After Tokyo had denied Obama's bid to go to Hiroshima to publicly apologize for America’s dropping the bomb there, Obama reportedly sought advice from his staff about an alternative way to turn America's victory in WWII into a matter of national humiliation.
"The point was not to make the Japanese feel better - who cares what they feel? - but to make Americans feel worse," said Press Secretary Jay Carney at a briefing this morning.
"President Obama's mission to fundamentally transform America will not succeed as long as there remain noncompliant citizens who believe in America's goodness and exceptionalism. If all progressive efforts in education, media, and entertainment fail to change minds, it becomes the difficult duty of the president, to establish the image of this country as an imperialist aggressor with suspect motives, guilty of racist and colonialist crimes against humanity, driven by bloodlust and corporate greed, dominating and destroying its innocent victims," Carney said.
In a cable recently disclosed by Wikileaks, Japanese Vice Foreign Minister Mitoji Yabunaka nixed the idea of presidential apology using words that can be loosely translated into English as "if you want to screw with Americans' minds that's your business - just don't screw with ours; we didn't elect you."
The idea to bomb American cities in retaliation for the White Man's Bomb first visited Barack Obama during a sermon given in his church by Reverend Jeremiah Wright: "We bombed Hiroshima, we bombed Nagasaki, and we nuked far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon, and we never batted an eye... and now we are indignant, because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought back into our own front yards. America's chickens are coming home to roost."
The audacious plan matured in conversations with a colleague and famed educator William Ayers, who developed it further by proposing a list of targets and offering scientific expertise in calculating the fallout. Further brainstorming with members of Obama's cabinet - Valerie Jarrett, Cass Sunstein, Anita Dunn, Van Jones, Kevin Jennings, and especially John Holdren - a long-time proponent of population control - has resulted in the recent White House announcement.
The U.S. media's reaction to proposed apologetic bombing was mostly positive, portraying the president as an "unconventional, out-of-the-box thinker." The trend was best summed up by MSNBC anchor Chris Mathews: "What better way is there to preempt America's racism and geopolitical bullying than to incinerate its own cities?"
Former President and legendary humanitarian Jimmy Carter also endorsed the bombing: "My good friend Michael Moore once said about 9/11: 'If someone did this to get back at Bush, then they did so by killing thousands of people who DID NOT VOTE for him!' So, it only seems natural to make amends for Hiroshima and to equalize the 9/11 impact by launching a strike against Texas."
P.S. Obama makes it too easy: this report is a rewrite of our old editorial from 2005. Once again, life imitates The People's Cube!
Okay here's the deal: the two cities with the combined smallest percentage of the population who have contributed to the President's reelection fund and lowest amount of total contributions get to imitate a flashbulb to atone for White America's racist attack on Japan. It's a win-win proposition once we send out the appropriate e-mails.
In a related news story:
Japanese Emperor Akihito, inspired by the boldness of Obama's plan and with a view towards making amends for Japanese atrocities at Nanking, has announced plans to ship Japanese civilians to China for use as live targets for bayonet training
BTW, Comrade Lennie. You forgot the African Union.
Does anyone else see any similarity between President Kennedy (D. MA) sending "Advisors" in a non-combat role to Vietnam and Dear Leader (PBUH) sending 100 "Advisors" in a non-combat role to UGANDA? There has to be a "headline" and some artwork in there somewhere...
Fact: JFK sent "advisors" to South Vietnam
Fact: The imperialist Americans were defeated by the glorious forces of Uncle Ho
Fact: This happened under Nixon, and we all know what he was.
We might even consider consulting the US Congress, lest the Tearrorist Party bring up another trumped up War Powers Act violation charge
It was not for nothing that The One was known, as a young man, as "Barry the Bomber." It warms my progressive heart that President Peace has recontextualized the people's military force such that even reactionaries can correctly see its role as a tool of the proletarian political vanguard.
I have been waiting for an updated version of the Cold War logo of the peace symbol as a B-52 surrounded by the text "Peace through Superior Firepower." Only in the hands of The One could this be properly understood. This, comrades, is both Hope and Change. Clearly, no individual could ever be more deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize than our own Dear Leader!
Transgressing conventional racist, patriarchical, and regressive bourgeois definitions of music, the song "Slogun" by the now-defunct Australian industrial music group SPK (named inspired by the Sozialistisches Patientenkollektiv) outlined just some of the merits in this forward-thinking policy:
Therapy through violence
Therapy through violence
Kill kill kill for inner peace
Bomb bomb bomb for mental health
I must admit I was surprised to find that The One is a fan of industrial music, which is counterintuitively named for its liberating defiance of musicalist convention. Will wonders never cease? To which one cannot but answer: Yes, but only without Hope and Change!