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 | Having been named 'Person of the Year 2007' by an American magazine that invariably supports progressive candidates, soon-to-be Russian ex-President, Vladimir Putin, is now listening to political consultants advising him to start a vigorous campaign in Iowa and New Hampshire as the strongest candidate on the Democratic ticket in 2008. "Every Democratic contender promises to change America," says General Yezhov, a member of Putin PAC and Chairman of the Putin Presidential Exploratory Committee. "If change is what the Americans want, Putin can give it to them better than any other candidate. And trust me, it won't be some cosmetic do-over - it will be a change that's final and irreversible. We challenge all the activists who talk about change to put their money where their mouth is and support Vladimir Putin for American President." |
  Barbra Streisand: Vlad has definitely got more chutzpah than Hillary. I mean, she was my first choice, but if you put her next to Putin - who's got a bigger ability to bring about change?  Oprah Winfrey:  Daily Kos: Now Putin is officially the most popular man in America - AND he is available! | |
 Putin's Political Action Committee headquarters on Lubianka Square in Moscow.  Iowa Activist: I want the strongest candidate on the Democratic ticket in 2008 and Putin is it. I wish any of our Democrats could be half the man he is in dealing with the right-wing media. |
"Right now the American political experts are divided. One camp favors bigger experience with a wider sway typical of Hillary; the other camp fancies a new guy in Washington who has smaller experience but greater penetrating power which is what Obama is known for. With those conditions in play, the board is now set for us to declare that Putin has god-like experience, enormous - if not throbbing - penetrating power, and he'll be a new guy in Washington. So what are the pundits, the experts and the media consultants going to do? By their own standards, Putin is the ideal candidate for the Democratic primaries! He is a shoe-in for the nomination! A shoe-in!"
We met with General Yezhov in his office on Lubianka Square in Moscow, decorated with dull portraits of old Soviet leaders and a lively display of colorful English-language posters and buttons:
- Putin '08: He will bring stability to America
- Putin '08: No more partisan bickering!
- Putin '08: He means change!
- Putin '08: Cooler than Obama, More Experienced than Hillary
The General dismissed skepticism about the fact that Putin wasn't "technically" born in the United States. "What's the fabrication of another American birth certificate for the KGB paper factory? Patooey! Let's talk about real issues, like Hillary or Obama's experience!" The General issued a short and disciplined belly laugh.
"You know what the 'experience' argument between Hillary and Obama supporters reminds me of? It's like that quarrel over the best way to open an egg as described by the great Russian writer Jonathan Swift - from the big end or from the little end. They Hillary group are the Big Endians and the Obama group are the Little Endians. If that's what your choice of candidates boils down to - from which end it is better to open the Golden American Egg to suck dry - then Putin can crack the egg open from both ends simultaneously! His KGB training included a skill to shell a raw egg with only two fingers, without leaving a mess.
"Putin is everything your Democratic contenders can only dream of being and so much more! Nobody except him can bring political stability to America. Having analyzed reports in the American 'paper of record', The New York Times, within the last seven years of the Bush Administration, our experts have concluded that your country is devastated by Republican failures, weakened by partisan bickering, and is being ravaged by hateful mobs of 'fiscal conservatives' who are looking for an excuse to start another civil war. America needs stability - even more so than Russia!
"Our theory was confirmed by Time Magazine's selection of Putin as 'Person of the Year' for bringing stability to Russia. Time editors must have subliminally guessed what's best for America. And that's why Vladimir Putin is your top choice for president.
"If we are to believe the American mainstream media - and I see no reason not to - Americans are ready for a benevolent foreign leader who will be strict but fair to his American subjects. Just think what he can do for your country with only a few edicts! The possibilities are endless!
"The Edict to Balance the Media and Unconfuse Public Perception will lead to a quick shutdown of Fox News and conservative talk radio, followed by a poisoning of Rush Limbaugh, a quiet assassination of Ann Coulter, and the jailing of Republican leadership with the subsequent nationalization of GOP funds. The debate is over, comrades! No more partisanship!
"The Total Employment and Rehabilitation Edict will give a chance to human refuse known as the 'right-wingers' to rehabilitate themselves through hard labor in Alaska, digging the world's longest canal between the Pacific and the Arctic Oceans. With millions of them living in the barracks, the housing problem on the mainland will fade away automatically and home foreclosures will cease to be. Financing for this project will be provided by tapping into the bank accounts of today's captains of industry who will be shoveling permafrost. The resulting overall prosperity will easily cover the cost of shipping surplus shovels from the Motherland.
"The Simple Vote Edict will be similar to Simple Tax; only instead of eliminating the IRS it will eliminate the Federal Election Commission. This will end once and for all the confusing need to know the distinction between the House and the Senate, the Elephant and the Donkey, the Capitol and the White House. The edict will rid us of the Electoral College and other excesses that frustrate the Democrat voting bloc. There will be only one Duma and only one Party, renamed into 'Americans United for Choice and Stability' - a utopian ideal for many of progressive activists.
"The Centralized Self-Governing Edict will abolish the costly and farcical gubernatorial elections. The liberated funds will then be used to build dachas for the loyal State Governors whom Putin will choose himself as he did in Mother Russia. That in turn will ensure a better cohesion of state economies with the federal Five Year Plans, thus eliminating the 'free-market' chaos and dubious capitalist 'creativity.' A tighter government control over industries will release additional funds into the hands of other distinguished apparatchiks who will thus reward themselves for the selfless service to the people and the President.
"The No War for Oil Edict will nationalize American oil companies and end their tyrannical reign over the world. While this triumph of progress will be deafeningly celebrated by people who believe that Big Oil was the main cause of wars and violence, Putin will quietly sell American weapons to Syria, Hamas, Hezbollah, and Iran, helping to achieve a peaceful and final solution in that war-torn region. With the destruction of Israel and America's unilateral disarmament, an everlasting peace will ensue; it shall be known as Pax Putinia.
"The Kazakhstanization of Arizona Edict will bring civilization to the American wastelands of Arizona and New Mexico by rerouting the Mississippi River into the Arizona Desert. One doesn't have to be a cartographer to see the unfairness of the current system under which the Gulf of Mexico has too much water while Arizona has none. It's time we made Big Gulf of Mexico share its vast water wealth so that the Southwest can become the new Tselina (Virgin Land) - just like Kazakhstan. It will grow corn for the American Motherland to be distilled into ethanol, whose importance will only increase due to the failure of nationalized oil industries.
"The Edict to Improve Economic Indicators will ensure that America's prosperity will continue to be fabulous and immeasurable despite the bureaucratic mismanagement and economic sabotage by the people's enemies. The only government-approved economic indicator left in place will be the perception of the economy by the New York Times editorial board - just like in the Golden Age of Bill Clinton!
"The Minimum Wage Tax Edict will simplify the tax system by making everyone a government employee, with automatic wage deductions for new glorious projects. A standardized universal minimum wage will be a welcomed change from the stressful need to count dependents and file tax returns.
"The Total Health Edict will bring you a standardized universal healthcare plan by forcing doctors and pharmacists to work for the standardized universal minimum wage. A few widely publicized show trials of "white coat criminals" will subdue the rest of the greedy scoundrels with knowledge of the medical field. We know that progressive mass media will cooperate; they already can't wait to lay their hands on pharmaceutical companies. The ACLU will also be standing by at our disposal.
"The Social Security Reduction Edict may not be even required, as the advancement of standardized universal healthcare should quickly reduce the number of freeloaders surviving past pension age.
"The immigration issue will also wither away as there will no longer be an opportunity left for any laborer - foreign or domestic - to be outside of the government hierarchy and state-assigned residency system. As Americans are expected to start fleeing to Cuba and Mexico, The Border Minefield Edict may be required, which would place landmines and heavily armed patrols on the southern border to prevent the outward movement of people and the depletion of the federal workforce.
"The Guns Kill People Edict will establish a no-trial-needed death penalty for gun ownership, lest the selfish American kulaks get any ideas about resisting the will of the people represented by exacting Party apparatchiks. Come to think of it, a constitutional amendment about the separation of guns and people should be announced by a special edict on our very first day in office to ensure that we survive all the other edicts and live to see the next term, and then the next term, and the next term after that.
"Vote Putin - do it for the children!"
is just what we need; to be loosed from the bondage
of individual thought and enjoy the freedom of Government planning .
End the bitterness that divides America
with freedom from choice.
Put in Putin, the inevitable President !
He will make all of Hillary's
Solstice Holiday promises come true!
The only quibble I have with your thesis, Comrade Red Square, is that we have Americans who can just as easily fabricate an American birth certificate. Rather than send another job overseas, we can employ the guys who work in the parking lot of that 7-11 in Virginia.
Perhaps, "Have Plutonium will Travel"™
Putin caught dancing topless in Yosemite?
Notice the floating Cross on his chest.
"Huckabee or Me?"™
BUSH is still eligible to be president for another eight years!
Dear Lenin! Protect us!
Oh, I just know he's sweet and sensitive, and like, totally understands me! I could love him 4-ever and ever!
(Pinkie rips out the old pages about Ahmadinejad and Che from her Hello Kitty notebook, and writes on a new one)
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Oh by the way, does he hate Bush? Please tell me he does. That's soo-ooo important to me. More than the sunsets, long walks on the beach, and cozy nights in front of the fireplace.
Commissar Pupovich
There is one potential gulagblock that I had not considered, one that I am afraid we ourselves are to blame for! Comrades, for years we have rightfully claimed that George Bush was not elected to the White House! So what does that mean you ask?BUSH is still eligible to be president for another eight years!
Dear Lenin! Protect us!
This will actually give Bushitler the opportunity to attack Iran,Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, China, Russia, Japan, Hawaii, and Canada.
Comrad Bubalasky
This will actually give Bushitler the opportunity to attack Iran,Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, China, Russia, Japan, Hawaii, and Canada.I had never considered that since Bush wasn't elected either time, he could still make a claim he is eligible to remain president! All the more reason it is critical for us to win! What if we were to fail.... On no, that is too close to ThoughtCrime™... We will win....We will win...We will win...
Ah, Comrade Putin... a chip off the old block. He certainly looks a bit more dashing than my dear friend Dzerzhinsky, who lets face it, has a weak chin and required a bit of artistic license to make him cut a more dashing figure as you see above. Be that as it may, Putin while rated "Eminently Qualified" by the State Gulag Association, is a bit "soft" by my standards. On the other hand, he is a great outdoors man, lots of fun to be around during interrogations, and widely loved in the West.
Commissarka Pinkie
(sigh) What a hunk! He's so dreamy looking! Those pecs, that pate, those ice blue eyes that look as if they could bore right through me and touch myOh, I just know he's sweet and sensitive, and like, totally understands me! I could love him 4-ever and ever!
(Pinkie rips out the old pages about Ahmadinejad and Che from her Hello Kitty notebook, and writes on a new one)
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Mrs. Pinkie Putin
Dear Mrs. Pinkie Putin (formally known as PP)
It is rumored that your husband Vladimir has a love child with Hannah Montana!
Bad mouth Vlad all you want--he might have his faults, but I'm going to change all that, just you wait and see!
[SIZE=2][FONT=Verdana,sans-serif]Commissarka Pinkie
I never even knew existed till the rabbit died this week?
Rabbit? What rabbit? What happened to the poor bunny? Do we get to eat... I mean... um... "bury" it?
Quote:
Nice try, Bubalasky. That's what you said about Ahmadinejad and Che, too. They can't all be the father of her love child! (Besides, are you sure it's Hannah, and not What's-her-name Spears--that sister of Britney that I never even knew existed till the rabbit died this week?)Sorry, my source's got their teen idols confused.
Premier Betty
Quote:
I never even knew existed till the rabbit died this week?Rabbit? What rabbit? What happened to the poor bunny? Do we get to eat... I mean... um... "bury" it?
Let's eat!
Commissar Pupovich
There is one potential gulagblock that I had not considered, one that I am afraid we ourselves are to blame for! Comrades, for years we have rightfully claimed that George Bush was not elected to the White House! So what does that mean you ask?BUSH is still eligible to be president for another eight years!
Dear Lenin! Protect us!
Don't you see, Pupovich? It was all part of the great VRWC plot from the very beginning to make Bush dictator for life. Yes, they set out to steal the election from Al Gore, and then from
Not gonna happen, you say? Because The People will finally know better this time? Maybe so, but it only means the Republicans will try harder than ever, and stoop to new lows to steal the election a third time.
This is all part of their heinous plan to keep Bush in power indefinitely--to keep stealing those elections so they can say, "Well, everyone says he wasn't really elected in '00 or '04 or '08 or '12 etc., so he has every Constitutional right to keep running until he's finally, legitimately elected.
But that will never happen, because they're just going to keep stealing one election after another to keep him in power.
Our only hope is to rely on those who think things will be just peachy.
Now about that rabbit. Who's skinning it? How do you want it cooked? Fried? Fricasseed? Hasenpfeffer? (Alas, I watch too many Bugs Bunny cartoons.)
It matters not if MIS-TER Bush
(as Comrade Olbermann sooooo wittily calls him)
is eligible or not
as MRS. BUSH is eligible for 8 more years !!
If she is elected, it would be like four more years of her husbands administration!!!!!!
No, wait - what standards? I forgot we have a double standard for everything! Phew! It must be getting late, my mind went blank for a minute. Intellectual integrity restored. Must go to bed.
Quote:
Now about that rabbit. Who's skinning it? How do you want it cooked? Fried? Fricasseed? Hasenpfeffer? (Alas, I watch too many Bugs Bunny cartoons.)Shuddup! You'll give away how Hillary is financing her campaign! If you don't recognize the alias it's Robert Reich and Janet Reno.
Red Square
Thank you, Red, for making things right. ~Pinkie
Merciful Kim Jong-Il
Putin is good leader. But why not ME as President of Amerikkka? I AM The Dear Leader of the PERFECT DPRK. AND I was born on a Mountain!!! I don't think Putin was born on a people-ing mountain.After viewing those beautiful movies I am teary eyed! Your country is so much better than America!
I would vote for you if you will shed the funky hair dooo, loose some weight, and gain 12" in height!
Oh yea, and quit starving the rest of the people that weren't in your movie.
I for one throw the full support of the Ministry of Truth behind this noble Person of the Year! With Glorious Uber Comrade HRC's sagging numbers and Obahamamama's decidedly un-communistic approach to...well, everything, Supreme Command Master Comrade Putin (Putin[sup]SCMC[/sup])is our Glorious Leader! Never since Lenin[sub](PBUH)[/sub] has there been such a visionary! Never before has someone wrestled a nation out of the horrid fledgling grip of capitalism and thrust it back into the warm equal glow of communism!
We must organize a womyn's movement for Putin[sup]SCMC[/sup]! I'm thinking a movement entitled Poontang for Putin! And we all know where the womyn are the mindless male proles will follow!!
Ha ha! I am giddy with delight!
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
mucking about with teeny tiny = muckteen
kicking and screaming = dancecheer
Person of the Year = plusmoreequal
equal glow of communism = commwarmglow
womyn's movement for Putin = wimp
movement entitled Poontang = poonmove
mindless male proles = exmale
giddy with delight = doubleplusgid
Commissar Pupovich
Comrade O'Brian, have you not heard we have added to the RightSpeak dictionary?mucking about with teeny tiny = muckteen
kicking and screaming = dancecheer
Person of the Year = plusmoreequal
equal glow of communism = commwarmglow
womyn's movement for Putin = wimp
movement entitled Poontang = poonmove
mindless male proles = exmale
giddy with delight = doubleplusgid
Crap. No Commisar unfortunately in my current covert state I do not get the most recent Newspeak downloads. They have been added now of course.
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
That's a tough one for me. Other than breasts, they both seem to be the same to me.... politically speaking.... that is.
--
Comrade Darren Garnick just sent us a link to his article in the Boston Herald, describing an unscientific poll made in N.H., in which pedestrians were asked to choose between two cardboard cutouts of Hillary and Obama.
Now, cardboard cutouts are a proud tradition at the People's Cube - but we never had Flat Hillary and Flat Obama before. I wish they had Flat Putin next to those other two. He's the real winner! Unfortunately, there seem to be no cardboard cutouts of him in N.H.
Notice how Putin is surrounded by children! They lean to him! He is the true people's ChildrenMagnet(tm)!
It turns out the store that sells them doesn't have cutouts for any other candidates - and even then the progressive cutouts don't sell well.
According to the CEO of WickedCoolStuff.com, they sell four Homer Simpsons or three Darth Vaders for every Barack Obama, and six Darth Vaders to every Hillary. Does that mean Cheney still is popular and Republicans have a chance in 2008?
After the Revolution, the Party will make sure that cardboard cutouts are designed and manufactured in sizes and quantities that are in direct proportion to their progressivism. The right-wing candidates will be 3 inches tall, and the progressives will be life-size to 12 feet tall. We must also make sure that the sales of each candidate's cutout will be in direct proportion to their Party-assigned popularity, which shall be transmitted to the masses by the loyal mainstream media.
Red Square
Barbra Streisand: Vlad has definitely got more chutzpah than Hillary. I mean, she was my first choice, but if you put her next to Putin - who's got a bigger ability to bring about change?Oprah: I can't believe it! Why didn't Vlad tell me before I did that stupid show for Obama in Manchester?
I once had a friend named Vladislov and he always complained that "Vlad" was the nickname for Vladislov; "Volodya" for Vladimir. I'm just sayin.'
(He also used to say: "Khelly(Kelly). You know why beer is better than fodka? Because. You can hef maybe one, two beers, and have rest later. Fodka...you have to drink and drink and drink until you pess out.")
Vladislav (Vlah-dee-SLAHV) is Vladik;
Vladimir (Vlah-DEE-mir) is Volodia, Vova, Vovka, Vovik, Vovochka, Voloden'ka, etc.
But Barbra Streisand hardly knows the Mother Tongue - so she calls him Vlad, perhaps as a tribute to Vlad the Impaler (Dracula), the 15th century King of Wallachia (Southern Romania), with whose life she is more familiar than she is with the modern-day reality.
Despite his Russian-sounding name, Vlad Dracula was actually Romanian and not Russian, nor even Slavic for that matter.
Red Square
In the Motherland, "Vlad" is not used as a name, nickname, or a short form at all.Vladislav (Vlah-dee-SLAHV) is Vladik;
Vladimir (Vlah-DEE-mir) is Volodia, Vova, Vovka, Vovik, Vovochka, Voloden'ka, etc.
But Barbra Streisand hardly knows the Mother Tongue - so she calls him Vlad, perhaps as a tribute to Vlad the Impaler (Dracula), the 15th century King of Wallachia (Southern Romania), with whose life she is more familiar than she is with the modern-day reality.
Despite his Russian-sounding name, Vlad Dracula was actually Romanian and not Russian, nor even Slavic for that matter.
Horrors! We are not only assigning a monster's name to the Glorious President Putin, who may even be a viable candidate (or at least a worthy co leader with Glorious Leader Hilary).....WE ARE MISPRONOUNCING HIM!!!!!! Will the bringer of law and order to Yeltsin's catastrophic land of "democracy" ever forgive me? O, VladEEmir VladEEmirOvich, I throw myself at your Glorious Feet.
Red Square
Vladimir (Vlah-DEE-mir) is Volodia, Vova, Vovka, Vovik, Vovochka, Voloden'ka, etc.And here I was going to call him "my darling Vladdy" and make all sorts of corny stale "impaler"
But if only I could get him to notice me and ask me out, and if things got really, really, I mean REALLY--like, "Progressive"--and he and I were about to achieve, umm, shall we say, "social utopia"--which of these nicknames do you recommend I call out so he'll know I'm the comrade for him?
Not Vovik. Please not Vovik. I ran it through the Truth Generator and came up with this:
Vovik, you are an intolerant racist pig because you voted for George Bush!
Don't go breakin' my heart.
Commissarka Pinkie
[which of these nicknames do you recommend I call out so he'll know I'm the comrade for him?Oh Mighty Pup!!!!
Ooooooops, sorry, that is what I hear....
Commissar Pupovich
Share that bone with me!In the context of Pinkie's "impaler" jokes, what bone exactly would you like to share, Pupovich? Please be reminded that you that you are at the Party Organ and not Clinton Library.
Note to self: find out what sort of bone Pupovich craves most, and ration it.
Commissarka Pinkie
Red Square
Vladimir (Vlah-DEE-mir) is Volodia, Vova, Vovka, Vovik, Vovochka, Voloden'ka, etc.Not Vovik. Please not Vovik. I ran it through the Truth Generator and came up with this:
Vovik, you are an intolerant racist pig because you voted for George Bush!
Don't go breakin' my heart.
But Pinkie, Comrade, the Truth Generator is only for names of ENEMIES of the people. Hard to believe, but the gallant name VlaDEEmir is shared by some imperialist, capitalist, Republican-sympathyzing scum. One can be a Vovik and not a class enemy.
I kinda like that one. It has vim. And vigor. And verve.
If you rather send him a note, the korrekt spelling is "Вовка-морковка."
Red Square
Please be reminded that you that you are at the Party Organ and not Clinton Library.Note to self: find out what sort of bone Pupovich craves most, and ration it.
Comrade Red Square, if I were to blame for that I would be mortified. Even so, I have corrected said indiscretion.
*Arrgh! What is happening? My spellcheck has stopped working for me here now! But I just went to my other forum site and spellcheck is working for me there?*
Red Square
Call him Vovka-Morkovka. I'm sure he'll like it. If things get really, really, "Progressive" - and you feel you have both reached a state of "advanced socialism," ask him to show you his "morkovka." That'll help you to get to "social utopia" sooner.If you rather send him a note, the korrekt spelling is "Вовка-морковка."
Do I understand correctly? (After trying to google this word.) You're suggesting I call him a "carrot" or that I ask to see his carrot?
-Mikhail
(Shameless post from a member of the collective)
Election Day in an average Democrat-voting family...
Branish
Comrades, but how can we nominate Putin to be President of the USSA when he is poised to become "national leader"/ Prime Minister/ pending the Russian presidential (s)elections in a few months? Wouldn't our nomination curtail his quests to become a modern czar?Why, we can simply have him conquer us after he is tsar.
The Tsarevna
Branish
Comrades, but how can we nominate Putin to be President of the USSA when he is poised to become "national leader"/ Prime Minister/ pending the Russian presidential (s)elections in a few months? Wouldn't our nomination curtail his quests to become a modern czar?Why, we can simply have him conquer us after he is tsar.
For Lenin's sake, do I have to explain something this simple? Have you western comrades have any idea how many "countries" composed the USSR? Have you no concept how puny your "USA" is in comparison? Why even those criminal tsars were able to rule it all and still make time for their hobbies, so how hard would it be for a talent like Putin to simply add the USA on to his daily planner? But why would you even ask this? You have Hillary, and she will make a fine empress. Now comrades, get back to the work of building socialism and stop worrying about these things that are so far beyond your comprehension. If you don't have enough to do, we have some shovels that are aching for some warm hands.
http://www.janes.com/security/international_security/news/misc/janes011001_1_n.shtml
Мой Хороший Друг, Красный Квадрат (Red Square)
Call him Vovka-Morkovka. I'm sure he'll like it. If things get really, really, "Progressive" - and you feel you have both reached a state of "advanced socialism," ask him to show you his "morkovka." That'll help you to get to "social utopia" sooner.If you rather send him a note, the korrekt spelling is "Вовка-морковка."
It's slang.
морковка (morkovka) = carrot. carrot = phallus.
In American English the equivalent would be "dick". Or in Yiddish, "Schmekel".
Damn!!! Why do I remember obscure things like this from the Russian classes I took almost 2 decades ago, but cannot remember masculine/femine/neuter and past/present/future contexts needed for proper sentence structure? *sigh*
--
Blokhayev
Zampolit Blokhayev
Мой Хороший Друг, Красный Квадрат (Red Square)
Call him Vovka-Morkovka. I'm sure he'll like it. If things get really, really, "Progressive" - and you feel you have both reached a state of "advanced socialism," ask him to show you his "morkovka." That'll help you to get to "social utopia" sooner.If you rather send him a note, the korrekt spelling is "Вовка-морковка."
It's slang.
морковка (morkovka) = carrot. carrot = phallus.
In American English the equivalent would be "dick". Or in Yiddish, "Schmekel".
Damn!!! Why do I remember obscure things like this from the Russian classes I took almost 2 decades ago, but cannot remember masculine/femine/neuter and past/present/future contexts needed for proper sentence structure? *sigh*
--
Blokhayev
Thanks, Comrade Blokhayev. I suspected that was the case.
As for sending him a note--ha! I've been through middle school and know the drill on that scam. "Vladimir's really shy, Pinkie. Write him a note, tell him how you feel, and I'll give it to him."
No, you won't. You'll show it to all the other Party jocks, and the Party pom-pom girls, just like you did with the note you told me to write to Ahmadinejad.
Then, to add insult to injury, I'll find a carrot in my locker, and another in my book bag. Oh yes, been there, done that, have the complex.
Here goes, from left to right:
- Would you like to be a mote in our vast collective?
- We shall cure your weak liberalism with our strong communism, comrade!
- Has Hillary won the elections? Cause this must be workers' paradise!
- Are you up for a few revolutions? 'Cause we're up for a massive uprising!
- Didn't we see you in the library on the cover of Communist Manifesto?
All together:
- Put your hands behind your back and stand still, so we can pick you up!
In fact, we think we must create a new contest for progressive pickup lines, to make our comrades' private life easier so they can devote more of their time to the revolution, and no longer embarrass the Party with such lame ones as "Has anyone told you that you look like Socialism with a human face?"
Should we start a special thread for it?
Can we hurry up and do that before the Iowa caucus? I have a feeling that Her Excellency will be conducting a purge after the Iowa caucus.
--
Quote:
More Experienced than HillarySez who? According to Mr. Reno, Putin is a putz when it comes to putting. Sure, he has a long shaft on his driver, but when he gets on the green, he can't find the hole.
Quote:
progressive pickup linesI dunno.
"I have a five year plan and it includes you. It doesn't have to be five years, one night works for ME." <wink><nudge> That always gets them.
"Let's get hammered and I'll show you my sickle" is a crowd pleaser.
I hear Putin's is "Weren't we bunkmates on Kronstadt?"
POTUSMTE H08
Progressive Pick Up Line
Now this always worked for me with the bartending proles...
I'll have some Bush.... and a beer.
No, these aren't carbon credits and yes, I am glad to see you.
Would not Putin make a fine VP choice after you
Here's a great Socialist pick up line I heard in the PRC:
My kollektive has a new tractor! Let me show you how well it plows!
--
You know the part where the bad guy puts 007 in a chair and hits him with that swinging knobby thing? It should outrage you to know they do the same thing to the prisoners at Gitmo, only the knobby thing is replaced with a copy of the Koran.
Putin engages in ritualistic earth shoveling.
Take a load of that shovel - it must be Putin's personal Presidential shovel made of gold, with green velvet coat over the handle. Shovels of such caliber are, of course, made for elite Party members individually, at a secret military facility in the area known as Arzamas-16.
Of course here they allow proles access. This will change once we have socialist utopia.
You might say it's like Darth Vader's helmet.
Quote:
But alas, you should know I am never seen without my red headscarfOf course, how foolish of me.
Looking more closely at the picture, I get the creepy sensation that this is some kind of bizarre burial ritual...a bunch of people standing under a canopy with folding chairs in the foreground and shovels in their hands.
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Dems claim their attacks on Haley, Palin, Ann Romney are not "War on Conservative Women," but rather "Domestic Feminist Contingency Operation"
Biden launches his 2012 campaign to get thrown off ticket by blaming Tea Party for bad economy
Obama to Cory Booker: a mind is a terrible thing to use
Summer dead; Gore blames climate change
In attempt to recover $2 billion loss, JP Morgan Chase renames itself Chasebook
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
As election campaign heats up, Obama promises students to forgive their sins
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Democrat geneologists: every time you drop litter on highway, Elizabeth Warren sheds a single tear
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Michelle: My stick is bigger than Barack's
Breaking news: one year later, Bin Laden still dead
Obama in Afghanistan: American chicken is going home to roost
Elizabeth Warren claims kinship to Sitting Bull; receives Indian name of Lying Cow
Obama: Killing one terrorist is a triumph, killing millions of jobs is a statistic
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Study: North Korean Army threats as credible as White House news briefings
Obama to Congress: my government, my business
WH news briefing cut short after Jay Carney's pants spontaneously self-combust
Catholic Bishops order supersize confession booth for James Carney
Romney campaign requests Obama's fourth-grade book report on World of Dogs; Obama says, 'I ate it'
Insulted by Romney's accusation of them doing Obama's bidding, enraged media demand immediate instructions from White House on how to respond
Hillary in Colombian bar: Read my hips!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama: If I had a mother, she'd look like Trayvon Martin's
Study: Ozzie Guillen's beatdown by U.S. media not as bad as beatdown in Cuban prison for speaking out
Olbermann: "They fired me for wearing a hoodie!"
Cheney gets new heart; nation also hopeful that Biden gets brain, Obama courage, and House drops on Pelosi
Trayvor Martin shooting causes fear of backlash among Latinos with old-Jewish-guy names
In effort to escape vigilante justice, George Zimmerman changes name to George Dylan
Larry Sinclair: : If I had a son, he'd look like Barack Obama
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
To raise awareness about how unattractive respiratory disorders can be, Obama's FDA bans over-the-counter sales of asthma inhalers
Turning disaster into success, Disney renames failing "John Carter" movie to "John Reagan"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
UN: Iron Dome system in Israel too successful, may cause humanitarian crisis as desperate Gaza officials are forced to divert funds from education and healthcare in order to compensate for destroyed missiles
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Whitney Houston and Elvis seen at Obama fundraiser
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
Battle of the Fluke: Dept. of Health and Human Services jumps into the fray by changing emblem from "Eagle of Soaring Prices" to "Woodpecker of Reproductive Justice"
Dept. of Energy certifies Georgetown Law School sex drive as clean energy source, adds to number of green jobs created
Limbaugh controversy prompts Atlantic City casinos to preemptively shut down wildly popular Sandra Fluke slot machines
Democrats push for a death tax on aborted fetuses, to be paid for by insurance companies
Third-grader forced to apologize to Sandra Fluke for telling classmate, "Yo mama went to Georgetown Law School"
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Putin's post-election tears sold for five million dollars on eBay, rumored to have magical and political powers; buyer identified by initials B.O.
Rush Limbaugh apologizes for criticizing Sandra Fluke's reproductive hobbies, sends her complimentary condoms and a video camera
Obama: I don't want anyone punished with a birth certificate
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Supportive Americans send Sandra Fluke thousands of contraceptives in hopes she'll never reproduce
Georgetown Law School students set to receive scholarships from Crate'O'Condoms manufacturer Johnson & Johnson
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Rescue team recovers Obama's birth certificate ten miles away from tornado path
Supporting Obama's Pond Scum Initiative, US Rep. Waters changes her name to Maxine "Stagnant" Waters
US commander in Afghanistan attempts to quell rioters by burning the American equivalent of the Koran - a year's subscription of 'Goosebumps'
Colorado school board: Islamic harassment of choir student not in violation of DOE guidelines on death threats
Obama refutes charges of being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Maya Angelou: "Whitney's dead, Santorum did it, Romney gave the gun, and Gingrich hid it"
Larry Flint: Santorum aspirin position in poor taste and beyond the pale
Israel invades Iranian air space to drop thousands of Fallout Shelter Manuals in Farsi
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Nation grateful to Madonna for promise to keep clothes on at Super Bowl
Trump endorses self, calls self to congratulate
Pelosi backs merger of Girl Scouts with Planned Parenthood: 'Who's NOT planning to be a parent at 12 these days?'
Groundhog Day news: Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see Obama's shadow
Obama's critics respond to Newsweek cover by publishing 'Defeating Obama for Dummies'
ACLU flooded with questions from donors: 'how and who to pray to in order to have Tim Tebow smitten?'
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
Rudolph publishes auto-biography, says shiny nose still cause for discrimination
Santa's sleigh grounded: PETA files animal cruelty suit against jolly old St. Nick
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Adults to Occupiers: there is no socialist Santa Claus; OWS protesters vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies and milk
EPA to collect carbon tax on coal left in naughty childrens' stockings this Christmas
Carney: new tax on Christians to help improve Christ's image via NEA grants
Obama: this isn't Christmas tax, it's Jizya
Mainstream media exposes Cain's radical ties to Koch-funded abolitionist movement
Dems compromise with Cain, only 10 lashes if he returns to plantation now
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
NY Daily News poll asking New Yorkers about Wall Street protesters uncovers glitch in People's Math: 79% want to see 99% kicked out
Democrats to Wall Street Occupiers: We're with you, but please don't harass our biggest donors!
Iran 'will pay a price' for assassination plot: Obama will not bow to Ahmadinejad for minimum of 90 days
Gov't blocks AT&T/T-MOBILE merger, cites "insufficient 2012 campaign donations"
Paul Krugman predicts stimulus package named "Irene" will improve economy this weekend
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
Opposition wrongfully labels as "vacation" President's plan to join toiling workers in cranberry bogs of Martha's Vineyard
Carney calls Obama vacation 'stimulative,' estimates it will create 4 million jobs
Unemployment promises not to rise until after Obama's vacation
Gorbachev to Obama: 'I too should have abandoned the Communist party earlier'
Obama tours states in long black bus; Biden to follow in short bus
Gaddafi petitions UN to support London rebels, demands resignation of British Prime Minister
Six Flags opens new roller coaster called The Dow Jones
Obama blames Thomas Jefferson for current economic woes; Biden says it's King George's fault
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders
Media: Why do Christians hate us?
U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas
Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror
Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack
Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter
Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Summer fun looks up! June jobs numbers up from 18,000 new jobs to loss of 26,000 jobs
DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012
Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan
State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices
Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"
Obama: "We can't cut our way to prosperity, but we sure can spend our way to oblivion
NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn
White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website
Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'
Huntsman Who: 'I-m like Reagan - a very, very efficient policy-wonk collectivist technocrat'
Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner
Study: 60% of New York voters believe that Rep. Weiner had penis planted on him by Republican operatives
Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner
Activists against voter ID discovered to be teens in elaborate scheme to avoid being carded at area nightclub
Harry Reid: 'We believe in a living breathing budget that evolves as society changes - today, tomorrow, the next minute, the next election'
Obama Administration demands secrecy in implementing 'transparent government' policy
Foreign policy mixup leads to Obama's order that helps US
Global happiness index compiled by Peoples Cube researchers shows ThePeoplesCube.com is best and happiest website, has healthiest babies, most bountiful beet harvests, enjoys wisest leader
Babies 'R' Us launches in-crib air traffic controller monitor to put little ones off to sleep
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Ken Burns' DVD "The Domestic Contingency Operation" #1 on Amazon
As French troops close in on Côte d'Ivoire's President, Code Pink condemns France's 'War for Chocolate'
Seattle school renames Easter eggs 'Spring Spheres'; also renames Passover 'Please don't kill the first born in this house,' and Ramadam to 'Eat after dark, put on 20lbs'
Government shutdown averted, which means the hard-working unionized masses at the IRS will continue, without interruption, to write letters kindly asking citizens to "pay their fair share"
Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday
Conde Nast gave $8m to scammer who sent one email; elsewhere, electorate gave four years to scammer who had one slogan
Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign
As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results
Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels
Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead
Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0
Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives
Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama
Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war
NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer
NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint
MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated
Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House
Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it
Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'
Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin
Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi
Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin
Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years
Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter
Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference
Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric
NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus
China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells
Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits
Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20
Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white
New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader
New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions
MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right
DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration
"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists
Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012
Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students
Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'
Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'
Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo
New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"
Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil
White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website
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Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush
Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."
Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke
North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"
Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission
Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patricks day is only 4 months away
Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans
Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks
Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors
Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet
Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"
Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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