And here are the same headlines in text format in case someone wants to Mime-swipe them for a post on some other site.
CIA-trained geese responsible for bringing down NYC plane
CIA agents fed geese on lunch breaks at DC parks during the 1980s; now they have come back to bite us
A flock of Canada geese caught on film illegally obtaining Florida driver licenses
ACLU: Term "Canada geese" may be offensive to some Canadians and some geese; lawsuit pending
Hugo Chavez offers sanctuary to Canada geese in Venezuela
Obscure flock of suicidal Palestinian pigeons take responsibility for New York bird strike
All Jewish geese took the day off yesterday; conspiracy movie "Goose Change" expected soon
Ted Kennedy calls on Detroit to design cars that can float on water like Airbus 8320
Witness: Bush looks the other way as geese-striken plane falls in New York
Study: gravitational pull has worsened in Bush years; things plunge faster
Obama to reduce gravity by 60% in his first term, pledges to eliminate it completely by 2012, giving airlines better safety and fuel efficiency
Investigation halted as community groups demand to leave fallen plane's left wing alone
Sensing blood, mainstream media focuses attention on plane's right wing
Noam Chomsky justifies bird strike as legitimate use of force against US expansionism by oppressed water fowl
Geese scabs unwilling to participate in bird strike washed up dead on Long Island beaches; fowl play suspected
Tragedy in the Hamptons: local reporter attempting to interview grazing geese found dead stricken by a stray golf ball
In other news: most Canada geese prefer to get medical treatment in the US
Captions:
Vigilante Airbus planes patrol skies over the Bronx
ACLU offers geese pro bono legal representation, declares them no flight risk, keeps window open
Plane falls in New York, no one in the White House gets punished -- again!
Vindicated after all these years, Sen. Kennedy explains how his car was also struck by a flock of Canada geese on a bridge in Chappaquiddick. "This pilot's only mistake was that he didn't wait 24 hrs before notifying his attorney."
These agents of destruction have been systematically sabotaging airplanes ever since Dick Cheney came to power.
Exhibit A: this latest takedown was just before the inauguration!
Exhibit B: there weren't any Jewish passengers injured in this takedown!
Exhibit C: the two dollars from my back pocket was missing right after the landing!
These were controlled explosions on that plane, people, just like when pilots want to simulate an emergency landing and they blow off their own engines. The explosion pattern looks eerily similar to a controlled demolition of that nature.
Look at this diagram;
Can you see it?
Look again...
Notice that the cilia in my lungs are greatly diminished by too much smoking. That's no coincidence. The controlled demolition on that plane, masked by the attack of those geese allowed George Bush to sneak in while I was smoking my Dunhills and steal my 2 dollars.
Undoubtedly this was a diversionary strike by the avian wing of the CIA so that Bush could steal the money sitting under my ass.
Now where did all that money go? Taped evidence shows that George Bush wanted to plant this tree.
Listen closely to this clip and you'll notice the words "plant a tree for 2 dollars".
Top Secret Recorded message
Here is the tree Bush wanted to plant:
We can only guess that Bush wanted to plant this tree RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OVAL OFFICE and thus disrupt the peace and harmony that comes with change.
Grim evidence indeed that these geese were a trained attack force to mask the controlled demolition of the plane's engines to create a diversion to steal the 2 dollars from my pocket to plant a tree in the house were Barak lives.
Next we can look for the trained dolphins to begin their attack against the progressive shipping lanes of the world.
I believe that geese are Canada's number one export, surpassing even the venerable Canadian Club (reportedly a fascist organization dedicated to liver ailments). Since Canadian geese have no natural enemy, other than passenger aircraft, will PETA demand the airlines be grounded?
We've just received a communiqué from another group claiming responsibility:
Jaybirds for Jihad.
In their release they are demanding that Israel cease to exist, all infidels must commit suicide, death to the Great Satan, The United States, and that all the trains run on time.
They are willing to compromise though. These demands may be dropped if Helen Thomas puts on a burqa before Obama's first press conference as President.
Oh, Abecedarius Rex, do spare us your wild-eyed conspiracy theories. That's just too much. There's a very obvious, perfectly logical explanation for all of this that even a borderline genius can figure out.
May I present for your consideration the assmimeswipings of one Dennis T. Mccullough of the IFP:
Quote
http://blog.wired.com/defense/2009/01/mkultra-lawsuit.html
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Vets Sue CIA Over Mind Control Tests
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For two decades or more during the Cold War, the CIA and the military allegedly plied the unwitting with acid, weed, and dozens of psychoactive drugs, in a series of zany (and sometimes dangerous) mind-control experiments. Now, the Vietnam Veterans of America are suing the agency and the Pentagon for perceived abuses suffered under the so-called "MK-ULTRA" and other projects.
Six veterans are suffering from all kinds of ailments tied to this "diabolical and secret testing program," according to a statement from the vets' lawyers, passed on to SpyTalk's Jeff Stein.
The experiments allegedly included "the use of troops to test nerve gas, psychochemicals, and thousands of other toxic chemical or biological substances, and … the insertion of septal implants in the brains of subjects in … mind control experiments that went awry, leaving many civilian and military subjects with permanent disabilities." Subjects were tested without their consent, the veterans say. And when the trials were over, the government failed to "provide health care or compensation."
In a book published last year, former military psychiatrist James Ketchum describes an Army project — separate from the CIA's efforts — that took place at Edgewood Arsenal in Maryland. There, he saw test subjects "carry on conversations with various invisible people for as long as 2-3 days." Others "salute latrines" and attempt to "revive a gas mask" that they mistake for a woman.
The feds insist that MK-ULTRA ended, when it was exposed during Congressional hearings. But interest in chemical mind-control lives along, in some corners of the military-intelligence community. In a 2003 memo, then-Justice Department lawyer John C. Yoo suggesting that interrogation drugs could be used if their effects were not permanent or profound. Since then, evidence has accumulated that some detainees may have been drugged. "It's coming back," retired Colonel John Alexander told Sharon.
Im glad to see more Americans/Residents take action and sue these abusive goverment agenecies.
Sue Bush impeach!
Comment by Dennis M Mccullough — January 12, 2009 @ 11:20 am
Do you not see now?
The oppressed Canadian geese have long lacked the opportunities afforded to graceful white swans, cute ducks that waddle around going quack-quack, and pretty pink flamingos. Let's face it--geese just aren't as pretty and adorable as other birds. Why, the most prominent goose of all--Mother Goose--is meant to be nothing but a caricature of a preachy old crone who spreads propaganda among our children in the form of nursery rhymes. The marginalization and discrimination of the geese by capitalist, corporate America made them--if you'll pardon the cliche--sitting ducks for the insidious predators of the CIA and Bush Administration.
The geese were lured into service with bread crumbs and fish and promises of government-controlled and financed migration to warmer, more inhabitable climes. They were promised money for college, and lifelong health care. Having no other prospects, the geese signed on. And once recruited, they were subjected to terrible mind control experiments and waterboarding (it's a well known fact confirmed by truly independent sources that if you waterboard someone, they'll agree to anything and do whatever you want just to make you stop) as part of a plot to do the bidding of the Bush Administration.
Bush's goals were threefold:
1. He wants the golden eggs laid by the geese, to finance his illegal, immoral war for oil and pay bribes that he owes to all his cronies in the oil industry.
2. He wanted the geese to down that aircraft so he'd have an excuse to declare war on whoever--like it's ever mattered to him--oh, let's say Canada, since the geese are Canadian. And then he'll use that to divert the some 40,000 troops and security personnel assigned to Washington D.C. for the Inauguration, to fight his illegal, immoral war for blood and eggs. This will give Bush another excuse to cancel the Inauguration and Obama's election altogether, and shred what's left of the Constitution to declare himself Dictator for Life.
3. That farewell address on Thursday was nothing but a diversionary ploy to lull the masses into a false sense of security about his imminent departure and arrest as he leaves the White House. Because stupid as he is, he's not totally unaware that half the people coming to Washington are there to see him arrested for his Crimes Against Everything--or at least to chant and sing and wave signs and bare boobs in an effort to call attention to the need to have him arrested.
When you think about it, it really does make sense. Therefore, it must be the truth!
Comrads! You have fallen for Bush's eeevil deception! The plane was not brought down by geese! Yes, the birds went into the engines, yes they were damaged! (the engines and the geese) But what really brought down the plane was charges set by Bush himself! If you look really closely for a long, long time you will finally see little puffs of smoke, thus proving it was all Bush's fault!!! And the timing? Don't get me started on the timing!
Still another communiqué.
This time it's The Mallard Mujahadeen claiming the responsibility.
Same demands as Jaybirds for Jihad except that Helen can't attend press conferences and leave her apartment unless her husband, Chairman Punchenko, gives her permission.
I'm guessing that there seems to be some confusion as to which Helen the MM is talking about, that is unless there is something the Chairman has failed to disclose to The Party™.
They are claiming that a certain couple were seen honeymooning at Ski Dubai from December 22nd to January 4th and they have pictures to prove it.
As a conservative, I'm deeply frustrated at not only our porous border, but our porous airspace as well. These undocumented geese have been illegally passing through our airspace ever since Bush was inaugurated. What has he done about it? That's right, nothing! Keeping our country safe from terrorist attacks? Tchah! Don't get me started.
I live in New Jerky (aka the People's Republic of Corzania) and the media here are aglow, calling the pilot a hero. What, you mean he was a community orgranizer with a Harvard Law degree TOO?
Seriously, they are giving him almost as much airtime as Lord Obama. I thought they only did that for people with no accomplishments.
The Mayor Bloomberg award ceremony was extremely tacky. It appeared like some tacky elementary school honor roll ceremony where everyone who decided to show up to work that day got a certificate of achievement. Ugh.
The ceremony even went so far as to have Spanish translators, and Bloomberg himself, communicate to the illegal masses in our nation's new language. Show up for work, win a prize and a certificate of monumental achievement! Hey, just like our new president!
Punchenko! It's a bit off topic, but do you happen to have a twin brother named Rod who works as a governor somewhere in Illinois? His wiretapped phone conversation sounded very familiar. I haven't seen you in a while here, so I thought you might be there with him doing your magic with the Kennedy cop routine and stuff. He's still a governor, so I figure it worked out well. Now all that progressive anti-wiretap crusade suddenly makes sense. If anything we should've been more adamant. And careful too - like changing disposable cell phones every couple of weeks like all serious business people do.
We've just received a communiqué from another group claiming responsibility:
Jaybirds for Jihad.
Comrade Laika,
Woof! Am I correct in understanding that this means the University of Kansas' mascot and licensing business was involved? Ag and vet schools to produce trained assault birds, check; engineering departments to plan the strategic attack points, check. Maybe those Red states are more progressive than previously thought.
Punchenko! It's a bit off topic, but do you happen to have a twin brother named Rod who works as a governor somewhere in Illinois? His wiretapped phone conversation sounded very familiar. I haven't seen you in a while here, so I thought you might be there with him doing your magic with the Kennedy cop routine and stuff. He's still a governor, so I figure it worked out well. Now all that progressive anti-wiretap crusade suddenly makes sense. If anything we should've been more adamant. And careful too - like changing disposable cell phones every couple of weeks like all serious business people do.
Princess Caroline will not permit me to do my Kennedy cop routine while she is trying to weasel a Senate seat out of the NY Party rank-and-file. She told me personally that she doesn’t want anyone reminded of prior Kennedy scandals and she wants all press on the clan to revolve around either Camelot or Uncle Teddy’s tumor. She also told me she is going to ride Uncle Teddy’s corpse into the Senate and that President Obama owes her a personal favor (she also told me Andrew doesn’t have a chance after placing his bet on a Clinton presidency).
I am sorry to nitpick, comrades, but there is a typo in that otherwise excellent propaganda informative news piece.
Chiefly, the class of airplane is not an 8320, but is an A320.
Of course, this does not suggest that the creator of this piece is any less or more of a fallible person than any other person, who are fallible, save those who are not fallible, but are, only on days when they are telling their fellow progressive elements that the proletariat is "clinging to their guns and religion."
Otherwise, non-congratulations are in order for the author of this piece, as congratulations would imply that he somehow achieved greater than others, which would be the antithesis of our glorious people's progressive socialist worker's democratic banana republic.
Comrad Rocas! The Party welcomes your zeal and watchfulness. The non-error has been corrected. Of course the Party always knew it was A320 and not 8320 (although it does sound almost the same on the people's Red Radio) - we did it on purpose to test the overall vigilance of the reading masses.
As a comrade who has passed the test you are now eligible for an entry-level job at the Visual Agitation Directorate. It comes with a slight increase in beet and potato rations.
Dahlinks, I suspected when I first heard the Canadian geese brought down the plane in the Hudson that it was a terrorist attack! But little did I know that it was the devious scam perpetuated by the Bush administration to frighten the masses! Certainly Bushite was too inept to think of such a devious plan himself so undoubtedly big "Dick" Cheney was behind this!
And I do believe Publius Valerius was on to something. I heard from a reliable source that PETA will now protest all airlines and demand that they be melted down for scrap metal for killing the geese. This same source told me the ACLU will be representing Canadian geese everyone to sue the airlines for being so dangerous. Thank goodness I just bought that donkey cart!
Comrade Red Square, it is an honor to be afforded the chance to engage in the people's work of visual agitation of the masses. The beets and potatoes shall also be welcomed, as they are the most equal of all the vegetables and starches.
For the glorious socialist empire people's revolutionary democratic republic!
Now that the deed is done, I can tell you that the Khadr family (a Kanadistanian family who are unrepentantly avowed Jihadists and close to Osama bin Laden and Al Quaeda - their youngest son, Omar, is the only Canadian in Gitmo and has been their since he was 15) have been running a Kanadistanjian Goose and waterfowl Jihadist Suicide Training Camp in league with Qayyum Abdul Jamal, the leader of the plot to behead our Kanadistanjian KKKonservative Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, just north or Toronto in the wilds and upon a farm in the area around Lake Simcoe. These freedom fighters are also responsible for training the pheasants, and the actual quail who flew in the face of soon to be former Vice Presdient Dick Cheney's good friend, Harry Whittington, causing Cheney to point his shotgun in his friend's face and shoot him 'by accident'... It was no accident. The waterfowl of Kanadistan have taken up wings and beaks, feather and talon in the fight against the colonial oppressor, Amerikkka, finally taking revenge for the holocaust visited upon them and their water-residing brethren by the Exxon Valdez oil spill and other environmentally based horrors committed by the oil hungry Rethuglican Regime. Our waterfowl are not fooled by the promised Change of the so-called Obamessiah. Amerikkka will not Change its oil-guzzling ways and our waterfowl and other wetland and water-dwelling creatures do not trust that simply because the Amerikkkan Colonialist Opressor Regime has change its leading party that it will give up Hope of drilling in nature preserves in Alaska or pressuring Kanadistan to develop more of its tar sand oil reserves, leaving behind a toxic soup in the wetlands to which waterfowl and other wildlife are drawn in the mistaken belief that these waters present a viable habitat. It is time for those who would take their moral supremacy for granted to Duck!!! The Japanese whaling fleet is next, Fingermonkeys!
Water-dwelling and wetland creatures of the world unite!
The Dolphin
This story comes as no surprise to me. Last summer I was walking my infant son in a park in Denver so that he could breath more progeressive air than here in the Springs when I noticed a Canadian Goose lurking in a group of American geese. (they were not Canada geese, nor did they speak Spanish or tourist, therefore they were American...My logic is undeniable)....(I know nothing of geese other than they are birds)
ANYway, as I was also redistributing bread to my avian friends despite the signs telling me not to feed the water foul, the geese gathered around me. THEN IT HAPPENED, the Canadian Goose attacked! With blood curdling honking he begain to peck at my legs, trying to trip me so I would dash my skull on the concrete bench nearby. When I bent to slap him away I saw the U.S. Government issued tag on his leg so I knew he was trained by Bush himself!. This was just a training exersize, this goose would move on to bigger things. His attacks would become more brazen. Perhaps this was the same goose. Or just one from the same training camp...
Huh, I could make some sort of crack about the Royal Canadian Air Force, but I will leave it to the collective if they want it...
This story comes as no surprise to me. Last summer I was walking my infant son in a park in Denver so that he could breath more progeressive air than here in the Springs when I noticed a Canadian Goose lurking in a group of American geese. (they were not Canada geese, nor did they speak Spanish or tourist, therefore they were American...My logic is undeniable)....(I know nothing of geese other than they are birds)
ANYway, as I was also redistributing bread to my avian friends despite the signs telling me not to feed the water foul, the geese gathered around me. THEN IT HAPPENED, the Canadian Goose attacked! With blood curdling honking he begain to peck at my legs, trying to trip me so I would dash my skull on the concrete bench nearby. When I bent to slap him away I saw the U.S. Government issued tag on his leg so I knew he was trained by Bush himself!. This was just a training exersize, this goose would move on to bigger things. His attacks would become more brazen. Perhaps this was the same goose. Or just one from the same training camp...
Huh, I could make some sort of crack about the Royal Canadian Air Force, but I will leave it to the collective if they want it...
This story comes as no surprise to me. Last summer I was walking my infant son in a park in Denver so that he could breath more progeressive air than here in the Springs when I noticed a Canadian Goose lurking in a group of American geese. (they were not Canada geese, nor did they speak Spanish or tourist, therefore they were American...My logic is undeniable)....(I know nothing of geese other than they are birds)
ANYway, as I was also redistributing bread to my avian friends despite the signs telling me not to feed the water foul, the geese gathered around me. THEN IT HAPPENED, the Canadian Goose attacked! With blood curdling honking he begain to peck at my legs, trying to trip me so I would dash my skull on the concrete bench nearby. When I bent to slap him away I saw the U.S. Government issued tag on his leg so I knew he was trained by Bush himself!. This was just a training exersize, this goose would move on to bigger things. His attacks would become more brazen. Perhaps this was the same goose. Or just one from the same training camp...
Huh, I could make some sort of crack about the Royal Canadian Air Force, but I will leave it to the collective if they want it...
Ignorant Amerikkkan,
There is no such thing as The Royal Canadian Air Force. It ceased to exist in 1968 when Kanadistan's Air Force (RCAF), Navy and Armed Forces were united and became The Canadian Armed Forces, or Canadian Forces, of which the Canadian Forces Air Command (known as AIRCOM as of 1975) is one arm. There was a popular radio comedy show called The Royal Canadian Air Farce - perhaps that is what you are thinking of. However, AIRCOM flies CH-149 Cormorants, CC-138 Twin Otters, CT-142 Dash-8's, CC-115 Buffalos, CF-18 Hornets, CC-150 Polarises, CT-155 Hawks, CP-14 Auroras, CC-177 Globemaster III's, CC-144 Challengers, CT-156 Harvard II's, CC-133 Hercules', CH-124 Sea King's.... But not Geese...
If you were attacked by a goose while you were redistributing bread to a flock, I assure you it was Kanadistanjian. Kanadistanjian Geese are vicious freedom fliers who will bite your ankles and hands, causing you to back up quickly into another goose who has snuck up behind you, thereby causing you to slip on their copious shit and land on your ass, whereupon they will mob you and beat you to death with their hard bills which cause massive internal injuries. You may not even know you have been badly injured until you bleed to death internally the next day. If you have a small child with you, they will snatch it and carry it away while you are down on the ground, whisking it away to secret training bases to be brought up to fly for the cause. Right now, there are thousands of student pilots in Florida who are actually Amerikkkan children snatched by Kanadistanjian Geese, who are being groomed as future commercial suicide pilots who will ultimately fly their Airbuses into flocks of geese for the cause.
Pravda,
The Aflack goose just yells. His anger management classes work fairly well. This was a well planned and emotionless attack. Not the work of a spokes foul. I do hope that you are not too dissapointed.
Kiko
I am sorry to nitpick, comrades, but there is a typo in that otherwise excellent propaganda informative news piece.
Chiefly, the class of airplane is not an 8320, but is an A320.
'Twas not a typo, Comrade. The 8320 is the same as an A320, but without the geese whistles installed (the link is to a deer whistle, I know, but the same plant makes geese whistles for commercial aircraft).
The "A" stands for "AFLAC."
No doubt US Airways was trying to save a little coin to distribute to their greedy board of trustees by operating a cheaper model of aircraft without this critical piece of equipment. Now they are paying (I make joke!) for their folly.
In Japan, the infamous capitalist insurance-pimping goose says AFLAC, defying the phonological stereotype that would suggest AFRAC.
Cormadette SMO,
Although the Bush regime is not Canadian, can Canadian geese not file a case against it all the same with a Canadian Human Rights Commission? The outcome is 99% certain to be against Bushitler (if not 100%) and would (1) guarantee he and his criminal gang never set foot in Canada, (2) be a symbolic gesture of international law, and (3) work to promote non-speciesist awareness.
The Mayor Bloomberg award ceremony was extremely tacky. It appeared like some tacky elementary school honor roll ceremony where everyone who decided to show up to work that day got a certificate of achievement. Ugh.
The ceremony even went so far as to have Spanish translators, and Bloomberg himself, communicate to the illegal masses in our nation's new language. Show up for work, win a prize and a certificate of monumental achievement! Hey, just like our new president!
Perhaps an element in this last election was the cultural obsession with self esteem. A culture in which it's simply impolite to point out, "But he really hasn't done anything." So we have the left urging us to give him a chance and to be open minded about his new ideas which everybody on this thread knows are old with a consistent record of failure.
Another thing that intrigues me or annoys me or both is how our congress with near single digit approval ratings got a promotion. I suppose it's because the "opposition" once again failed to offer a strong alternative (well, there are a few happy exceptions in the House, but none in the Republican Party leadership).
Obviously, I'm deeply disappointed in the Republicans who have now decided to be even more moderate while certain Republican senators nose each other out of the way to lick Obama's hand and get a pat on the head. Nevertheless, I don't despair as God is sovereign and does not depend on human government to bless and care for His people.
The Mayor Bloomberg award ceremony was extremely tacky. It appeared like some tacky elementary school honor roll ceremony where everyone who decided to show up to work that day got a certificate of achievement. Ugh.
The ceremony even went so far as to have Spanish translators, and Bloomberg himself, communicate to the illegal masses in our nation's new language. Show up for work, win a prize and a certificate of monumental achievement! Hey, just like our new president!
Perhaps an element in this last election was the cultural obsession with self esteem. A culture in which it's simply impolite to point out, "But he really hasn't done anything." So we have the left urging us to give him a chance and to be open minded about his new ideas which everybody on this thread knows are old with a consistent record of failure.
Another thing that intrigues me or annoys me or both is how our congress with near single digit approval ratings got a promotion. I suppose it's because the "opposition" once again failed to offer a strong alternative (well, there are a few happy exceptions in the House, but none in the Republican Party leadership).
Obviously, I'm deeply disappointed in the Republicans who have now decided to be even more moderate while certain Republican senators nose each other out of the way to lick Obama's hand and get a pat on the head. Nevertheless, I don't despair as God is sovereign and does not depend on human government to bless and care for His people.
I see you have a Picture of the 'Infamous' Mr. Ed. A splendid Agent Provocateur and sublime undercover agent. I do not believe the Capitalist Pigs at the Production Unit ever caught on the he was not a horse but in fact a mule. We will miss him as he was a splendid agent. 100 I believe, just after Maxwell and his 'friend' 99.
I see you have a Picture of the 'Infamous' Mr. Ed. A splendid Agent Provocateur and sublime undercover agent. I do not believe the Capitalist Pigs at the Production Unit ever caught on the he was not a horse but in fact a mule. We will miss him as he was a splendid agent. 100 I believe, just after Maxwell and his 'friend' 99.
I think it's safe to reveal one of the greatest secrets of the Cold War, which we would have won had not Reagan and Thatcher cheated by arguing from strength and moral superiority, but our turn may be coming again soon. I digress. The secret with Agent 100, who was really a Kaos mole inside Control, was that all of his quotes were encoded messages to our Fifth Column operatives - the hairy, dope-smoking war protestors and their allies in the media. Comrade Edvard was actually a brilliant work of Soviet genetic engineering combining DNA extracts from a horse, a donkey, and Jimmy Carter before he became president. What's more, it nearly worked!
Returning to the subject of this thread, do you not see that the geese that brought down the airliner over the Hudson were likewise genetically engineered? The difference is that this time it was done by al-Qaeda using old Soviet lab equipment, and they retrieved DNA samples from bird droppings and Bill Ayers to create geese that were vehemently and suicidally anti-American. Think about it. It makes perfect sense and really explains a lot.
I see you have a Picture of the 'Infamous' Mr. Ed. A splendid Agent Provocateur and sublime undercover agent. I do not believe the Capitalist Pigs at the Production Unit ever caught on the he was not a horse but in fact a mule. We will miss him as he was a splendid agent. 100 I believe, just after Maxwell and his 'friend' 99.
I think it's safe to reveal one of the greatest secrets of the Cold War, which we would have won had not Reagan and Thatcher cheated by arguing from strength and moral superiority, but our turn may be coming again soon. I digress. The secret with Agent 100, who was really a Kaos mole inside Control, was that all of his quotes were encoded messages to our Fifth Column operatives - the hairy, dope-smoking war protestors and their allies in the media. Comrade Edvard was actually a brilliant work of Soviet genetic engineering combining DNA extracts from a horse, a donkey, and Jimmy Carter before he became president. What's more, it nearly worked!
Returning to the subject of this thread, do you not see that the geese that brought down the airliner over the Hudson were likewise genetically engineered? The difference is that this time it was done by al-Qaeda using old Soviet lab equipment, and they retrieved DNA samples from bird droppings and Bill Ayers to create geese that were vehemently and suicidally anti-American. Think about it. It makes perfect sense and really explains a lot.
Agent Mark Wahlberg has been listening to these messages.
Apparently Gilda Radner was talking to the animals as well...
Secret Party Message!
I see that the conspiracy themes abound around here. Such wild imaginations we have here at the glorious Cube!
I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy, but where did they take the... ummmm...errrr...dead geese to? Did they give the freedom fighter geese military burials? I am wondering only because I have such marvelous recipes for geese and duck.....(I know, I shall give myself a stern talking to for my disparaging words, comrades, if they were indeed military geese, so don't hate me....not too much, ok?) Really, comrades, the recipes are to die for....oops..excuse that pun.
I see that the conspiracy themes abound around here. Such wild imaginations we have here at the glorious Cube!
I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy, but where did they take the... ummmm...errrr...dead geese to? Did they give the freedom fighter geese military burials? I am wondering only because I have such marvelous recipes for geese and duck.....(I know, I shall give myself a stern talking to for my disparaging words, comrades, if they were indeed military geese, so don't hate me....not too much, ok?) Really, comrades, the recipes are to die for....oops..excuse that pun.
What my committee wants to know, comrade, is what your recipe for rats asses is to which you refer in your post. This sounds particularly nasty and could result in punitive measures.
quote from Che' Gourmet I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy
Oh, Good Grief Rex, as Charlie Brown would say, and just what committee would this be? Don't you enjoy eating duck or goose? It's an old, old saying, meaning "I DON'T CARE WHAT PETA THINKS!" They are a bunch of 'tards, anyway!...LOL..... Oh the poor nasty smelling little geese ....... and their dispositions are foul...err...fowl..haha... (I would rather be warm and eat what I want, Rex, not what PETA would have me eat)....We, the Party™ Rex, are the top of the food chain...comprende?
PS It's my birthday today, and I'm freezing up here...damn no man's land....so I'm in a fowl....haha... foul mood anyway.....a nice dinner perhaps?.....Wolfgang, get me some Grey Goose Vodka...hahaa....I'm having a drink to me! Anyone care to join me?
quote from Che' Gourmet I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy
Oh, Good Grief Rex, as Charlie Brown would say, and just what committee would this be? Don't you enjoy eating duck or goose? It's an old, old saying, meaning "I DON'T CARE WHAT PETA THINKS!" They are a bunch of 'tards, anyway!...LOL..... Oh the poor nasty smelling little geese ....... and their dispositions are foul...err...fowl..haha... (I would rather be warm and eat what I want, Rex, not what PETA would have me eat)....We, the Party™ Rex, are the top of the food chain...comprende?
PS It's my birthday today, and I'm freezing up here...damn no man's land....so I'm in a fowl....haha... foul mood anyway.....a nice dinner perhaps?.....Wolfgang, get me some Grey Goose Vodka...hahaa....I'm having a drink to me! Anyone care to join me?
Sorry, comrade. Please excuse my tizzy of willful misconstruction and failed sarcasm. I will attempt a tizzy of simulated penance and contrition.
In Vancouver here, there are masses® of Canada geese. In the autumn, most of them migrate illegally across several borders, in the direction of Cuba I believe, despite the embargo. But the male geese outnumber the females, and the leftover "bachelors" have learned to stay in town and subsist on french fries and muffin crumbs. When weather permits, they graze on grass just like sheep, dropping big green poops. Don't eat those wild birds. Full of worms.
In Vancouver here, there are masses® of Canada geese. In the autumn, most of them migrate illegally across several borders, in the direction of Cuba I believe, despite the embargo. But the male geese outnumber the females, and the leftover "bachelors" have learned to stay in town and subsist on french fries and muffin crumbs. When weather permits, they graze on grass just like sheep, dropping big green poops. Don't eat those wild birds. Full of worms.
Hm; shredded wild goose with worms in a rat's ass vodka coulis. This sound better all the time. Maybe I should go and cook for Gitmo before they shut it down.
There's a golf course in my city that a bunch of geese have claimed as their own. It isn’t very large, but every time I play there there's always a bunch of them lounging around on the fairways and getting in the way. I think I hit one of them once, but he just walked away.
Well, here's another white bird that drops a different kind of load...
It's the Tu-160, nicknamed "white Swan" (although NATO calls it "Blackjack"), and it's Russia's newest Strategic Bomber. A couple of these were escorted by Norwegian F-16s just off their coast a couple of days ago. After about 15 years of inactivity, Russia's resumed those northerly patrols again.
Looks suspiciously like the imperialist B-1B, no? The capitalist pigs knew a good thing when they saw it, and stole it, hoping to use Tupolev's design against the Proletariat when the war of western economic aggression was still raging in the 1970s.
But we fooled them! We let them test our design against our former client state of Iraq in 1990, and dissolved the CCCP in 1991 before they had a chance to fly it over the Motherland!
Since then, we have slowly, stealthily, worked one of our faithful back into power to catch the decadent imperialists off-guard while they sip leisurely on their Bud Light and watch transsexuals on that "Next American Model" tripe.
And, in time, we will let this goose crap all over the imperialist golf courses.
I was under the distinct understanding that the CIA, evil intelligence force of the now defunct USA, had confiscated all the UFO materials to make such a flying fortress? I am happy to know that the technology made it out, before the CCCP was disbanded (that's what the imperialist oppressors think....hahah!)
I was under the distinct understanding that the CIA, evil intelligence force of the now defunct USA, had confiscated all the UFO materials to make such a flying fortress? I am happy to know that the technology made it out, before the CCCP was disbanded (that's what the imperialist oppressors think....hahah!)
You are correct, Master Chef of the Caribbean Revolution (say, do you make a good Jerk Chicken?--just a thought, since we were talking about matters pertaining to birds)...the US perversion of the White Swan was clearly inferior, since they had to use extraterrestrial materials on account of not having enough spoon-benders on hand to manage the delicate, proprietary fabrication techniques involved.
Still, it was nice of the capitalists to beat our former client state into submission for us...THAT is subversion at work! Our allies in high Amerikan places were not all ferreted out by McCarthy, nor his harpy disciple, Ann Coulter.
Hm; shredded wild goose with worms in a rat's ass vodka coulis. This sound better all the time.
Rex, this is getting dangerously close to Pupovich's territory; is the concessionaire for Fried Rat on a Stick. The problem with a rat's ass vodka coulis is that it makes people feel too good to work, and the vodka covers up the taste of the wormy goose and the fried rat. On a stick.
True progressives do not go for fancy French cuisine--pardon Che--just honest, down-to-earth good old collective cooking. We snap our fingers at food processors for any food processor that we have is one not being used to make Soylent Green wafers for People's Tasty Créme canapes.
Although I do admit that this would be a good way to get rid of all of that vodka contaminated with PCPs.
Hm; shredded wild goose with worms in a rat's ass vodka coulis. This sound better all the time.
Rex, this is getting dangerously close to Pupovich's territory; is the concessionaire for Fried Rat on a Stick. The problem with a rat's ass vodka coulis is that it makes people feel too good to work, and the vodka covers up the taste of the wormy goose and the fried rat. On a stick.
True progressives do not go for fancy French cuisine--pardon Che--just honest, down-to-earth good old collective cooking. We snap our fingers at food processors for any food processor that we have is one not being used to make Soylent Green wafers for People's Tasty Créme canapes.
Although I do admit that this would be a good way to get rid of all of that vodka contaminated with PCPs.
Commissar Theocritis,
I agree with you that the Marshal does has exclusive trademark rights to the concessionaire for the fried rat on a stick. (like I would ever want it...ugh!), but I worry more about using food processors! Are they not on the "sex with small appliances list? I don't want any progressive mad at me for misuse of one's sex partner! (Hahaha.....so strange these customs)
I easily get around this problem, by using (unmercifully, I might add) legions of proles at my command to chop, slice and dice for the Party's dining pleasure, Sir. My kitchens are truly, 24-hour operations that I run (with the ruthlessness of Ghengis Khan), but it is all for the good of the Party. Bon Appetit!
Che, I know that your heart is set on Lucrezia's, as is mine--those braised beef cheeks I had at the London West Hollywood and the French Room still are sealing my lips with their gelatin. I recommend that as a signature dish.
But this is O+4, when all the people of the world will get together and have a big cuddly group hug. When the liar lion shall lie with the lamb. I think that you ought to plan for only one seating per night at Lucrezia's, with perhaps only 20 tables.
But because we are shortly to have socialized medicine, that means that cost must be controlled somehow. And that means a fast-food chain Hemlock. Would you do me the favor of developing recipes for that?
They must be tasty, addictive, and poisonous. I would suggest lard with bound breading, deep fried, of course, with a shake with palm oil and of course lots of nitrates and nitrites.
Potatoes fried in lard. Or perhaps palm oil. Is that worse for the arteries? And sugar in everything.
The objective is to get the proles as fat as possible so that they keel over before they need medical care. And since medical research, such as it is, will be directed not by profit but by political will, you may be sure that we will lead the world in liposuction and tummy tucks and brow lifts but operations for proles? Ain't gonna happen.
Beets alone won't kill off the populace: they won't clog your arteries. It's lard, man, lard. Or palm oil. Fatty beef. They need to eat mountains of suet.
No, no, no, you miss my point. Beets for the proles, Lard for the worshippers of the almighty capitalist dollar. Who would you prefer to last the longest?
I want worker to last and people who want the same things that I want to die. Of course I'll give them my best sorrowful face, but competition is something that I just don't do.
The reason that I became a Progressive is that I want to use political power to make sure that I don't have to be judged on my merits. In other words, politics unlinks actions from consequences.
It's a very tough thing if you actually believe, fool, that you have to man up and take responsibility for what you do. Being a Progressive means never having to say you're sorry.
The objective is to get the proles as fat as possible so that they keel over before they need medical care.
I like this plan, as it carries the happy bonus of continuing news coverage and hyper-hysteria over the obesity crisis. This will allow even further appropriations of OPM to combat this dreaded scourge.
I am a hefty lad meself. It always brings a bark of derisive laughter to my lips when the newsies do a piece on "Poverty in America!!!!" that includes soundbite after soundbite from "the poor." Most of whom could, with the addition of some flowers and festive bows, walk unnoticed among the floats of the Rose Bowl Parade.
Ah yes, Betinov. There is more to me than there ought to be, too. One of the things that I find interesting is that when you dine at a really good restaurant the people there are slim. When you eat at a hash joint like McDonalds (not since 1974) or Long John Silvers (not since 1984) you see people in all their adipose glory.
I think that we need an entitlement. Not that long ago a fat man was a sign of wealth. An Arab with a fat wife is a rich man. A fat African can afford enough cows to have all the milk he wants. Here in Culo de Pecos, a poor town about 90% "minority," I routinely see people in the grocery store so fat that they can wear only sweat suits. Often I see women with bellies which come halfway to their knees.
These days a metabolism which stored weight was worth as much as really good hair and cheekbones now.
Che, I know that your heart is set on Lucrezia's, as is mine--those braised beef cheeks I had at the London West Hollywood and the French Room still are sealing my lips with their gelatin. I recommend that as a signature dish.
But this is O+4, when all the people of the world will get together and have a big cuddly group hug. When the liar lion shall lie with the lamb. I think that you ought to plan for only one seating per night at Lucrezia's, with perhaps only 20 tables.
But because we are shortly to have socialized medicine, that means that cost must be controlled somehow. And that means a fast-food chain Hemlock. Would you do me the favor of developing recipes for that?
They must be tasty, addictive, and poisonous. I would suggest lard with bound breading, deep fried, of course, with a shake with palm oil and of course lots of nitrates and nitrites.
Potatoes fried in lard. Or perhaps palm oil. Is that worse for the arteries? And sugar in everything.
The objective is to get the proles as fat as possible so that they keel over before they need medical care. And since medical research, such as it is, will be directed not by profit but by political will, you may be sure that we will lead the world in liposuction and tummy tucks and brow lifts but operations for proles? Ain't gonna happen.
Ahh...My dear Theocritis,
You are brilliant in your assumption that what we need to do with Lucretia's. A "Bistro" is the perfect solution, and the more exclusive it is, the better! Make it so hard to get in, that the reservation list will be booked for years! This insures that we will only need to cater to the Elite that have money, regardless of the economy. Si, Si, on this I totally agree. Of course, the beef cheeks will make a wonderful signature dish, as what are we in the Inner Circle, if not cheeky..hahaha......
As far as the creation of a fast food outlet.....called Hemlock?....well....how about giving that one to the Marshal? He seems to be rather bored lately, and perhaps this idea would rekindle his passion for something other than sniffing up my leg,.... following the Chairman around, and dealing with talent-shitting birds! Have you seen (the commercial),his latest foray? He sent the bird squadron on a mission to steal the information technology from the Wall Street and banking sector. It was a very funny sight, Commissar. They are really talented birds, alright!
Let me know how you want to proceed, Sir. And the phrase, "Being a Progressive means never having to say you're sorry" is just precious, Theocritis, even if you did plagerize it...LOL
Che, I'm thinking that Pupovich might be busy--he doesn't know it but there's another show trial in his future! It's his birthday you know. Gotta love that pup and there's nothing he likes more.
I'm thinking that Red Star might be good for this. After all, he has some brain-dead goons with room-temperature IQs carefully trained corpsmen of great loyalty. He's done a good hand in sabotaging things and he's a shifty bastard. So he would be a perfect CEO for the chain Hemlock.
Che, I'm thinking that Pupovich might be busy--he doesn't know it but there's another show trial in his future! It's his birthday you know. Gotta love that pup and there's nothing he likes more.
I'm thinking that Red Star might be good for this. After all, he has some brain-dead goons with room-temperature IQs carefully trained corpsmen of great loyalty. He's done a good hand in sabotaging things and he's a shifty bastard. So he would be a perfect CEO for the chain Hemlock.
Thank you Kind and Generous Leader I promise I will not let you down. Most of my Goons highly trained Troopers would not be what we would consider management, leaders of men, in fact these knuckle draggers highly trained Troopers have great difficulty chewing gum and breathing this is extreme multitasking to them.
But what I do have are a select few that will grease our palms work long hard hours for us. Yes I see a bright future, Look out Olive Garden........
Deep fried Everything....Yum....Grease is a Food Group you do know this.
Red Star CEO Hemlock inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith
As far as the creation of a fast food outlet.....called Hemlock?....well....how about giving that one to the Marshal? He seems to be rather bored lately, and perhaps this idea would rekindle his passion for something other than sniffing up my leg,.... following the Chairman around, and dealing with talent-shitting birds! Have you seen (the commercial),his latest foray? He sent the bird squadron on a mission to steal the information technology from the Wall Street and banking sector. It was a very funny sight, Commissar. They are really talented birds, alright!
Hmmmm, now I understand why the Marshal refused my suggestion to investigate rectal temperatures in Kalifornia for the weather experiment the Central Office of Climate Standardization was holding. I insinuated he had the best nose for the job, but it seems that nose has been employed elsewhere.
Comrades, Hemlock, Inc., which will d/b/a as the Hemlock Bowl, for that cute 'n' cuddly feeling, will have a special California menu. They're very sensitive to foods in ways that say Oklahomans are not. In Oklahoma we'd have no trouble having deep-fried lard. And in California we'll have no trouble selling deep-fried lard, as long as we call the lard tofu.
The problem though is this, and Che, you can help. Lard actually makes things taste good. Whereas tofu wishes it could taste as good as library paste. How do you make lard taste as bad as tofu?
Red Star, I think that you also need to consider training your staff in helping diners with eating disorders. We do not want any of our diners to purge after eating; after all that would defeat the point of the exercise. Also we should encourage diners to eat all of their deep-fried lard with People's Tasty Crème. We can have pictures of thin and big-eyed Bangladeshi babies.
"This darling girl has only a stick with a nail in it to play with. What would she do for a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur with People's Tasty Créme?"
And on the next wall we can have a picture of a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur covered with flies. "The most discriminating flies on earth are Ethiopian flies. If Ethiopian flies love a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur, do you need any more proof of our quality?"
Comrades, Hemlock, Inc., which will d/b/a as the Hemlock Bowl, for that cute 'n' cuddly feeling, will have a special California menu. They're very sensitive to foods in ways that say Oklahomans are not. In Oklahoma we'd have no trouble having deep-fried lard. And in California we'll have no trouble selling deep-fried lard, as long as we call the lard tofu.
The problem though is this, and Che, you can help. Lard actually makes things taste good. Whereas tofu wishes it could taste as good as library paste. How do you make lard taste as bad as tofu?
Commissar Theocritis,
You might be missing the point here. We want the proles to eat the lard, and we are certainly not serving tofu to anyone, but if you want the lard to taste terrible, then use asafoetida resin. Just dry some resin, grind it and use it to season whatever. Guaranteed to be bitter to the taste, if that's what you really want, Commissar.
Che, I misspoke. We want people to eat lard as much as possible. I just want to make the lard taste like tofu so that the Californians will eat it.
Lard, and suet, and 84% butter-fat butter. Heavy cream. All that artery-clogging stuff. I intend to breed chickens with extra cholesterol in their eggs.
It will be the same ingredients no matter where it is served, but the taste needs to be varied.
In California it has to taste like tofu. Or library paste.
Red Star, I think that you also need to consider training your staff in helping diners with eating disorders. We do not want any of our diners to purge after eating; after all that would defeat the point of the exercise. Also we should encourage diners to eat all of their deep-fried lard with People's Tasty Crème. We can have pictures of thin and big-eyed Bangladeshi babies.
"This darling girl has only a stick with a nail in it to play with. What would she do for a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur with People's Tasty Créme?"
And on the next wall we can have a picture of a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur covered with flies. "The most discriminating flies on earth are Ethiopian flies. If Ethiopian flies love a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur, do you need any more proof of our quality?"
Hummm We can stop purging by not having restrooms, no toilet no yacking, but the state may not like that so what I propose is spikes on ether side of the toilet, if some one with an eating disorder attempted to kneel or put hands down they would be injured. Also placing A goon Highly trained trooper in the restrooms should work, The Ladies room I will have them wear a wig, just dress in drag, should be good for some serious laughs
So many ideas..
Red Star CEO Hemlock inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith
Red Star, what about inserting ball gags after they eat? If they hurl then they'd be done away with all the sooner. And it would force them to keep down the deep-fried lard.
I have been doing some research. Doesn't palm oil have more nasty cholesterol than lard does? We'll have to fry lard, of course, but in palm oil?
So many decisions.
Also I think that we should sprinkle the deep-fried lard with Imodium. Pack on that weight any way possible.
Yes Kind and Generous Leader: Ball gags, might work, further if we provide leather accessories, some might die of Heart attacks, when they see a 600 Pound Hemlock bowl patron, dressed in leather S&M Gear.
For snacks we can serve “Pine nuts” extra high in bad cholesterol, Lard fried Pine nuts. Extra MSG,
Check the list of Food additive we can incorporate.
Acesulfame-K - "Sunette"; may cause low blood sugar attacks; causes cancer, elevated cholesterol in lab animals.
Acesulfame-potassium - same as acesulfame-K.
Animal or vegetable shortening - associated with heart disease, hardening of the arteries, elevated cholesterol levels.
Artificial color FD & C, U.S certified food color - contribute to hyperactivity in children; may contribute to learning and visual disorders, nerve damage; may be carcinogenic; see FD&C Colors.
Artificial flavoring - may cause reproductive disorders, developmental problems; not adequately tested.
Artificial sweeteners - associated with health problems; see specific sweetener.
Aspartame - may cause brain damage in phenylketonurics; may cause central nervous system disturbances, menstrual difficulties; may affect brain development in unborn fetus.
BHA - can cause liver and kidney damage, behavioral problems, infertility,
weakened immune system, birth defects, cancer; should be avoided by infants, young children, pregnant women and those sensitive to aspirin.
Brominated vegetable oil - linked to major organ system damage, birth defects, growth problems; considered unsafe by the FDA, can still lawfully be used unless further action is taken by the FDA .
Caffeine - psychoactive, addictive drug; may cause fertility problems, birth defects, heart disease, depression, nervousness, behavioral changes, insomnia, etc.
FD&C Colors – colors considered safe by the FDA for use in food, drugs and cosmetics; most of the colors are derived from coal tar and must be certified by the FDA not to contain more than 10ppm of lead and arsenic; certification does not address any harmful effects these colors may have on the body; most coal tar colors are potential carcinogens, may contain carcinogenic contaminants, and cause allergic reactions.
Free glutamates - may cause brain damage, especially in children; always found in autolyzed yeast, calcium caseinate, enzymes, flavors & flavorings, gelatin, glutamate, glutamic acid, hydrolyzed protein, hydrolyzed soy protein, plant protein extract, protease, protease enzymes, sodium caseinate, textured protein, yeast extract, yeast food and yeast nutrient; may be in barley malt, boullion, broth, carrageenan, malt extract, malt flavoring, maltodextrin, natural flavors, natural chicken flavoring, natural beef flavoring, natural pork flavoring, pectin, seasonings, soy protein, soy protein concentrate, soy protein isolate, soy sauce, soy sauce extract, stock, whey protein, whey protein concentrate, whey protein isolate, anything that is enzyme modified, fermented, protein fortified or ultrapasteurized and foods that advertise NO MSG;
Hydrogenated vegetable oil - associated with heart disease, breast and colon cancer, atherosclerosis, elevated cholesterol.
Hydrolyzed vegetable protein - may cause brain and nervous system damage in infants; high salt content; may be corn, soy, or wheat based. Contains free glutamates.
MSG - may cause headaches, itching, nausea, brain, nervous system, reproductive disorders, high blood pressure; pregnant, lactating mothers, infants, small children should avoid; allergic reactions common; may be hidden in infant formula, low fat milk, candy, chewing gum, drinks, over-the-counter medications, especially children’s, binders and fillers for nutritional supplements, prescription and non-prescription drugs, IV fluids given in hospitals, chicken pox vaccine; it is being sprayed on growing fruits and vegetables as a growth enhancer; it is proposed for use on organic crops.
Natural flavors - may be chemically extracted and processed and in combination with other food additives not required to be listed on the label; may contain free glutamates; see MSG.
Nitrates - form powerful cancer-causing agents in stomach; can cause death; considered dangerous by FDA but not banned because they prevent botulism.
Nitrites - may cause headaches, nausea, vomiting, dizziness; see nitrates.
Today I am testing some of these on my Goons Highly trained Troopers
Red Star CEO Hemlock inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith
That's right, Comrade Red Star. All food is hazardous to your health! Furthermore, the production of many of these ingredients requires the use of non-renewable resources. The only way to stop this evil, and the potential cancer that comes from everything we put in our mouths, is to stop eating. This will help us all reduce our carbon footprint!
-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products
I like the way you think, Red Star, and I have a further suggestion. Some years ago someone who owed me a meal, or a lot of meals, took me as his contribution to Long John Silver's. The food was execrable--fried bad breading in rancid oil, but the music worse. Sea chanties, which paused every 15 minutes to have a man in a fake pirate voice orate, "Ahoy, maties! The treasure ship's a-leavin'! Better catch the treasure ship!"
Its import was obvious. Bruno, however, had an idea, although it was of course quite by accident. He said, "Theocritus, what is we play them 'Memories'? by Babs? Everyone likes that." The problem is of course that it's emetic; to avoid projectile vomit would have to resort to the ball gags. But if the ball gags are in situ, then either they'd choke on their own vomit or their ears and eyes would explode.
I shall not rest until there are no more proles in fly-over country and the entire USSA is populated only by the bien-pensant progressives on both coasts.
I once ran over a Bull Canada Goose with my Chrysler. He tried to attack it while I was driving so I couldn't avoid him. He was so big that rather that smashing him completely, I just left a tire track through the middle of his back. I remember thinking to myself, as I glanced back at him in the rear-view mirror "I didn't know that cartoon stuff could really happen!"
Now I understand why they sent their Crack Suicide Squad to our country. I can embrace the guilt.
-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products
And therefore, I must let you in on a little secret, Comrade. The People's disArmament Committee, chaired by Comrade 7.62 and for which I serve as undersecretary (I prefer the female-superior position) has had this project developed in the People's Republik of Kanada for some time.
Since we had successfully snafu'd gun rights so thoroughly there, we were left with a conundrum: how to invade the USA from the North with limited weapons options. Overt military action would be too brash.
The answer leapt almost right out of the pages of Animal Farm. We took baby bull moose calves, re-educated them, and set them loose on the northern states.
You seem to have run across one of the fruits of our labors.
Let's not forget Peter Jennings. Or Canadian pharmacies which disguise their intentions, and after you enter your credit-card information (for the mildest of generic drugs), say that there's an yet another step disguised as updating your profile, and then charge your credit card anyway. www.canadianpharmacymeds.com are these fine and wonderful people so advanced in the ways of deceit.
I think that CAIR should do something about the fact that "Palestinian" and "Jewish" appeared in the same picture. It is offensive and against tolerance. We need to remove all words related to the Jews and cast them as unpersons.
Or make them into swine. A madrassah in London had a contest on filthy names to call Jews--pigs, monkeys and so forth. Well, why not? They're the only democracy in the Middle East; they're the only one which treats everyone in hospitals; they're the only country with first-rate infrastructure; so they must be destroyed.
Does it matter what we call it? After all, they're civilized in Israel and therefore have to go up against the wall. After the Israelis are gone, then we can import Japanese, Germans, and Americans to run the water and power supplies of Palestine, so that they will have plenty of scope to make bombs for whatever they next need to avoid taking stock of themselves.
Japan HAS to be destroyed. I already told you it's scary people look at cute Anime girls, instead of pornography. We already talked about how pornography is liberation. However, a good thing to do is blame them after we remove America and Israel. Also, I should build a Ministry of Truth and there prove that the Holocaust was by Jews against Palestinians.
Yes, the Jews did the Holocaust. And it was Jews which did 9/11. And I suspect that Jews were responsible for the honking big meter that hit in the Gulf of Mexico about 70 million years ago which killed the dinosaurs.
Pravda, they are our nomenclatura. I can hardly wait until in the upcoming congressional term, led by his O'liness, PBUH, we have, like Nero, a Senator marrying his horse. Well, John Kerry married his marmoset, and I suppose that's close enough. And she is a rich marmoset.
And we could have the Senate, as in the days of Caligula, running a brothel of the rich Washington socialite women. An actual one.
Yes, the Jews did the Holocaust. And it was Jews which did 9/11. And I suspect that Jews were responsible for the honking big meter that hit in the Gulf of Mexico about 70 million years ago which killed the dinosaurs.
Of course! Which explains why the Jews are treated as "equal, but not equal" in the collective.
Pravda, they are our nomenclatura. I can hardly wait until in the upcoming congressional term, led by his O'liness, PBUH, we have, like Nero, a Senator marrying his horse. Well, John Kerry married his marmoset, and I suppose that's close enough. And she is a rich marmoset.
And we could have the Senate, as in the days of Caligula, running a brothel of the rich Washington socialite women. An actual one.
And Bawney could run one of rich socialite men? Equality is all under the 'One'.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
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Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
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Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
