To silence Michelle Malkin is an idea whose time has come. A nonstop depiction of her on mainstream websites as a rabid right-wing Neocon Zionist extremist and especially as the radical right's Asian pitbull did stimulate certain neurons in progressive pleasure circuits, but did nil to propel this truth into the murky skulls of the brain-damaged general public. So when Ms. Malkin made another hurtful attempt to stop progress by writing a column about the "slutification of young girls," progressive truth-seekers had no other choice but to photo-manipulate her face onto the body of a young, nubile lusciously delectable, sumptuous (ahem... excuse us) college co-ed, and to use the result to expose Ms. Malkin as the biggest hypocrite who has ever lived.

Joseph Stalin: Ms. Malkin would make a fine wife for commissar and we like to see our goods before we have them distributed by the state (but why liberate cow when you can have milk rationed for free?) Nick Denton Gawker Publisher: Yes, of course it's fake! You idiots! It's written in the Marxist code of ethics, that we can do anything we please with the facts as long as it provokes class struggle and advances the Revolution! Alex Pareene, Wonkette: I hereby proclaim that if anyone holds moral standards and fails, that renders all moral standards absolutely useless and unnecessary for everybody else. Ken Layne, Wonkette guest blogger: We generally prefer our idiots to be more useful. This slipshod, slapdash effort with Malkin's head was so pathetic that we must re-assess the cost-benefit ratio of our covert operations. Dan Rather: I will get to the bottom of this and promise to be the first to report to the American people if is this accurate picture is a forgery.

And although Marxist ethics of class struggle completely justify defaming right-wing reactionaries such as Malkin with fake pictures, the People's Cube takes an uncompromising stand against unprofessional photo manipulation and would never stoop to such debased chicanery and parlor trickery, which is the purview of capitalist amateurs. A full investigation of this dismal failure is being spearheaded by our agents at Reuter's news service. The guilty shall be purged. Our efforts shall be quadrupled. Resistance is futile!

Eric Muller, UNC Law Professor and blogger: Our best propaganda efforts fail mostly because many Americans suffer from a degenerative brain disorder that affects them on a massive scale, resulting in such anomalies as morals, patriotism, or Republicanism. For a moment we hoped that placing Ms. Malkin's head on someone else's bikini-clad body would create a revolutionary situation and we could finally re-educate our stupid compatriots into believing that morality is, in fact, an archaic bourgeois concept that has no place in a progressive multiculturalist society. Oh well. There's always the next time.

Before this affair can turn around to bite us, we better confess that many on the Left have also had their moments of youthful indiscretion. Therefore, not only must we preemptively and proactively expose our shortcomings of overexposure - it is also our chance to turn a scandal into cash for the Revolution. Be the first to see the upcoming release of "Leftist women gone wild: check out our appara-chicks!"

You'll get:

• Janet Reno, feeling a little Waco whacko, she has a burning desire for you
• The sultry intonations of Susan Estrich. Talking naughty like you've never heard her before
• Barbara Streisand nose what her man likes
• The expose of Hillary you've always wanted! Ken Starr, here's a Clinton bust you'll never get
• This Marxist morsel from Air America Radio will make you want to Garofalo all over yourself
• With a name like Bella Abzug you know she's a hottie. We have her bikini shoot, circa 1956.
• The infamous Madeleine Albright and Helen Thomas lingerie-clad, playful sorority girl pillow fight.

All this and much, much more!

No more will the progressive heterosexual males have to suffice on the paltry conservative offerings of Bo Derek, Raquel Welch, Kim Alexis, Laura Ingraham, and others!