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E-mail itHow to Frame National Debate with Red "Framing" Square
 | Last month Comrade Red Square gave an interview to Pajamas Media about the heroic struggle of the masses to shake off the reactionary conspiracy of the Dead White Males. We didn't publish it then because this Party organ was busy adapting the current truth to the changing Party line. But that time is over! As one of the most outspoken organs in America, there's a time to speak up, and that time has come! Culture = A Massive Sham Perpetrated by Rich Capitalist Oppressors Laugh all you want at George Lakoff's advice for the Democrats to win by framing the debate and altering the vocabulary. Language is a key battleground in culture wars, and as soon as you step into your opponent's frame of reference and start identifying bad weather as climate change, illiteracy as public education, and freedom as desperate need of care and supervision, you may lose not just the debate but the war, the culture, and your very way of life. |
A recent People's Cube discussion about PeopleSpeak™ and its ramifications prompted me to take a more serious look at today's culture war, its origins, goals, and legality. Was the culture war based on lies? Is it about oil? Is the surge working? What is the human and material cost of culture war? Is it subject to the Geneva Conventions? Is Rosie O'Donnell a war criminal? Is Al Gore an illegal combatant and was his Live Earth concert a dirty bomb? Many would characterize CNN broadcasts and Oscar Awards as torture, while the other side claims those are perfectly legal techniques devised by strategists to paralyze the enemy's will and weaken their defenses. And finally, why is nobody protesting outside, screaming "Stop the Culture War" and "Bring the Troops Home"?To find out more I asked my alter ego Comrade Red Square to do an interview for PJM. The celebrated author of PeopleSpeak™ graciously accepted.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
OA: When did culture war begin, who started it, and why?
Red Square: According to Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, it started as soon as humanity abandoned its blissful ways of communal living, became greedy, and stopped sharing property, spouses, and children. With historical inevitability, the stronger humans became rich by robbing the weaker humans who later became known as the poor. Eventually the rich set up governments so they could continue to rob the poor and protect themselves against the people's wrath. This lead to the creation of nation states that began to attack each other. The poor were hardest hit - they fought wars based on lies, making the rich even richer, oblivious to the fact that the real enemy had always been their own governments.
OA: But how could so many people be so unaware? Was there mass hypnotism involved?
Red Square: You said it, comrade. The oppressed masses suffered from a glaring lack of awareness due to compulsory injections of the opiate for the masses, which is how Marx described religion. God has always been a hand puppet of the ruling classes. But God alone would be powerless if the rich weren't also imposing their cultural hegemony on the unwashed, to keep them at bay by creating the illusion of a homogenous culture. Brainwashed with the false notion of patriotism, the toiling masses continued to fight illegal wars of aggression.
OA: Did you just say that a national culture is an illusion?
Red Square: Illusion doesn't even begin to describe it. It's a massive sham perpetrated on the people by an international conspiracy of the rich. Every true internationalist knows that the so-called cultures are bogus constructs. The supposedly advanced European cultures of France, England, or Germany are historical falsehoods invented by the rich to obscure the division between the nationalist culture of the upper classes and the internationalist culture of the unwashed.
 Aristotle invented logic as a tool to subdue the oppressed masses and minorities by imposing the so-called "rationality" as part of the international White male hegemony. The oppressive "reason-oriented" Western societies are the direct result of his conspiratorial efforts. |
OA: Did the unwashed resist the imposition of the upper class culture?
Red Square: All the time. Why do you think we call them "the unwashed?" But without the organizing power of the Marxist doctrine, all that resistance was little more than tantrums of a child protesting against wearing an expensive woolen sweater. Karl Marx opened the people's eyes to the criminal conspiracy of the rich who subdued the poor by imposing the so-called "culture" on them. This is what cultural hegemony means. In America, it is known as the oppression of the Dead White European Males - or DWEM.
OA: So the culture war can be described as a struggle of the masses to take off an expensive woolen sweater made for them by the Dead White Males, with the ruling classes scolding them and pulling the sweater back on?
Red Square: That visual is disturbing. I prefer the traditional image of the struggling unwashed masses at the bottom with the Dead White Males on top, being shaken off.
OA: What happens after the masses shake off the Dead White Males, or pull off that expensive sweater? What is your ultimate goal?
Red Square: Our goal is progress, which is the return to blissful communal living and sharing of all property, spouses, and children, without greed, weapons, or polluting tools - the way we were before the rich ruined it for us when they decided to stop sharing.
OA: That sounds like communism. Is progress another word for communism?
Red Square: It's beautiful, isn't it? Call it what you want, I'd still love it. But calling it "communism" will help the rich to frame the debate in their favor. We can reframe the debate by using the word "progress." Everybody likes progress. This word opens up people's minds and activates the models of hope, prosperity, and adventure. Then, while this model is active for them, we link it to our own goals and methods. We might as well call it chocolate, except Mayor Nagin already framed that one. See, our enemies are no longer in control of the language. They used to control it, but now it's our turn. To win, we must frame the debate with word proxies that best reflect the current truth situation.
OA: What else must you do to win?
Red Square: We must replace the culture of oppression with the culture of being oppressed. But some masses are more unwashed than others. Some are so unwashed, they can't even tell when they are being Dead-White-Maled. This is where the progressive community comes in, armed with the Marxist doctrine of culture war - only we don't call it "Marxist," we call it "empowering." We are the people's vanguard in charge of organizing, representing, raising awareness, and shifting the paradigm.
OA: If communism is progress and Marxism is empowering, why haven't you won already? What's holding you back?
Red Square: Rich capitalist oppressors. They are disciplined, proactive, and organized around their struggle to protect the reactionary legacy of the Dead White Males. Despite our best efforts to raise awareness, the capitalists keep lowering it down. Every time we shift the paradigm they put it back where it was. They never miss a chance to impose more of their hegemony on the unwashed. To keep up with the resistance, we must be twice as vigilant, disciplined, and proactive.
OA: What inspires you in this struggle?
Red Square: The children. We do it all for them. They must be spared the unfiltered legacy of the Dead White Males. Corrected remakes and adaptations by progressive Hollywood filmmakers have been helpful. I'd say we're half way there.
OA: What makes you so sure you will win?
Red Square: Karl Marx said it is historically inevitable. Who are we to argue?
OA: When do you expect it to happen?
Red Square: We always hope it will happen next Tuesday. But it may last until the next presidency. In classical terms, class struggle will not end until the progressive international movement results in placing the oppressed at the top and the oppressors at the bottom.
OA: That doesn't sound like a recipe for peace. What if the former oppressors are unhappy and decide to fight?
Red Square: When guns are outlawed, that'll be irrelevant. The progressive community has no use for their carbon-based lives.
OA: Are you going to kill all those people?
Red Square: I would reframe that. Words like "killing, repressions, deportations, and death camps" have a negative ring in the current oppressive DWEM culture. It is advisable that for the time being we use kinder, gentler terms like "tax, redistribute, subsidize, and raise awareness." Framing the debate with word proxies is a way to win this war for the unwashed masses.
OA: I trust you keep your proletarian shovel in good repair, displayed prominently on the wall of your hovel right next to your hammer and sickle.
Red Square: Oh yes. We must keep our shovels sharp for the Party if we are to bring about the The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™. In fact, a well-versed comrade like you should write for the People's Cube. Why don't you join our Groupthink and participate in highly re-educational discussions with Commissars and Politburo Members? They will tell you what to think.
OA: Thank you, Comrade Red Square. And thank you very much for the interview.
Red Square: It was my pleasure to raise awareness among the confused PJM readers. Here, I brought you a list of Party-approved word proxies widely used by the progressive news media to frame the debate and foster a shift in public perception for the next election. Put it to good use; I have more at the headquarters.
Comrade Red Square's list of Party-approved word proxies to frame the debate and foster a shift in public perception.
|
Another take on the historic photo, as a separate installment.
A NOTE TO PROGRESSIVE COMRADES WHO MAY INQUIRE ABOUT THE MEANING OF THIS SEQUENCE: It reflects the popular progressive belief that communism was a good idea in general, but it didn't work out because Stalin distorted Lenin's brilliant plan - solely as a result of his own stupidity, viciousness, and megalomania. Observe a cigarette in Stalin's hand. He was a dedicated smoker, while Lenin only tried smoking once as a little boy, but then quit and never tried again. But that's not what killed him.
It's catchy. I get signals all the time from the masses saying the same thing.
Of course, we can just boil it down to "fascist". It's worked for 62 years.
Quote:
I've found the actual word "sex" in the Constitution. Amendment XIX reads:THE RIGHT OF CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES TO VOTE SHALL NOT BE DENIED OR ABRIDGED BY THE UNITED STATES OR BY ANY STATE ON ACCOUNT OF SEX.
Just as a woman is being denied the RIGHT TO PRIVACY if she can't get an abortion on demand, there's no denying that you are being DENIED OR ABRIDGED ON ACCOUNT OF SEX.
Therefor you have the constitutional right to "get laid by really, really hot women..." And, in fact, since this is in the US Constitution your situation is a Federal matter and thus enforceable in Federal Court all the way up to the Supreme Court. As your Constitutional Scholar I advise you: If you are denied sex by a really, really hot woman tell her she is violating the law of the land and you are going to contact the authorities. It is your right.
THE CONSTITUTION SAYS SO.
Comrade Otis
Constitutional Scholar
Karl Marx Treatment Center
I'll meet you in Potyomkingrad, the bright shining city on the crater!
With this Constitutional mandate firmly in hand, I request an introduction to the absolutely smokin' comrade modeling the Framing Square. (No comrade Red Square. Not you. The other framing model.)
I also wish to agree with the assessment of Comrade Brain in a Jar, that the model we sent from the Pup's Party Pleasure Palace was an excellent touch, and as one who has touched her, I am on firm ground. It is sad that Comrade Brain in a Jar can only imagine such a touch, but then he has given all he has for the Party and is to be saluted.
Red Square
It reflects the popular progressive belief that communism was a good idea in general, but it didn't work out because Stalin distorted Lenin's brilliant plan - solely as a result of his own stupidity, viciousness, and megalomania. Observe a cigarette in Stalin's hand. He was a dedicated smoker, while Lenin only tried smoking once as a little boy, but then quit and never tried again. But that's not what killed him.Comrade Red Square, I simply can not allow this oft repeated fairy tale to go unchallenged. Comrade Lenin and I were as close as two links in a chain, a strong chain Comrade. The fact is that I would have never done the things that I did were it not sanctioned by the wishes of Comrade Lenin. He had the vision to see what would be needed to bring the Motherland into the modern world and fight the fascists that we of course foresaw decades in advance. In fact, it was Comrade Lenin that got me to love a good cigar. I merely wished to point out some of the errors that continue to be said about my glorious and heroic development of the Motherland into a power that put fear in the hearts of the Fascists and the Amerikan imperialists. In fact, it it a little known fact that it was I that designed the glorious rocket that sent our own dear Laika into orbit! Bet you didn't know that!
Quote:
It is sad that Comrade Brain in a Jar can only imagine such a touch, but then he has given all he has for the Party and is to be saluted.Comrade Pup, I have a FANTASTIC sex life...that is to say, it consists entirely of fantasies.
1941.
STALIN: Comrades Chiefs of Staff! Hitler has betrayed our trust and invaded our borders. But the infinite trust that the Soviet people have in the Party and in me personally shall allow us to lead them to a decisive victory. You can all go now. Marshal Zhukov, I'll ask you to stay with me. Comrade Zhukov, why didn't we put you against the wall with all the others in 1937?
ZHUKOV: I don't know, Comrade Stalin.
STALIN: It's odd, isn't it? You are dismissed, for now.
1943.
STALIN: The war has reached a turning point under Stalingrad. The infinite trust that the Soviet people have in the Party and in me personally has allowed them to reach the ultimate heights of heroism. A decisive victory is now around the corner. You can all go now. Marshal Zhukov, I'll ask you to stay with me. Comrade Zhukov, why didn't we put you against the wall with all the others in 1937?
ZHUKOV: I honestly don't know, Comrade Stalin.
STALIN: Any ideas? No? I still find it very odd. You are dismissed, for now.
1945.
STALIN: The war has gloriously ended in Berlin with full capitulation of the enemy. The infinite trust that the Soviet people have in the Party and in me personally has allowed them to defeat the most vicious foe the world has ever known. But even in the most difficult times we didn't lose our cheerful sense of humor. Isn't that right, Comrade Zhukov?
Ivan Betinov
According to Constitutional Scholar and Party Academician Otis, I have the constitutional right to get laid by really, really hot women: With this Constitutional mandate firmly in hand, I request an introduction to the absolutely smokin' comrade modeling the Framing Square. (No comrade Red Square. Not you. The other framing model.)Comrade Betinov, you should be ashamed of yourself for quoting from this insidious and counterproductive document! Beet rations are curtailed for a week! Now watch in agony as these glorious comrades demonstrate how to frame the debate (I am still unclear what the meaning of "Can't Get No Satisfaction" is, but it certainly sounds like a revolutionary theme. Perhaps it is akin to "the greatest good for the greatest number" or "from each according to his abundance to each according to his need" or other party-approved slogans). Hokay. Now watch video... make glorious stain for progressive party cleaners!!!!!
AbecedariusRex
Oh, and I'm glad that the party is so open-minded as to allow all shapes and geodesic forms to be called "squares". It would be entirely exclusive if you used such hateful terms as "rhombus" "trapezoid" "dodecahedron" and "isosceles triangle" to exclude some shapes from having equal access to the rights of squares. Thank you, Red, for not being too tangential in this matter and instead drawing the correct line and offering us the right angle.Just how far behind are you Comrade? All these geometric shapes that you refer to are so named by the number of sides are they not? The PeoplesMath™ has already shown that all numbers are equal.
Once I invited several Marshals of the Soviet Union and ordered them to wrestle in front of me on a carpet. Marshal Tukhachevsky won all rounds. This angered me. So I ordered to summon Marshal Timoshenko who was a very big man.
Timoshenko arrived and easily overpowered Tukhachevsky. As Tukhachevsky fell to the carpet, he hit his head. Timoshenko, putting in order his uniform, loudly expressed regret.
"Don't worry, comrade Timoshenko," I said. "He will not need his head any longer."
No illegal war on poverty!
Red Square
Right on! Actually I was also hoping someone would continue a list of Party-approved word proxies to frame the debate and foster a shift in public perception. Such attempts have been made on another thread but I forgot which one.War on poverty -> campaign contributions
Fairly tale -> Democratic National Platform
child molestation -> no child left behind
assisted suicide -> death squads
Commissar Pupovich
Red Square
Right on! Actually I was also hoping someone would continue a list of Party-approved word proxies to frame the debate and foster a shift in public perception. Such attempts have been made on another thread but I forgot which one.War on poverty -> campaign contributions
Fairly tale -> Democratic National Platform
child molestation -> no child left behind
assisted suicide -> death squads
CIA -> KGB
FBI -> KGB
ATF -> KGB
Homeland Security -> KGB
Politician-> Crook, Idiot, Pompous Ass, Elitist, Smarmy, John McCaine
or all of the above.
Border Patrol -> Priceless
"Consensus" replaces "Political scientific opinion arrived at without factual data"
"George Soros" replaces "Ex-Nazi collaborator"
Quote:
Thank you, Red, for not being too tangential in this matter and instead drawing the correct line and offering us the right angle.Further proof of the Bsh-Cheney propaganda mill at work: Why, comrades, must we labor under the oppressive lash of the RIGHT angle when we use geometry? Why is there not a LEFT angle? Damn the DWEMs and their insidious indoctrination of the youth!
For best framing practices see AmericansWhoTellTheTruth.org - a site that features a portrait collection of prominent American debate framers and a book by progressive artist Robert Shetterly, which is being distributed to public schools. Detractors may call it "An Idiot's Guide To Lying" - but we all know that "a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth" (V. Lenin).
Most of you already know that the word for TRUTH in the Mother tongue is PRAVDA. That was also the name of the USSR's main Party Organ, founded by Lenin. The tradition of framing the debate by calling shifting opinions "The Truth" is still alive today in America.
Back in the glorious Soviet times, many progressive Americans used to tell Pravda spies horrible stories of oppression in the United States. The stories were eagerly translated and reprinted in the Motherland and beyond, and the pravda-tellers were properly rewarded, both morally and materially. Whenever an American communist saw a sign of a criminal conspiracy by the ruling classes, the first impulse was: "That's it, I'm tellin' Pravda (The Truth)." The USSR is no more, but Pravda lives.
The ultimate debate-framing technique was exercised by the Soviet communists who named their main Party organ "The Truth" - PRAVDA.
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1716
Toiling collective farmers take a break in the fields to suck up the current truth from fresh issue of Pravda with Stalin's portrait on the front page.
Comrade Bubalasky - we moved your post with Coulter's video to a separate topic on the People's Blog, where it has already received a few comments. Please make a note of it.
The Propaganda Department
Red Square
Party-approved word proxies to frame the debate and foster a shift in public perception.Street Corner Crack Dealer -> Unaccredited Pharmacist
Productive Citizen -> Capitalist Pig
Capitalist Pig -> Free-Market Fundamentalist
Personal Income Rising at 6% Annual Rate -> Shifts In The Growth Rate
5% Unemployment Rate -> Economic Downturn
Economic Downturn -> Recession
-Mikhail
Mac vs. PC Shootout: Will It Turn Into A Civil War?
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1079
I reposted Betty's video there.
Commissar Theocritus
"When I am elected Empress for life, all Americans shall suckle me. I have 300,000,000 nipples." MTEWould this constitute universal health care?
Red Square
A NOTE TO PROGRESSIVE COMRADES WHO MAY INQUIRE ABOUT THE MEANING OF THIS SEQUENCE: It reflects the popular progressive belief that communism was a good idea in general, but it didn't work out because Stalin distorted Lenin's brilliant plan - solely as a result of his own stupidity, viciousness, and megalomania. tried again.Essentially, the original version of the argument that "Communism has never failed because real Communism has never been established". Each time a reichwing christofascist says "Yeah, that worked out pretty well in (Cuba, China, North Korea, Central America, S.E. Asia), didn't it?", a Progressive True Believer (who by the way, will almost never claim to be a Communist) will go into a "Yeah but..." defense that usually blames outside influences (the U.S.) and/or mismanagement by internal forces that were not true to Marxist Ideals.
“The Rockridge Era Ends”
Quote:
The Rockridge Institute was founded with a mission: to teach Americans about the role of values and framing in political debate, and to help progressives equalize the framing advantages enjoyed by conservatives. With your help, Rockridge has done more than any small think tank could be expected to do. About 1,000 of you have donated to support our efforts. More than 8,000 have registered as members of Rockridge Nation to engage actively with us. And hundreds of thousands, both in the US and abroad, have bought our books and used our materials. If you are one of those hundreds of thousands, political discourse will now look different to you. As you read the newspapers and the blogs and watch TV, you can see the effects of our work everywhere. Your support has made that possible. For this and so much more, you have our complete admiration and gratitude.Nonetheless, the Rockridge era will come to an end on April 30.
Why make up improbable horror situations in books and movies? If I were to write a horror story I'd make one about the Rockridge Institute and the "community" they created, of soulless liars, paranoid conspirators, Dr. Mengele style scientists. The only comic relief in that story would be the depiction of spouses cheating on each other and applying "top-to-bottom issue framing" and "value-based modes of reasoning" in the ensuing debates as they try to prove their "innocence" to their "life partners" who have also attended the workshops and are as skilled in framing the debate and morally depraved as their low-life scheming better halves.
All I need now is a conservative foundation to give me a "large, multi-year block grant" to write that book.
But I'm surprised the Rockridge Institute didn't get any money from George Soros. Or was their research too low even for the creatures of the nether world at the Open Society Institute?
The latter one assuming that the argument was won and you're merely being fractious. I have literally had them get quite hysterical when boxed in.
Liberalism is nothing but a set of attitudes posturing as thought, supported by the circle-jerk of mutual admiration of their own conspicuous compassion.
http://americanswhotellthetruth.org/pgs/portraits/Van_Jones.php
Quote:
It has been credited with a 30% drop in the total number of youth incarcerated in California.I believe I read that California courts have ordered the release of prisoners owing to "inhumane" conditions. That might do it too.
Quote:
Additionally Jones sits on numerous governing boards, and following Hurricane Katrina co-founded the largest online activist community addressing Black issues.Gasp! Be still, my beating heart! An on-line community, and activist, addressing Black issues? That must be so much more useful than, oh, rebuilding houses or handing out food.
But I have a question. If the houses are destroyed, how will the community be accessed?
Smartphones?
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President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders
Media: Why do Christians hate us?
U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas
Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror
Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack
Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter
Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Summer fun looks up! June jobs numbers up from 18,000 new jobs to loss of 26,000 jobs
DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012
Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan
State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices
Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"
Obama: "We can't cut our way to prosperity, but we sure can spend our way to oblivion
NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn
White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website
Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'
Huntsman Who: 'I-m like Reagan - a very, very efficient policy-wonk collectivist technocrat'
Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner
Study: 60% of New York voters believe that Rep. Weiner had penis planted on him by Republican operatives
Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner
Activists against voter ID discovered to be teens in elaborate scheme to avoid being carded at area nightclub
Harry Reid: 'We believe in a living breathing budget that evolves as society changes - today, tomorrow, the next minute, the next election'
Obama Administration demands secrecy in implementing 'transparent government' policy
Foreign policy mixup leads to Obama's order that helps US
Global happiness index compiled by Peoples Cube researchers shows ThePeoplesCube.com is best and happiest website, has healthiest babies, most bountiful beet harvests, enjoys wisest leader
Babies 'R' Us launches in-crib air traffic controller monitor to put little ones off to sleep
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Ken Burns' DVD "The Domestic Contingency Operation" #1 on Amazon
As French troops close in on Côte d'Ivoire's President, Code Pink condemns France's 'War for Chocolate'
Seattle school renames Easter eggs 'Spring Spheres'; also renames Passover 'Please don't kill the first born in this house,' and Ramadam to 'Eat after dark, put on 20lbs'
Government shutdown averted, which means the hard-working unionized masses at the IRS will continue, without interruption, to write letters kindly asking citizens to "pay their fair share"
Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday
Conde Nast gave $8m to scammer who sent one email; elsewhere, electorate gave four years to scammer who had one slogan
Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign
As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results
Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels
Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead
Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0
Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives
Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama
Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war
NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer
NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint
MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated
Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House
Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it
Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'
Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin
Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi
Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin
Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years
Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter
Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference
Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric
NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus
China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells
Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits
Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20
Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white
New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader
New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions
MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right
DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration
"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists
Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012
Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students
Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'
Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'
Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo
New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"
Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil
White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website
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Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush
Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."
Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke
North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"
Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission
Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patricks day is only 4 months away
Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans
Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks
Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors
Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet
Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"
Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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