involved in the arrest of the English chaps who sang karaoke Kung Fu Fighting and upset a homosexualy Chinese couple walking by.
 

 

Pinkie and AWOL, look what I found (artist unknown).


 

He has to go international as there are no phone booths left to change clothing in here in the United States. There are plenty in the rest of the third world.
 

This is like Hollywood throwing money away making movies nobody wants to see. Are they planning on selling this captian-planet version of Superman to children? Good luck. It isn't what children are willing to fork out their money for.
 

Superkommissar Maksim

Pinkie and AWOL, look what I found (artist unknown).



I like it! His/her/its gender seems to be suitably confused. Very progressive, for sure. No one will mistake this super-hero for a representative of the evil patriarchy.
 

Faster than the economic recovery . . .

More powerful than a wind turbine . . .

Able to make leaps in liberal logic with a single bound . . .
 

Superman is trying to deny who he is-- a sad day for America and hence great news for The Soon-To-Arrive Global Collective, but there is even better news, Comrades. We have our own Super-Being to champion the Causes of The Peoples Cube:








--KOOK
 

KOOK, Hilarious, yet very creepy.
 

Superkommissar Maksim

KOOK, Hilarious, yet very creepy.


Creepy? No, what's creepy are the so-called "independent voters" shown in the image to your lower left, whose attention we're trying to capture and whose minds we're attempting to enlighten. Superkommissar Maksim gives us Hope for Change. --KOOK
 

I wanna get back to the original post here for a second if I may.

OUT: Superman. As in Out of the closet
IN: Coming out.

OUT:Fear of Kryptonite
IN: Fear of Carbon Credits

OUT: America
IN: The United Nations

(prog off) After reading this SuperCrap, I can't wait for the Batman comic book where the batman fights Al Queda. O wait, they killed that idea off. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Terror,_Batman!
Because the idea of going into a another country to kill known terrorists is just sooooo far fetched and would most likely never happen. Especially under a Democratic President who would never torture people to get information. Wait a sec.........
 

Ted State: Carbon credits? I don't fear carbon credits, they make great gifts.

What's kryptonite to me is Fox News. Talk radio. Tax cuts. Individual responsibility. A nation with no entitlement programs.

I fear having to go through life without the government there to protect me every step of the way.

I've always thought "Footprints in the Sand" had it all bass-ackwards. When I'm having one of my Putinka-induced hallucinations that allow me to look back on my life and I see two sets of footprints, those are the worst times of my life. Those are the times when Republicans are in power, and they're always next to me, all around me, bugging me--but will they ever pick me up and carry me? Ha!

"Stop being so lazy, Pinkie!" Republicans sneer, as they kick the sand into my face. "You're on your own--do your own damn walking!"

I only ever want to see one set of footprints. I want the government to always carry me.

Because I'm entitled to it, dammit!
 

Commissarka Pinkie

I've always thought "Footprints in the Sand" had it all bass-ackwards. When I'm having one of my Putinka-induced hallucinations that allow me to look back on my life and I see two sets of footprints, those are the worst times of my life.

Hmmm maybe if SupermanSuperperson were there in your life, he could pick you up and FLY you to where you are going. That way there not be any footprints in the sand. What a glorious world we will live in Next Tuesday!
 

WELL KOMERADES...we have done it. We have finally convinced an icon of imperialism to change his ways. Superman has become a hero of the world's proletariat. He will use his superpowers in the service of the workers. In the same vein....we are close to turning Mickey Mouse towards a citizen of the soviet utopia. We put glorious listening devices in his home and heard him complain about the way the Americans massacre mice. Between hygiene and traps, most of Mickey's family has been killed. We later pointed out to him that in the glorious worker state...we live side by side with rats and mice all the time.
 

Will he still leap tall buildings in a single bound, run faster than a speeding locomotive, and bend steel in his bare hands? No wonder the real superman killed himself. He saw the future and refused to be a red.
 

Maksim, is that a cube in your pantson your belt, or are you just happy to see us?
 

Like I said before, Batman is just going to have to kick Superman's pansy leotard-wearing liberal ass!